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The new perils of TPing (or: adults these days!)

Posted 08.07.2006 by GottaGoGirl
As I related a while back story, we had orange toilet paper when I was a kid, which I learned not to use when my friends and I went toilet papering because my mom would see it on her way home from work, know what I had been up to the night before, and make me go clean it up. Plain white toilet paper was much safer. Or so I thought -- until I read about Katja and Ken Base.

Mr. and Mrs. Base awoke one February morning to find their front lawn strewn in white two-ply toilet paper. They also found damaged landscaping and light fixtures as well as ruined finishes on two cars. Dog food and flour covered the lawn. Realizing the sheriff's department has better things to do than track down teen pranksters, Katja decided to do some detective work. At the local store, she found records showing that someone bought 144 rolls of toilet paper, cheese, dog food, flour and plastic forks -- the same items found on her lawn and house. The store video showed four teenagers making the purchase, one of them wearing a letterman's jacket with a name stitched across the back. The store's parking lot surveillance camera showed the truck they were using. Base then borrowed a yearbook and used online databases to get the name, phone numbers and addresses of the teens on the store tape. The kids now all face charges.

I'm glad I never pissed off anybody named Katja! But I can't say I blame her. I don't know about my fellow PoopReporters, but when my friends and I went toilet papering, it was NEVER done as outright vandalism! On the contrary, we festooned front yards of friends whom we wished to initiate, congratulate, or celebrate. Sixteenth birthdays, a new driver license, being elected to class office, making the winning point in the big game -- those kinds of things were what prompted toilet papering. Not malevolence. And we never, EVER put toilet paper on cars, knowing it could ruin the paint; and we CERTAINLY never engaged in any actual property damage!

But after giving up the identifiable orange-calling-card toilet paper, we still needed something that gave our jobs... distinction. And we found it!

One of the boys in our crowd worked at our church, assisting the janitor. The toilets at the church had those little dispensers that pop out one square of toilet paper at a time. (Anyone remember those?) Billy helped with supply orders, and knew how much a thousand-count brick of those little squares cost. So on toilet paper nights, we would take up a collection, Billy would let himself into the church with his key, put the money into an offering envelope labeled "For Supplies," leave it in the usher's room, and then appropriate several bricks of those tiny little squares.

When we arrived at the home of our intended victim, we of course had some regular toilet paper as well; but the coup de grâce was when Billy would open the flap on one of those TP bricks, crank back his arm, and fire the whole thing up into the air. THOUSANDS of little 4x4 white squares would come floating down from the heavens, settling on tree limbs, hedges, and lawn like a celestial double-ply snow. It was beautiful!

Not to mention an awful freaking mess for the resident celebrant to clean up. Which was kind of the point. Those were the days! Toilet papering was definitely part of what defined my teen years. Does anyone else have any toilet papering adventures to relate?

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Thunderbox (837) -- 08.07.2006

Interesting that the store gave them that information, can`t only the police get access to that kind of thing?

You never know, TPing could become a new Olympic sport. Certainly more fun and entertaining than a lot of the present crap they have.

Hu Flung Dung (89) -- 08.07.2006

Thunderbox, with a few pictures of the destruction, I'd imagine that any manager (concerned with public image of the company) of a grocery store here in the states would allow a victim to view sales records and security footage. Of course the manager would be up shit-creek if he allowed the credit card numbers of customers to be made public.
_______
Yes, those are my brown spots. Yes, those are your walls.

The Dumpster (2505) -- 08.07.2006

No privacy expectations in one's movements in a public place.

My campmeeting cottage got TP-ed the weekend before Camp started. Turns out some of the young people were disgruntled with a new rule promulgated by Old Man Dumpster, and they chose this, ah, somewhat less than charitable way of expressing it.

I just left it there until somebody got a case of the guilties and cleaned it up.

Bunga Din (1239) -- 08.07.2006

That must have been some mean rule you made Dumpster to cause kids at a religious camp meeting to TP you. What was the rule?

Poopaloopas (28) -- 08.07.2006

The fine for littering is $500 around here. So, one-thousand pieces of toilet paper? $500,000 per brick per night of debauchery, plus whatever other materials you used. Looks like your school may be able to afford some real TP after you pay that bill.

The Dumpster (2505) -- 08.07.2006

Dunga asks: "That must have been some mean rule you made Dumpster to cause kids at a religious camp meeting to TP you. What was the rule?"

That the snack bar had to be closed during worship services.

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 08.07.2006

I think Bunga asked that. I have no idea who "Dunga" is. Gosh.

The Dumpster (2505) -- 08.08.2006

Dunga is a little person I run in here periodically to make sure that the Grammar Fairy is still on the job.

You and Hermione. Grrrr...

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 08.10.2006

I've never TP'd nor have I been TP'd, but one thing we did do to cheer people up was heart attack their house. We would cut out hundreds of little hearts and dump them everywhere. All over the lawn, in their car, and/or in their bedroom. Sometimes we would write notes on some of the bigger hearts. We also added heart confetti for a bit of sparkle and more color.

It was fun, harmless and always well received.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 08.10.2006

FP, that's a very cute idea! No one could mistake the meaning of a shower of hearts!

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 08.10.2006

Thanks. :-)
We were such goody goodies sometimes.

El Fartismo the... (110) -- 08.10.2006

and to think we thought lighting a bag of dog shit on fire and putting it on the front porch was fun!

Bunga Din (1239) -- 08.10.2006

Don't try to pull that shit off in Poopie's neck of the woods, her husband (Ward Cleaver) and sons (Wally and Beaver) will beat your ass...and then take you out for a malted and maybe even a trip to the swingsets in the park. You've been warned Eddie Haskell.

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 08.11.2006

LOL, Bunga.

SamDamnit (1192) -- 08.22.2006

We would wrap shit in a christmas present box and leave it on some one's lawn or in the park. Then we would laugh all day long, repeating "MERRY SHITMAS AND A CRAPPY NEW YEAR". Those were the days.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

Thunderbox (837) -- 08.22.2006

Reminder to self - never go round for a meal at Sam`s house.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 12.20.2006

Check out this video on TPing:

The Art of TPing or How to Gift Wrap a House

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