In Gunma prefecture, close to Tokyo in central Japan, lies a temple that was once an asylum for women who wanted to leave their husbands. In the old days before the nineteenth century, only men had the right to divorce.
Mantokuji temple is now a museum dedicated to the history of divorce. It has a strange attraction that is drawing in the crowds who are mainly women. It centers around the Japanese god of the toilet, “kawaya no kami”, who was believed to be able to heal illnesses and aid childbirth.
Now guests have the chance to rid themselves of any bad karma by flushing a little piece of paper containing it down a toilet. The options are to cut ties with something, know as “enkiri”, which is dumped in a white squatter; or to tighten ties, called “enmusubi”, which gets plopped down the black one.
People come to wish for all sorts. Shizue Kurokawa flushed her enkiri in the hope the she could once and for all sever ties with obesity.
“I`m getting fat and it`s not healthy,” she said. If it was that easy then half the world would be queueing up to visit Mantokuji temple.
Since the symbolic toilets were installed, there have been a few accidents. Some possibly cerebrally-challenged folk have been discovered using the squatters to relieve themselves of something rather more substantial than just bad karma.
Museum director Tadashi Takagi commented, “We have put up a sign indicating that the toilets are for praying…almost nobody makes that mistake now.”
Maybe those few who are still surreptitiously straining over the white squatter are trying to use enkiri to cut ties with a stubborn constipation log!
Are you tired of boring toilet paper? Are you feeling like your bathroom might benefit from a Three Mile Island upgrade? Are there eight dollars burning a hole in your pocket? If you've answered yes to any of these questions, click on over to Iwantoneofthose.com and pick up a Glow Roll or two.
The Glow Roll is like an ordinary roll of toilet paper in every respect except that if absorbs light, it will glow in the dark, because it is infused with phosphorous. This useful chemical is the same one that can be found in many of the toys placed in our cereal by thoughtful breakfast food companies. Instead of waking up a light-slumbering spouse, you can now leave that bathroom light off.
Due to the rapid growth of the Chinese economy, there are thought to be around twenty million migrant workers heading for the big cities in search of employment. The rents are high for these people, and many of them can`t afford proper housing.
Ten ingenious folk who moved to Hangzhou have found rent free lodgings—a public toilet. They`ve transformed the unusual accommodation, which still functions as a public crapper, by furnishing it with beds, tables, cooking equipment, and even a TV.
A lady called Ai, who naturally has moved into the ladies section, said, “We have got used to the strong smell of urine. The worst thing is that people keep stealing my stoves and pots.”
And apparently, the male toilets are plagued with mice.
The toilet dwellers have been living there for several months and seem to have gotten used to their new abode, though it must be pretty damn unusual to see someone rush into your dining room, while clutching their butt cheeks, open a cupboard door, squat down, and noisily unload a gallon or so of evil smelling diarrhea.
A local resident, Mr Du, said, “When I ran inside to use the toilet, I was stunned to see several people sitting around, chatting or doing things.”
The locals try to avoid using the toilets, but this would indicate that the ones who do use them are desperate and probably have to download the most disgusting and smelly loads of turds.
Is there a phantom turd terrorist who is causing chaos with airlines, attacking Hong Kong`s Cathay Pacific airline in particular?
This far-eastern airline has been plagued recently with a series of clogged plane crappers that have caused great distress to fecally-challenged passengers. In one case, a flight from Saudi Arabia to Hong Kong had to be diverted to Bombay when the cabin staff realized that none of the aircraft`s ten bogs were operational. Some planes have had to take off with fewer passengers due to out-of-action dumpers, leaving many of them stranded - and irate - at the airport.
Due to the design of planes, one blocked toilet can block all the toilets on that side of the plane, leaving half of them unusable. So, a determined foe only needs to attack and clog up one hopper on each side to have a flight brought down to the nearest available airport for an emergency clean-out and bowel evacuation.
