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The epidemic of Shameful Pissing?

Posted 05.10.2006 by Dave
I got this email from Nate B (not to be confused with Nate Curtis or Nate W.):
Thanks for helping to make the subject of shitting less taboo. If people are encouraged to talk about it, maybe we'll all realize that it's just a normal part of life and there's nothing shameful or dirty about it.

I wanted to call your attention to a similar topic: pissing. If we can talk openly about our own bodily functions, we should be able to talk about having trouble with them too. I think some of your viewers might be interested to know that there's a significant portion of the population that has trouble pissing when other people are nearby, and that's it's nothing to be ashamed of.

The following websites are excellent for people who want more information about this: http://www.paruresis.org and http://www.ukpt.org.uk. Perhaps you would consider linking to them somewhere on your website, since some of your viewers might have this condition.

Dutifully following the links, we discover this description of the problem from the International Paruresis Association: "This site is provided as a resource for people who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in the presence of others, either in their own home or in public facilities. Also, for people who have difficulty under the stress of time pressure, when being observed, when others are close by and might hear them, or when traveling on moving vehicles."

That being said, they continue: "YOU ARE NOT ALONE. In fact, recent studies show that about seven percent (7%) of the public, or 17 million people, may suffer from this social anxiety disorder. Often referred to as Pee-Shy, Shy-Bladder, Bashful Bladder, etc., avoidant paruresis is nothing to be ashamed of, and you have made an important step simply by coming to this website."

I think that's really, really smart. We've seen many PoopReporters overcome their Shameful Shitting simply by arming themselves with the knowledge that there are others like them. We kind of stumbled upon this approach in the organic evolution of this site; I'm heartened to see organizations such as the IPA provide validation.

According to the Wikipedia entry, treatment for Paruresis includes "cognitive behavior therapy, training with biofeedback, anti-anxiety medications, using a catheter, although this is alleviating the symptoms rather than effecting a cure," and "reducing the level of privacy at which the condition triggers by indulging in graduated exposure therapy. This last can be achieved by sufferers working together at organized events known as workshops."

I'm confused about the idea of biofeedback, and I'm intrigued about the idea of workshops. The vision of a bunch of people getting together at a convention center and slowly peeing in bigger and bigger groups is -- with all due respect to the genuine suffering of the attendees -- pretty damn funny. (I think we PoopReporters are qualified to appreciate both the humor as well as the therapeutic benefits of such a gathering.)

Do we have any Shameful Pissers on this site? I wonder which is more common: Shameful Shitting or Shameful Pissing? And I wonder if there is an International Defephobia Association somewhere. If not, maybe we should start one.

Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Fart Poopie (1257) -- 05.10.2006

I would imagine shameful shitting is more common the shameful peeing. There's more time and stink associated with the previous, two factors that are potentially emabarrassing.

The idea of people getting together and helping each other work through their problem is a good one. I can only imagine it is very therapeutic to be with people who share your pain and help each other.

International Defephobia Association. InDeAss for short?

Very sorry, couldn't resist.

Nate B (not verified) -- 05.10.2006

I have to agree that more people are probably ashamed of doing #2, but I think having trouble peeing is often not so much about shame as it is the anxiety of time pressure - we need to "hurry up and go". If you're taking a crap you're expected to take a long time. Being a guy, there's nothing that sucks quite like being in a hurry, standing at the urinal trying to go - but nothing comes out. Some medications can cause this too. It seems like the more in a hurry you are the more time it takes to get started - kind of like a Catch 22.

As for the idea of a bunch of people going to a workshop and practicing peeing in bigger and bigger groups I must agree: Absolutely hilarious! But when I finally stopped laughing I thought to myself "heck, why not?". Besides, it'll make a great story to tell my kids when I get older! Hehehe... That and the fact that I have attempted (and suceeded I might add) to compost my own shit. I got that idea from a link off of poop report to Joe Jenkins' book, which explains how to do it safely. (My mom would be truly apalled if she knew, and it's always fun to gross out the women in your life - thank you poopreport!)

