Running out of toilet paper can be the death of you

Running out of toilet paper can be the death of you

Posted 02.21.2006 by PooperGal

While some people will come up with the most bizarre excuses to rationalize bad behavior, this just may take the cake: can running out of toilet paper be a justifiable reason for committing murder?

That's what a jury will be contemplating in Moss Bluff, Florida, where a man is being held without bond for allegedly smashing his roommate to death with a sledgehammer and claw hammer after the two quarreled over the lack of toilet paper in the bathroom they shared.

According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, Franklin Crow, 56, was charged with homicide this past weekend for bludgeoning Kenneth Matthews, 58. Matthews is reported to have pulled out a rifle, to which Crow responded with the swing of a sledge. So badly was Matthews beaten, according to the news report, that he was recognizable only from his fingerprints.

Could bathroom tissue really be the catalyst driving men into a homicidal rage?

The news report doesn't provide details. Did the duo agree to take turns buying the Charmin and one hadn't kept his end of the bargain? Did Matthews have the habit of using huge fistfuls of the stuff, running through the household supply at an unreasonable rate and then not replacing it? Did Crow have an issue with anal retention and control over the dispensation of said bathroom tissue? Had Crow just shart himself, or maybe produced an ass-blasting mass of diarrhea and found himself paperless at a vulnerable moment?

We may never know what pushed these people to the point that one would reach for a firearm and the other would go berserk with a hammer. We can only make conjectures based on re-runs of The Odd Couple.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

Wilson (not verified) -- 02.21.2006

Did you see the pic of this guy on CNN? If he were my my roommate, I think I'd be a bit more conscientious about the butt roll.

SamDamnit (1192) -- 02.21.2006

I have seen room mates fight over this issue. Toilet Paper can be a very contentious issue. They also fought over what kind of toilet paper to use. I remember one of the room mates saying
"If it does not have a naked baby or an angel on the package, I am not wiping my ass with it".

_______
SamDamnit!
Presidential Overlord
Of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Cracktacular (228) -- 02.21.2006

Holy smokes! I hate itchy ass as much as anyone, but I wouldn't Thor someone to death over it. I suspect there were other factors at work here. Not taking out the trash... leaving the toilet seat up... drinking from the milk carton; it could have been any number of things.

No TP = straw that breaks the camel's back.

Good to know.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 02.22.2006

This leads me to make my Serious Comment of the Week: G.K. Chesterton said that "the doctrine of Original Sin is the one philosophy that has been empirically verified by 3500 years of human experience."

Verified here, once again!

The Shit Volcano (3740) -- 02.22.2006

This is a prime example of why they call it irritable bowel sydrome. Irritable being the operative word!

Poop Shooter (598) -- 02.22.2006

WOW, and I thought saying 4-letter words like "help" or "wife" were bad when on the pot with no TP. This dude should have been on here reading This Poll

_______
Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

La Petomaine (85) -- 02.24.2006

I got into arguments with my ex husband about lack of TP (among many other things which is why we're now divorced) at times but no matter how much he pissed me off (which was a lot at times) I would never have pounded him to a pulp with a hammer. I've resorted to using paper towels and rags on occasion. Man--compared to the Shitty Olde Days of Minimum Wage Living, I guess I've really come a long way, Baby!

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Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

PooperGal (527) -- 02.24.2006

Another point of irritation: Do you put the toiletpaper roll on the wall dispenser so that the end drapes over the top of the roll, or hangs at the bottom? Some big arguements have come out of that detail, too.

Me, I just put the roll in a basket hanging from the bathroom doorknob and let folks pick it up and unravel what they need. My fiance seems okay with it.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Lame comment! -1 point

KeepOnCrappin (551) -- 03.13.2006

Damn! Ill be sure to have lots of toilet paper if i ever put anyone thru college.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 03.13.2006

KOC: WHAT does this story have to do with college?

Never mind; I'm going to bed.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 03.14.2006

PooperGal-- I like the TP hanging close to the wall, rolling from the underside. But the paper towels in the kitchen must roll off the top/front. I will flip either product if it gets put up "backwards". I can't help it.

Lame comment! -1 point

Poopgirl (78) -- 06.25.2006

How can you kill someone for running out of TP?
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Thunderbox (884) -- 06.25.2006

Dumpster - Surely GK Chesterton was referring to the other sort of "original sin" (not inbred retards killing each other over a lack of TP)?

Anyway, you should always be able to adapt to situations of no available TP - this fellow could have just slightly beaten his roommate and wiped with his clothing, no need to kill him.

kelly McDuff (not verified) -- 11.13.2008

i'd TOTALLY kill my roommate over something like that.

but then again, i hate her with a passion, to the point that i cannot even stand the sight of her or the sound of her voice or anything about her really. fucking cunt.