Even though the pans use sixty-eight miles per hour high-speed suction to dispose of stools into a holding tank, it is not enough to suck everything down.
Carolyn Yeung, a Cathay spokeswoman thinks the passengers are to blame at times. “You would be amazed what we find in the pipes when we clean the system - not just face towels but medicine bottles, socks, items of clothing and even children's stuffed toys."
Cathay Pacific`s Airbus planes are going through what is termed “deep cleaning”, which no doubt involves a lot more than a little hosing out of the commodes and turd tank. Engineers are also installing higher spec piping to try and combat the blockages.
Could this just be a series of strange coincidences, or is there an as-yet-unknown secret organization using turd terrorism to play havoc with international air travel?
Down in Lee`s Summit, Missouri, there`s a secret lab manned by a lone researcher. In a twenty by forty foot windowless, locked room, Audie Murphy, Metcraft Industries` development director, has invented an uber-toilet for use in America`s prisons.
This high tech, stainless steel turd dispenser can flush efficiently using only one gallon of water. Considering that one inmate will often flush up to thirty times a day with old style three-to-five gallon hoppers, the new design will create a huge saving on water use.
Unlike most people, a prison inmate uses the prison toilet to flush away more things than just human waste. They are a multi-tasking device: ashtray; contraband dispenser; even soft drink cooler with the pan being flushed from time to time to keep the cans nice and cool.
Prisons are looking to save money and energy, so as Steve Connaughton, product manager for a toilet valve manufacturer said, “The time for this toilet has come.”
Mr. Murphy recently showed off his baby at several trade shows pointing out the pan`s various features, including a reseal cylinder and an opening in the front of the bowl from which air and then water jets out to break up even the most stubborn fecal matter. His party trick is flushing thirty-five golf balls down the tubes in one go.
At the end of the demonstration, Murphy raised his head with pride and commented, “I`ve got the best job in the building.”
Shannon Peterson does not like to clean up after her two dogs, so when she saw someone on Craigslist was offering to pick up dog poop for a weekly fee per dog, she called him. The man, a recently-unemployed, former pet store owner, had decided to take control over his jobless situation. He now scoops poop to make ends meet.
Frost was unable to gather enough funds to start a new business and stated that the recession hit him hard. However, he didn’t let that fact stop him. In fact, his gumption is downright refreshing.
"I said, well I could go start picking up dog poop. There's not a lot of people in town that do that."
Damn strait, Jeff!
Frost charges eight dollars for a one-time weekly cleaning for each dog, ten dollars if you’d like him to pick up poop twice. He even spritzes some sanitizing yardpourri on your assaulted lawn at no extra charge. If you’d like your dog’s nails clipped, or if you’d like it walked or to be baby-sat, Frost offers these services, too. In fact, if you have a horse, he’ll even pick up its poop – for a slightly larger fee.
He now has ten clients and hopes for more. In fact, this entropooneur would like to have enough dog owners on his route giving him the business from the business end of their dogs so that he can hire employees; this way he can increase the area that he can serve.
His website, poopbegone.biz, offer 100% satisfaction guaranteed and a free week for new customers. He has other neat features on his site. For one, he offers pet waste stations from Dogipot to the public. Parts of the site aren’t filled in yet, but it seems that he will deliver this waste basket/receptacle that has a doggie stick figure sign and baggie dispenser on top of it to the area of one's choosing. He also has an Amber Alert banner that runs along the top of each page. That's a nice touch.
It’s great to see someone who wants to work so badly that he’ll pick up dog poop instead of doing nothing. Our hats are off to you, Jeff Frost. You are most definitely one of us!
South Africa is known as a crime-ridden country; rapes and murders per capita are among the highest in the world. However, you`d think that going for a crap in your workplace restroom would be relatively safe.
Not so for poor Rajubi Hasani, who worked in a general store in Durban. He`d been employed for only three weeks at the store and apparently was not acquainted with the shop`s strict toilet code. One afternoon Rajubi was overcome by an urge to defecate and proceeded to the store`s only commode where he duly downloaded a satisfactory set of logs.
