The Poolitzer Prize: PoopReporter Of The Year 2007

// 47 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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The Big Wiper. Mastercrapper. Assblaster2000. These names, along with those of a select few others, grace hallowed halls. They've been etched into golden Ferguson thrones with diamond-encrusted poo sticks. They are icons of PoopReporting excellence that reign in a hidden mountaintop platinum washroom. These names stand alone, mighty, eternal. Gold.

Golden brown, actually.

Sometimes studded with corn.

They are the winners of PoopReport's highest award: the Poolitzer Prize. And as we searched for 2007's honoree, we realized that, unlike the years before, this year there wasn't much of a contest. One of the nominees has accomplished so much that he stands alone. And that nominee is Dave.

Since founding the website in 2001, Dave has worked tirelessly to create a place where poop humor meets intellectual thought -- where poopers like us have been able to congregate, share a laugh, tell a story, or argue over topics like toilet paper and low-flow toilets. But Dave's dream evolved into something more than just running the site that we love so much. He became interested in the human aspects; and what started as a desire to share poop humor developed into a life's goal of working to improve sanitation in other areas of the world through publicity and education.

Well, Dave's had publicity! He published a book: Poop Culture -- How America is Shaped by its Grossest National Product. He was on Spike TV's Manswers, National Geographic TV, and NPR. He lectured about poop in Iowa City, Baltimore, Philly, and New York, and appeared on dozens of radio stations and in dozens of newspapers, including USAToday and the LA Times. He was published in the New York Times. He traveled to India to become the honored guest of Dr. Bindeshwar Pathak, head of the Sulabh Toilet organization. He actually spoke at the World Toilet Summit!

His year wasn't complete, however, until he actually moved to India. That's right. Our Dave managed to promote a book, visit with a world-recognized and honored humanitarian, address the World Toilet Summit, tour, speak, and successfully babysit us while he permanently relocated to another continent! And on top of all that, he still submitted sixty-eight front-page articles over the course of the year, out-contributing the second most active PoopReporter by over fifty items.

In lieu of Dave's overwhelming accomplishments, the other four nominees for the Poolitzer have decided to decline their nominations, thus rendering a vote unnecessary. Instead, each of them has submitted words of thanks and praise to the winner for our and his enjoyment.

From The Shit Volcano: "Thanks to all those who nominated me in this campaign for the greatest shitter of year! Though I would love to accept the honor, I have come to the decision that there is one among us who deserves it more than anyone else. This PoopReporter has been with the site from the very beginning, standing up for even the lowest poopers on the totem pole when no one else acknowledged them. He has faced many changes in the last year, yet he has stood strong through all of it. Now condemned to a year of burning yellow curry shits, he will remain strong at the helm of our poopy ship in the midst of this swirling toilet bowl. I decline my nomination for Dave!"

From Bunga Din: "I appreciate TSV's nomination, but I respectfully decline. In my mind there is only ONE reporter that truly deserves to be this year's PoopReporter of the year, and that would be DAVE. Besides running the site and being its largest contributor of content, Dave has moved PoopReport and the cause several steps forward. Not only has he been written about in mainstream media, featured on National Geographic and SpikeTV, and quoted on Marketwatch.com, but he also took things one huge step forward by speaking at the World Toilet Summit, a meeting of nations designed to better the lives of BILLIONS of people. I may have made a few people laugh, but Dave has made millions of people THINK -- and for this there is no one better qualified to be PoopReporter of the year."

From The Big Wiper: "I acknowledge the kind nomination of me for PoopReporter of the Year by Daphne. It was my pleasure to make my fifth full year on PR an active one with my various posts and stories. However, this was a very special year for Dave-O. With the publication and promotion of his literary book, he has emerged from his stall and is headed down the Hall of Fame, presumably without toilet paper stuck to the bottom of his shoe. This was Dave-O's year to shine. It was a clean wipe... err, sweep. I withdraw my nomination in favor of declaring Dave-O the 2007 winner!"

