Violating a cop's airspace is against the law?

Posted 09.30.2008 by MSG

Jose Cruz was pulled over last Monday night in South Charleston, WV, for driving with his headlights off. He was subjected to a series of sobriety tests, which he failed. According to WSAZ in Charleston, Cruz was then placed under arrest. After the arrest, Cruz was fingerprinted, a fairly standard procedure.

What happened next was anything but standard. During the fingerprinting, Cruz, knowing he was down to his last few weapons, called upon his great presence of mind and fired off his most potent ammunition. Ammunition that was characterized by the investigating officer as having a "very strong" odor.

Cruz didn't merely emit his haze in the officer's general area, though: he actually stepped closer to him in order to achieve maximum effect, releasing his fumes as near ground zero as possible.

The report mentions nothing of sound effects.

We must assume the officers had completed HAZMAT training, because their only (obviously highly-justified) reaction was to augment Cruz's DUI and obstruction charges with a charge of battery on an officer.

What did this driver think? I suspect he hoped his emission would be strong enough to overcome his captors (gasp! cough!) so he could effect his escape. Or perhaps he thought they would have pity on him because of his rancid digestion. Or, most likely, he didn't think. He merely felt the urge and gratified it, drifting over to the officer for companionship in an intimate moment. One waits for the sentencing phase of his trial.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

DungDaddy (1386) -- 09.30.2008

This is so bullshit. The fucking fuzz will try anything to slap extra charges on you.

Great comment! +1 point

prarie doggin (2282) -- 09.30.2008

A lot of questions need to be answered. Are the charges careless farting, or reckless farting? Was he on his cellphone while farting? Will he get points on his license? Did his gas destroy the breathalizer? He needs a good lawyer. Johnny Cochrane should smell pretty good by now.

Sargent Pooper (7) -- 09.30.2008

I saw this in the paper. The charges of ASSault were later dropped.

fan-o-poop1983 (12) -- 09.30.2008

i agree w/ dung daddy that the fuzz our out to get you for anything and everything they can. that story was just too funny. i'll have to look for the actual story online now. lol!

fan-o-poop1983 (12) -- 09.30.2008

i found the story and the actual police report that was filed on the smoking gun.com. OMG. how in the hell can you call ass gas a battery charge. for the love of christ these assholes need to just relax and head back to the dunkin donuts or wherever it is they go to relax and have a nice hot cup of coffee.

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.30.2008

I read in the paper that he told the booking officers that he had to crap. They thought he was just full of shit.
The farts were there, and he used them to make a point.
And I think I have the best comment signature to go with this story...
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

daphne (3667) -- 10.01.2008

I wonder if this particular cop used to be tortured by his father with the "Pull My Finger" game on corned beef night.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ChiefThunderbutt (912) -- 10.01.2008

The only game my kids liked better than the "pull my finger" game was the "burp a word" game. After some beer and radishes I was in fine voice and could burp most words on request.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

prarie doggin (2282) -- 10.01.2008

Although I inherited incredible farting talent, my brother was born with the ability to burp at will and keep burping almost indefinitely. He once burped the national anthem, although he nearly passed out. My parents were so proud of us.

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 10.01.2008

Trivia - Charles Bronson got his first movie role because he could belch on cue.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

ChiliKahKah (90) -- 10.01.2008

Send him to the Gas Chamber !

baron von crapalot (614) -- 10.02.2008

I guess 'intent' ergo 'battery' would be based on prevailing winds at the time. I've tried pissing in the wind, it just seems a waste of time.

Why, also, do cops have to undergo the charisma by-pass procedure? I think its a bit too much to ask for such a ... erm... 'demanding' job._______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

MSG (742) -- 10.02.2008

I sent this story in. Yes, it's possible the cop over-reacted; however, there's another side to this: How stupid a trick was that? This fellow was already not in good odor (!) with the police, and he decides to go up close and personal to let what he knows is a cosmic hazmat far? Come on, now! We all suffer for stupidity, so why not this guy? Surely it's time he learns that, when arrested, it's good to be nice to the officers.

Nine Inch Log (361) -- 10.03.2008

Right, but he was drunk. And obviously drunk enough to be taken in by the police. At that point intelligence and/or common sense was NOT one of his strong points.
Regardless, there is no law against farting, even in the presence of an officer. In fact, the officers I have known over the years have generally been the ones most appreciative of a good fart joke.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Rectal Badger (109) -- 10.03.2008

I read about this. It cracked me up. Fucking cops. They'll beat someone for being black and that's ok but don't you DARE fart in their general direction!

prarie doggin (2282) -- 10.03.2008

I know that many diseases can be passed by assaulting someone with bodily fluids and I can understand if he had shot shit out of his ass at the cop. In many cities, he would have been beaten or had a toilet plunger shoved up his ass. I think the cop showed restraint in just charging him with something that he knew wouldn't stick anyway.

If purposely farting at someone were a crime, I'd be serving a life sentence by now.

hockyoligist (13) -- 10.08.2008

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if you gonna be a bear be a grizleyIf purposely farting at someone were a crime, I'd be serving a life sentence by now.
When working under a house in close quarters repairing or replacing the plumbing after a night of driking beer eating boiled eggs and pigs feet the odors that can come from another human being should really be against the law if done on purpose

Deja Poo (649) -- 10.11.2008

Jesus. If farting in the presence of others is a crime, then there's a endless string of felonies committed on the subway train during my commute every morning.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

marquis de buttfuck (1) -- 10.18.2008

HIS FARTS SHOULD BE BOTTLED AND USED AS TEAR GAS

sittingpretty (277) -- 10.18.2008

Ahhh, Fart Terrorism, the wave of the future!