Fecal transplants more successful through the outie hole
After surviving a near-fatal car accident, beautiful young Kaitlin Hunter found herself battling a devastating bacterial infection in her colon that also threatened her life. The good bacteria in her innards were wiped out along with the bad ones, and she ended up with a life-threatening colony of Clostridium difficile (C-diff). A colony of this bacteria can end up enjoying the habitat of "up your ass" and wrecking havoc on your health in general.
There have been a few cases in which feces, preferably from a family member, have been pumped down into the stomach by way of a feeding tube inserted through the nose to help recolonize normal gut flora. Pardon me for a moment while I say, "ewwwww," although I suppose having shit squirted into your nose would be preferable to death. This procedure is not always successful as many good bacteria can be easily destroyed by stomach acids.
Dr. Suku George, young Kaitlin's attending physician, brainstormed the problem and came up with the idea to perform a fecal transplant through the opening that is more normally associated with feces: the anus or, in simple layman's terms, the asshole. Permission was granted for Dr. George to perform this turd transplant, and a specimen was obtained from Kaitlin's mother. After having been diluted with water to an appropriate consistency--I hope they tossed the blender afterward--the medical merde was pumped into Kaitlin's colon by way of a colonoscope normally used in colonoscopies.
The procedure was a resounding success and has now been added to the repertoire of other gastroenterologists. There is hope that in the near future a more desirable form of microbe colonization will be developed than a turd in a blender. Perhaps a suppository laden with good bacteria that can be easily inserted into the old balloon knot.
Doctors are learning that while they can be lifesavers, antibiotics are not always good news. In any event I am very happy for Kaitlin and wish her a long and happy life.