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Green Super Crappers Tackle Criminal Waste

Posted 11.19.2009 by Thunderbox
Down in Lee`s Summit, Missouri, there`s a secret lab manned by a lone researcher. In a twenty by forty foot windowless, locked room, Audie Murphy, Metcraft Industries` development director, has invented an uber-toilet for use in America`s prisons.

This high tech, stainless steel turd dispenser can flush efficiently using only one gallon of water. Considering that one inmate will often flush up to thirty times a day with old style three-to-five gallon hoppers, the new design will create a huge saving on water use.

Unlike most people, a prison inmate uses the prison toilet to flush away more things than just human waste. They are a multi-tasking device: ashtray; contraband dispenser; even soft drink cooler with the pan being flushed from time to time to keep the cans nice and cool.

Prisons are looking to save money and energy, so as Steve Connaughton, product manager for a toilet valve manufacturer said, “The time for this toilet has come.”

Mr. Murphy recently showed off his baby at several trade shows pointing out the pan`s various features, including a reseal cylinder and an opening in the front of the bowl from which air and then water jets out to break up even the most stubborn fecal matter. His party trick is flushing thirty-five golf balls down the tubes in one go.

At the end of the demonstration, Murphy raised his head with pride and commented, “I`ve got the best job in the building.”

Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
the pooping scholar (96) -- 11.19.2009

i really am impressed by this dudes attempt to cut down on prison costs. we need more moves like this to prevent cost cuts and eventually, criminals returning to the streets prematurely.

sittingpretty (2394) -- 11.19.2009

But has he tested it on a real life clogger? If it can destroy a huge grogan then the smell, in my imagination, has to be unforgivable
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Mrs. Mad Crapper (1155) -- 11.19.2009

Where will the inmates make their toilet wine now?!
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

SinkingSlinky (14) -- 11.19.2009


I can't help but be alittle wierded out by the "soft Drink cooler" function
Roman Candles!

Logjam (2824) -- 11.20.2009

Did the article happen to mention that Murphy got the idea for this toilet at a pie-eating contest?

Thunderbox (1449) -- 11.23.2009

This thing looks so powerful that skinny-assed prisoners might be able to flush themselves to freedom.

Mrs. Mad Crapper (1155) -- 11.23.2009

I sense a Shawshank Redemption sequel!
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Gene (not verified) -- 11.30.2009

What a job, butt a necessary one! Saving us tax payers money, go Audie!

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 12.12.2009

Theres something inside so strong, i know that i can make it, even though your doing me wrong so wrong, you thought that my pride was gone, oh noooo. that song is for criminals who believe they have been cursed with explosive diarrhea, using the toilet for a drinks cooler is just mental we humans are getting more perverted this website is just mental which lunatic would find this funny? oh humanity how your days are coming to a close, next thing they'll
making toilets that have the ability to make stews and curry meals

Lunatic (not verified) -- 12.12.2009

Bwahahahahahaha!!! Curry?...yum yum yum!!

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 12.13.2009

the second prong of this system needs to be a reduction in the amount of unidentifiable and often green meat products in jails and other institutions. extreme shitting is the obvious by product. just like when you rescue a racing greyhound..you have to get through the first few weeks of nasty vile shits that are the product of the rotted meat they're fed in the name of saving money. ...makes for a worse punishment than the judge thought he was handing down...and a jail that smells like an outhouse for a family of 12 after a long hot summer

theroyalplunger (20) -- 12.13.2009

What a wonderful idea!!! I've even heard of the inmates making Mash AKA Grain Alcohol in the toliets before in Tamapa prisions. But I wonder whatelse will they do for the economic crunch to the prisoners as well. I am sure there will be a few early releases but what of their toliet paper, will it go to 1/2 ply? And if they are using the toliets to store drinks, why make a toliet that swallow damn golf balls, because from what I read the of the food it needs to be can sized that its swallowing.

_______
Never stand under a flock of seagulls....It's not a pretty sight!

DungDaddy (1465) -- 12.14.2009

Once the toilet gets so efficient that the inmate can flush himself down the tube, things have gone too far.

poopcase (19) -- 12.31.2009

Maybe it's something in my family -I mentioned elsewhere that my brother piqued my interest enough to start commenting- because when I moved in with my sister, recently, I objected to the practice of letting the cats and dogs lick the human plates clean. Her counter was that it's no big whoop, since everything gets washed, to which I proposed a situation: she walks in early to a dinner party and sees animals eating off plates on the table. The hosts act indifferently and begin washing the plates and setting them back down on the table for her and the rest of the guests to then use. She didn't bat an eye. I shuddered. ( -yeah, I'm weird about certain things like US and THEM). My next hypothetical situation was seeing the guests scrub out their old toilet with powerful bleach cleansers and proceed to fashion it into a cocktail bowl for the evening's fruit punch. She didn't waver from her 'clean is clean' stance. I nearly puked in response.
Too bad, she's got a squeaky clean record, she'd do well in prison!

daphne (4510) -- 12.31.2009

Dogs have less bacteria in their mouths than people do. Because we eat so much sugar, our mouths are teaming with gross crap. Dogs, on the other hand, have almost no sugar in their diets (unless you feed them junk food like Kibbles and Bits). If someone uses regular dish soap, then there really is no problem with someone letting the dogs clean the dinner plates.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

poopcase (19) -- 12.31.2009

yeah, I get the whole bacteria story, it's just that there are certain uses for certain things. If we don't keep standards of living -and they start with little things like this- then we will settle for whatever kind of shit-hole living existence that the trailer park has to offer.
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...yes, I agree, -on the whole, preparation H feels good...

ChiefThunderbutt (3062) -- 12.31.2009

poopcase......The trailer park in which I live affords me an excellent quality of life. We have a pool, club house (where we have many social events), and nightly security patrols to keep those who don't live here out.


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

poopcase (19) -- 12.31.2009

me apologies if you please. (and if you don't please, well...)

yes, I've come to see several nice places populated by mobile abodes with commodes. It is just that the connotation is not totally without merit. When I lived in western Pa, the parks were notorious for riff-raff. I mentioned to a visiting Texan co-worker about how we make fun of West Virginians and they, in turn, make fun of Kentuckians. I aked him who the Okies make fun of - the Loosiannins? He replied: "Nope! We all make fun of Arkansas! -Did you ever see an Arkansas trailer park? Mud, shit and more shit!"

Yes, I've widened my perspective, and see the merits of such places especially for older folks. But, just like giving that extra little push after you birthed a monster, habits are messy little things to get rid of.
_______
...yes, I agree, -on the whole, preparation H feels good...

ChiefThunderbutt (3062) -- 12.31.2009

No offense taken poopcase.....just thought I'd point out that some live in trailer parks because of financial circumstances rather than social class. Now if you will excuse me I need to go skin a possum for supper:)


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

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