This year, the PoopReport Memorial Sewage Treatment Plant slowed down a little, processing ONLY
373 stories, BM Newswires, advice columns, polls, consumer reports, and so on. Most pieces of content were happily digested and splurted back into the cultural mainstream; but a few massive chunks stuck in our intake valves, attracting extra attention for their finely-crafted sinews. This year, five pieces of content stand apart. And one of them will be your Poop Report Of The Year. Your nominees:
Aah Toilet Foam: Can Bubbles Scrub You Ass?
by Daphne
"It occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to truly rate this product with the spongy, minimal work-involved vegetarian croquettes I crank out on a daily basis, because my poops don't represent the norm. This product would have to be used on a variety of poos that ranged in cleanup difficulty to be fully tested."
The Sad, Twisted Fate Of The Biggest Turd Ever
by Gasputin
"I knew instantly that he had just endured a profound test of the human spirit. He was visibly aged and shaken, and cloaked in the shroud of despair and neurotoxic fumes that accompany a slow dance with Bowelzebub. My presence outside the door seemed to startle him. He flinched, his eyes widened, and a grin of undiluted idiocy creased his face as he sheepishly muttered a phrase astounding in its modesty. 'I do a pretty good job in there.'"
The Ninth Stall
by Boopoo
"A minute later, past the point of no return, confidence dwindled as pressure increased. It intensified quickly to the extent that I was struggling to maintain control and was truly afraid. Afraid of spurting hot poo in the elevator car, alarming and repulsing the other public servants therein. The shame would be deep and eternal."
Crappy Fashion Sense
by G Ras
"The years of birthing table legs have stretched my ass wider than that chick who was in that ass bang orgy porno where a hundred guys plowed this bored chick's butthole until it was a bright red, steaming sewer."
An Asshole to Dye For: An Experiment In Anal Bleaching
by Gasputin
"But as Americans find their anal enhancement budgets stretched ever-tighter in these troubling economic times, a question arises: must we shell out $30-50 for a tube of anal bleach in our quest for the Anus de Milo? Or can a cheap jar of drugstore fade cream do the trick just as well?"
Read them all. And then read them all again. Then vote for the very best. And then scroll down to see highlights from the rest of the year and make your comments.
Poop Report of the Year 2008: Vote Here: 'Aah Toilet Foam: Can Bubbles Scrub You Ass?' by Daphne 13% 'The Sad, Twisted Fate Of The Biggest Turd Ever' by Gasputin 35% 'The Ninth Stall' by Boopoo 28% 'Crappy Fashion Sense' by G Ras 8% 'An Asshole to Dye For: An Experiment In Anal Bleaching' by Gasputin 15% Total votes: 164 |
BEST FAMILY MOMENT (I)
Reveille by G Ras
BEST FAMILY MOMENT (II)
Conversations With Mimi by Daphne
BEST 'GLAD I'M NOT YOU' MOMENT
The Death of the Flattering Pants by Crapper John McIntyre
MOST INSPIRING INTER-GENERATIONAL MOMENT
The Wrong Side Of The Wrong Pad by Snapper
BEST LIFE LESSON
The Three Most Important Things by Squat-n-leaveit
MOST POINTLESS CONTROVERSY
Sally by Chocolate Shark
BEST JOB OF BRINGING A TEAR TO MY EYE
The Lav Of My Life: ChiefThunderbutt's Country Pooper by ChiefThunderbutt
BEST BRUSH WITH NATURE
Almost Losing A Head by ChiefThunderbutt
MOST SELFLESS ACT IN THE NAME OF LOVE
A Fart In A Storm by Snowpea
BEST REASON TO BE THANKFUL FOR A HEALTHY ASS
Hemorrhoid Surgery, And After by Triggur
MOST UNWELCOME BLAST FROM THE PAST
Wreckage of My Past by G Ras
BEST JUSTIFICATION OF DESPICABILITY
Turd Terrorism: A Story of Accountability by Hum bunger
BEST TRASHING OF PSUEDO-ART
Andres Serrano's "Shit" at Yvon Lambert, NYC by Mark
BEST POOP STORY (IN THEORY)
The Poop Story As A Path To Feminine Empowerment by Snowpea
CLOSEST BRUSH WITH HUMILIATION
Trucker's Nightmare by Professor Schitz
EASIEST FIFTY BUCKS EVER
Making Bank by Kay O. Pectate
WORST FIRST DAY
The Executive Washroom by Seth K
WORST WAY TO EARN A REPUTATION
I, Fart Guy by Rosewood Bitters
BEST ATTEMPT TO GO LOCAL (I)
Notes On Ethiopian Defecation by Thunderbox
BEST ATTEMPT TO GO LOCAL (II)
Dinner At The Real India by Charmingly Neurotic
BEST ORIGINAL POOEM (I)
Ode To The Road Load by Prarie Doggin
BEST ORIGINAL POOEM (II)
Ode To My Frozen Choad by prarie doggin
BEST USE OF POOP CULTURE TO FURTHER THE DIVINE PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE
The Toilet Paper<colon> Burke, Bakhtin and the Rhetoric of Poop by A. Rotondo
BEST DERIVATIVE POOEM (I)
Once Upon A Toilet Dreary by Phillip_D_Trousers
BEST DERIVATIVE POOEM (II)
American Browneye by Mrs. Mad Crapper
BEST STORY BY GASPUTIN THAT I COULDN'T FIT IN THE TOP FIVE
Brownout Drunk by Gasputin
