The contestant in black looks like she's competing in the Wide-Mouth Bass Competition.

Or maybe she's marvelling over your bathroom, TBW. I know I am.

This is just proof that women do shit. It really sucks that these women got food poisoning, but I'm glad they were able to get over it and that the pageant could continue.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

daphne. A few weeks ago, TSV spearheaded a successful campaign to staunch CEP's hot-chicks-don't-shit diddies. To my amazement, he complied and has since limited his drivel to more standard right-wing claims (e.g., Reagan was the greatest leader since Hitler ....). Now, you deliberately invite CEP to hold court again on this issue. I know you have a bit of a thing for him, but couldn't you get him to dance without poking him with this particular stick?

. . . and the swimshit event is comming up next. Do the ladies look good in brown? Don't miss it.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Too funny, 9inch! :-P

My magnificent Carnac powers predict that CEP will say, "Of course hot women shit when they're very SICK! But when they're well again, they go back to pooping pretty pink powderpuffs."

Are you sure this isn't the Miss Weight Watchers Contest? Those two chicks look like a set of before-and-after pictures.

And the one in blue has a mysterious bulge in her dress, reminiscent of George W. Bush in the Presidential debates.

Daphne, this is too funny! But I second Logjam in saying that you have done what we lawyers call "opened the door" for Everett to come back swinging. At this point, I think it would be reversible error to rule his response inadmissible.

My prediction, however, is that CEP will find a fresh angle on this subject. I think even he realized that his pretty-women-don't-shit line was becoming almost as tiresome as Logjam's fly-in-the-ointment anti-Reagan comments.

Dumpster! Whew. Not having heard from you for a couple days, I thought you'd followed my bad advice and entered rehab. What a scare. Point well taken on the Reagan thing. I'll try to behave.

Guys, something has fried my home computer, big time. If any of you have sent private emails that I haven't responded to, please send them again, as I'm going to take the laptop home from the office tonight and hook it up until I can figure out what is going on.

And, LJ, a few weeks of PR rehab may be in the offing anyway. I leave next week to go to Camp Meeting, and not only do I not have Internet access there, I don't even have a telephone!

And I appreciate the fact that you missed me. When you were gone for so long, this whole place dimmed by a couple of kilowatts.

(Now can we all have a group hug before Everett gets here?)

I was only teasing him because he gives me a reason to live. Hopefully, he will realize this. After all, the Japanese schoolgirl's uniform is on backorder......

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The picture wasn't actually from the Florida event. I posted it because I thought it was a fairly good representation of the idea of beauty pageant girls suffer sudden, catastrophic diarrhea.

The picture looks like it might have caught them in the act.

Daph, great report, followed by some great comments. TBW, you struck gold with the bass comment. Quality!

Strangely enough, no retort from the man himself... :) great fun to read. Beauty pageants are just so... AMERICAN! Why is it so engrained in the culture... does it all start at prom queens and go downhill from there? Help a folorn British soul bereft of any idea why it's such a big thing in the states...

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You can't polish a turd

It's a cottage industry here, George Eliot. Some of these stage mothers start their little girls as early as two and three years of age to strut around stage with adult makeup and hairdos and clothes. Frightening.

There are even pageants for babies that are so young they are still bald, and the only way you can tell the gender is by some cutesy pink ribbon tied around their heads.

By the time these girls graduate to the teen level and 'go for the gold' in the Miss USA and Miss America pageants, they have the schtick down to a science.

For example, all the interview segements of these pageants go something like this:

Toothy Emcee: And now we have Lorna June Tatwell, Miss North Carolina. In your opinion, what is the single most important issue in the world today?

Lorna June: (Big smile--in fact, she cannot close her mouth) In my opinion the single most important issue in the world today is world peace. We should strive for it every day of our lives, y'all. Thank y'all so much.

Toothy Emcee: And now we have Miss Betty Sue Morgan, Miss Texas. In your opinion, Betty Sue, what is the most important thing you would teach your daughter someday?

Betty Sue:(Grin to beat the band) In my opinion, the most important thing I would teach my daughter someday is that the single most important issue in the world today is world peace. We must all strive for it, y'all. Thank y'all so much.

Toothy Emcee: And finally, we have Miss Cindy Rae Potter, Miss Kentucky. In your opinion, Cindy Rae, what was the most valuable life lesson you've learned so far?

Cindy Rae: (Botox Smile) In my opinion, the most valuable life lesson I have learned so far is that the single most important issue in the world today is world peace. And if I ever have a daughter, I would tell her the same thing. Thank y'all so much.

And so it goes.

I think the girl in the black dress looks like she would probably win the "I can fit the biggest cock in my mouth" competition.