I hope whoever I end up marrying isn't squeamish about bodily functions!

Double Flush (602) -- 05.10.2006

Yeah, I find it odd how a lot of people are scared to pee when others are near. I can do it so long as I'm sure no one is looking at my penis (not sure why). Maybe we could start peereport.com with the same principles behind it as poopreport, but all about pee. I'd need help though, because I'm broke. Who's with me?

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

sharty mcfly (211) -- 05.10.2006

I'm not a shameful pisser, but i cannot go on command. I HATE going to the docotrs office for that reason, because i get up and i take a leak, and then that's generally it with maybe one pit stop for the rest of the day. so if i go early i don't have to go at the doc's office. Even worse, sometimes i try to hold it and ugh, it's just bad news. TYhe absolute worst was when i had to go for a drug test for a job. I couldn't go, i went out toa gast station bought a 20 ounce of water another of soda and yet one more of gatorade, i drnak them all and it was still an agonizing hour before i had to go. It was absolutley rediculous. However if i'd had a beer or two it would have been no problem, but i don't think that would have been a positive time to have alcohol in my system. Being in boyscouts as a kid really got rid of the whole pee shy thing i guess, between latrines and needing to inform everyone that we needed to stop hiking for a mintue or two so i could go piss in the woods really destroys the shame for both number one and number two. I think it's all in how you're raised.

daphne (3609) -- 05.10.2006

I don't have a problem peeing anywhere. That's good, because during the summer of 1998, I played softball in a few places where peeing in the woods (or even by the the bus) was necessary.

You know, as far as treatment, I could be a real cad and suggest treatment in the form of drinking a 2 liter and staying in a public bathroom until you couldn't hold it, but that would be rude and incosiderate.

But, would it work?
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Poop Shooter (598) -- 05.10.2006

I can pee almost anytime anywhere. I think drinking beer makes you good at it since you pee a lot when drinking lots of beer. I love to make a loud splash when peeing in a public restroom. I want my presence known!!


_______
Poop Shooter!

Lame comment! -1 point
Double Flush (602) -- 05.11.2006

I try to pee on the back of the bowl just above the water--reduces noise (and splashback). I have no problem peeing anywhere so long as no one is looking at my penis. I guess I have deep-seated issues I need to work out, cause there's supposed to be no shame in having something every guy has.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 05.11.2006

If it helps, Double Flush, I'm sure most guys are concerned about other guys looking at their penis... unless they're into having other guys look at them, then those guys aren't concerned... but if they want you to look at them, then they're not looking at yours. They're likely doing things to attract attention to their own penis so that you'll look at it.

I hope that makes sense.

KeepOnCrappin (550) -- 05.11.2006

I dunno, Ive seen normal guys that sneak sideways glances to see if theirs is average size. I have the same problem, DF. But since i am probably not going to meet everyone on this site, I will take the initative (sp) and state that I have an embarrassing problem: I have nocturnal enuresis (look that up) for which I take Imipramine, but I am considering switching to DDAVP. Well, I admitted it.

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Lame comment! -2 points
Double Flush (602) -- 05.11.2006

Well, FP, I had to read it a few times but it makes sense now. Guess it makes sense that it's a lot more common than I thought. I was thinking I was part of a small group of pissers, the one that goes along with Enlightened Shameful Shitter. Thanks for filling me in on that.

While it deviates from poop, this has become a rather interesting story.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Lame comment! -2 points
Double Flush (602) -- 05.11.2006

Yeah, I've read about enuresis. I'll come forward and admit I have a bit of a fetish for "liquid gold". At the same time, I feel bad for you. Instead of popping pills, though, I'd just sleep wearing whatever you want to wear (or not wear) to bed and keep pee-proof sheets and a pee-proof pad on the bed. I every now and then wet the bed (really bad dreams and such) and I have a pad that can take it. Hope this helps.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Latus Rectum (42) -- 05.12.2006


