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The (false) persecution of the locker room vandals

Posted 01.31.2006 by scatoman
School days: the best days of your life. Those salad days when life was easy, when you would chase girls who didn't want to date you -- and when, during a basketball game, your locker room would be painted with shit and piss. Well, that's what certain members of the Oakdale High Mustangs of Manteca, CA, will tell their grandkids after last Wednesday's away game at nearby East Union High. According to James Burns of the Manteca Bulletin, one of the coaches discovered that "the visitors' locker room had been sprayed with urine and smeared with feces -- a familiar mark in this recent rash of vandalism."

Recent rash? Indeed. According to the paper, there has been at least one other such occurrence in that school district: a bus used to transport cheerleaders from Weston Ranch High to an event at Oakdale was "broken into and doused in" enough urine to fill "two milk jug containers." That incident was allegedly perpetrated by students from Oakdale High.

And because of that incident, it appears that Oakdale is being blamed for turd-terrorizing their own locker room.

Burns accuses the Oakdale student body of "having a penchant for vandalism" because Oakdale's assumed culpability in the bus incident. He therefore concludes they must have defiled their own locker room at the host school. Elementary!

Elementary, rather like Mr. Burns's deductive skills. How could Oakdale have carried it out? After all, they were probably playing basketball at the time of the crime. Surely it would be damn near impossible to pull that off. Doesn't make any sense, does it? Talk about shitting on your own doorstep!

Burns's article is a typical example the media's inclination towards summary justice. It's unwise to say that two incidents make a pattern. Wait for a couple more acts of vandalism to occur, and then you might have a pattern emerging -- and only then would you be able to state with any credibility that Oakdale kids are hell-bent on fecal sabotage. Point the accusing finger when you know what you're talking about, sir!

It seems to me that students at East Union High most likely did the dirty deed -- perhaps as revenge for what Oakdale did to Weston Ranch's bus, but perhaps just because kids are jerks.

Because of the poop horror, Oakdale wasn't allowed in their locker room at halftime. Milling about in the hallway during the lull, they engaged in a "scuffle" with East Union fans. The police were called to escort the visitors out of town. All in all, it wasn't the best of days for any of the parties concerned -- but especially Oakdale, who lost 56-46, thus carrying the stain of defeat as well as that of shit and suspicion.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Cracktacular (228) -- 01.31.2006

Turd terrorists are getting younger and younger. Let's stop the madness. Be a positive mentor to the youths in your life.

The More You Know...

SamDamnit (1192) -- 01.31.2006

Those filthy little shits!

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

The Dumpster (2506) -- 01.31.2006

"[A] bus used to transport cheerleaders from Weston Ranch High to an event at Oakdale was 'broken into and doused in' enough urine to fill 'two milk jug containers.'"

How was this measurement obtained?

KeepOnCrappin (550) -- 01.31.2006

TD, my thoughts exactly.

At the school where Jayson Blair went to high school (Yes, you will have to doo a bit of research) it is common to place a pile of shit in some random, out of the way locker. Then when the whole locker room smells like shit no one can find it. Also, since many of the lockers are at a male's optimum pissing level, (and have quarter-zized holes to allows gym clothes to dry out) it is common to come back from a weekend and find your cloths covered in piss.
---From a freshmen at said school who asked me not to name him.

Bunga Din (1239) -- 01.31.2006

These type of incidents went on when I was a kid, the media didn't bother reporting it because the teachers and staff dealt with it rather than the law. Thanks to sensationalized (yellow and also brown) journalism we all get to marvel at a couple of idiot teens who committed the acts.

KeepOnCrappin (550) -- 01.31.2006

Oh hell yes. Not all of them were idiotic, as the Report states. The school I mentioned and another who were extreme rivals always had some sort of vandalism after a rivalry game.

FOr example: At the rival school their mascot, a buldog, would often be spray-painted over. At the scholol I am talking about, the mascot (A wildcat) would have threatineing comments written on it.

As another clue to the school I am speaking about, this year they beat the number 1 HS football team but couldn't beat their bigtime rival I just discussed.

Poop Shooter (597) -- 01.31.2006

That;s just not nice to do with perfectly good shit and piss. bad bad kiddies. May their assholes itch for a week! Poop Shooter

Anonymous C (not verified) -- 02.06.2006

I was there at both incidents. Weston Ranch bus had two milk container left in the bus with some urine in it, the rest had been spilled onto the seats and floor of the bus. At EU the vandalism was found shortly after half time. Some EU uniforms that were stored in a locker in the locker room were stuffed into toilets, which clogged the toilets then the vandals decided to take a piss and crap on thw uniforms.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 02.08.2006

Thanks, Anonymous C. Inquiring minds just want to know.

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