On exiting the facility he was confronted by his boss, who inquired as to what had been going on. Upon replying, Rajubi was told in no uncertain terms that the toilet was for the sole use of his boss. Ignorance of the rules regarding the crapper was clearly unacceptable as his employer pulled out his gun and shot Rajubi in the knee.
The manager casually went about his business as Rajubi stumbled outside, collapsed, and was taken to hospital to have the bullet removed.
He said, after being discharged, “Who does this to another person? Where was I supposed to go if I was not meant to use the toilet in the store?”
The police don`t appear to be overly concerned; a case has been opened but no arrests have been made or guns confiscated. Toilet etiquette in South Africa is obviously taken far more seriously than in most countries!
James Orr has a checkered past. He’s been convicted of robbery in both Ohio and New York. He has over fifty aliases. He’s currently incarcerated in the Hamilton County jail in Ohio for first degree aggravated robbery and second degree kidnapping. He ate the contents of his colostomy bag in court earlier this month.
Wait, what?
Yes, you read that correct. On September third the sixty-six year-old Orr was in the midst of a trial without jury for kidnapping and robbery. He and a partner tried to obtain money from a woman buying food at a Chinese restaurant. She denied them, and so he pulled a gun on her and forced her to take him to an ATM where he made her give him one thousand dollars. Her three children were in the car at the time.
During the trial a witness for the prosecution took the stand and began to testify; it was then that Orr asked his lawyer, Norm Aubin, if he had anything to eat. When Aubin said he did not, Orr preformed the world’s worst rendition of reduce, reuse, and recycle, and poured the contents of his colostomy bag out onto the defendant table and started eating them.
Assistant prosecuting attorney David Prem has the opinion that Orr acted out of intention, not insanity; he was facing a possible sixty year sentence. “I'm completely convinced his whole goal here is to cause as much mayhem as he can.”
Court-appointed mental health workers agreed with Prem and declared Orr to be a stinky, sane, liar-liar-pants-on-fire with poo-poo face. Ok, maybe they didn't use those exact words. They really said he was mentally sound and able to stand trial.
The courtroom was closed off and declared a biohazard area by judge Ethna Cooper. She postponed the trial until the next week when Orr was sentenced to twenty-six years in prison, six of which because he used a gun during the crime.
If you don’t find this newswire disturbing enough, you can visit this link and buy a tee shirt, mouse pad, playing cards, mug, button, or other assorted items stamped with Orr’s image. Personally, I’ve got my eye on the photo apron; making brownies could take on a whole other nuance.
In yet another flash of recent toilet design craziness, the Kiwis now have somewhat of of a saucy nature on the brain. The latest comes from Wellington.
The toilets have also been described as resembling fallopian tubes, bulging eyes, and the arse end of a crayfish. As usual the people are divided as to the tastefulness of this design; forty-six percent of those asked reckoned that cheaper bog-standard dunnies should be built instead.
Only thirty-one percent, it would appear, have a good sense of humour and are happy to have an erotic dumping ground on their waterfont, to serve as a beacon for the lonely sailors and fisherman heading back to land.
This is the current dilemma in the town of Bulls in New Zealand. Plans have been drawn up for an unusual new public toilet for the town which would cost $226,000. The problem for many of the townsfolk is that the toilet is based on a bull`s ass.
The idea would be for people to walk up a tail-shaped path and enter through the bull`s ring piece. Depending on your gender you would then enter one of the butt cheeks to find it fitted out as a well appointed toilet.
The locals are not in full agreement about the benefits of dropping their loads in a bull`s arse. Some, such as Bulls and District co-ordinator Bronwyn Meads, consider that the toilet will attract up to thirty percent of the twelve thousand people who pass through the town each day to stop, leave a deposit in the big bottom then browse around town and do some shopping.
Others, like councilor Jill Strugnell say “It`s a vulgar concept that isn`t worth the money.”