As for me, I like bright shiny things. They're neat. And pretty. I especially like that shiny PoopReporter of the Year coin next to my name on each forum post. It sparkles. Getting another one would be cool. "Hey," I thought when nominated, "I'd like the chance to get another glittery circle. Getting twinkly stuff is nice."

But you know, giving twinkly stuff is even better; and when it's long overdue and the person to receive it is as deserving as Dave, it's as good as it gets. When one considers the things he's done this year collectively, it's humbling. Our fearless leader not only spends countless hours working on the site, he also holds down a full-time job, is married, and has dedicated himself to helping others who are not as fortunate as we are. Through his writing, sense of humor, and ability to connect with people in a manner that's both warm and genuine, Dave has enlightened people to consider the way things are beyond their own bathroom, and that's the first steps towards change. It's about time he took a well-deserved pat on the back from his people and enjoyed the spotlight; and because of this, I gladly decline my nomination. You're one of the best persons I know, Dave. Thank you for allowing us to show you how much we appreciate who you are and what you've given us -- friendship, laughter, and a place where we all belong.

Well, Dave: sit back, open a bottle of bubbly, and bask in the adoration of your people. You've earned it.

47 Comments on "The Poolitzer Prize: PoopReporter Of The Year 2007"

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I'd have won, but I was otherwise occupied eating cheeto's and watching reruns of Underdog....Dave is a no class half wit, spineless, brainless, and probably has never REALLY had even small dose of diarrhea. Its sad to see the sheep lay down and worship this poor excuse of a human being. Oh wait....had Dave confused with TCM....my bad, sorry Dave, and congrats!!! Very well deserved, and I'm glad I got to be a small part of railroading this idea through!!!

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

CC's picture

I hope everybody will wash their hands before they pat Dave on the back.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

It was generous of Dave to accept this award. After all, management creates little awards like this to motivate the underpaid staff. This is like, "Hey Steve Jobs, you're employee of the month. We'll post your picture in the lunch room for all to see."

Logjam

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Just wanted to pop this back up on the recent posts....this is a huge deal!!!

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Just wanted to pop this back up on the recent posts....this is a huge deal!! I want folks to know, Dave didn't want us to do this...we MADE him take the award. I won't name names...I'll take all the heat, if anyone is pissed about it, I"m already not so popular, so more hate mail won't kill me, I am kind of liking it!!!

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Bilgepump pimping himself again to attract insults and hate mail. Just pathetic.

Logjam

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

Daphne, Bunga Din, Big Wiper, Shit Volcano, Big Wiper, C Everett, Gotta Go Girl, Bilge, Logeroonie and all of my PR friends. I feel as though a wise decision has been made here today. Dave has provided us with some of the finest poop information I believe on the entire PLANET EARTH. He has travelled near and far to bring us the finest poop on poop there is. Dave you deserve this award and SO MUCH MORE. It is my hope that one day we can have a PR convention or reunion somewhere in the contiguous 48 states. Perhaps an award dinner as well. A menu brimming with chili, meatballs and other dookie inducing foods. Dave has brought us to the brink of fame here everyone and we should be damn proud of him. I know I am very proud to be a member of this wonderous organization. Dave God Bless you and keep up the wonderful work you do..... I am as always.....
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

LJ, you're giving away my secret...my super powers come from insults and hate...damn, man...

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Pure brownnosery, I say. Awarding this to DAVE. Hmmph.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Bilge. I do it only because we desperately need more scum buckets like you to help us really appreciate the occasional honey bucket like Dave. (And Dave, congratulations and many, many thanks.)

Logjam

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

DungDaddy, this was not brownnosery at all. This was our heartfelt thanks to Dave for a great year. Not only did he accomplish everything above but he managed to do all this while outsourcing all petty management operations to India so that Daphne, myself, TBW and some others can now focus on counting our filthy lucre (in rupees of course)from this exceptionally shrewd business move.

