Taxes, evictions, buckets and black paper

Taxes, evictions, buckets and black paper

Posted 05.31.2006 by Dave

Memorial Day Weekend, it seems, is either a slow time for real news or a big time for poop. I just hit Google News for a cursory media search and was rewarded with a glut of poop stories like I've rarely seen. With nice weather and BBQ's beckoning, it's possible that the reporters and editors wanted to fill their quotas with whatever stories were easiest to report; or perhaps all the talented newspaper men and women had the weekend off, and the editors didn't trust their remaining reporters with actual news. Either way, it gives us a lot to report.

This claw-like structure is the hand of Ella Mae Walker, 98, dramatically recreating for the TV cameras her technique for dropping toilet paper into a toilet that may soon no longer be hers. Walker and her daughter Charlsey Smedley, 69, are getting evicted from their apartment for flushing their toilet paper. It's a sad story of people who are set in their ways (two elderly women who have been flushing used bumwad down the pipes for, in Ms. Walker's case, nearly a century) pitted against a poorly-built sewer system that just can't handle it. Management has asked the duo to throw their used toilet paper in the garbage instead -- an uncomfortable practice, but one that is nevertheless common when faced with sewer systems that can't do their job (I've encountered such requests everywhere from Egypt {see the photo} to a coffee house on Bleecker Street here in NYC). Though Sacramento's CBS 13 is clearly trying to ferment outrage with its story, it really doesn't seem too much to ask. While management certainly should fix their sewers, Ms. Walker and Ms. Smedley really should give the struggling pipes a break.

Next: in news related both to the previous story (because it involves the elderly) and today's front page story (because it involves a bucket), an 89-year-old woman in Corvallis, Idaho, was sans toilet for a month.

Next: not that I want to dignify celebrity gossip by discussing it on this site, but either Tom Cruise or Katie Homes (or both) is a Shameful Shitter.

Next: A few weeks ago, Horowhenua District in New Zealand was briefly famous on this site after a heroic man named Warren Baxter incurred vandalism charges by smashing down a locked toilet door in the Parikawa Nature Reserve so a bunch of needy tourists wouldn't have to befoul the foliage (or their pants). The bathroom was locked because the Horowhenua District Council refused to allocate the funds necessary to maintain the facility. Now, the same council is under fire again, this time for its scheme to tax the toilets of local business owners. Meanwhile, on this side of the pond, the city of Jacksonville is proposing a "flush fee" to help pay to clean up the St. Johns River, which is polluted in great part due to sewer outflow.

Finally: on the forums, we've been discussing how blind people know when they're done wiping. It seems that the beautiful people at some trendy Manhattan nightclub are about to have the exact same problem.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

Double Flush (604) -- 05.31.2006

I think this is all crazy. Seriously, we should all be able to at least have good enough plumbing to flush stuff. All I can really say is that this is ridiculous.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 05.31.2006

I need to ask Dave this in secret PR code language, so everybody else please forgive me: Iway aven't-hay younay entsay anyofthishay ootay ushay inhay eethay B.M. Newswire-grouphay?

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 05.31.2006

Shouldn't that be: whydiguy hadagav-edigent youdagoo sedegent thidigis toodagoo udugus indigin thedaguh beedigee edigem newdigoos wiydigire groodigoop?
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Santa Caca!

The Dumpster (2506) -- 05.31.2006

Ep-yay!

Lame comment! -1 point

Double Flush (604) -- 05.31.2006

Or in [337 5|>33|Z0r?!?!?!11
Just in case Dave is into geek stuff =)

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Lame comment! -1 point

Double Flush (604) -- 05.31.2006

Aw man, it took my leet speek stuff as an html tag...

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 05.31.2006

'Fraid you lost us, DF. Stick to pig latin, the official "code language" of PR.

Lame comment! -1 point

Double Flush (604) -- 06.01.2006

Ellway ityay asway upposedsay ootay avehay otslay oremay, utbay ethay ingthay ooktay ityay asyay omesay HTML odecay.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

KeepOnCrappin (551) -- 06.06.2006

Ahrgh! i cant read pig latin.

Taxing people to flush the toilet? What about me and Double Flush? we goota flush more than once!! That sounds like a good reason to go to Canadia. PLus they have free health care.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Poop Shooter (598) -- 06.06.2006

WEll folks, paying like a quarter to flush??? There would be some pretty loaded up shitters across the land. I'de pay double, as I gotta poo or pee in a clean bowl. Hell, it's only a damn quarter of so. Worth it to me!!

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Poop Shooter!

Double Flush (604) -- 06.06.2006

It's ridiculous that I should have to pay twice just to make sure my mess goes down. I've peed on top of unflushed messes and not flushed after, so it's not always a big deal. If I poop, though, the bowl had better be clear.

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If your stinker likes to linger, please be nice and flush it twice.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 06.07.2006

If it's yellow, let it mellow;
If it's brown, flush it down!

Santa Caca!

Lame comment! -1 point

Double Flush (604) -- 06.07.2006

If it's not nice, flush it twice.

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If your stinker likes to linger, please be nice and flush it twice.