Rod Stewart: teaching through turd terrorism

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Rod Stewart: teaching through turd terrorism

Posted 11.13.2007 by daphne

Maggie May, have I told you lately that tonight's the night... I'm going to put dog crap under your pillow...

Some guys have all the luck. Some guys are so ingrained into our pop culture that they can trade in supermodel wives like overdue library books and, without causing a ripple on the surface of our pop culture's mainstream, admit to putting dog poop under their child's pillow.

Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly recently has revealed that her aging rock star father has a rather bizarre way of teaching her to pick up after herself (and her pet). She recently stated that if she failed to pick up after her dog, Rod would "hide it in his daughter's bed to teach her a lesson." The same went for used dishes and cups she left laying around the house. She often found dirty plates and cups placed under her comforter. And the dog poop? Snuggled safely in a napkin and tucked in for the night -- under her pillow. On her bed. Where she slept.

Kimberly has taken after her mother, former model Alana Collins, and is now a model herself -- and apparently a squeaky clean one. Claims the younger Stewart: "I'm tough now. I expect people to be clean, super-tidy, and totally respectful, and that's a good thing."

That sounds like a good plan on the surface. But if one digs deeper into that comment, it begins to sound a little bit like intolerance. There is a difference between commanding respect from others and judging them by their personal habits. I have a few friends who are slobs. It doesn't affect my life one bit. But then again, my father didn't put dog shit under my pillow.

I don't think Rod Stewart understands the meaning of the word respect, especially when it comes to women. He recycles them once they get past their wrinkle-free expiration dates -- which is something of a mystery, considering that every passing year sees him closer and closer resembling a mask of melting Play-Doh that has been peppered with chocolate chips and topped off with a poorly-peroxided hedgehog.

Ms. Stewart markets a successful line of shoes. Whether or not she would also employ turd terrorism as a manner of discipline with any children of her own in the future was not addressed.

"There better not be any shite on the bottom of these Gallies, love, or you know where it'll end up..."

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

Bilgepump (1731) -- 11.13.2007

nice find, Daph. Well done.

pnuttycorn (260) -- 11.13.2007

ummm...EEEWWWWWW!!!!!

Great comment! +1 point

daphne (3667) -- 11.13.2007

"If you find some poopy, and don't think it's sexay, come on Daddy let me know................
If you leave it sitting underneath my pillow, I'll be sure to see say Oh No - Dad's done it again"

There are so many possibilities.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 11.14.2007

You should have worked that into the article, Daph. ;-)

Bilgepump (1731) -- 11.14.2007

Just out of curiosity, what the fuck is Rod lifting his leg on in the last photo? Is there a fire hydrant just out of the frame below? A bush perhaps? Dead animal maybe?

daphne (3667) -- 11.15.2007

Maybe he's getting ready to kick the shit out the person who sold him that jacket.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Great comment! +1 point

Bunga Din (1239) -- 11.15.2007

Great Newswire Daphne!!!

To answer the question from Bilge (who should know better, being a musician himself) Rod is performing the right cheek reek.

As anyone who has followed Rod's career will know he's gone through an awfully large number of guitarists. The reason for this, the right cheek reek.

What started out as harmless play back in the days of the Jeff Beck group / Faces period with Ron Wood and other famous players, changed to become really spiteful behaviour on Rods part. If a guitarist had played even one tiny note wrong Rod would lift that leg and let wail with a blast of bung bouquet. Rods stage line up always had the guitarist on the right hand side of him.

As Rod tried to revive things with Jeff Beck and Ron Wood (who went to greater glory with the Stones) it became apparent that things would never be the same. Both guitarists always sidled over to his left side and kept Rod powerless to unleash his fumerous fury. We've all heard the term One Hit Wonder, Rod happens to be a Single Side Stinker. Here are some pics to show how Ron Wood and Jeff Beck managed thwart Rod's rectal releases.

Rod and Ron Wood

Rod and Jeff

So as you can see Rod's anality on the road has followed him to his home.

Every Picture Tells a Story Don't It?

P.S. I have it on good advice that the original name of the song Infatuation was WET FLATULATION. Does anyone know what the original lyrics were?

daphne (3667) -- 11.15.2007

Nice shirt, Rod. Jesus Christ, you look like half a pack of Starburst. And is that a urine stain on your right leg?

If every picture tells a story, then the story this picture is telling is "I forgot to go pee pee before I came on stage......"
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Great comment!

D Hitchings (not verified) -- 11.15.2007

Aw'right guv, I was the bloke that wrote the original with me mate Rod, ere's ow she went.

Early in the morning I cant sleep
I cant work and I cant eat
Ive been stunk all day, cant unconstipate
Maybe Im making a big mistake

Caught me down like a killer shart
Its like a railroad running right through my heart
Speckled my Hyde the way it behaved
Feel like I should be livin in a cave

Oh no not again
It hurts so good
I dont understand
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation

Ass twitches silly like a big bass drum
Losing all equilibrium
Its so hard in the middle of the week
Maybe this manpon is just all I need

Oh no not again
It hurts so good
I dont understand
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation
flatuate me baby

Spirits soar when Im empty inside
No more skidmarks from that ass of mine
Maybe Im lucky, maybe Im clean
Maybe that manpon was the last I'll need

Oh no not again
It hurts so good
I dont understand
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation
Wet flatuation

Great comment! +1 point

Chuck (294) -- 11.15.2007

I'm knockin' on the bathroom do',
'bout to shit on the flo'.
Brown gravy starts to come runnin' out.
Butt clinched like the turd's gold,
Can't hold long it now that I'm old.
Gut's talkin' to me.
Hot squirts, streamin' out.
Hot squirts, makin' me shout.
Hot squirts, runnin' down my leg.
This shit is runny, (guitar licks dah, dah, dah, dah).

DungDaddy (1386) -- 11.16.2007

What do you expect from a helmet throater?

Bunga Din (1239) -- 11.16.2007

That was pure pooetry Chuck. Fancy joining my new band, I was thinking we could do covers of Atomic Rooster tunes and call ourselves Atomic Pooster. First tune we'd do is "Death Walks Behind You", no lyric rewrite needed.

Chuck (294) -- 11.17.2007

Bunga, thanks. I tired not too hard to swerve into the spirit of Weird Al Yankovick. I live in Nashville, so some songwriting skills may have reached me through location osmosis. No music talent here, except during flatulation.