Joining the Pile High Club
Over two hundred passengers aboard a trans-Atlantic flight from Amsterdam to New Jersey saw their trip take an unexpected nosedive recently when human waste spewed from the plane's lavatories and settled into coach. The horrified travelers, who presumably were forced to breathe through their mouths and silently plea for the oxygen masks to deploy during the seven-hour ordeal, raised a stink as their bodies' very own flotation devices bobbed up and down the aisles and secured their unwitting membership in The Pile High Club.
Remarkably, while the disgusted passengers racked up hundreds of frequent floater miles, the iron-nostriled corps of flight attendants continued to dispense their plastic trays of lukewarm lasagna and bone-riddled pudding without interruption -- albeit with a caveat that the passengers not overindulge, since the restrooms were declared no-fly zones.
That's right: the crappers were off-limits! One can only imagine the internal dialogue that must have been racing through the minds of the Shameful Shitters on board whose burrito-nozzles were beginning to feel the pangs of rear-engine failure somewhere over the mid-Atlantic:
"Attention, passengers. This is your colon speaking. It seems we're experiencing some extremely gusty tail winds and a tremendous increase in cabin pressure. We are currently in a holding pattern until we get the go-ahead to attempt a water landing. Until that time, I suggest you remain seated and fasten your seat belts. We're in for a long, long ride..."
The passengers may find solace in the fact that their flight could prove historic on two olfactory fronts: first, aviation buffs are suggesting that this flight's malodorous stench is comparable in flying history only to the insufferable malignance that was Charles Lindbergh's 'rhoid cushion; and second, transportation scholars believe that this marks the first time in recorded history that anyone ever took a breath in New Jersey and proclaimed the air quality to be superior to that that was previously being inhaled.
The cause of the toilets' malfunctions has yet to be determined. Airline officials will no doubt scour the flight's brown box recorder for clues.