This is turning into an interesting discussion. I figured since I'm commenting on the forums I might as well register (That other post was actually me by the way). In response to daphne's question about drinking a 2 liter and waiting until you couldn't hold it: "Would it work?" - the answer is both yes and no. Personally I've tried this before, and while it does eventually work for me, the time leading up to it is extremely unpleasant, even painful, so I don't do it any more. But I've also read about more severe cases where people were actually hospitalized and suffered some damage due to their bladder being over-stretched and urine backing up into their kidneys, so there are cases in which even drinking a ridiculous amount of water might still not work. Having that knowledge, I'm certainly not ever going to try that strategy again! The trouble is, pee-shyness involves an involuntary nervous system response and the muscle involved is much stronger than the one we use to voluntarily hold it. If someone really has to pee bad and still can't, I wouldn't recommend drinking any more water since this could potentially be dangerous.
Nate B

KeepOnCrappin (550) -- 05.13.2006

Thanks for the info, DF. I have a pad on the bed, and the matress is covered in plastic, but it used to be annoying to change the sheets every mornting, so the pills are nice. Also, DDAVP is a nasal spray that lessens the amount of piss produced, whereas Imipramine is an antidepressant that makes the bladder nerves less sensitive, so that you don't feel the need to piss until the bladder is more full, usually about 6 oclock in the moring, which is conveniently when I wake up.

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Lame comment! -2 points
Double Flush (602) -- 05.13.2006

Welcome, Nate B! Glad you joined us! Drinking too much water can dilute electrolytes and such inside you, which spells trouble. Also, holding it isn't good for you, though I am occasionally guilty.

KOC, glad I could be of service to you. I'm glad you've got help!

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Bailey (not verified) -- 10.07.2006

Once I started high school, being able to fully relieve my bladder became a problem. It might have been the old-style large black toilet seats, the fact that you could NEVER be the first on the stool during passing periods because someone else was always in there (I swear I think some of the girls never go to class), that the seats were cold during the winter months because the windows were opened a bit due to the smokers' contribution, and if you were not second or third in line you had zero chance of completing a pee before the one-minute warning bell rang and you had to pull up your panties and skirt and put yourself together as you made a run for your class. I know that explained the regular urine trickles in my underware.
I would routinely undo my skirt and then have my right hand on my panties when the door opened and I would barge in. I knew I could totally relieve myself in 30 seconds after I sat down, BUT sometimes it was hard for me to get started! Sometimes the seat would be loose, I would feel something moist under my thighs that I had'nt noticed, and sometimes my feet would slip an inch or two due to the mess left by the hover pissers. It was the worst feeling sitting down and not being able to produce because I could basically count the clock to the one-minute warning bell and knew that I would have to wait another 48 minutes. Then it was race to the stall line, get at least 2nd and hope for a fast leak. Most painful were the times when I had just started and the bell rang--having to cut if off and then make a run for class was not present and sometimes painful. Some of my friends contracted urinary tract infections and that was probably the cause.
Today, I'm a sophomore in college and although there are occasionally lines in some of the larger classroom buildings, I do enjoy getting more time to leisurely pee. If I'm late to a lecture, I don't get a scarcastic remark about having a choice between getting a blue tardy check or again hearing an arcane quote from somebody like Winston Churchill.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 10.16.2006

Bailey brings up a good point about the anxiety of using a school toilet. I remember once last year when I had to shit so bad, I thought my anus was going to be blasted to pieces. TEN minutes later when I finally made it to the stall line and could enter, I had lost the feeling to go. I dutifully lined the seat with toilet paper, sat down but couldn't get my shit to budge. Pushing and pushing just caused my rectum to hurt more. Eventually, I squeezed out two balls, but the dump I had planned sure missed the landfill. I learned from that experience and now I will use even a doorless stall when it's time for my shit to come. Long waits for stalls really limit what some of us girls are able to produce.

The Shit Volcano (3740) -- 10.19.2006

I can confidently say that I do not have a problem with shameful pissing. In fact, I would say I am less shameful with pissing than I am with shitting. I am fascinated by the triggers for this problem. Is it trauma from a past experience? Are there other social anxiety conditions present? It's an interesting phenomenon.

