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Toddler tumbles through turd terrorists' turf; tot tainted

Posted 10.23.2007 by daphne
PC Ian Bibbins is the Neighborhood Specialist Officer who oversees things in and around Newbury, Berkshire, England. This weekend, he was called to a playground on Deadman's Lane because someone had crapped on the slide. It might have not been such a problem, had a three-year-old toddler not found his way into the mess.

Whether or not the child actually went down the slide is unclear from the article. One can only wonder what mechanism facilitated his unspeakable, ochre-stained appearance -- was it through using the slide properly? Or something worse, such as succumbing to a severely disastrous spur-of-the-moment desire to finger paint?

PC Bibbins remarked that there were numerous reports of teenagers (or "yobs" -- a term which, incidentally, sounds like a good name for a pile of poo itself) smoking grass, setting off fireworks, and drinking in the vicinity. He hopes for anyone with knowledge of their identities to come forward with information.

"We will be increasing patrols in the area and anyone found to be causing problems in the area will be dealt with accordingly," he insists. Maybe they should start by force-feeding the guilty parties copious amounts of Imodium D.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Great comment! +1 point
Thunderbox (812) -- 10.24.2007

Can`t really see what the problem is here. It`s a poop chute - where else would you expect to find turds?

Deja Poo (612) -- 10.24.2007

What is this world coming to, when toddlers are allowed to whimsically slide unobserved by mom or dad in the teenager's dumping grounds?
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 10.24.2007

How ironic that this playground is located on "Deadman's Lane"!

Tuba Cheeks (not verified) -- 10.24.2007

Damn, Daph, that's a lot of "T's" to string together!

I'd be pretty damned irate if my 'lil one ran afoul of someone else's shitty mess!

DungDaddy (1369) -- 10.24.2007

Yeah, Deadman's lane sounds like an excellent location for a playground.

Three extra points for the longest alliteration string in the title.

Setting booby traps for little kids is the kind of turd terrorism that should carry a mandatory minimum sentence.

daphne (3512) -- 10.24.2007

Oh what a great comment, Thunderbox!

Somewhere in the forums, I mentioned taking GatorX with Thing Two and I to a playground in Ft. Knox, and someone had put a big pile of dog crap on the slide. This article reminded me of that moment, because the first reaction I had wasn't "ew", it was "someone is going to slide into that". Since I'd already used Gator's poopoo bag on one of his downloads on the walk over, there was nothing left with which to clean it up at my disposal.

The original title of this article was much longer, actually. More T's.... "Toddler Tumbles Through Turd Terrorists’ Turf; Ends up as Tot Tainted with Trail of Tokus Trash" It started out innocently enough, but I got carried away!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Dumpster (2506) -- 10.24.2007

Daph, you should have added: "Therapy Touted To Tame Threatened Trauma."

larfus (not verified) -- 10.24.2007

While reading this article for some reason the song Slip sliding Away crossed my mind.

daphne (3512) -- 10.26.2007

I found PC Ian Bibbins on the internet and a link to the Berkshire freedom of information act email. Let's see if we can get a case copy and if the poopertraitors have been caught.

EDIT Malcolm Hopgood of the Thames Police Department has informed me the request has been passed on.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

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