Sam, you are the best Poop Reporter ever.

Zoiks! Two stories in one day! My mom will be so proud!

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I would be seriously pissed if I got a previously poop covered Christmas card back. I say just send it to the original destination.

Sam too, Thanks, Dad.

Isaac, It is good to see you on The Poop Report. You should sign up. I agree that I would not want that card back.

SamDamnit!
President and Commander and Chiefof Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Good reporting SamDamnit, unfortunately this ploy to distract your constituents to matters of foreign affairs is but a shallow hopeless fraud. My crack team of slueths have uncovered more fetid waste regarding your divisive rule of Poopreport. I shall reveal this in good time, hopefully before Dumpster begins impeachment proceedings.

Thank you for your concern, Mr. Din. However, I am sad to report that I had to fire the entire justice Dept. this morning. My anti-turd terrorism wire tapping program turned up evidence that they have been conspiring with our enemies. Don't worry though. I will be appointing a special prosecutor to get to the bottom of these allegations.

Support the Poops!

SamDamnit!
President and Commander and Chiefof Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I don't like to copy my comments from other posts, but the urgency of this matter compels me:

ATTENTION ALL POOP REPORTERS:

Have you seen this at the bottom of SamDamnit's recent posts?

"SamDamnit!
President and Commander and Chief of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean"

I am afraid our good friend Sam has become drunk with power. He took a questionable election plurality, secured only by the connivance of well-placed cronies in positions of high authority, and has begun governing as though he has an overwhelming mandate. Furthermore, unlike Bill Clinton, who signaled right and turned left, Sam signaled left but has turned right. All that we in the world of Poop hold dear is in peril. I heard that he has broken diplomatic relations with The Cameltoe Report, and that he is considering preemptive action against RateMyPoo.com.

For more on this breaking controversy, see "A PoopReporter for President" on the forums.

Remember the words of the great Lord Acton, "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." The time to act is now, while some vestiges of freedom still remain. PoopReporters of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

(Plus, I'll bet he looks awful in a blue dress and a pair of panties.)

My fellow Poopreportians. It is my solemn duty to inform you that we have found links to the turd terrorists. The evil and despotic Ratemypoo.com has been trying to buy urinal cake uranium from dookistan. I have ordered the military to assemble the poops for a full scale invasion of said site.

SamDamnit!
President and Commander and Chiefof Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I would further like to declare that no one in my administration leaked the fact that The Dumpster's wife is a Pee I A agent. I have ordered a full investigation in to this matter, and appointed another special prosecuter.

God Bless The Poops.

SamDamnit!
President and Commander and Chiefof Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Everett, this is your chance to be the Man on Horseback, for once, instead of your usual role as the other end of the horse.

Will you help us?

We should never have introduced politics to this site. Fake or not, it's starting to make me sad.

Cracky may have a point. I have a feeling Dave is going to smite us, is we keep carrying on in the story comments.

SamDamnit!
President and Commander and Chiefof Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

May I suggest that we have a standdown, and return the leadership of this place to its rightful and benevolent dictator? Sam, you can have your old job back as Rectum Rector of the Church of Poop. I'm sure Rev. Crack would like the company of a fellow man of the cloth.

Sam, you can do this, in the interests of world peace. Come over here and let us give you your medicine, and we'll just act like all this never happened. That's a good fellow!

I see how it is. I am going to go and live with my friends in Potti Arabia, until this constitootional crisis has been resolved.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Impeach by all that is holey, remove the taint which stains the office. Does noone remember Iran and the Shah's exile? The same thing will happen here, we must have a clear succession of leadership, please don't make me reveal these blue dress pictures, it will only hurt us as a community.

So... back to the article... lol

I think I would rather get the poop card back, than have them send it (with a poop stain) to my friends and family. Nothing says "I love you and wish you a happy new year" like a shit stain... no, thank you.

How clean can they get these cards? Does poop stain paper or is it possible to remove all traces of turd?
I hesitate to ask someone to... experiment... but maybe the folks at ratemypoo.com have done it?

Guys the SamDamnit president stuff is hilarious, but Cracktacular is right . . . maybe we should keep it to the forums. You know I don't care about going off-topic, but the anonymous cowards are probably scratching their heads in confusion, and you guys are starting to say the same thing on more than one thread. Let's just keep it in one place so no one gets confused.

Sorry to break up the fun, boys, but that's my job.

