Hershey Kisses prevent hershey squirts

Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

We all want the Goldilocks shit: not too hard, not too soft. But there are those days when the shit-chute gets finicky, and we don't have the luxury of sampling two other colons in the hopes of finding Baby Bear's. We pretty much have to stick (or run) with the one we've got.

But can't there be a storybook-cure for mal-shits? Something like... I don't know... to treat diarrhea, you have to eat gobs of dark chocolate?

Dreaming? Not according to a new study conducted by researchers at Children's Hospital & Research Center in Oakland, CA. Their findings suggest that extract and flavonoids in cocoa beans put the lid on fluids that cause diarrhea.

They've still got work to do to demonstrate that this works in humans (their subjects in this study were cultures shitting on themselves in Petri dishes). However, I'm not waiting for the FDA approved study. Next time I get the runs, I'm self-prescribing Godiva, the Fall Collection.

(Above: it's either the world's worst case of diarrhea, or how they cured it.)

7 Comments on "Hershey Kisses prevent hershey squirts"

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Logjam is my idol!!! Great report!!!
(taking notes for future plagiarisms)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

That's just great! I'll have to fake diarrhea from now on just to get the hubby to buy me chocolates.

L Wrong Hubbard's picture
l 100+ points

Long live Hershey. Pennsylvania proud!

Happy trails,
L. Wrong

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Defephobia's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I guess this gives new meaning to the term "Hershey Highway?" Great job Logjam. I'll remember this next time my Immodium runs dry.

Definition: The fear that overcomes you when you realize that you should have defecated at the last opportunity, and that you have most definitely wandered too far from the closest SAFE HAVEN. Not to be confused with Shy Bowel Syndrome.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Well I knew chocolate cured my psychopathic blood lust once a month but I never tried it for the shits. Halloween is coming up, the perfect time to create a stockpile of my "cure".
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Chocolate makes my shits look like liquid chocolate.
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

I ended 5 years of daily diarrhea with food combining. I do eat chocolate almost every day... but I did before, too, and trust me it never once helped!

How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”