"You're shitting me!"

Posted 01.09.2006 by scatoman

I have been fascinated with urban legends for a long time -- ever since I started to use the Internet regularly, to be precise. Like most readers, my inbox has often been full of forwarded email tales, and I've read more than my fair share on online forums. Most recently was a rather worrying piece -- purported to be from the police, posted by a very intelligent person, prefaced with "I don't normally post this sort of stuff, but it's from a reputable source!" -- about the dangers of flashing your headlights at cars whose drivers had not switched on theirs. Wow!

After reading this, I immediately tapped a few terms into Google and found the true story about that urban legend. And that’s how I discovered the Snopes.com: The Urban Legends Reference Pages.

I now find Snopes indispensable. Every time I hear a funny tale, I have a good think about it and then challenge its veracity by checking there. I'm getting much better at spotting absolute bollocks before I've read even the first sentence of an email whose subject line reads, "Fwd: FWD: Fw: Fw: FWD:".

Shamefully, it wasn't until very recently that I searched the pages of Snopes to see what information of a poop-related nature I might find there. Some little nuggets floated to the top of the search function; I'd like to give you a little sniff of what I found.

A couple has anal sex on a white sofa. An accident follows. And the cheeky young scamps do? Yes, you've guessed it -- they blame it on the dog!

I'm sure everyone has heard this or variations on it. I remember hearing it when I was at high school. Some chap spews up all over the poor girl with whom he's managed to score. What does she do? Quite right -- she shits on his chest!

This one is far stranger -- in fact, I'm amazed that I haven’t happened upon this until now. Rumor has it that in order to win a gross-out contest, jazz-rock legend Frank Zappa shat on stage and ate it. Er… yes. I'm pleased to tell you that it appears to be untrue.

Finally, here is a reference fit for PoopReport: a short piece on the origin of that good old four-letter word that we know and love. Did it start as an acronym for "Ship High in Transit?" Clearly, I don't need to give you the answer to that one. The people who circulate that story must have the same microscopic amounts of grey matter as those who would have you believe that "fuck" was originally an acronym for "For Unclean Carnal Knowledge" or, more creatively, "Fornication Under the Consent of the King." Yes, the origin of "shit" has very little to do with things that float on water.

Can you find any other poop legends on Snopes? I don’t know if the Mountain Dew Pitch Black legend is on there, but it should be.

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PooperGal (527) -- 01.09.2006

Very entertaining, Scatoman. Snopes is the #1 resource for getting to the bottom of urban legends, and it looks like that's as true for legends about #2.

I'd already known that "shit" is from Germanic (Anglo-Saxon) roots. "Fuck" is also Anglo-Saxon in origin. The English language is interesting in that all of the words considered rude, crude and vulgar are Anglo-Saxon, while those that are revered as "polite and erudite" are all French in origin... thanks to William the Conquerer and the infusion of haute French culture on those backward Celts and Anglo-Saxons.
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

The Dumpster (2506) -- 01.09.2006

PG, as Winston Churchill said, "short words are best and old words when short are best of all."

You've all heard the one about the guy who eats a huge load of baked beans for lunch, and although he putt-putted some on the way home, the huge blast-off had not arrived. His wife somewhat agitatedly meets him at the door, exclaming, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She blindfolds him and leads him to his chair at the head of the dining room table.

Just then, the phone rings, and she makes him vow not to take the blindfold off until she gets off the phone. While she's out of the room, he figures he can get rid of the anal air, so he hikes his leg and lets off a loud, ripe one that smells worse than a dozen rotten eggs. He fans the air about him with his napkin, and it felt so good that he has to let out another long paint-peeler.

Just then, the wife returns to the dining room, removes the blindfold, and there, to his surprise, sit twelve guests around the table for his surprise birthday dinner!

Bunga Din (1239) -- 01.09.2006

Good reporting. Zappa is one who had so many untruths about him reported as fact by the media he treated them with disdain at best.

I hate when coworkers send me some lame multi forwarded plea about some kid with a disease or a get rich quick scheme, it's no wonder the Nigerians are so successful at scamming people.

P.S. A friends brothers transvestite consorts third cousins sister in law told me about...

Lame comment! -1 point

KeepOnCrappin (551) -- 01.09.2006

Ya know, in the 60's we thought the Anglo-saxons was rude and crude. REmember WASP-white anglo-saxon-protestants- they was againts black peoples.