_______
I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

healthy 1 (1426) -- 10.19.2006

TSV, I am also fascinated with this problem. PR should do some sort of a poll on this topic.

So far, what I have noticed about shamefullness is, it is usually a social anxiety often (but not always) caused by something traumatic that happened in the persons life, usually bathroom related.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

Perpetual Sitter (not verified) -- 10.20.2006

Thank you Healthyl and Shit Volcano for your interest in this problem. Like Bailey, I don't have any problem getting started at home, but there are so many distractions when you know you have only 60 to 90 seconds to pee or get off the pot! STRICK SCHOOL SCHEDULES SUCK!!! Just in this past week I've sat down a number of times and haven't been able to produce. Bailey mentioned some things; I'll add a few.
1) I look down between my legs and see a couple of pubic hairs on the front of the bowl.
2) I look at the grafitti on the inside door and I'm being called a skanky b**** because I'm a cheerleader and in other clubs and activities.
3) I move up closer to the front because I feel some urine against my butt on the rear of the seat.
4. I hear girls cursing that they have to go bad and have tried three time today and can't get to an open toilet until the tardy bell rings.
5. I hear an gross grunt to my right and hear more droppings in the stool. Then I start smelling them.
6. Our hall patrol teacher comes in and tells us to move out we're less than a minute away from being tardy.
7. I'm starting to trickle some and she pounds on the door and look in on me through the stall door opening.
Enough said........

Roxette (not verified) -- 10.22.2006

Although I'm now in my mid-20s and a college graduate, I still remember the frustrations pointed out and described quite well by Bailey, Perpetual Sitter, etc. First, many times in middle school and high school I had to wait in line for a stall. Secondly, when I got in the stall, I had to quickly size up the situation (was the liquid I put my finger in in latching the door someone's urine?) or whether the droppings on the old black seat were from the recent flush or someone's urine (I wished death on a lot of the squatter pissers!) or whether the toilet paper on the roll would be sufficient to put over the seat before I sat down (and stay on the seat despite the overhead blowers) or whether I should pull up my panties to stool level because I see eyes through the stall door or whether the cursing from those in line is directed at me or one of my classmates in another of the 10 or 15 stalls. If I spent more than four or five minutes on the stool, I would get taps on the door. One of the cruelist remarks directed at me was that she must be a *******camel! My flow would start but when I would reach for paper to wipe or move closer to the front of the toilet, I would notice I was getting off the toilet paper and my pubic area was being exposed to the front of the seat/bowl. Pulling my pants up, adjusting my skirt and then finding the leverage to flush with my foot without kicking the seat sometimes tested my agility. I would sometimes feel bad if I used the last of the toilet paper, but my successor would quickly come in, throw herself down, and not notice the situation until she had to wipe. I never knew, since I was being more germ-conscious than my classmates, whether I was right or not, just that it was the way I was taught by my mom before I started 6th grade. Once I got to college I gained more confidence, had a full bathroom in my suite which was shared by four of us girls, and it was less an issue. Today most of the restrooms I use as a businesswoman have adequate toilet paper or toilet seat liners. I guess I've progressed but what I went through in the mid-90s still troubles me.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 11.25.2006

Roxette speaks for many of us who were traumatized by using the bathrooms at our public schools. Being African-American, I remember being at Staples Center for the circus and sporting events and when I exited a stall, on two occasions I heard a mother whisper to her young daughter to remember to put paper over the seat because a minority had been the last person to sit on it! THAT HURTS AT AGE 7 OR 8! I played basketball in middle school and in the locker room at both my school and some of the schools we competed at there were open stalls. Try being the only minority sitting down peeing before the game and when even some of your team mates see its you, they go to and will even stand in line for another stall. Unlike Roxette, however, I have never worried about sitting directly on the toilet seat and most of my teammates don't.
Our coaches don't either.

