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Returning soldier experiences a true ring of firePosted 11.13.2006 by daphne
Every year during the first week of November, most always on the fifth, the air in England is full of smoke from bonfires and fireworks. The young and old alike delight in Guy Fawkes Night, an informal holiday that celebrates the failure of a 1605 Catholic conspiracy to blow up the House of Parliament. Led by Robert Catesby, a group of sinless Catholics decided it would be a good idea to send James I, the king at the time, to his infernal hell for being a dirty Protestant; therefore gunpowder expert Guy Fawkes prepared a huge amount of explosives in a cellar of the House of Lords to kill the king and his family. Then they planned on kidnapping the royal children (because we all know a good Catholic likes to abduct little Protestant devil offspring in God's honor) and establishing a Catholic monarch in the English seat of power. The plot was discovered, however, and the king and his heathen family were saved. Most Englanders and Brits abroad enjoy celebrating the plot's discovery by setting off mass amounts of fireworks and sometimes baking potatoes in great bonfires. Children can find toffee or candied apples aplenty to eat, and everyone has a great time.
And then there are those citizens who take the celebrating one step further: by putting fireworks where no firework should ever go. Ever. So last Novermber fifth in Sunderland, a town a few hundred miles north of London, a young man who had just returned from fighting in Iraq may have found himself missing exploding things, because -- in what may or may not have been an alcohol-related incident (and who would do this sober?) -- he placed a small firecracker into his butt and lit it. Shortly thereafter came a call in to North East Ambulance Service requesting assistance -- because this English Steve-O was bleeding from the rectum. Doctors determined the damage to his person as external burns and what was quoted as "unspecified internal injuries." Ouch. Unspecified internal injuries... one can only wonder and wince. Unless, of course, you're Motherload, and then you're wincing because you don't have to wonder. To make matter worse, his mates used a cell phone to record the event. According to Fox News, they caught an image of him bent over with a bright light coming out of his ass as the firecracker exploded. One can only wonder what his family Christmas cards will look like this year! The recent story by PoopySmurf has yielded some responses that women do stupid things in the bathroom. Well, I think you guys have a lock on the market here in the We'll Put Anything Up Our Asses department; and I don't think it's likely to change. I can deal with that. Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
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