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In The Forums: Dispatches From PoopReport's Other Brown Meet

Posted 12.05.2005 by AssBlaster2000
Editor's note: As she's wont to do from time to time, the great PoopReport Forums mistress Assblaster2000 has compiled a greatest (s)hits list – a brief summary of what many PoopReporters are missing by not venturing over into the this august site's adjunct toilet bowl. See what you're missing:


The horrors of backed up sewers. Fox may one day make a special about these stories: "When Poop Attacks." Check out these gruesome tales and share your own.

Shitless for the Holidays. Thanksgiving is probably the biggest poop-producing day of the year -- but Pooperscooper could not clog her toilet that day. Don't you hate when you get bunged up at the worst possible time?

Ewww! Sitting in someone else's poop. On a day when the rest of us are stuffing our faces, she sits on a toilet seat covered in someone else's crap. And then goes on to run a four mile race. Our PoopReporter In The Bushes is a brave woman. (That's her PoopReport handle. She's not actually in any bushes. Although she sometimes goes to the bathroom there.)

The Pink Jeans Incident. Written by our very own Shit Volcano, it's a classic tale of popping the other cherry: shitting your pants for the first time as an adult.

We don't always talk about poop... In the off-topic section of the forums, people are sharing their life's most embarrassing moments. The first story involves a man, a dryer, and a dildo. Just go read it.

Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Logjam (2440) -- 12.05.2005

AB2K, thanks for the pointers to all the interesting things I've been missing. Lots of front-page materials there.

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 12.05.2005

One day you too, Logjam, will be addicted to the forums. You resist now, but ultimately, these forum reports will wear you down.

Logjam (2440) -- 12.05.2005

I feel the forums sucking on me every day, tempting "just register and see how it goes." But if I should ever give in, I'll be destitute within 6 months--job kaput, marriage shipwrecked. And perhaps worst of all, no internet connection. Can't risk it, honey.

scatoman (253) -- 12.05.2005

Nice one, AB2K.

The forum is great. I joined up in '02 and didn't post until earlier this year! Couldn't live without it these days. Haven't posted much for a while, but I read it every day or so.

L Wrong Hubbard (216) -- 12.05.2005

That forum is jam-packed. So much to read and so little time
Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 12.06.2005

Logjam, I've been on the forum for almost four years now, during which time I have gotten married, completed a college degree, had a social life, and all while having a full-time job. I even clean my house once in a while. If I spend an hour per day on there, that's a lot, and that's only on days like today when I take off work and spend the day bumming around in my PJ's, which unfortunately doesn't happen often enough. I read every single post and come on here and approve comments and/or read stories on the front page. After the first month or so in which you will probably read most of the archived posts, you will not have the necessity of spending a lot of time on there. The same goes for anyone else. The forums are fun and will not ruin your marriage! In fact they make mine a little better. It gives me more poop material to talk about with my husband.

Logjam (2440) -- 12.06.2005

AB2K. I'm sure most people on the forums can handle it. I personally have no problem with alcohol -- have never abused it. But I've learned that I easily get addicted to video games and to open chat forums. I don't know why, but I can't learn to engage in those with moderation. It doesn't help that I'm on the computer all day at work, with a great internet connection, which makes it is soooo easy to check to see if there's anything new and exciting out on the web (or on PR). So I've learned that the best prevention is total abstinence.

DungDaddy (1386) -- 12.05.2006

There is too much...

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