Incendiary toilet company on the hot seat

Incendiary toilet company on the hot seat

Posted 04.18.2007 by PooperGal

All you want to do is settle down on the porcelain throne to enjoy some quality time taking your daily dump and getting a nice little derriere massage from your built-in pulsating-spray bidet. But instead of blessed relief and refreshment, your butt cheeks (and perhaps more!) get fried in a fiery hell that erupts from your trusted toilet.

A fiery hell? What gives?

That's what customers are asking Toto Ltd., the Japanese toilet maker, after the Tokyo-based company discovered that 180,000 bidet toilets it manufactured have the unintended potential to burst into flames. Toto is providing free repairs to the incendiary crappers, which apparently have a wiring problem that can cause a blaze if a spark ignites. The offending product is not sold outside Japan, so there may be a handful of Japanese folks walking funny lately, and not because their kimonos are too tight.

As I sipped my afternoon mug of tea and reviewed the potential hazards of owning high-tech hygiene devices, I had to wonder whether the luxury of having an electronic toilet with a pulsating massage spray -- which, to operate properly, seems to require voltage sufficient to cook a brisket -- is worth the risk of possibly making one's rear-end itself into a rump roast. Where are the days of simpler pleasures, like simply taking a dipper of fresh spring water and splashing one's rear with it to brace and freshen-up the privates after emptying bowels and bladder?

I don't like the idea of hidden sprays of vibrating H2O (Toto has a feature called the "Tornado Wash") rocketing up from under the seat and hitting potentially sensitive tissues -- never mind the idea that the whole damn thing could burst into flames and barbeque my ass.

For those who insist on the finest in high-tech butt-cleaning and massaging mechanisms in their bathroom fixtures, I say, "Caveat emptor." You might want to use a flame-retardant toilet seat cover before settling down for a dump-n-bidet session!

email this page | printer friendly version

Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 04.19.2007

I imagine that the fire didn't just randomly appear -- otherwise people would be coming home to find their toilets mysteriously singed. No, I bet that the fires happened when the faulty circuit was activated -- that is, when you pressed the button for a bidet spray. Imagine the horror -- not just fire out of nowhere, but fire when you're expecting a cool gush of water!

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 04.19.2007

Great. Now if I DO ever get to stay somewhere that offers a bidet, I'll be afraid to use it!

Thanks for the warning, though!
_______
Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

Deja Poo (649) -- 04.19.2007

C'mon, AC. There is no gasoline in the bidet. It's not as if it's going to turn into a flamethrower. However, if it were to pump out a flammable liquid instead of water, considering that your ass is getting sprayed instead of soaked, then you would have the scenario where you have an aerosolized combustible liquid in a confined space in the presence of a heat source. This means explosion, not flame. But that would be one heckuva fart though.

All things considered, it's probably faulty wiring. They're probably doing something like putting 20 gauge wiring on a 15 amp circuit. More than likely, when electrical current starts to flow, the wiring overheats and melts/ignites the rubber insulator around the wire. The crapper can't catch on fire because it's ceramic and metal. That is, of course, unless your household plumbing is made of PVC, but that stuff is full of water, urine and crap. This should be just a simple matter of replacing the wiring harness or electrical connectors in the crapper.

You really don't have much to worry about from the fire hazard because, if it's anything other than a chemical fire, all of that water should be able to handle it.

On the other hand, with enough current running through that now exposed wiring, you could be in for enough of a shock to straighten your short-hairs. Heck, if there's enough electrical potential between you and that electrical wiring, you may even get an electrical arc. I'll bet you never though about your ass as a lightning rod, but it is possible. So when setting on the crapper, think grounding: always where rubber-soled shoes and replace that paper ass-gasket with a trash bag.
_______
Boycott Robo-Shitters!

PooperGal (527) -- 04.19.2007

The report mentioned a wiring problem. Other electronics usually spark and sputter when that happens.

In the case of a sparking bidet, like AC said, it would happen when someone pushed the button to start it. Any of the plastic coatings on the wires could flame up briefly. If something flammable (say, pubes or ass hair) happened to be in the wrong place at that time, the flames could be intensified. Then there is the toilet seat itself, which may smoke and melt.

Not a lot of options, but enough to make a flaming bidet a formidable foe for your ass.

_______
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Mary Queen of Scats (387) -- 04.23.2007

Very well written and informative PG!

I shall keep this under consideration when designing the throne room for the house we're building next year!

_______
It's YOUR cat, YOU get his poop out of my sink!

The Shit Volcano (3740) -- 04.18.2008

Don't you guys hate when someone gets crud stuck in the three seashells? You go for a nice, cuss-free dump and reach for the seashells only to discover some chump didn't follow instructions and left his chocolate to get all over your hands and ass. Then suddenly you're paying $350 to the profanities statute. Oh, well, at least I had something to clean up with.

Technology blows!

_______
Born right the first time.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 04.18.2008

This could give a whole new meaning to "The Burning Ring of Fire"!