Urine trouble: keeping pee where it belongs

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Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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As a young man, I was taught that men are messy, stinky people by my friend Terry's mom. One day she walked in to Terry's room and announced that her sons and all male visitors would henceforth not be allowed to stand while urinating in her bathrooms. She went on to tell us that even if we did have perfect aim, the force of the urine stream hitting the water was going to send an invisible urine vapor cloud up into the air and down on to her previously urine-free bathroom fixtures.

"Do you think I want to wash my face in your pee?" She queried. With that visual in mind, I took to sitting down to pee at Terry's house. To this day, I will sit down to pee if I am at home and just wearing boxers. I am sure that Terry's mom would be pleased to know that I always think of her washing her face with my pee when I sit down and tuck my junk in to the bowl.

Terry's mom is not the only person to come up with new ways to keep pee in the fixture intended for it. Some great minds have grappled with the problem. It seems there are two main reasons for the fact that so many mens' rooms are swampy around the urinal area. Bad aim or no aim at all is a big one; but you also have the splashback effect.

Someone known only as "Dr. Rick" posits that there is a urinal sweet spot (an unfortunate term if I have ever heard one). He even goes so far as to narrow it down for us: "The best place to aim is about 4-6" above the bottom of the urinal. This seems to direct any splashback directly into the pool, cake, holes, whatever, while slowing the urine enough as to prevent splash-up. "

Dr. Rick also mentions an innovation used at New York's JFK airport; a picture of a fly painted into the urinal itself. This idea was originally used at the Schiphol airport in Amsterdam.

Another variation that I have run across: the soccer ball.

Supposedly this innovation has cut urine spillage by 80%.

But perhaps even that's not enough. Wanting something a little more interactive, the Ibstock Junior School and Special Unit in Leicestershire, England, has begun using heat-sensitive stickers in the urinals. When the boys hit the target, it transforms from a black color to a smiley face.

Other than the color change, it's nothing new. Some people who have a grudge against Jane Fonda's activities during Vietnam came up with this lovely sticker:

Personally, I like this one:

Considering the hi-tech times that we live in, one would think we could come up with something even more interactive. Fear not -- the whiz kids at Yanko Design have done just that. They've created an interactive game for the urinal.

When the pisser begins to drain the lizard, the game is activated, producing images and sound on a panel above the urinal.

All of these ideas focus on the matter of aim; but what about the splashback effect? Is Dr. Rick's "sweet spot" the only answer?

I think not. Just like Terry's mom said, no matter how good your aim is, there is going to be some vapor and splash coming back at you. Bruce Wilkins has answered the call with U.S. Patent #5,027,448: The Hygenix Men's Anti-Splashback Asymmetrical Urinal. His urinal is described as "a pair of vertically-oriented sidewalls which are connected along the rear edges to form a V-shaped wall. The surface area slopes downward toward the apex of the V-shaped configuration. The bottom wall has a drain opening at the bottom."

For some reason, looking at this thing makes me think of Terry's mom again.

38 Comments on "Urine trouble: keeping pee where it belongs"

PooperGal's picture
k 500+ points

This is the funniest damn non-poop report I've read. Excellent reporting, Samdamnit.

Terry's mother apparently didn't know that pee is sterile, at least it is when it leaves your body and before the bacteria of the outside world begin chowing down on it.

Who knows, pee might even be an anti-wrinkle miracle panacea, but Terry's ma will never know because she's too paranoid about "pee vapor" to even consider that.

Great urinal photos, btw. The last one is creepy, however.

_______
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

What photojournalism. I very much enjoyed your report, #1. Informative, funny and well written. I like the hand-painted "fly" target the best.

As for the last urinal pic? One word: Queef.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points

Bung, did you mean to say queer?

Yes this is good PJ, but what about our sewage plant tour?

I think the urinal game is the most disturbing. CAn you imageing 80 guys in a ballpark all going "Tee Hee Hee" as they have fun pissing?

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

The last one looks like a vagina to me.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

No, Dumpster, that's an Easter lily! Heh.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

TBW, as Pliny the Elder said, "Ne supra crepidam judicaret." In the vernacular, "Shoemaker, stick to your last."