Much discussion has still to take place, but it seems to be a no brainer; who wouldn`t want to have the opportunity to drop a load inside a giant set of buttocks?
In the northern India state of Haryana, men outnumber women -- which gives brides-to-be a lot of leverage in the husband-finding game. The guys are finding it tough to bag a wife as it is, but now there's a phrase being bandied about by future mothers-in-law that makes things even harder: "No toilet, no bride."
665 million people in India still have to dump out in open due to a chronic lack of crappers of any type. This works out to be around 200,000 tons of turds contaminating the land and waterways each day! And this leads to outbreaks of diarrhea, cholera, and many other sanitation-related diseases.
So courting a girl is no longer just about the already-difficult tasks of satisfying a girl's financial and sexual needs -- now the potential groom has to satisfy her sanitation desires as well. No old, battered portadunny or long drop will do. And forget diamonds: an expensive, state-of-the-art commode is the way to a beautiful girl's heart these days.
Lawrence Toms and Lez Paylor, purveyors of Creative Paper Wales and makers of environmentally-friendly "Sheep Poo Paper", have built a poo canoe. They plan cross the English Channel in it to raise money for charity.
The uber-green poo canoe is made from a wooden frame wrapped with three layers of Sheep Poo Paper, held together using a flour-and-water glue, and coated with bee's wax and soy resin. (Sheep Poo Paper sounds pretty self-explanatory, but intrepid PoopReporters can learn more about it here.)
Initial testing of the vessel showed excellent speed, balance, and maneuverability; however, an inspection of the hull afterward revealed a leak in the resin coating.
Lawrence and Lez are confident the poo canoe can be returned to total seaworthiness, and as soon as they achieve their goal of approximately £12,000 in donations, they will announce the date for their sailing of the good ship lollipoop.
The fact that PoopReport has survived for almost ten years as the Internet's top poop humor website is pretty amazing, considering how little we've deviated from the formula first pioneered so many years ago. Because in other segments of the poop humor industry, as this video shows, anyone who sits back and enjoys their time on the throne is quickly pushed off by someone with a more impressive load.
Here's how it works: for around $100 donation to the charity, you can have your own personal porcelain throne twinned with a specific outhouse deep in the bush. Its exact location can be even tracked down with Google Maps, so you can keep up with their progress and use.
One of the first toilet twinners, the Bishop of Coventry, invited the press around to his house to inspect his crapper and a photo of its twin in Rutana. "It's a bog standard idea with a great message," he said, "Forty percent of the world's population don't have access to a toilet and it's hard to imagine what that's like."
It sounds a good idea. There must be many people now who have a blown-up photo of a remote African dunny proudly hung on the wall above their commodes.
The Lebanese civil war broke out on April 13th, 1975, and didn't end until 1991. To commemorate these fifteen miserable years, Lebanese artist Nada Sehnaoui set up an unusual exhibition, which opened on April 13th last year in downtown Beirut. Her idea came from a phrase routinely used by the Lebanese at that time: "Haven't fifteen years of hiding in the toilets been enough?"
As bombings and gun battles raged in the streets, Lebanon's inhabitants would often hide in their bathrooms instead of trudging down to the basement shelters (most buildings are high-rise apartment blocks). They took what comfort they could from their cool marble floors, porcelain bowls, and squatters.
Lebanon is yet again at a point where relative peace could be lost. Elections have just ended and the usual suspects -- Hezbollah Shiites, Sunnis, and Christians -- are stirring up the political crap. Maybe Nada should bring back her installation to let the people reflect once again how easy it is for everything to get flushed away down the toilet.
Scientists who have been trying to find a good way to track Emperor penguin colonies at the South Pole have finally stumbled upon -- or stepped in -- the most awesome method: follow the poop.
Funny thing about penguin poop: it can be seen from space! When the penguins stay on the ice to breed, they remain in the colonies for around eight months, which means massive amounts of penguin guano. The reddish-brown poop is concentrated in areas near the colony and stains the ice, and the stains are large and dark enough to be seen on satellite images.
