I got an email a few days ago from a certain douchebaggy former PoopReporter who shall remain nameless (but you veterans know exactly who it is). He tells me "Turns out I'm a music savant" and "{I earn} 50-100 bucks and hour, + royalties, + contracts" and "Getting booted from {PoopReport} was the best thing that ever happened to me" and "You've probably seen news concerning me on TV" and "I was watching a special on toilets on TV, and your face popped up" and "I no longer sit aimlessly talking about poop" and "I couldn't be happier."

Of those claims, only the one about me could possibly be true. Because the National Geographic TV show I interviewed with back in July is finally airing. It's called Flushed, and it's part of NatGeo's series on "Everyday Things." It's been showing for a week or two now, and the producer tells me it's a big success (although he laments the fact that the team did a lousy job of alerting their interviewees to its imminent broadcast). It's being rebroadcast Saturday at 10 PM and Sunday at 1:00 AM. Can any PoopReporter record it for me? I don't have cable.

In more Dave news, Angie's List Magazine recently dedicated a whole issue to the toilet. I was interviewed for the feature article, which boasts a big ol' picture of my handsome mug. They quote me at length pontificating about the Victorian origins of the flush toilet as a tool of elitism -- one of the major themes of my book. Which means the article acts as a good introduction to what you'll get in April when the book finally comes out. Give it a read -- my part starts on page sixteen.

Last Wednesday I did an interview with SpikeTV for their upcoming show MANswers. There's not much online about the show yet, but from what I can gather, it's like Mythbusters "for men" -- that is, it answers questions that Johnny Fratboy has always pondered. My segment, for instance, was to answer the burning question of our times: can you die from pooping?

The interview took place at Union Hall, a classy bar/bocce parlor here in Brooklyn. I talked about the death of Elvis, The Big Wiper's grandfather, and poor Patrick Webster. Thanks to all the PoopReporters who helped me dig up those subjects out of the archives. I got pictures with my phonecam -- the quality of which, unfortunately, turned out to be comparable to the subject of this website.

You're just going to have to trust the fact that that's me, and that I look like a movie star. And if the quality was better you could see that I'm wearing a brand new PoopReport t-shirt. Which leads to my next announcement: just in time for the holidays, I'm proud to introduce four new t-shirt designs, all created by Dan Meth, the same guy who did illustrations for The Journal of Ass Production #2. I think they look great:

In addition to the new designs, we now sell dark brown t-shirts alongside white and khaki. The holidays are coming soon -- need you look any further for the perfect gifts?

And finally, one last bit of news: I got an email from Sumo Lounge, creators of hip beanbag furniture. Though I reminded them that my site is about poop and not trendy couches, they nevertheless insisted on sending me both of their products for no other reason than the fact that I have a website that entertains them. I skeptically agreed, and sure enough received two giant boxes, one of which was practically as tall as I am:

Free shit for no reason -- I guess this is what happens when you go totally Hollywood like me. I have no idea where I'll put these in my tiny apartment, but I'll keep you posted.