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

KOC, I meant to say "Queef". Look it up on line.


_______
"Odor in the court! The judge is eating beans--his wife is in the bathtub counting submarines." Author Unknown

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points

As usual, great report Sam!! I could see the game urinal at my house, the neighbor boys would be lined up around the block drinking gallons of water so they could piss in my bathroom.

The last urinal did look like a very large elephant labia. I do not think I would enjoy pissing into a sexual organ looking apperature. Just takes the fun out of it.


_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

A white elephant labia, PS.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I certainly had fun researching this story. I kept finding new pictures, as I piddled along. Terry's mom was a woman that had a pyramid built over her head board, to channel positive energy. She also had the first air ionizer that I had ever seen. I wonder what she is up to now. Who knows? She may be one of the investors in the back splash proof urinal.

Dumpster, it does look like a vagina. Read my last comment in the story.

_______

Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

excellent reporting!

now, if only someone could figure out a way to keep those damn hoverers (ladies who refuse to sit down on a public toilet) from getting piss all over the seats. if there's one thing i can't fuckin' stand, it's sitting in someone else's pee.

a queef is a vaginal fart.

_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

HEY SAM!! Where the hell have you been? I guess researching this wonderful story, as well as, uh Terry's mom? You write: "Dumpster, it does look like a vagina. Read my last comment in the story."

"So here's to you, Mrs. Robinson..."?

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Dumpster, I have missed you too. My schedule has changed drastically. I do not have the online time that I used to, and I have some other online activities that take precedent. This story struck home enough that I felt I should take it on. I also have two other poop stories that I am supposed to be working on. They are a bit more involved and require more research and outreach. They are coming along slowly, I am sorry to say, but I intend to finish them and to make them worthy of The Poop Report.

Yes, Terry's mom was a P.I.L.F.. Don't tell Terry that I said that.

_______

Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Sam, don't you mean a MILF?

And nothing, I repeat, NOTHING online takes "precedence" over PR. Can I get an "amen" to that?

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

P.I.L.F.
Pooper That I would Like to Fuck

You are right about The Poop Report taking precedent. I will never stop writing for it, or checking in. However, my work in disrupting the recruitment efforts of neonazis and reporting little future Timothy McVeighs to the authorities, can be very time consuming.
_______

Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

As always SamDamnit steps up to the urinal and delivers a solid stream of conciousness us mere mortals can only dream of. Good report. My favorite urinal was in a bar I frequented in Hamilton Ontario, it had an exceptionally deep well area and inside they had different coloured ping pong balls for you to aim at and try and move about. It proved very good at encouraging aim and keeping the splashes to a minimum.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

BUNGA!! First Sam comes back, and now you! Holy Crap, do I feel better, especially since TSV has split for who-knows-how-long.

However, even in your absence, your presence has overshadowed me with the ladies. Read the posts for the last few days. Your ears should be burning (along with your ass, if I can ever get hold of it to whup it!).

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points

AMEN AMEN AMEN dumpster.

Ok bunghole, just checking.


_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

Does it really matter that men have such spiffy thigh tech game oilets in which to aim their pee to "hit the sweet spot"? They don't and won't hit it anyway so what is the point?

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Rat Droppings's picture
l 100+ points

Yes I did call KOC "The Cool Crapper" because I happen to think he's cool. I think this because upon furthur investigation of the enigma that is KOC, it has been determined he has the capabilities of commanding a vast legion of turd terrorists, the likes of which have never been seen before. "The Cool Crapper" is his code name. I will not reveal mine yet. Just know that all will be revealed when our Turd Terrorism joint venture report is published. I would say don't hold your breath, but you probably should in this case.
br>_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Bunghole, being that you aren't in possession of that marvelous organ known as the weenis you can't possibly fathom the joy and delight we do find in using it for more than just intimate moments.

The problem with some men is they over/under estimate their control prowess of the evacuation. Any seasoned vet such as myself knows that the first little bit of urination and the last little tinkle and shake need to be planned so as not to cause a mess. It's the middle part of the evacuation that provides the least amount of trouble if you understand the dynamics of fluid pressure (most men don't but fortunately my father provided me with Navier-Stokes equations describing the motion of a Newtonian fluid with inertia).

