On those four or five story buildings I was originally picturing the poop free falling to a compost pile below. In which case "heads up" would quickly be replaced by "oh shit."

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Wait till they are as hard as golf balls and drive them out the windows with a 3 iron. Yell "TWO" instead.

So let me understand this: The poop doesn't compost? It just sits there till the 44-pound bag is full? Then they have to carry it out? Yuck! Let's imagine a trip downstairs with the dung bag: "Oh, hello, sir! Emptying the toilet?" "As you see." "Our bag didn't get that full--maybe we're not eating enough fiber." "I probably didn't empty ours soon enough." "Ooh," (pointing to a bulge in the bag) "that must have been a good one!" "I don't remember." "I think that bag is about to break open." "Uh-oh!"

And what happens if the bag doesn't weigh 44 pounds? Are you going to have to haul it back upstairs? Will you have the option of dropping trou' there and make the weight? What if it's overweight? Will you have to pay a surcharge of two chickens or goats? Tbox, I need answers.

"Uh, hi there neighbor, can you help me with my bag of groceries? Sorry I can't offer you any, but as you can smell, it was goood!"

Sounds like a perfect chance to install.... a poop chute.

It`s interesting reading the technical information and FAQs for these crappers, pd. 85% of the weight that goes into a pan is piss - who gets the job of researching this kind of thing? And an average family of 4 will take 3 to 6 weeks to fill the turd container.

I said 20kg - this is a guess based on the container having a 27 litre capacity - but what is the weight per litre of an average turd? Maybe you could do the research on this, pd. Answers by the end of the week please.

It's hard to believe that the land that gave us Genghis Khan and once ruled much of Asia, Persia and Eastern Europe has been reduced to crapping in a box and then lugging it down four flights of stairs. This is a history lesson that all of the world's current and aspiring super-powers should heed.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Ah........the thrill of living in Mongolia, the fermented mares milk tipple, the steak that has been tenderized, and flavored, by being stashed under your saddle blanket
as you gallop about on the steppes on a rampage of conquering. The male bonding with other members of the hoard as you rape and pillage your jolly way through the countryside.

I have read that since Mongolia is relatively treeless there has always been a great fear of lightning. This could be apocryphal but the book I was reading said that many people lay down and wrapped themselves in felt during a thunderstorm.

I have a rather imaginative mind so I immediately pictured a Mongol stretched out prone in his yurt while a storm raged.
He has an erotic thought and "zap" his erect schlong now being the highest point of the terrain is fried off by a massive bolt of lightning. Sigh.......guess I'll just stay in Tennessee.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I'm sure this could be a story on it's own. My brother spent some time working in Mongolia. One night he and some friends went out for a marmot roast. They spent a good part of the evening fine dining and drinking the fermented yak milk by a river. When it was over the whole drunken lot piled into the old beat up car they took and proceeded to cross the steppe in pitch blackness (there were no roads for miles). In what only could be in a movie, he spotted a flashing blue light behing them. Yes, police and everybody was well beyond drunk. Long story short, driver was connected and made a cell phone call. Shortly thereafter the police car disappeared into the foggy darkness.

PD...........I didn't realize that we Tennesseans
had so much in common with the Mongolians, they eat roast marmot, we eat barbecued groundhog. Now if they would just learn to make decent moonshine........

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Chief, you may have found your mission. My brother will be back there soon (I may also go for a while). Please send your recipes and I will get some in return.

PD........The secret of good groundhog cookery is, never skin the hog unless you need the hide for new shoe laces. Scald and scrape the beast so you have the intact skin to hold in the delicious groundhog juices, this rule would probably work well for the marmot also. I did a Google image search for "marmot" and must admit that they look delicious.

Forget that "wuss" beverage, fermented milk. Take some good "Tennessee stump-blower with you. You can gauge it's strength by how long you have to lean against a tree after taking a swig. The more you drink the better the marmot will taste.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

PD.......WARNING.........If you accompany your brother to Mongolia do not eat the marmot without either a close inspection
or becoming very drunk first.

I checked out some Mongolian recipes for marmot with a Google search. The recipe calls for removing the intestines and "some" of the hair before cooking. We here in Tennessee do not practice haute cuisine but when we cook a groundhog we remove "all" of the hair.

If you swing by before your trip I will pack you a hamper of groundhog sandwiches to sustain you on your journey. If you do eat the furry marmots you will be pinching loaves that look like prairie dogs, or should I say steppe dogs.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Hopefully there will be some badger dens I can deposit my...uh..."prairie dogs".

I'll check to see if there are any flights to Mongolia that are routed through Tennessee.

We-uns haz a inturnashunal airpurt now

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Do not make jokes about my country
unless you wish to wake up some morning to the screeching of my Golden Hoard as they ride around your humble homes. By the way, what is this fucking groundhog?

Do they serve "Tennessee stump-blower" in the VIP lounge?

As well as pickled coon tongue canapés, possum balls flambé, and my personal favorite, carp croquettes.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Well, I'll definitely be flying Redneck Air next time. As I haven't flown them before, do you happen to know some of their destinations, and their carry on policy, as well as how many dead marmots I can return with duty free?

