Win the "ultimate john" from Rotorooter

Win the "ultimate john" from Rotorooter

Posted 01.29.2007 by Dave

Of all the PoopReporters that I'm aware, only one of us has had the chance to realize the dream we all share: building the ultimate bathroom. But thanks to RotoRooter, a second PoopReporter may join these ranks -- for this nationwide plumbing consortium is giving away the ultimate john.

Now, when it comes to corporate America, I'm the first to sneer at the half-assed committee-think-inspired attempts at harnessing and exploiting the shock value of poop. And my first instinct upon seeing RotoRooter's promotion was to do just that. But reading further into their contest, I was pleasantly surprised by the honesty around which they structured their promo. While most contests like this would skirt around the fact that people use toilets for -- *gasp* -- pooping, RotoRoter has embraced this truth.

(And it sounds ridiculous that corporations would deny the nature of the products they sell, but it's almost always the case. Why else are toilets marketed as design objects that complete your bathroom's décor? Why else is toilet paper marketed by cartoon teddy bears? Corporations are cowardly entities, and most of them are terrified to associate themselves with poop -- even when poop is the whole reason they exist. Man, I wish my book was out already -- I spend half a chapter talking about this very subject.)

So what truth has RotoRooter embraced? Their ultimate toilet includes an iPod, a laptop, a TV, and an Xbox. But it also includes a Tivo (so you can pause live TV "in case you get distracted"); a megaphone (so you can call for more toilet paper in case you run out); and a cooling fan (to clear the sweat off your brow). Granted, they say the fan is for when you "work up a sweat playing video games," but we know why one would really need it.

All you have to do to win is put your name in their database so they can send you ads until the end of time. For a chance at this crapper, it sounds like it's worth it. For one of the few times in PoopReport's history, I encourage all of you to embrace this corporate publicity stunt and show TBW what a *real* ultimate bathroom looks like.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 01.30.2007

Damn! It looks like my dentist's office.

The Big Wiper (2245) -- 01.30.2007

No question this crapper has a lot of gadgets, but here's my question. Does someone really have the time to watch TV while showering? That occupies most of my time in my bathroom.

Second would be shaving. And I'm really concentrating on getting a clean shave.

Okay, so you could sit on the toilet and watch TV for a while. But if you stay on too long, your ass will go to sleep.

Now don't get me wrong. I love my Ultimate Bathroom, but I do bathroom things in there, as does my companion. My brain goes into another mode when I'm in there. I just doubt I'd take full advantage of all the high-tech stuff that Roto-Rooter is offering.

But, more power to he or she who wants the bathroom to become the entertainment center of the house.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

DungDaddy (1386) -- 01.30.2007

Wiper, most people do bathroom things in there. But for some of us, it is a sanctuary. After eight or ten ours of work each day, I go home and the only place to get some quiet is in the shitter. I have entered to win the ultimate bathroom, but really all I need is a functioning toilet and a newspaper rack.

The Big Wiper (2245) -- 01.30.2007

Which more or less makes the case for utter simplicity, DungDaddy.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

DungDaddy (1386) -- 01.31.2007

Right, I think I'll take everything besides the new toilet and install it it the garage.

The Shit Volcano (3740) -- 01.31.2007

This looks like my bathroom after Mom uses it. Or I haven't cleaned it in a while.

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

The Thunderous ... (710) -- 01.31.2007

My Gawd its truly the Lincoln Town Car of toilets!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Queen of Sharts (87) -- 02.01.2007

If you sit on the toilet that long, you'll get a nasty case of hemorrhoids.

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Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

healthy 1 (1427) -- 02.01.2007

This bathroom wins first place for most ridiculous design ever.

Who has time to play Xbox, work on the computer (though one could do a live report for PR with the computer in the bathroom), and shave??? Unless the person were single, they would likely be greeted by "hurrry the fuck up" and "did you fall in?" gestures by other family members who need to use the bathroom.
_______
I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.

Dave (11657) -- 02.01.2007

I also wonder what they'd do if the winner's bathroom didn't have the real estate for all that hardware. I know mine doesn't. Plus, I rent, so I wouldn't want to give my landlord a free super toilet when I move out. I imagine that they'll offer a cash equivalence to the lucky pooper.

The Big Wiper (2245) -- 02.01.2007

Or they might offer the winner a free Roto-Rooter contract for a coupla years. Hey, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Bilgepump (1731) -- 02.04.2007

Healthy 1, you call yourself a poopreporter??? Jeezuz, any self respecting shameless shitter would love this!! I know I would, and I'm in...gonna win that sucker, and staple my ass to that seat.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 02.08.2007

everyone should have one.