Being the seasoned vet that I am I don't need targets and such to keep the toilet free of pee splashes nor myself free from urinal splashback, but I do enjoy having a target. I find it much like life itself, what is the point if there are no goals?

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

i just remembered that i had a dream about the fly sticker thingy last night. weird.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Double posted deleted to save space.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

Golly, Bunga:

Why doncha just rub my nose in the fact not that "you're not in possession of that marvelous organ...." TWICE posted. One would think you subscribed to Freud's theory of penis envy already. The only penis envy I experience is when I'm not getting any.

And about the target analogy to a goal? Yes it's good to have. Better yet? No "visible target" so one has to use their imagination and visionary skills.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Rat Droppings's picture
l 100+ points

Well Bunga this either means that you are a natural teacher, one capable of holding a seminar to teach other men how to fiddle the proper tune with their bow while they piss. Or this means that you are a confirmed bachelor that finally got tired of cleaning his own piss off of everywhere in the bathroom. Either/or I don't have the least envy for your weenis. However I covet your dildo collection.


_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

Bunghole: "thigh tech game oilets?"

I think everyone is jealous of Bunga's dildo collection.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

Yeah, you've heard of those thigh tech game oilets. They're a little like the Thighmaster 2000, but they never need oiling.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

EFRO King's picture

I always sit down to piss when i'm around the house wearing shorts or sweats. It saves a lot of cleaning. Bad aim in the morning is a thing of the past for me.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

EFRO; a kindred spirit. I have also found that "the shake" spatter is contained when dangling one's twig and berries just inside the bowl.
_______

Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points

I've never seen such a group of admitted spatter pissers. I guess my daddy taught me right from the get go.


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

Prasan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


I have a board just above my toilet that says "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be sweet and wipe the seat" It's corny, but gets the message thru..
_______
Everything is funny as long as it happens to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it happens to somebody else.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

I have to sit to pee as well. If I satnd, the bathroom looks like a tropical storm blew in .

Why do some men piss with the toilet saeat down, nothing bugs me more than sitting on a pissy seat, grrrrr.

Great post SD.
_______
We aim to please, you aim too please.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

fervor's picture

Now we can all be just like JFK and Amsterdam airports
http://www.urinalfly.com

UW Madison's picture

A friend at Emory did some experiments with Urine and splash back at a regular urine for a physics class. Up to 60 feet it can splash back depending on the urgency and person. Mind you at the extreme distances were mere microbes. Nothing you could wash your face with.

some dumb info

Anyone know where to aim in a regular toilet? My guess using some theoretical math formula's would be the deepest point. "Stand close and go deep." That or "Go long and yell out RAINBOW!!!!!!!"

realripsnorter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This is a great report! From personal experience though, I can say that the ability to piss into the toilet properly is inversely proportional to age; When i was a youngster, I probably would have been able to aim into a bud long neck at 10 paces, and would frequently participate in name writing ceremonies on the sides of snowbanks with other individuals, and all i's were dotted and all t's crossed.
At my age now, I couldn't hit a barn door if I was standing on one, and spend plenty of time cleaning up the mess when the old projectile launcher takes a notion to "go for a crap".
I'll definitely have to consider the sit down option more often

It's O.K., We just have to smell it; He's got to sit in it!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

realripsnorter....I am sixty-eight years old and, unfortunately, have lost the precision aim I used to possess. I will probably piss on your bathroom floor if I am invited over, but I will be an entertaining guest. You will grow accustomed to mopping up after me.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

gemt's picture

Why doesn't someone invent a "refrigerated toilet" so instead of water bowls fill with snow. Ergo, when you go no splatter.

realripsnorter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


Might be kinda uncomfortable when it splashes all over your ass during a blow-out. On the upside, would make for some interesting slushies and poop-sicles!

______
It's O.K., We just have to smell it; He's got to sit in it!

It's O.K., We just have to smell it; He's got to sit in it!