"Using satellite data," MSNBC reports, "the scientists found 10 new colonies of penguins, six colonies that had moved from previously mapped positions to new spots and another six that seemed to have disappeared."
"The research is 'incredibly useful,' because the only time to see emperors are during breeding in winter when weather makes it nearly impossible to get to the colonies, said longtime penguin researcher William Fraser, who wasn't involved in the study. Fraser noted that salty penguin guano 'over time will corrode your boots,' adding that he has lost nearly a dozen pairs to poop in 35 years of penguin research."
Yes, so Rover likes to eat poop occasionally, but do we really need reminding of the fact? According to those wacky Japanese, we do, because the hottest new gadget for discerning dog owners is The Sum: a robotic composting can shaped like a dog.
Rover opens his mouth, and in goes up to 600g of poop per day. (That's a lot of turd.) The Sum breaks it down and, eventually, pushes out fragrant, healthy compost -- although where on the machine it exits from is probably best left to the imagination.
The Sum comes in four funky dog-shaped colours and costs a mere $900.
What's the world -- or, more accurately, Australia -- coming to when a man can't clean out his ringpiece without being sacked? This is exactly what's happened to Amador Bernabe, a Filipino working in a Townsville engineering works.
Mr. Bernabe went to the work's toilet to relieve himself of some excess cargo, and as was his custom took in a bottle of water to sluice his pucker with. He used water instead of toilet paper because of his upbringing in the Philippines.
On this occasion his foreman followed him into the dunny and questioned his bathroom hygiene. He was subsequently reported to the manager who explained to him that he would be immediately sacked if he didn't follow the Australian method of wiping dirty bungs with toilet paper. Mr. Bernabe replied, "Sir, then you better terminate me."
Rick Finch, of the Australian Manufacturing Worker's Union, said, "The thought that bosses think they have the control to get involved in toiletry is a gross invasion of an employee's privacy. If it wasn't so disgusting it would be almost laughable."
Even local Members of Parliament have got involved by praising Mr. Bernabe for standing up for his right to clean as he believed it should be done. After all, a huge amount of the world population uses hoses or jugs of water by the crapper to wash off unwanted dung; and in many places a choice is on offer.
What does it matter which method a person uses as long as he cleans his hands after the deed? Let's hope that this isn't the start of a slippery slope leading to Big Brother-style bottom inspectors being deployed in all our work and public toilets.
If you've ever thought that the place where you lived was shit, spare a thought for those living in new housing projects in Indonesia, as their houses may actually be constructed from it.
Students from Indonesia's Prasetiya Mulya Business School have just won the 2009 Global Social Venture Competition with their invention, the EcoFaeBrick. With the local clay quarries overmined due to Indonesia's huge demand for affordable housing, pressure on the land has been enormous, so the environmentally-conscious students have taken advantage of an abundant natural resource: cow manure.
EcoFaeBrick provide a highly economical solution to a waste problem while helping to preserve the local environment from the damages caused by clay quarries. Not only are the bricks 20% lighter and stronger than the traditional variety, they are considerably cheaper and easier; and, in terms of CO2 emissions, they're cleaner to manufacture.
What's more, it's hoped that this venture will drastically increase the revenue of local farmers, whose cattle were previously only useful for producing milk or meat -- thereby increasing their quality of life and ultimately encouraging ex-clay miners to farm.
The tenderness of American bottoms is being blamed for environmental devastation. It's their love of soft toilet paper -- call it The Charmin Effect -- that is the problem. Although there is a percentage of recycled material that goes into the manufacturing of arse-wipe, the softness and strength come from the long fibers found only in virgin wood.
Each American uses 23.6 rolls of bung cleaner during an average year. This is more than three times the European average and more than 100 times that of a typical Chinese.