Think of this more like Ken Lay giving GW Bush a thumbs up and a few million for his wise economic gestures to support true capitalism.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Holding me in such lofty stead, LJ...I am honored...I'm tempted to steal Dave's award...provided I have your permission.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I’ve tried my best, Luv, to heap on the insults per your request. But I just can’t do it any longer. Hurts too much.

Logjam

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

i think it's high time dave won this. he's the ultimate Poop Reporter! he's the Optimus Prime of Poop Reporters. he's the Jesus H. Christ of Poop Reporters. he's the Ghandi of Poop Reporters.

that's all i got.

congratulations dave!
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Logjam, no matter how you feel about me, you can never change how I feel about you. You tried, you did your best, and I am proud of you.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Oh, am I going to sleep well tonight. Someday maybe we could have a page of our own so we don't get interrupted, e.g., by the likes of Wonderpance and Bunga congratulating Dave on whatever.

Logjam

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

If only....

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

Dave, you do deserve to be the poop reporter of the year. All of us have become just a little more enlightened by all the news wires you've posted and intellectual crap that you share. You've published an awesome book and even made it into the curriculum of a college course. You totally deserve this, Dave. You have my respect and gratitude! And you've made us all laugh! Afterall, this site is for "the intellectual appreciation of poop HUMOR". My hat's off to you!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

pooprincess's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

congrats dave...u kick ass!

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


___I'm new to this hole shitting match, so please excuse my curio, but, if Dave, and obviously he is deserving, ultimatlely is crowned, what, if any, trophy, keepsake, would he be bunged?____
i just cant work this one out????

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Now, THAT is a penny.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

It's been quite a year for me. This really caps it off: to be honored by the very people I have in mind every time I edit a story, post an article, or do a radio interview. I'm tremendously lucky to have found so many people who appreciate my sense of humor. My thanks go out to all of you!!!

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Our great pleasure, Dave-O!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I want to congratulate, and thank you also Dave. You deserve it. Thanks to you I have become an enlightened shitter. No longer do I go to the toilet with my head down and eyes closed. I now approach all bathroom situations with all senses on full alert, and strive to gain a full rewarding experience, while mentally noting even the smallest detail that may provide interesting fodder to share with others.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Dave, I can't think of anybody more deserving of this honor. This creation has brought me so much joy during the last year, due in great part to your efforts. I am in constant awe of the amount and diversity of...

Oh, wait a second. I feel a massive coming on. Oh, gawd. Must wrap it up now. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.

Phew. Only a fart. Luckily, I didn't mess my shorts.

In short, I just want to say that I like it here so much I could just shit, thanks to your continuing efforts.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go see a man about a horse.
_______
Keep up the wonderful work.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Bunga Din, right. But, it's like the Pope getting some award for clergyman of the year. He's already Pope. You gonna recognize him more?

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

DungDaddy, What's the difference between poopreport and the Pope? A wild Catholic in the bear's woods that makes no noise when (s)he's wiping ass with Quilted Northern.

Comparing the two makes no sense. That's like Time giving the Man of the Year award to Vladimir Putin and George Bush. Their both already leaders of the free world.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Deja Poo. I couldn't agree more or less.

Logjam

Suresh-Mr Bunga's Man Friday's picture

Mr Daddy of Dung, I am to be telling you that Mr. Din is relaxing and is not to be disturbed. For I am to be answering his points. You are a bad man, a very bad man. Mr. Dave has made it possible for me to have a job with a good western company (Mr. Din Enterprises, a division of Dave Inc.) Are you to be begrudging me for this?

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

The more tired I get and the more I drink the funnier this thread gets! Bottom's up, Dave, our Poop Reporter of the Year!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

poopfan's picture

Dungdaddy, you sound petty.

Ms. Dumpster Fan's picture

Well, yes he does. But he also has a point. In my opinion, the best people were not nominated. I've been quietly and faithfully enjoying site for almost two years but have yet to see The Dumpster nominated for one of your little year end awards. Now he seems to have disappeared, and I miss reading his posts and stories a great deal.

