A few months ago, I profiled the reopening of one of the
nicest bathrooms in all of New York City. Today I bring you news of the exact opposite:
the closing of one of the worst.
You may recognize the name CBGBs from the t-shirts the kids are buying at Urban Outfitters. Before it became a bland symbol of corporate-sponsored rebellion, it was a genuine musical mecca. In the 70s and 80s, bands like The Ramones, Patti Smith, Blondie, the Talking Heads, and the Heartbreakers all got their start on the crappy particleboard stage. I've had the distinct pleasure of performing at CBGBs at least half a dozen times with two different bands. Here is your loyal editor with his band in November, 2001. I'm the one on the left. Big pants were in.
But though I've blown my horn a number of times at CBGBs, I've never blown my ass. And here is the reason why:
Never mind the décor, the stench, the slime -- the throne on the pedestal has induced instant constipation in clubgoers for decades. I've never seen anyone using that toilet, though I don't doubt that the punk or hardcore shows had their share.
CBGBs is closing in September and relocating to Las Vegas, where they'll reopen in 2008. The owner plans to reconstruct the stage and the ambiance, and promises to bring the urinals and the toilets with him. It's not fixtures, though, that make this toilet so notorious -- it's the feng shui. It's the elevated crapper lording over the peasants at the urinals. Some question whether CBGBs will be able to recreate their scene in a new city. If they can construct a bathroom that makes you feel just as uncomfortable as this one, than the answer is yes.
And if they fail -- well, there's always the posters. Ah, memories.
