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oxypowder

The duck may not be all that's Peking...

Posted 12.04.2006 by daphne
...there may also be a few turtles somewhere in the mix. And their heads will be peeking out from between many tightly-clenched buttocks if China Southern Airlines has its way.

You see, during the first half of 2006, China's airline industry lost three billion yuan -- roughly 383 million dollars. This has caused concern over fuel usage. And this concern has resulted in airline owners desperate to cut how much fuel is used per flight. Some have suggested making the planes lighter so that less fuel is needed to achieve lift and keep the aircraft at the desired altitude. The necessity of things like blankets, excessive carry-on luggage, and even full water tanks are being questioned. According to Captain Liu Zhiyuan, blankets and pillows alone require sixty tons of fuel daily to transport to their passengers' desired destinations. Magazines practically double that number.

Following that logic, China Southern Airlines has requested that passengers go to the bathroom before boarding. "Attention in the boarding area: please dump the Cosby kids off early. Don't bring them along. Stop drinking coffee before the flight because we don't want your pee-pee!"

Why? Because, the Xinhua news agency reports, flushing an airline toilet uses roughly one quarter of a gallon of jet fuel. Each flush, in other words, consumes the amount of fuel that a decent economy car could use to travel six miles. And just like the cost of magazines and blankets, the cost per poop adds up.

I don't know how I feel about this. It costs enough to fly as it is; and often, flying sucks. It can be a cramped, bumpy experience. Your fellow passengers might be obnoxious or smelly. Why shouldn't I be able to pee on board? I'm paying for it!

This subject was discussed on one USAToday writer's blog. One comment that outraged me almost as much as China Southern's suggestion was from a "professional flyer" named George who suggested that the "periodical flyers" -- like us real people with kids, families, and yes, *gasp!*, luggage -- cause much of the mayhem involved with flying. For shame! How dare we need to go somewhere, especially since our children want to pee every four seconds! How dare we not be organized! Someone send this man the complete works of Erma Bombeck and quick, for he's in need of a reality check. Much of the flying community is on business. Much is not. The times I've flown, I've not worried about much more past getting two children from point A to point B quietly. By the way, seven of those flights were trans-Atlantic. And I'll pee as much as I like, thank you very much. I'd like see George give a ten-month-old a bottle while keeping a lively four-year-old busy and trying to feed all three of us at the same time, *quietly*. Baby, if that's not professional, I don't know what is.

Whether or not the pre-flight lizard-draining suggestion will be heeded remains to be seen. The airlines have their fingers crossed that our legs will do the same.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 12.04.2006

I would give each passenger ONE "GoldenBrown Token" per, say, 6 hours of flight time. Once you spend it, you have to pop in your own dollar coin (or equivalent).

Couldn't they halve the allowed baggage weight or something? Then people who went over the max poundage would have to pay a surcharge.

Or charge for food and drink as a restaurant would; part of the fuel margin could be underwritten by the menu prices (to a reasonable extent).

What about finding a way of discarding waste that doesn't take as much fuel?

Dave (11627) -- 12.04.2006

I'm curious about why it uses so much fuel to flush. What kind of toilets are they using on these flights? All the airlines I've flown on have pressure-assisted toilets, but I can't believe that each flush requires so much energy. Unless the 1/4 gallon-per-flush refers to the energy used to transport the water.

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 12.04.2006

I thought it meant the weight of carrying the water IN the plane.

Nine Inch Log (357) -- 12.04.2006

yes, but if it was the weight of carying the water it wouldn't matter how much you flush. The water is there regardless. I wonder if they calculated how much weight in poo they get per day and how much it costs them is weight?

Wait a second, unless the poo has been evacuated then it's on the plane regardless of if you drop a deuce or not. Hmmm, so maybe they want you to shit before boarding so that YOU as an individual are lighter. But on that logic, why not ban fat people, or charge them double. No one wants to fly next to them anyway.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

healthy 1 (1426) -- 12.04.2006

If these planes use that much fuel per flush, wouldn't it be more practical to just make more efficient ariplanes, or a waste removal system that doesn't interfere with fuel consumption?
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 12.04.2006

Do I hear an echo? ;)

healthy 1 (1426) -- 12.04.2006

No GGG, that the sound of the airplane toilet, as it flushes the pasenger's money down it in the form of another exuse for us to pay more to fly.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

Bowl Clogger Blogger (71) -- 12.04.2006

You know, this is the second time I've seen what I consider to be a racial slur on this site. I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones I've come across. And they're identical.
I refer to the use of the term "the Cosby kids" to refer to shit. Unless there's some obscure reference here of which I'm unaware, let me say that I'm pretty damned tired of this. I realize I'm probably painting myself as some kind of uptight liberal fuckhead, but I grew up in a home that did not tolerate any form of humor that was based on holding members of any race, religion, etc. up to ridicule. Go ahead, tell me there's something funny in this. There's not.
I assume the moderators pretty much look the other way when it's one of their own dropping the racial blast.