I'm hip. This is my last non-forum post on the subject.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

My guess is that they'd return the cards to the senders so they'd know to WHOM they needed to send a fresh card. You wouldn't want to slight someone, although, it's a pretty good excuse. "Sorry, Aunt Mai! Your card MUST have been one of those poopy ones!"

Dave, thanks for the heads up. I have not been active lately due to a new addition at home (no poop inuendo here, we had a baby).

Okay, Sam seems confounded by the towels. Gift-giving is actually standard practice in Japan, in a variety of situations.
In this situation, the post office felt sorry for the mail getting dirty. The towel is not meant to wipe anything up really, it is one of the standard "gifts." Sometimes it may be a packet of tissues or a mini box of detergent, but generally it is something useful.

So gifts in Japan are not only for birthdays. You give gifts to your neighbors when you move in (Yeah, a rip off isn't it), you get cash gifts when you get married (no toasters here. Individual gifts start from $150 an up depending on your relationship), cash or presents when you have kids, cash is also standard for funerals (they call it "incense money") and in return for paying your respects you may get a small gift (i.e. a bag of tea or a sugar for your coffee, again something useful). The list really goes on forever. Kids go into kindergarten: Cash gift. Kid graduates: cash gift. Kids actually get wads of cash at New Years.
And the thing is, when you get a big gift, you have to give one back. So sometimes you get into this never-endeing gift exchange relationship that you never know when to end.
If you are confused, then join the club. Even the Japanese aren'T too sure about the rules but that's the way they have been doing things for centuries so they just shake their heads and keep on keeping on.

Reminds me. We have to go out and buy presents for all those people who gave us presents for our new baby boy.

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

I couldn' figure out how I would Make a "direct deposit", but the Japaneese are a very resourceful bunch!

Hey L. Wrong... Congratulations on the baby! How about some stats (size, weight, etc.). We promise not to draw any comparisons to our logs! Honest! lol

Really, what great news. You must be a proud Poopa. Er. Papa.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Yeah, L. Wrong! Ditto what PG says! Always nice to see an addition to the PR family. I sometimes feel like those of us with children are in the minority. Or maybe most folks here prefer to keep their parenting separate from their pooping?

Thanks, Mr. Hubbard. That explains a lot. If I lived in Japan, I would want my presents to be those panties that they sell in vending machines.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Sam, your panty fetish has already ruined your political career. Don't you think you should seek help? I know I have referred to you before on this site as a "pantywaist," but that was just in comparison to Old Iron Pants, C. Everett Poop. I didn't mean to scar you for life.

Anyway, with the varicose vein I recently developed in my leg, I may become a reluctant candidate for panty hose myself. Maybe you can point me to some good deals online.

Pantyhose are for sissies.

I have another question for Mr. Hubbard, though. The japanese mail boxes look like they have tiny slots for the mail. Are those boxes solely for small envelopes?

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I don't know about keepting the parenting and pooping (kid pooping) seem to go together. I've had to get almost MacGyver-ish when the kids let one go and I wasn't properly prepared (shame on me).

Sorry about the typo - happy fingers today!!

So, L. Wrong... since the post office is sending gifts, are the people receiving them going to be obligated to give one in return?

;-)

Bashful Buns, I am very tired today and when I looked at your post I thought you had written "had fingers today". It brought up some very disturbing images of canibalism.

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who got indigestion? He ate someone who didn't agree with him.

Or the one about the cannibal who came home late for supper? His wife gave him a cold shoulder.

NO Jeffrey Dahmer jokes, please!

What did Jeffrery Dahmer say to Lorenna Bobbit?
.
.
.
.
.
.Are you gonna eat that?

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Did you hear about the new Bobbitt movie: "The Silence of the Loins"?

There is no truth to the rumor that Mrs. Bobbitt is serving tube steaks at the family picnic.

Did you hear that Dahmer was selling his car on E-Bay?
.
.
.
.
.
It didn't have enough leg room.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Did you hear about the serial killer they released on bail? It cost him an arm and a leg.

Dahmer's next door neigbor was having a big party and wanted to know if he could borrow some lettuce for the salad.

"Sure," said Dahmer. "Come on in! There's a fresh head in the refrigirator!"

Dahmer was holding a BBQ, a freind asked him what type of meat he was going to serve.

Dahmer said " I am going to be serving some spare ribs.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

_Just the words "turd terrorist" give me fits of giggles. I enjoy my daily dose of the PR.______
Producing waste since 1967