The majority of the timber pulp comes from tree farms in the US and South America. However, up to 22% of the pulp in some brands comes from old second growth forests in the northern US states and Canada. Many of these trees are over two hundred years old.
At the moment, there is a pitiful amount of 100% recycled fiber toilet paper selling in the US --- a mere two percent of the total. One campaigner, Dr Allen Hershkowitz, a scientist with the Natural Resource Defense Council says, "No forest of any kind should be used to make toilet paper."
So, what's the future for American wipers? More recycled TP leading to slight chafing and irritation of the ringpiece, but with beautiful forests to hike through and clean the air of C02? Or gently buffed bungholes and landscapes like something out the Somme battlefields in World War One?
Ladies and gents of the Land of the Free: what do you say?
This incredible-looking device could well be the toilet of the future.
The Flo Toilet might look like one of those foreign squat toilets with a contemporary makeover, but it has health benefits: it enables one to combine a toilet visit with yoga exercises, helping to build and develop back and abdominal muscles while pooping.
Although the health benefits of squat toilets are widely known, most westerners still prefer the traditional design we are so familiar with. This new system intends to promote a healthier defecation experience.
Its designers from Arizona State University's College Of Design hope that this system will alter the toilet archetype by the year 2030. Despite the space-age looks, it is free of mechanical parts and independent of electric power. As most of us use toilets that don't require electric power anyway, and would shudder to think of why a lavatory would require it, this is a curious selling point.
However, look carefully. Where's the handle to flush? No -- that protuberance at the top is the water inlet filling the tank. It's an autoflush toilet, then, but powered and triggered by a clever electromagnetic ball valve, itself powered by the movement of water -- so it is completely self-sufficient. It is low on water use, too, using just half-a-gallon of water per flush for a pee and a gallon for a poo, obtained from recycled hand-washing sessions.
Quite why the system needs to be transparent is not explained in the manifesto, but it could be to enable users to examine their stools side-on in addition to merely looking down, which might make health problems easier to detect.
Perhaps it's due to the content of certain websites, but Germans, rightly or wrongly, are frequently accused of having poo fetishes and underdeveloped senses of humour. However, this looks likely to change following action by the Berlin citizen's action group Shit Happens, who are tackling their local hundscheiße problem with wit rather than anger.
With uncollected dog poop becoming a serious public health issue, instead of fining, accusing, or confronting irresponsible dog owners, Sandra Kaliga and her neighbours in Berlin's Prenzlauer Berg district decided to address the problem with humor. To alert innocent pedestrians and remind dog owners of their responsibilities, they placed tiny flags in the turds, featuring slogans such as "Well formed!", "100 grammes, just €1.99,", "Special Offer!" and ‘Inner Values...".
"Only humour is effective," said Kaliga, herself a dog owner.
"Most people find it funny," Shit Happens member Sabina Ruminski agrees. "But we also get some dim-witted commentary, which mostly comes from dog owners who feel like they've been caught." However, members confirm that owners often clean up their dog's poop when they see the group heading their way.
According to the Berlin Animal Protection Agency, the city is home to more than 107,000 dogs, producing an estimated 30 million pounds of steaming shoe-magnets per year. However, some German dog owners feel that because they are required to pay a "dog tax" each year, it should absolve them of clean-up responsibility. The Shit Happens members sympathize as dog owners are often forced to carry poop bags for long distances due to a lack of waste receptacles; a problem that could be (but as yet is not) alleviated by the tax.
In the meantime, other German towns have placed flag orders with the group; in appreciation, Shit Happens are creating new "Danke" flags for those responsible owners who do clean up after their pets.
Everyone loves a free gift as a souvenir of a good day out. But racegoers at the Vicennes Racetrack in Paris were given a free gift on April 11th which may not have been in the best of taste: fresh poop from the champion racers.
They were presented in plush red velveteen boxes. They were accompanied by photographic diagrams of the equine excrement on silk cushions. They bore the legend, "When champions grow, so do our plants." This unique memento was intended as a gift for gardeners by organisers Cheval Francais, who claim that the manure is "high-end, 100% natural, guaranteed non-genetically modified and French."
