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Porcelain throne to remain gold

Posted 04.21.2008 by daphne
The world stock exchange has recently seen quite a rise in the price of gold. Over the past quarter-century, gold per ounce had not once topped the nine hundred dollar mark -- but this March, it came within ten dollars of reaching one thousand dollars per ounce.

This type of news doesn't usually grace the cyber pages at which we glance whilst wiping. Even as we must surely have our fair share of shameful stock-exchange fly-by-nighters, most of us come here to discuss real gold. The stuff we all produce. The real stock. And yet, during the past three months, these two human concerns were intermingled in a genuine contest -- nugget versus nugget holder -- as one of the world's most powerful jewelers contemplated melting down the world's most valuable toilet in the name of the almighty dollar.

Hang Fung Gold Technology is a world powerhouse that's built its fortune on glittery shiny goodness, with over one-hundred-and-sixty stores spread across the globe. By melting down some gold, they could set up more stores in China, thus increasing their income later on. And yet, this global mogul had decided that their toilet is to remained unflushed.

That's right. They have decided to leave their golden throne alone, despite the fact that a cool thirty-two to thirty-five million dollars in revenue could be gathered by melting down one metric ton of their golden tourist attractions, the toilet being one of the heaviest. But while other objects will head to the smelter, the toilet will be left alone.

Why would a company dedicated to its investors financial growth decide that one of its heaviest -- and thus most valuable -- objects is too sacred to liquidate?

Sometimes publicity wins, I guess, and the eradication of an icon, no matter its shape, isn't worth the gain that would be incurred. Even though we're not talking about a statue dedicated to a living idol like Manny Pacquiao; we're talking about a plumbing fixture.

You know... more than any other BM Newswire I've researched, this one tells me that Dave is right in his aim to delve into the undercurrent of our collective cultures, striving to find the one throne we all worship. If a toilet holds the key making millionaire investors richer and is nevertheless left alone, there must be a lesson to be learned from beholding it in its unsullied state.

Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Frank2401 (204) -- 04.22.2008

I'm happy they are leaving it alone even if I personally wouldn't like a toilet in gold.
Just don't like the yellow color- daphne, do you think they would make one for me in platinum?

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 04.23.2008

Or bronze, perhaps. That would be an appropriate color for a toilet. Turd place!

_______
Born right the first time.

daphne (4622) -- 04.23.2008

You know, I wondered if there was any gold poo in that toilet. How funny would that have been?

Bunga should have written this newswire up, because most likely he understands the financial aspects more than I do that the price of gold has on the stock market.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 04.24.2008

You know, it just occurred to me. Who had the stealth camera that caught this picture without being caught by museum guards. Anyone else notice the "no cameras" sign?

_______
Born right the first time.

daphne (4622) -- 04.24.2008

Maybe it was the security guard himself!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Great comment! +1 point
Bilgepump (2915) -- 04.24.2008

TSV wrote:
"You know, it just occurred to me. Who had the stealth camera that caught this picture without being caught by museum guards. Anyone else notice the "no cameras" sign?"

I did notice the sign, right next to what appears to be a "No Halibut" sign.

Deja Poo (1105) -- 04.25.2008

Removing the golden throne does seem wrong, even if you have a buttload of capital tied up in this assetter. As much as I love my them, a white porcelain American Standard would just seem out of place.

Maybe they could replace it with a gold squatter? I'm sure that would use significantly less metal. But that would seem so third-world.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

prarie doggin (4059) -- 04.25.2008

Bilge, upon close scrutiny, I think the halibut is actually a video camera. If true this is a shame, because some of my most exciting videos are that of my toilet.

Bilgepump (2915) -- 04.25.2008

I know, but halibut was so much funnier....or it was, until now.

daphne (4622) -- 04.26.2008

It's a halibut. Bilge actually put it there because halibut attract cats, and well, he's lost quite a few good cats in that way.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Thunderous ... (741) -- 04.27.2008

What happens if you splatter the bowl. A dirty fart would destroy this toilet. What chemicals would you use? I don't think you could use a brush? Hmmmmmmm interesting.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

The Thunderous ... (741) -- 04.27.2008

You halibut....I'll fillet ya!- Moe Howard.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

The Shit Volcano (3818) -- 04.29.2008

Halibut or hali-butt?

_______
Born right the first time.

Poop is Fun (25) -- 05.03.2008

I agree with Frank. I wouldn't like to sit on a cold gold crapper.

Fart Poopie (1258) -- 05.09.2008

Thunderous Crapper, it wouldn't be too hard to clean a sullied golden toilet. All you need is some jewelry cleaner. ;-)

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