Fly Redneck Airlines for those destinations you have always had trouble connecting to. No need to take your sex vacation in Thailand. Redneck will fly you, in one of their luxurious Ford Tri-motors, to destinations in the "civilized" world. Imagine a cozy stay in Cunt Spain or the
village of Muff in Northern Ireland or even the town of Twatt in Orkney, UK.

Not your cup of tea you say? Perhaps the charming town of Lord Berkeley's Knob in Sutherland Scotland would me more to your liking. Something a little further from home? Chinaman's Knob in Australia has your name written all over it.

Oh.....so you're a loner......Wank Germany is the perfect destination for you. For a true Poop Report vacation what could be better than a stay in Turdo Romania.

Redneck is one of the few airlines that serves full meals on all flights. For those who have trouble chewing we offer a full menu of pre-chewed delicacies. Fly Redneck and use up those Confederate dollars.

Marmots and groundhogs will be considered carry-on luggage.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

'possum don't count, do they, Chief? Ain't they, ya know, like the state bird or sumthin fer Tenese?
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Bilge..........The raccoon is actually the state animal but I believe that is the state "raw" animal. There is a movement to make the possum the state "roasted" animal and the groundhog the state "barbecued" animal.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

The state entrail is the hog chitterling. There are two methods of cleaning this delicious delicacy, creek washing or stump slinging.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Eeeee. I washed chitterlings with a neighbor in Fort Knox. She couldn't believe I've dive into helping, but she seemed to happy to make them for her family.

No one told me about the smell that cleaning chitlins would empart onto my hands. After washing my hands four times, they still stunk like ass. Finally, at a loss at how to defeat the devil stink, I went up to her bathroom and used her husband's Listerine on my hands. It worked. When I came back downstairs, she looked at me and said "Ms. daphne, what the hell were you doin' up there? You smell like mouthwash." When I told her what I did, she laughed her ass off.

Two weeks later I was quite source of mouthwash jokes at her next family gathering.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Back in 1970 I was living in Saitama prefecture Japan on a Japanese Air Self Defense Force (JASDAF) base called
Iruma-gawa. I had purchased a ten pound bucket of chitterlings from the commissary and they were in a stockpot on the stove merrily bubbling away.

There was a knock on the door and the wife of one of my friends was admitted to our steam filled little home. Her nose twitched as the rich aroma of boiling chitterlings assailed her nostrils. She left ,after a very short visit, without inquiring as to nature of the wonderful smell emanating from my kitchen.

The next day while at work I was approached by my friend who said, Jean wants to know what was boiling on your stove yesterday? She said she sure as hell hoped it wasn't something you were going to eat.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I had to google chitlins. They look like assholes being cooked in this photo.

[IMG]http://i35.tinypic.com/505y88.jpg[/IMG]

We don`t eat them here, just innards like liver, kidney, heart, lungs, stomachs, brains, tongue, sweetbreads.

I`ve had stewed marmot in Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan - very tasty. Fermented mare`s milk is disgusting.

Thunderbox........You are close, chitlins, or chitterlings are right next to the asshole.
The lower intestines to be exact. The upper intestines can be used also but traditionally were saved for sausage casings.

I have eaten the stomachs from, pigs, cows, sheep, goats and deer and found them all to be delicious when properly prepared. I love Mexican Menudo (tripe soup) and have always wanted to try haggis. Is canned haggis any good?

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Never tried canned haggis, Chief. Always get them from the butcher`s shop. Nothing like lungs, liver and hearts wrapped up in a sheep`s stomach. Served with mashed neeps and tatties, of course.

Dear Tbox and CT,

We are experiencing a system overload due to your excessive Googling. Please try to shift some of it to off peak hours, as our systems are about to crash.

Thank you,
Google

Thunderbox.........After much goggling and checking of websites on Scottish foods I have made the following disappointing discovery, the US Department of Agriculture does not allow authentic haggis to be imported into this country.
Something to do with sheep lungs.

I was a country boy until just a few years ago and have eaten what southerners in America call "pluck stew". Pluck stew is made from the lungs, heart and liver of a pig with added vegetables...it can be very tasty. I was never harmed by eating pig lungs and feel sure I could handle sheep lungs also....damned government rules!

Canned haggis is available here but is not authentic. What will I do on Robbie Burns night if I am denied that "Great Chieftan o the Puddin'-Race"? Neeps are available in the American south where they are called rutabagas. Tatties, neeps and whisky may have to fill the bill that night. Burns will probably be twirling madly in his grave. Perhaps I can stuff a chitterling with pork liver and oatmeal as a substitution.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Chief, get in touch with Prarie Doggin, I may be talking out of turn, but he has a side business in Jersey, a sheep brothel, for Wyoming and Utah truckers picking up loads for him. His generosity has saved me on more than one occasion in a haggis crisis, and a couple of times with life threatening cases of blue balls.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Bilge.........Thanks for the tip. PD could probably satisfy my haggis cravings with one of his girls that has lost her attractiveness through age. My attacks of blue balls are usually satisfied the Tennessee way, we just paint some lipstick on a pig.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I'm thinking of getting one of these for my bedroom - put it in the closet. Then, I can sit in bed and watch movies and eat taco bell all day long without interruptions. YES!!

Kimmy!!! Get your thumb out of there! I'm about to blow!