"Horse dung has a great reputation," claim Cheval Francais. "When used on indoor plants or on balconies, it improves the bloom, the colours and the life of flowers. In a garden, it does wonders for tomatoes, potatoes, and roses."
Funny -- usually when I bring poop home from the track, it's on my shoe.
There are several reasons that I request an aisle seat when I fly. For one, I don't want any one between me and the toilet. And while I avoid seats too near the toilet, I prefer a seat not too far away either -- not because I mind the walk, but because the further away you are seated, the larger percentage of time your path is blocked by one of those damned peanut carts.
Now I have another reason for getting a seat close to the restroom: it could save me from being arrested and thrown in jail on a felony charge.
That was the fate of Joao Correa who, on March 28, was collared by the FBI after his Delta flight 406 touched down in Atlanta. His crime? Assault. He pushed past flight attendant Stephanie Scott who was determined to prevent him from using the first class restroom, despite his plea that he needed to go real bad and his path to the toilet for shmucks was blocked by the fucking food cart.
Correa vs. Scott. Now there is a case name with legs.
What was once a truly International Space Station -- which was built to allow nations to fully cooperate in scientific research -- has become a hotbed of misinformation, distrust, and disharmony. Relations between the Russians and Americans in particular have now hit an all time low, descending into childish behavior. The latest spat is over the use of toilets: the Americans are not allowing the Russians to dump in their pan.
What's more, after consultations, the Russians have been recommended to use their own rations and to crap only in the Russian toilet. The Americans will eat only US rations and their shitter is not to be used as a Russian dumping ground.
Russian cosmonaut Gennady Padalka told Novaya Gazeta newspaper that the lack of sharing was lowering the crew`s morale. "What is going on has an adverse effect on our work," said Mr Padalka, the veteran of two space missions who is to be the next commander.
Part of the reason for the lack of entante cordialle has been the influx of space tourists, which has led to Moscow billing the US for sending some astronauts to the station. Until now, only three astronauts worked at any one time on the station, but this will increase to six, putting added pressure on the available few orbiting commodes.
Are these two nations going to fall out again and restart the cold war over what is purely a small fecal matter? It would be a shame if the pretext for this new distrust was not a build up of nuclear ICBMs along borders, but a build up of toxic space turds floating in a tin can above the Earth.
Arguments have been raging for a while between supermarkets, consumer associations and even the Treasury Department. One point raised is that age old bugbear; is length or quality more desirable? Are 200 sheets of basic two-ply TP better than 100 sheets of top of the range quilted ring-cleaner?
Supermarkets reckon that price per roll, no matter what the length, is the way forward, but the government disagrees. Chris Bowen, Assistant Treasurer, has sought to stay out of the debate, but his spokesman said, “Questions of quality are ultimately up to the consumer.”
The idea behind the scheme is part of the process of allowing consumers to compare similar products on the quantity that is for sale. Personally, I think it`s a great idea. I`d far rather know how many squares I have available than rely on guesswork. You can always choose the quality depending on the size of your wallet or the state of your bung.
An idea I`d propose at the same time would be to take the measurement idea a step further. Manufacturers would not only have to state how many sheets were on the roll, but they would also have to print a number on every tenth sheet so that you know exactly how much you have left.
Reed Harris wanted his marriage proposal to Kaitlin Whipple to be a memorable occasion. On Friday, February 28, after class at San Juan College in Farmington, NM, he arranged with some friends to deliver the ring to her in a milkshake where she would discover it (we hope) and happily agree to the proposal. The plan worked out, but not exactly in the right order.
Kaitlin, not knowing of the delivery method and being in a race to drink the shake rapidly did just that, and did not feel the ring go down as she swallowed it. She was puzzled by the looks of concern from Reed and her friends, and especially by the search of her empty cup, and then of everyone else's shake. Finally the truth was revealed, and Kaitlin was rushed to the emergency room, where an X-ray revealed the ring in her stomach.
