Lacerations from faulty exploding toilet: Possibly coming to an ass near you

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Attention, Home Depot and Lowe's Shoppers! Attention, all butt owners! Attention!

If you bought the Flushmate III Pressure-Assisted Flushing System or a toilet with one installed, you might want to thank your lucky stars that your butt isn't lacerated! What? Lacerated? As it rectal ribbons? Yup!

Faulty models of the Flushmate III have been causing toilets to explode, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, which has created a "laceration risk." This means if you are of the people in this country who flushes while still sitting (who we call Non-Lookers around here), then you are those around you might be at serious risk for butt damage. Porcelain can be as sharp as glass when broken, because it is fired near the same temperatures that make glass.

Even if you are a standing-and-looking flusher you are in danger of flying porcelain shards (and poop), so please make sure to check your toilets if you upgraded an old one or bought a new one of the following brands: American Standard, Crane, Kohler, Eljer, Mansfield, St. Thomas, or Gerber. There have been 2.3 million toilets recalled so far. If the Flushmate III model in your crapper was made between the years 1997 and 2008, please shut off the water connected to your toilet and call the Flushmate people at (800) 303-5123. They will take your information and send you a free repair kit. Unfortunately, this repair kit is not the subject of a law suit due to its alleged uselessness.

Again, that number is (800) 303-5123. Or visit the Flushmate website for more information on their Product Advisory page.

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2 Comments on "Lacerations from faulty exploding toilet: Possibly coming to an ass near you"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I have never had a toilet explode when I flushed but I once was squirted in the face by an errant commode. Thank God I had only taken a piss in the recently remodeled bathroom at Sam's Club, when I reached back to push the flush button. The automatic feature wasn't working and the evil device waited until my face was directly over it then it squirted a stream of water straight up in a way that would have made a bidet proud. I can only imagine what would have happened to a sitting flusher that day.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Funny you should post this--my husband wanted us to get a Flushmate III since those are the toilets they have at his office (apparently, they are very awesome toilets). He looked into them and found out about the recall, so we are not going to get one. I don't think cleaning up an exploding toilet would rank highly on my list of fun things to do.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!