Nine Inch Log (358) -- 11.25.2006

This definatly seems to be a problem more for the women. It sounds as though the whole stall thing just fucks it all up. No wonder you ladies take so long to use the bathroom.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Black Seat Britney (not verified) -- 01.24.2007

I find it amusing that Bailey brings up the old-fashioned black toilet seats that her school restrooms have. I have the same situation and I hate them. I only have to take a couple of poops a month at school but I have to pee at least twice a day and I loathe the black seats. They are so big and ancient looking and in a couple of the bathrooms, they are faded tp a point where they are almost gray.

How can it be that I can pee at our civic center, gas stations, Kwik shops, and at the library within 30 seconds of sitting down whereas on the old black seats, it sometimes takes me two or three minutes to get my flow going. In one stall on the 4th floor there is a big crack in the seat and a couple inches from the front and if I move forward when wiping, it pinches my thigh and on one occasion even left a red mark (my mom called it an abrasion).

How can it be that the color of a toilet seat and its larger size and shape in the front can cause me so much anxiety? Peeing in a public place never caused me so much trauma until I started high school three years ago. I only have a semester left and I'm thankful for that. I'll take a dirty port-a-potty anytime over the big, black seats at my high school. I wonder if these are the original seats used when the school was built in 1924. If they are, and I think that's the case because the doors are only half-high and made of wood and the stalls are made of a very hard looking marble that is set into the concrete floors. Sorry, but I hate history and feel that it makes my peeing more difficult!

Lissa (not verified) -- 02.06.2007

Britney doesn't like sitting on old black toilet seats. Huh! My school's bathrooms, at least half of them don't have stall doors, or if there are doors, only one hinge holds them on. I've tried to put toilet paper down over the seat (something I would suggest for Britney)but there isn't enough left on the roll, or in some cases there isn't even a roll. When I pee each day I don't dare sit back too far on the seat because sometimes, if I shift my weight, the seat is so loose that it might all together come off. Often the seats are cold because the smokers open the windows. More than twice, I've had to wipe ashes off the seat because if I sat down...well it wouldn't have been very nice! A friend of mine was on the stool back in September when a large peice of paint from the ceiling came down on her as a result of water coming in from a leaky roof. So many of my friends just stand over the toilet and let their pee flow...a situation that doesn't make it very pleasant for the next user that needs to wipe the seat before sitting in it. Last week I had to take a full shit and the only stall open was one with a bowl already half full and a toilet stopped up. I was sorry to add to the collection, but it was either that option or in my pants. The choice was clear. So Britney, I'll take your faded black old-style toilet seats at any time. Till then, happy pooping and peeing!

Deja Poo (627) -- 05.10.2007

Shameful pissing? That's just plain sick!
_______
Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 05.10.2007

No, it's a disorder.

Peeing Priya (not verified) -- 05.10.2008

The nice thing about PoopReport.com is that so many of us share the same experiences or concerns. Bailey's posting (10.07.2006)is one example: "Most painful were the times when I just started and the bell rang--having to cut it off and make a run for class..." I turn 30 this year and for about 20 years as a result of some teasing in middle school, I'll get my pee flow going and a tap on the door, a pound, a jiggle on the latch or even seeing a set of legs impatiently waiting under the stall door is so threatening to me that it just turns off my faucet, so to speak. I just get up and vacate. It happened to me yesterday morning at Des Moines International. I finished up about five minutes later in a lesser-used restroom in the same terminal. The guy I'm currently dating also travels alot for our company and has a similar problem with crapping in public places. Small world, I guess.

Herbert (not verified) -- 05.10.2008

I suffer from mild paruresis. I can't piss in urinals, even when I'm really desperate to piss. I'm just really uncomfortable trying to piss where people might be able to see me. I have similar problems with peeing outside, which I have to do when on training exercises (I'm an army cadet). I realise this is not normal at all for a man; should I be worried?

Bilgepump (1676) -- 05.10.2008

Worried about what, Herb, you aren't very clear...worried about being a man? Oh hell yes, you should be worried. Worried about not being able to write your name in the snow? Nah, don't sweat the small stuff...uh...no offense.

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