Ukraine citizens' national pride wounded by toilet freshener
If Yakov Smirnoff had to sum up today's newswire, he might say, "In the United States, your stink offends the toilet freshener; in Ukraine, toilet freshener offends you." That's because the German manufacturer Henkel distributed a toilet freshener branded with the Ukraine flag's colors of blue and yellow.
The beleaguered Ukraine citizens, enraged by the important and pressing emergency that the cakes in their pee receptacles were the same color as their national flag, started a boycott of the Henkel Company, an organization surely run by a bunch of Ukraine-hating fascists who roast human babies over a flaming sacrificial pit, torture puppies, and tear the wings off butterflies in their spare time.
In response to the boycott, the heartless bastards at Henkel offered an apology on their Facebook page, pulled the devil product from Ukraine shelves, and stopped airing the following terrorist and offensive anti-citrus fruit propaganda:
The nerve of these assholes, thinking that blue represents hygiene and yellow represents a fresh lemon scent. What's the world coming to these days?