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Airplane brought down by windy conditions

Posted 12.07.2006 by scatoman
Last Monday, a Washington-to-Dallas American Airlines flight was forced to land in Nashville after passengers reported smelling struck matches. Once the plane was grounded, a response team comprising the FBI, the Transportation Safety Administration, and the Airport Authority was activated. The passengers, crew and luggage searched. The bomb dogs brought out. A woman was questioned by the FBI. And she admitted to a crime: striking the matches to "conceal body odor" related to a "medical condition."

According to Lynne Lowrance, a Nashville International Airport Authority spokesperson, the lady was "released without charge and allowed to board another American Airlines flight," although "American has banned her for a long time."

At the time of writing, there are over three hundred articles about this event on Google News, and all those I have seen seem to take the original AP story and restyle it. With no real reporting on the story, I couldn't find out what exactly the woman's medical condition was. My guess is something involving a colostomy bag; in the news stories, the medical condition is "unspecified".

What struck me (I'm sorry) about this incident was the stupidity of airline rules and the dilemma facing the woman. The stupidity is that matches (safety matches, of course) are allowed on flights in the first place. Some people might say that matches should be allowed because smokers might need to light up when they get off a flight. But which airports allow smoking these days? The only time you can have a cig anyway is when you've gone through baggage claim and exited the airport. Mind you, others would say -- quite reasonably -- that people should just act responsibly. Blame the person, not the matches.

For the woman, she was faced with the choice of passing gas and offending, or striking her matches -- which, let's face it, she must have known was probably not a good idea. So what was going through her mind when she struck them anyway? Were her farts so foul that she took leave of her senses and struck matches with abandon? Why didn't she take a Neutradol-type air freshener with her? After all, if she had a medical condition (even a recently-diagnosed one), then she must have considered the prospect of anal rumblings.

I don't pretend to have all the answers about airport safety and whether it was fair that the woman was released without charge -- after all, her actions were responsible for a flight being grounded, and a lot of manpower being deployed, all for a few burnt matches.

If I didn't make many jokes in this article, that's because those commenting on USAToday already did a pretty good job.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
The Dumpster (2506) -- 12.07.2006

The best yet, but there is always Beano!

You should have seen the discussions about this blog that went on behind the scenes.

(Anybody ever wondered what goes on backstage at PoopReport??)

SamDamnit (1192) -- 12.08.2006

Old lady farts in a confined area, are a form of terrrorism unto themselves. She should have been given a medal for covering them up.
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healthy 1 (1423) -- 12.08.2006

I agree with you scatoman. Though I think the airline is being hard on her, she could have saved herself (and everyone else) alot of trouble by simply taking some sort of an air freshener, or even perfume with her.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 12.08.2006

I feel bad that she was made an example, but how dumb do you have to be? In today's air-travel climate, lighting a match in the bathroom is a silly risk.

Clarify, someone please: What are safety matches? Does that just mean NOT self-striking?

Cyanocobalamin (57) -- 12.08.2006

GGG: Safety matches can only be lit by striking them against a special strip.

The Big Wiper (2244) -- 12.08.2006

This actually made the serious radio news of the day. I know because I was driving around and couldn't believe it when the announcer did a five-minute routine about it later. A la 'Snakes On Planes,' becomes 'Farts On Planes.'
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Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

KeepOnCrappin (550) -- 12.09.2006

So the woman was embarresed about a normal bodily funcion??? Americans these days. I guess my view is a little biased as I have no problem stinking up any joint and blaming it on the dude next to me.

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

daphne (3522) -- 12.09.2006

I used to feed my son Beano when he was little because he was colicky until over a year old, and that stuff rocks.

Nice article Stew. I, too, wonder what her deal was. Maybe she'll take her 15 minutes of fame and go on David Letterman or something.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Big Wiper (2244) -- 12.09.2006

A new Letterman segment, replacing Stupid Pet Tricks. How about Bashful Bodily Functions?
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Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Turdle Dove (85) -- 12.10.2006

I laughed so hard I started coughing when I read this online. And the first thought in my head while reading was, "I feel bad for the tool who sat next to her for having to smell pure ass, ass so bad it takes down an airline."

I sat in the aisle seat in the last row of a flight once, with the sole bathroom door across from me. It was a smelly flight home that day.

Anomalous Coward (690) -- 12.11.2006

That's one hell of an embarrassing way to get your 15 minutes in the spotlight. I'd say her mortification over this was probably sufficient punishment.

The Big Wiper (2244) -- 12.11.2006

Was that her Fifteen Minutes Of Fame or Fifteen Minutes Of Fume?

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Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

she's a poopie (not verified) -- 12.14.2006

ITS OFFICIAL..FAA rules are 4, count 'em., 4, not 3 but 4 packs of matches can be carried on per person...So that lady did go prepared to battle her medical condition....since there is obviously no smoking on planes, what do people need 4 pks of matches for anyway???, the sign says no smoking, not no lighting matches...wanna split hairs about that one....and since there are coca cola experiments going onhere too,, think aobut thisone,,, you can take hair spray and 4 packs ofmatches on a plane...wouldn't that be flammable...ahhhh haa, another experiment waiting to happen...ya gotta love science...signed, "she's a poopie, she's a poopie" or old lady farts ARE KILLERS TOO

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