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The brown web roundup for February 15

Posted 02.15.2006 by Dave
First off is this email I received from Martin Sargent, host of TechTV's now-defunct Unscrewed with Martin Sargent -- a show on which I once appeared. "Hey Dave. Hope you're well. Unscrewed is long gone, but I'm doing a podcast (Infected by Martin Sargent) now and the latest episode featured poop quite prominently. I'd like you to check it out, especially my new celebrity feces guessing game, "Whose Poos?" I think you'll like it! If you'd like to link to the podcast, that'd be wonderful and greatly appreciated. Anyway, keep poopin'!"

I don't understand how anyone can have a podcast about poop without interviewing me at length, but maybe that's just my giant ego talking. Well done, Mr. Sargent.

In other news, Dave Ramos says: "I made this, with my real farts." Perhaps similarly, Arnold found the farts WAV page. Unrelated to that, Arnold also found something about dog poop from Rotten.com, but I can't access it at work.

SamDamnit found some stuff: The True Blue Roo Poo Company. A bunch of pictures from the Thai toilet restaurant. First Lady toilet paper. And the dog butt towel holder. Any PoopReporters interested in getting on my good side will order one of those for me immediately.

Sam also unearthed a couple of entertaining pictures:

In addition to bird poop causing power outages and the fine for dog poop, Mr. Lahey has found the Fear of Defecation Clinic. From their site: "The Fear Of Defecation Clinic at The CTRN Phobia Clinic is entirely results-focused, so we charge you for the result you want: freedom from fear of defecation -- regardless of how long it takes." I think I'd like to send a PoopReporter in to take their course. Only $147! Of course, the Shameless Shitting Manifesto is free.

On a site dedicated to "absurd patents," someone found the toilet snorkel. After reading the description, it sounds pretty smart to me. After all, there is air in the vent... if it's between that and asphyxiation, I pick toilet vent air any day.

Larfus stumbled upon another one of those how do you wipe surveys. KesAFloyd found the amazingly-annoying Poo and Wee Song. Jeff found the toilet monster.

Dave from Turdzilla says: "Indipod had a strange publicity stunt by those car shitters. There is something odd about taking it with you in this instance that makes a roadside bush seem more private. It has to smell, there is only so many cubic feet of air in an SUV. I guess if you see a car with all the windows rolled down in winter then it may be Indipod equipped. An old paint can and a bed sheet would work just as well. I bet the potholes ruin the interior of these vehicles and reduce resale value."

Finally, Giovanni points out the art world missing the obvious: "You might find this exhibition by New York artist John Miller of some Interest. Notice that they never really mention shit in the press release, despite it so obviously being the real subject of his work. Stupid art world."

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
SamDamnit (1192) -- 02.15.2006

Holy Crappoli! Did I really send you that much shit? Mary Mary is right. I spend way too much time on the computer.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

AssBlaster2000 (1116) -- 02.15.2006

Martin Sargent rules. I miss Unscrewed terribly. Of course, Mr. Blaster misses it too, but for a different reason. He used to drool over Laura (the cohost's) boobs.

Does Martin ever read PR, Dave?

I will be tuning into his podcast. I'm sure it's good shit.

The Shit Volcano (3740) -- 02.15.2006

I regret that I never took a photo of the truck I saw while vacationing in Australia. It was supposed to say "Party for Hire". Instead some of the rubber had peeled off and it said "Fart for Hire". Damn, me and my camera!

Cracktacular (228) -- 02.15.2006

Dave, how dare Martin Sargent tell you to "keep poopin'!"

What, were you going to stop? Does he think you somehow need his permission? I'm not trying to be an ass-kisser, but telling the Prince of Poop to "keep poopin'" is like telling Scott Baio to "keep suckin'." It's going to happen, dammit.

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 02.16.2006

I must be tired because I kept reading the side of that little stand as "Fresh Pop Corn."
I was confused and wondered what the relationship between a popcorn stand and crap was. I even looked to see if there was a turd hanging out somewhere in the picture.

It took me a minute, but I got it right eventually. :D

mott the poople (126) -- 02.16.2006

The art exhibition has a pic that reminds me of a good poop joke. If you haven't heard it you will laugh (I hope). If you have don't rag me...somebody else may laugh.

*THIS IS IN MY TOP THREE OF FAVORITE JOKES*

OK...here it goes

A fellow female poop reporter dies and goes to Hell. The Devil says "Welcome to Hell. You have to choose one of three rooms where you will spend eternity".
He opens the door on room one. There are people freezing because its snowy and cold. All they have on is thin undies.
He asks: "Whaddya think?".
"No, I want to see the next one" she says.
He opens the second door. These people are sweating their asses off cause its very hot. They are dressed in three layers of thermals and wearing fur coats.
He asks: "Whaddya think?".
"Not yet, I want to see the last one" she says.
He opens the final door and these people are standing knee deep in POOP!
He asks: "Whaddya think?".
"Well, I guess I could get used to the smell, feel, and sight.
Better yet, I wont freeze or sweat eternally.
OK, I'll take this one" she says.
"Jump in" he says.
Just before he closes the door the Devil looks at his watch and yells:
"Ok everybody, breaks over.
BACK ON YOUR HEADS"

BTW....Tell that joke at work to everyone but mgmt. Yell the punch line when needed..:)

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Poop Shooter (598) -- 02.16.2006

I feel like more of a man after reading the news this morning. I especially like the "Toilet Snorkel" which is targeted for high-rise apartment living which I do not do.

http://totallyabsurd.com/toiletsnorkel.htm

I do however think there is something in sewer gas that can actually hurt you. better then dying though!


_______
Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Dave (11657) -- 02.16.2006

"I do however think there is something in sewer gas that can actually hurt you. better then dying though!"

I don't think it's sewer gas. That pipe doubles as a vent so that expanding gasses can escape. However, there is certainly a trap between the sewers and the pipe so no proper sewer gas is in that pipe. It may not be the freshest air in the world, but it is nothing that will hurt you.

Dave (11657) -- 02.16.2006

One of my favorite moments from when I was on Unscrewed: Martin asked me something like, "Dave, do you have any advice for me as a pooper?" I responded, "Well, you're doing the right thing. Keep up the good work." I remember hearing the audience laugh. So that's good.

SamDamnit (1192) -- 02.16.2006

Am I the only one that sat for 2 minutes waiting for the Poo and wee song to have more lyrics?


_______
SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Poop Shooter (598) -- 02.16.2006

Yes Sam, you must be. Nobody else wanted to hear singing, tinkling and plopping today!

Was it a good song or not?


_______
Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

mott the poople (126) -- 02.16.2006

Try the Dave Ramos "this".
Here is what I did:
Launch "fart techno" in Windows Media Player.
Then minimize WMP.
Hold the cursor (hand) over the hundreds of fart sounds while the techno plays. (I like #160)
More fun than a human should be allowed.

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

La Petomaine (85) -- 02.24.2006

I truly feel blessed--what a lovely birthday present for me to find in The Brown Web Roundup for February 15th!

_______
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

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