An obituary for Mr. Whipple

Posted 11.21.2007 by The Big Wiper

Mr. Whipple clearly had a toilet paper fetish. He could not keep his hands off the stuff. He caressed it. He stroked it. He massaged it. He had a wicked gleam in his eyes. The sort an older man has when he is giving candy to a little girl.

He spawned an entire generation of toilet paper squeezers. He continued to make toilet paper seem like a toy. An unmentionable toy. His antics led directly to the creation of the 'bath tissue' concept, and the notion that people don't poop or wipe. They just get in the bathtub and play with tissue, making love to it with their hands.

And now, he is elsewhere claiming that squeezing toilet paper is like squeezing clouds. He has taken his agenda to the heavens.

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