Reed was as surprised as anyone at the outcome. "I mean, [the ring] is not the smallest thing," he said. "I thought it was impossible for her not to notice it." He miscalculated.
After the X-ray proved to Kaitlin that she had indeed swallowed the ring, her friends had all sorts of advice; eat lots of fiber, stock up on prunes, take pills. In any event, make sure that the precious bauble would have plenty of help to come out all right in the end.
The ring "arrived" the morning of March 1, after a digestive trip of two days.
MY question is, of course, how was that arrival verified? How, exactly, did she catch her deposit, and what search technique was employed to sift it? How did she clean the ring afterward?
Our best wishes go to the happy couple, the symbol of whose happiness had literally to go through the bride-to-be.
Venice has always been susceptible to varying degrees of general stinkiness as it`s built on a series of canals that are regularly flooded by the Mediterranean. In summer it can be particularly bad due to the heat and an influx of more than twenty million tourists.
Starting this year, pay virtually and pee virtuously is the method that the authorities are hoping will prevent millions of visitors from using the streets as urinals. This happens as many restaurants and bars won`t allow casual use of their facilities.
Visitors can now go online and buy a “toilet card”. These are either cards for ten visits over five days or two visits in one day. High season costs are $0.90 per piss, low season $0.65. The trouble is that these have to be purchased fifteen days in advance!
How do you work out how many slashes and dumps you need in a day? A day spent walking around exploring the city, maybe taking in a gallery or two, might just warrant the two visits. But going out on the beer in a pub crawl could entail a dozen pees and a couple of sloppy beer shits between bars.
To cap it all, if you forget to buy on-line, a regular toilet card bought at the bathroom costs $1.20 a go in high season and $0.90 a leak in low season, while locals only pay $0.33 to urinate all year round! Have foreigners got bigger bladders and bowels than Venetians? Or is this just yet another way of ripping tourists off?
I can see rebellious and drunken foreigners still using Venice`s streets as urinals for a long time to come.
Water engineers in Brisbane, Australia, decided to celebrate World Toilet Day with a special exhibition; they got hold of 100 shiny white porcelain toilet bowls and had local artists decorate them. Exhibition organiser, Rowan Barber, commented, “We`ve had decoupage, we`ve had them tiled, painted, and covered in foil.”
Let's hope those are coffee grounds.
The exhibition was held to make people aware of the fact that 2.6 billion people around the world didn`t have access to basic sanitation. Maybe this kind of event should be held in other countries as well, an annual homage to the humble crapper. The arty pans, some worthy of being exhibited in the Loovre, were later auctioned off for charity.
Haven't we all worshipped at the porcelain altar?
On a lighter note Mr Barber, a local sanitation engineer, added, “I`m just obsessed with poo, and it`s not going away. I think there is a viable career in poo, even in a global financial crisis.”
Our community has doubled in number in the past four years. Because of the overwhelming growth, new homes are constantly appearing, sometimes seeming as if they do so overnight. Along with a larger population we’ve experienced an increase of crime as well. And this month was no different.
As I was reading the March 2nd edition of the Nisqually Valley News, I saw that a home in our Clearwood Community suffered $25,000 worth of vandalism damage on February 17th. Among the damages listed was one item that caught my eye. Not only did the perpetrators break doors and ruin walls, but one of the vandals left a brown personalized calling card in the oven.
What I noticed about the article most was the cavalier manner in which the shit was mentioned. “Human fecal matter was also found in the oven.” It was as if the reporter was saying, “Why yes, it’s just some human shit in the oven, that’s all. Making Brownies. Now let’s check out this week’s box scores.” One would think there’s nothing remarkable about someone taking a crap in a major home appliance in Yelm, Washington.
Since the story broke, I’ve heard nothing else on the subject; but I’ll be sure to update if the poopetrator is arrested.