TBW. nice. very accurate portrail. One thing, your forgetting the contestents discussing aids and "politics" (why can't they just get along attitude)

Beauty pagents: where the dumb are dumber, and proud of it.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Someone`s sneakily tried to slip a length up the right hand girl`s ass.

This post is a "perfect storm" as far as PoopReport is concerned. A fascinating, contemporary poop story (combining other interesting sociological phenomena such as the tackiness of beauty pageants), written by an outstanding author, cleverly combining other PR themes ("Dear Annus" and C. Everett vs. the chowderheads), and a host of brilliantly funny comments.

This just makes me so proud to be a member of this site, and explains why being here is one of the most enjoyable parts of my day.

Now if we could just get a retort from the Big Kahuna, we could go on and have this thread bronzed.

I love BW's beauty pageant out-takes. Funny stuff. The posted picture is a good one. When I first glanced over it yesterday, those two chicks bore a striking first glance resemblence to the Bush twins. What with the big smiley mouths on stage, Jenna and Barbara isn't it? Going back to what AssBlaster said, how cool to get one of those sorority cupcakes caught in the act. Big ole fake toothed trap. Hide the salami, and keep on truck'n.

Hey TD, do you have your comp hooked through a surge protector or battery backup?

There were these huge storms up and down the East Coast that put out a lot of lightning, so it was very easy to fry eloctronics that aren't protected.

Dave, are you sure no one paid you to say that as a disclaimer?

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

I thought the one in blue was a picture of that leftist Couric twat that is the new America basher on C(BS) now that Dan retired. Both of them could use a good Navy pipe cleaning.

Well C Everett, you know what I said about the one on the right. The one in blue I`ll leave to you for a good pipe cleaning. As a navy boy, I`m sure you can do the deed.

C. Everett Poop writes: "I thought the one in blue was a picture of that leftist Couric twat that is the new America basher on C(BS) now that Dan retired. Both of them could use a good Navy pipe cleaning."

Everett, that is a girly-man response. PR's resident troll can do better than that.

TBW - classic response. It's not the same in the UK where I have my roots... It's such a shallow and pointless exercise in my opinion. The baby and toddler pageants is simply crazy...

I think such competitions and the associated shallowness are what drives a lot of negative opinion towards the States...

Anyway, it's a massive industry I'm sure. I guess it's just as much (if not more) for the parents in terms of gloating about their precious children and that all-important kudos enrichment.

I must say, I've seen a Miss World show and it's laughable. What do these people DO? What purpose do they serve?

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You can't polish a turd

they put vasoline on their teeth you know. and yes the girl int he black dress looks like she has had something rammed up her ass or has impending ensuing or is enduring volcanic explosive diarreha. and what the hell is with the hard left bent on PR? maybe it's only occasionally more pronounced. but seriously, there aren't red or blue affiliations here... (well with the blue its's an unbalanced diet and the red you ought to see a doc)usually it's close to brown and i dunno i'd really prefer to not talk politics. but it's inevitable and impossible to dodge i guess, ah well.

Sharty-- I agree with the idea that politics makes strange commode-fellows, and perhaps is out of place here to some degree, but one of the most interesting facets of PR is the cultural differences we see. It's hard to talk about cultural differences without getting into politics. Everyone has to kind of self-moderate themselves, if you get my drift.

Some of the Latin cultures consider that the women who represent them in these international pageants are validating their manhood. There still exits quite a macho ethic among the countries south of the border.

Other than that, these pageants can mean a modeling or acting contract for the winner, or occasionally a perky runner-up. The Miss America pageant likes to talk about all the scholarship money they give out, but it might help one contestant pay for a half year of college at the most.

I think Sandra Bullock took dead aim at these pageants and scored a bull's eye with: 'Miss Congeniality.'

Very very nice work Daphne. Although did you really think that a leftist drivel propaganda newspaper piece about pageant beauties blowing brown ass was going to be enough to convince CEP of the fact that beautiful women do in fact "shit." Shame on you Daphne. CEP still needs more solid (or liquid) evidence. And anyways the girls of PR are beauty queens ourselves. Give all the beauties of PR toilet paper banners across the chest enblazoned with our specialties. I want a turd on the end of a sceptre, a bouquet of ass tulips and a frickin two foot tall turd tiara. All wearing a shit eating grin talkin' bout' world peace.
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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

I love you Rat Droppings. And you're right. My attempts are in vain. To fight the good fight.

And thank you Dumpster for such a nice comment. This turned out to be one of those mediocre stories with a million dollar thread.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Nice comment Big Wiper, it reminded my of a story from guacamole-ville. This guy was down in Mexico on a little whore vacation, and butt-
f'd this senorita. His tool immediately began to burn, even when he didn't pee. I guess the guy went to a doctor when he got back in the states, and... had a chile pepper seed from his date's supper stuck up his pee-hole. Evidently, they don't digest very well, and that could be the reason for "refrigerator T.P.", after a spicy meal.