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Dave (11627) -- 12.04.2006

BCB -- I've heard that phrase for years and years now. It predates PoopReport, I can tell you that. (It has four separate entries in the Urban Dictionary.) I have no definite idea what the genesis of the phrase is, although in the back of my mind I hear it as an Eddie Murphy bit from the 80s. "Cosby Kids" comes from "Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids," obviously, the 70s cartoon.

I don't think you've been around PR long enough to know our struggles balancing freedom of speech against its abuses, so I'll swallow my resentment against your accusations.

I edited Daphne's piece and I'm responsible for allowing the Cosby reference to see publication. Not because I'm a racist but because I've never thought of the phrase as offensive. Does anyone know where the phrase comes from?

The Big Wiper (2245) -- 12.05.2006

Did 'dropping the kids off at the pool' somehow morph into the 'Cosby Kids?' I just realized that it's the former phrase I've heard for quite some time. The 'Cosby Kids,' however, is more recent, I believe.

I'm aware that no matter what Bill Cosby did on his first sitcom, he was criticized. First, there were complaints that his kids were not the right color--that a couple of them were 'too light.' Then, there were complaints that his entire household was too wealthy and upwardly mobile. So they brought in a cousin we'd never heard of before from the ghetto to be PC.

I don't know. Maybe Cosby, himself, who lately has been delivering tough love speeches to certain elements of the black community, decided that he'd had enough of this 'shit,' and inspired the phrase himself.

I will say that I've been a part of this site for nearly four years now, and I've observed that there is an unusual effort made all the time to allow all opinions to be heard on a variety of controversial subjects.

daphne (3597) -- 12.05.2006

Well, that's OK bowl clogger brought this up. I never thought twice about that euphamism because it's been used so many times on this site.

But now that I have, I dunno. As a "white chick", I've had to sit back and watch a Wayans brothers movie about myself. All about me and us, the pale princess. I told myself, "I'm not going to watch this racist shit!" Then I watched it and laughed and laughed.

Would it make any difference if I were black and wrote this?

Dammit, Dave Chapelle for president, bitches.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

DungDaddy (1386) -- 12.05.2006

Sounds like the Cjhinese airline is getting its fuel consumption stats from Al Gore.

healthy 1 (1426) -- 12.05.2006

I did some extensive researching on this topic, here is a quote I found, regarding "the Cosby kids at the pool".

Cosby Kids
"(U.S.) a racist term for human feces that refers to the fictional Huxtable children. Common usage, as in "I've got to drop the Cosby Kids at the pool.", meaning use the toilet".

I have not used this saying, but never thought much of it if someone did.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

The Big Wiper (2245) -- 12.07.2006

I have trouble believing that Bill Cosby would have really wanted this phrase to evolve the way it did. I mean, there have been some really 'shitty' sitcoms on the tube over the years, but his show was not one of them.

daphne (3597) -- 12.07.2006

It would be good to do some research on polar bears before you start bashing Al Gore, regardless of how much fun it is.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

shitwit (557) -- 12.10.2006

I go before I get on board anyway. I just don't like using the airplane's potty unless totally necessary. But the weight of poop in my guts and the weight of my poop in their poop tank must be equal, yes? My poop didn't gain any weight upon exiting did it? Now I'm stumped.


_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

daphne (3597) -- 02.19.2007

It's the amount of fuel it takes to flush the toilet to take your dook from your body to the holding tank that causes the problem.

I bet if you read the article again, you'll get it.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Thunderous ... (685) -- 02.19.2007

Then simply design a fuel efficient toilet, if its that severe then its well worth the effort to design one. How about recycling the dookage into JET A.? Thats dooable.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Mystic Dung Monk (not verified) -- 03.31.2008

Perhaps the slur should be christened, dropping the Chinese off at the pool?

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