PooperGal (527) -- 01.10.2006

That was the time when the Ruling Class was taking major hits for Vietnam. All of the Under Class (ethnic minorities, women, youth/hippies, the middle and lower economic classes) were venting at the old white men in power.

When France dominated England Britain, the English embraced all things French - just as other countries mimicked the US in fashion when we were at our pinnacle of wealth and power. That included language. Thus, "beouf" became the classy way to say "meat" or "flesh," and "lac" (lake) became a classier way to say the Anglo-Saxon "pond." The Anglo-Saxons' colorful lexicon of cuss words and crudities came to be considered so much the cruder compared to the graceful Romanesque flair of French equivalents. I believe that this greater schism lent more power to the Anglo-Saxon words, which is why they have more "offensive value" than anything you could unleash at anyone in French.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

LiquidSmash (not verified) -- 02.16.2006

I was recently recruited to enjoy the benefits of imbibing two scoops of Metamucil in a luke warm cup of water on a regular basis. I really can not begin to tell you what pooping pleasure this product has brought me. If I was lazy, I would only wipe once because that is all it really takes.

For Vitamin M
LiquidSmash

The Dumpster (2506) -- 02.16.2006

The secret of our country's sucecss is, not that we have no "ruling class," but that anyone with brains and work ethic and common sense and loyalty and honesty (and a real tight sphincter!) can aspire to join this class. Blood may help, but you can't keep a job because of blood alone if you have no other abilities. On the other hand, America is a place where you can still get your blood by marrying it, and we aren't so effete in this country yet that a promising young lad or lass might not marry into the highest echelons, based on his/her brains, ability, and bootie.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 02.18.2006

Cool, Scat! I like that site. For more email rumor fun, I also like truthorfiction.com. When someone sends out a really stupid FWD, if they were foolish (and tacky) enough to display EVERYONE's email addy to EVERYONE else, I will Reply All and link the site that shows the sender to be a doofus. I have been deleted from more than one acquaintance's email list because of doing so, and that's just fine with me!

The Dumpster (2506) -- 02.18.2006

What I hate is those touchy-feely emails that say "pass this along to five people you love within the next five minutes and you will receive a blessing." The blessing I get is from hitting the delete key.

Poop Shooter (598) -- 02.18.2006

Damnit dumpster, I was counting on that blessing. No wonder I had a shitty day!

_______
Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

The Dumpster (2506) -- 02.18.2006

PS, I will be glad to forward all those to you from now on. If you will send me a dollar in return for each one, then maybe we will both get blessed.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 02.18.2006

Aw, Dumpster, I agree. Or the Chain Letter ones that predict dire consequences if you don't forward it. Even people I LIKE will send that *crap* out. What I like to do is send it back to everyone on THEIR list, and if I have time, I do it multiple times. Heh.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 02.18.2006

I think a lot of those chain emails are originated by spammers just to harvest email addresses. If you feel you MUST forward an email to a lot of people, put all the names in your "bcc" box; that way, the names of the recipients will not show up.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 02.19.2006

Of course; thanks!

mott the poople (126) -- 02.20.2006

There is one about John Bonham pooping in a female groupies shoe while Page was in the sack with her. The only sign more nasty than a Cap is a Gem. Even better are "the red snapper incident" (mudshark) and the octopus bath on snopes.
You never know...

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

DungDaddy (1386) -- 01.09.2007

This is an excellent poop resource.

Great comment! +1 point

Anomalous Coward (690) -- 01.09.2007

Dumpster - "What I hate is those touchy-feely emails that say "pass this along to five people you love within the next five minutes and you will receive a blessing." The blessing I get is from hitting the delete key."

Amen brother. I resent the implication that by not forwarding a piece of unsolicited junk mail I'm an inferior specimen of humanity. Don't get me wrong, I AM an inferior specimen of humanity, but I don't care to be reminded of it continually.

healthy 1 (1427) -- 01.09.2007

Very good article, Scatoman, and very interesting links too.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

Senna (not verified) -- 10.31.2007

Oh, all chain letters stink so badly that if there was such thing as smellnet, maybe people would eventually learn to stop sending crap. Besides spam, little is more offensive than getting an email that's supposedly from a friend, only to find out it's one of those brain-killing chain emails.

And I've gotten some that actually had to do with poop. One was the Captain Underpants Name Game, and the other was one of those annoying lists of pointless ponderings.

One of the ponderings was this:

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

My reply:

Actually, given the number of people passing around chain mail I think the stat for "enjoyment" of it is much higher than one out of five.