Chilli seed up the Jap`s eye. Horrendous thought.

The only thing I can think of that is worse is the tiny fish that can swim up your stream of piss (if you piss straight into the river) in the Amazon that get embedded part way up your dick and won`t come out - due to their barbs. Like a fishhook.

I still say Everett had a case of commentus interruptus on this one.

Rat Droppings, so nice to see you back! Could you help us locate Bunghole in the Jungle, too?

Dumpster, is that like a slightly stiffer version of comenutus dumpus runnius.

Thunderbox, I've heard about those little barbed fish, I think that they're more like little eels. Anyway, forget the dick, well, that's worse than worse, but what if one of those little bastards worked it's way up the back door? All the way up? OOOOOUUCH!
Talk about total consciousness.

I think they go through the pee hole because they're attracted to the warmth.

Here is a link to someone who investigates the idea of the candiru fish swimming into your urethra...very interesting read.

the candiru fish
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Oh yeah, your right. Now that you mention that, I remember hearing that. You're totally right.

OH MY GOD

a video of the fish
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

That fish is almost 6 inches long!!!!! That's bigger than some men's dicks LOL!!

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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Holy Pisces! That's just gross! I especially liked the shots of the pickled fish. Sort of like gefilte! And as a bonus, several sexy accents.

What could be worse? Alive fish or a dead one? I don't knbow!! That makes me ever so mich more thankful for American urinals!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

The fact that the fish jumped out of the water via the stream to get to his dick is what made me think "This fish has iniative. Screw Donald Trump. When's the last time he was this bold?"

Damn. I bet if you close up on the fish, you'll see a really bad combover........
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

There you go ladies - a simple way to sort out cheating boyfriends or husbands. Put a few candiru in your toilet bowl.

Wow daphne, that video's pretty hardcore. My question: how much money did it take to get that guy to pose for that. If it was for real, it looked like a put on to me. Talk about your hazard pay!

daph, I'm not sure Trump's hairdo is a combover. I don't know what it is. You'd think with his money, he could find a style that is more becoming to him.

Either that or he's hiding alien horns on his forehead with that ridiculous cut. It's so unflattering to him. But maybe he has a high-tech mirror that talks to him every morning and tells him what a stylish icon he is!

Wiper - "The Donald", Mr Trump, could probably do with a couple of candiru swiming up his pipe.

Might make him think twice about wearing that horrific rug.

A blue whale could swim up my hawg and make a U-turn to go back out.

That may be true, Everett, but it begs the question: Did these pretty girls really shit, or not?

You are the authority on this subject, man; don't let your loyal followers (not to mention your harem) down!

C. Everett Poop: You are hereby ORDERED to Sit and Deliver.

(P.S.--Why a "blue" whale, and not a "sperm" whale? Are you trying to tell us something?)

The Big Wiper says....
Either that or he's hiding alien horns on his forehead with that ridiculous cut. It's so unflattering to him. But maybe he has a high-tech mirror that talks to him every morning and tells him what a stylish icon he is!

....and I have to laugh out loud at that! Alien horns, maybe. Or maybe he's the devil.....yeah.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

At any rate, you have to wonder why a man with his financial resources can't do better than that. He really does look like he's wearing a BAD clown wig.

Now, how bad is that?

Dumpster, I have given up on the subject of hot women and shit as an associated topic. I believe what I believe and the rest of you can do the same. As for the whales, the blue is bigger. That's all.

Sic transit gloria Everett.

How do you know if ALL blue whales are bigger? Maybe most blue's are midgets, and the only one to get a picture taken by National Geo was a FREAK of nature. Whoa!

I made a face similar to that five times this morning and four times this afternoon. Got the stress squirts. " AARADM " Acid And Raw Ass Don't Mix

If any whale's going to be in a man's dick, you guys, it would obviously be the sperm whale.

Jeez.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Hermione takes a certain adolescent schoolgirl pride in referring to a certain part of Dumpster as "Moby."

Your nose is that big?

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Who nose?

C. Evelyn, is a "navy pipe cleaning" what you got when you passed over the equator? Did all that manly "bonding" turn you in to the shameless sexist pig that you are today? Referring to a woman as a "twat" and suggesting that they need some sort of forced sex, are just further examples of the barbarous social attitudes propogated by the right wing kleptocrats in the Republican party. For TPR's resident troglodyte, they are just par for the course.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Welcome back SamDamnit, I have seen actual pictures of C. Evelyn (love that btw) and for him to call his rig a hawg is like calling Bush an intellectual. If size of feet is any indication of the size of the penis, C. Evelyn is packing either a guppy or a paramecium.
P.S. He even wears these cute blue booties when fishing, I'm still laughing about it.