Doggy DNA Dooms Dookers

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Ever see a canine crap camped on the concrete and think to yourself that we could punish this perpetrator post-haste if we had a DNA sample of all the dogs in the neighborhood? This is no longer a dream in the Israeli town of Petah Tikva. The mayor, having put up with all the shit he could handle, did just that. A doggy DNA base was established.

Now, uncollected doodies can be traced directly to the offending asshole of he, she, or it, in the case of neutered pets, that extruded them. The fine that is then levied is enough to cover the cost of the analysis, plus hopefully a bit of profit for the city.

The city of New York suffered a similar problem which they addressed by instituting a plainclothes canine task force under the Department of
Sanitation. The fine for ignoring your dogs dumplings is $250.00, but
unfortunately the 35 agents assigned to this task force issue an average of
less than two citations each per month. Perhaps a system similar to that in
effect in Petah Tikva is overdue for the big apple.

There is one dog poop hero in NYC and her name is Giovanna Gould. This defender of the walkways stoops to clear the sidewalks of not only her own dog's poo but also that of the neglected poo of stranger's dogs. When the poo is frozen to the sidewalk she says she has to give it a good kick to break it loose. I say this woman deserves a medal of some sort.

Former president Harry S. Truman is remembered for his remark, "The buck stops here." Hopefully, though, Giovanna remembers another of Harry's homespun quotes:

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day!"

7 Comments on "Doggy DNA Dooms Dookers"

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Nice quote from Harry!

I hate people who don`t pick up their dog`s turds. There`s a public right of way by my house that dog walkers love. I saw someone`s dog take a shit not 20 feet from my door. The owner just left it. So I bagged it and put by my doorstep.

He always walks his dog at the same time early in the morning, so I laid in wait for him. I let him pass for a bit, then launched the sealed bag of turd at him and got him squarely on his back.

We exchanged a few words, but his dog`s shit has never been seen round the place again.

The voice of sanity

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Good job T-box but it would have been more effective if you had used a stick like an atlatl and hurled the turd without the bag, splat!!


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Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points
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T-box,you also could have made a pit filled with his dog's crap and wait for the owner of the dog to fall in it.Then again,a missing persons investigation may follow.
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points
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Oh,and great quotes from America's greatest president!He might not have done all of the big things,but he may be the only one who did what he thought was right.Truman really was a great president.We need another like him.And I love how the Chicago Tribune(?)had the headline all ready to announce his loss the day before he was elected.
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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Shortly after NYC adopted an ordinance to take care of the doogie-doo plague, Harvey Milk introduced a simular ordinace in SF...He even had a planned news event where he plants some shit to step in. He was a brilliant politician with an inpeccable sense of humor. There is footage of the news story in the documentary The Times of Harvey Milk.
As for the Israeli's, isn't a DNA database established for Palestinians who publicallly shit in Gaza and West Bank?

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Poo bear 2000's picture
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You should have thrown the poop at his dog. I would have loved to see the jerk have to clean the crap off of his dog

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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No no no Poo bear, Let's not punish an innocent dog. The dog was only doing what nature deems appropriate for dogs to do. The owner was the one at fault and deserved the punishment himself.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!