It would have been nice if The Dumpster was nominated.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

if you truly have been reading for two years, you would have come to realize that your hero is/was nothing more than a self centered, arrogant, two faced asshole.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points

Congratulations, salutations and flatulations, Dave!!! Well deserved recognition for your contributions over the years. Certainly not the least of which is creating the site in the first place. I've been around since sometime in '04, I think, and that sense of humor you mentioned has helped me through some tough times. PR has attracted a core group of great people who share your scatological dementia (and the underlying philosophy), and I'd say we're all in your debt for PR's birth and for doing the behind-the-scenes grunt work that has kept the site going all these years. Thanks and Congrats, Dave.

Ms. Dumpster Fan's picture

Your response does not surprise me, Bilgepump, as I've noticed you and quite a few others miss what he's contributed to this somewhat ecclectic community. Coarser sorts like yourself and C Everett Poop could take a lesson from that fine southern gentleman, but I chance to think you are both past your school days. I fear I may be wasting my breath.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Ah, Dumpy, I just knew you'd be back!!! But wearing a cyber-dress, and spouting how wonderful you are??? Rather crass old man..but then, thats to be expected. I am glad to see your public humiliation didn't keep you down for long, and your back to your old self...well, sort of. Where do shop these days?
Still drinking the good stuff? Those pumps are lovely...show off your calves very nicely.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Ya know, dumpy, I wouldn't have recognized you at all...but those argyle socks and the sock garters, covering those ghastly pasty white legs were a dead giveaway. I still love those shoes, though....do you have a hand bag to match?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

Sure he does! How else is he going to drag around that handle of Jack Daniels in public without raising suspicion?

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I understand that Dumpy did something(s) to piss you, and many of the inner circle, off. My guess is that it wasn’t a small slip, either. But get a grip. This ain’t Dodge. Watching you go at him with both guns blazing is sickening, even more so when fellow mods egg you on by hitting their plus buttons. No way he was ever the monster you now describe. You don’t have to be nice to him (or her). But let him die or heal in peace.

Logjam

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Sorry there, Bilge, for throwing the fast ball at the head. A bit strong of me. Just a suggestion.

Logjam

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points

There's a strong undercurrent here, Lj. I tried diverting the flow with my post, but it didn't work.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Yeah. Like that giant clog in Lewiston, it seems made up of a few too many mop heads and some powerful yeast. Probably best to not flush any more down this drain.

Logjam

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I can see how this looks out of sorts to the people who only frequent the front page. However, the front pages are only one half of the site. What goes on in the forums and off the site has alot to do with what's gone down concerning Dumpster. If front pagers don't want to register in the forums and aren't concerned with that aspect of the site, I respect it totally. However, if you don't want to get involved, remember that you might not be in the best position to judge others who are fed up.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

All that said, I did detract from what this about, congratulating Dave for a job well done.
Sorry gang.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

As a willing "front pager," I understand that I don't share the same perspective on things (such as the depth of the Dumpster’s sins) as I would if I was a full PR participant. And I don't think you’re suggesting, daphne, that because of that, I should keep my mouth shut about things that erupt out onto the front page that I find disturbing -- I should just be more aware of what I don't know. Fair enough. I'd only add the reminder that the perspective from the "inside" comes with its own set of limitations and biases that can be mitigated with extra awareness.

It might be that if I knew all, and had been crossed by him, I’d be trying to get my own kicks in. But in the absence of those, what I saw here was making me (and I would guess many others) feel sorry for the little fella, and that’s no good nor is it probably the effect you want.

I, too, apologize to Dave for the distraction and to Bilge, my very good friend -- I fired the post above off much too quickly. Bless you all (except CEP -- screw him).

Logjam

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

PS. Don't get all upset by the insult, CEP. I was just trying to earn a quick, easy +1 from the moderators.

Logjam

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Gratuitous asskissing = -1/2
Subtle witty asskissing = +1/2
Ironic asskissing while dissing a tool=PRICELESS

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