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make it a brown xmas

Decatur turd terrorist remains at large

Posted 02.02.2006 by The Big Wiper
In the fall of 2004, I chronicled the bathroom vandalism problems suffered by the Wheeler Basin Regional Library in Decatur, Alabama. Someone had been clogging the toilets with paper and smearing the stall walls with poop. The library's solution: to keep the toilet paper at the front desk, requiring anyone who needed to poop to get their bum fodder from the librarian.

On a sales call yesterday, I returned to Wheeler Basin and discovered the worst: the problem had not abated. A sign on the men's room door still directed patrons to the front desk to check out their Charmin.

A reference assistant named Tina explained to me that vandalism continues to occur from time to time because some male patrons do not return the toilet paper when they check it out -- leaving it in the stall, giving the perpetrator(s) the opportunity to further befoul the facilities.

While it does seem to me that a determined turd terrorist doesn't need toilet paper to perpetrate his destruction, clearly the toilet paper denial isn't working. Other than asking the front desk clerks to stand outside the bathroom door to see if the roll of toilet paper is in the patron's hand -- which, of course, is not going to happen -- there doesn't seem to be a solution to this gnarly problem.

When this story was first posted on the site, some people suggested that surveillance cameras might be the answer to catch the offender(s). At the time I thought that measure was too drastic; but in light of the continuing problems that this particular library is having, I think they might indeed be needed to catch someone brown-handed.

Such cameras are not inexpensive, however; and I can assure you that public libraries are notoriously underfunded. And as far as I know, librarians are not taught to include in their budget requests a line item for turd terrorism surveillance.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Poop Shooter (598) -- 02.02.2006

Pretty shitty to destroy a Library. That's just tasteless and uncalled for. Now a guy locker room I could possibly see, but not a library. Reminds me of the story about the girl who worked in the book store and the turd terrorists there.

What's up with books and shitting on the walls anyway? Am I missing some big part of life or what?

PooP ShooteR

Cracktacular (228) -- 02.02.2006

These demented people will stop at nothing to terrorize the public.

The inseparable bond between BMs and literature continues.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 02.02.2006

There might be some legal problems connected with video surveillance of the toilet, not to mention the concomitant medical problems of spinster librarians passing out from overexcitement. Maybe the solution is to allow potty patrons only to check out a specified number of squares of toilet paper per trip.

Dave (11657) -- 02.02.2006

Maybe this explains the Bush Administration's insistence on increasing their library surveillence powers via the Patriot Act. They're after this guy -- clearly a member of Hamass.

Bunga Din (1239) -- 02.02.2006

I was sure I heard he was a member of Hezbollass.

If they really wanted to curtail this you can put up dummy cameras that look good but don't do anything, you aren't by law required to post signs either. Most people assume they are real and I may be generalizing but anyone stupid enough to smear shit would probably be stupid enough to think they are real.

SamDamnit (1192) -- 02.02.2006

Poopshooter, that was my book store story. Do you guys think that I am a female, or is this in reference to the time that I referred to Shitvolcano as a "Mr."?

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Bunga Din (1239) -- 02.02.2006

Mr. Shit Volcano....*giggles*, Sam, if you have read any of her forum posts you would never had made that mistake. Did she threaten to toss a turd your way?

Cracktacular (228) -- 02.02.2006

I could have swore this dude was a part of the separatist movement in Turdmenistan.

KeepOnCrappin (551) -- 02.02.2006

How bout: St. SHittersburg

SamDamnit (1192) -- 02.03.2006

Here is an article about a guy getting reprimanded for CLEANING the library bathroom.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Dave (11657) -- 02.03.2006

Indeed. I'll be posting a blog report from Scatoman about that incident later today.

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