My freshman crapper was serviced by cleaning ladies, who would hijack the place for up to an hour and a half each morning to clean. Mornings are my prime deuce period and I could not have them ruin my flow. So, my tactics became to keep an eye out for when they were approaching and dart in right before they began to work. I genuinely would do the deed without flushing and then walk past them bare assed. I served justice on the George Washington cleaning ladies like a waitress serves blueberry pancakes at IHOP. First post rules.

I love the word Frumpy.
I think it's the perfect partner with German Bathroom Attendant, because I lived in Germany, too, and these little blue-clad gnomes always made me laugh.
I never knew why I tipped them, but I always did. I guess it's because when one is at a fest with over 2,000 other females who need to pee, and the beer is a'flowin', that the knowledge I will have toilet paper and, hopefully, a puke-free stall, is worth the mark.
Big Wiper, this is a great article. It hits home on the whole irritation I've had with upscale bathrooms, of which I've seen only a few. I like to do my own clean up. The only time I tip is if I need one of the toiletries, like hair spray or perfume. And, I don't believe for a second these penguin-clad fussbudgets have to do the real janitorial cleaning.

Rob, you wanker, you posted when I was typing.

I just wrote a long essay for my co-workers to enjoy on this very topic. I look at bathroom attendants the same way I view Jahova's Witnesses: they mean well, but they annoy the hell out of me. You truly hate yourself if you take that up as a profession.

Hehehehehe.

This made me think of the maintenance girls at the hotel where I work. We have two sets of public washrooms - one on the first floor and one on the second. I have noticed, but never really thought about, how the girl knocks, then immediately starts walking in to the mens washroom while saying "MAINTENANCE....HELLOOOO....IS ANYONE IN HERE?"
She doesn't even give anyone a chance to zip up let alone answer before she barges in with her big cart full of cleaning supplies. Sometimes my bar is out in the foyer of the hotel and I have a direct line of vision to these first floor washrooms. I have seen men scurrying out of there while still struggling to do up their flys (flies?).
I'm thinking, now, that this girl enjoys the shock factor on these innocent men. Or maybe she's trying to sneak a peek....
Regardless, I'm going to watch her more closely from now on. She's a weird one anyway.

Come to think of it, Di, that female janitor at Texas A & M who barged in on me with my pants around my ankles did something akin to the 'rolling stop' at a traffic stop sign. I said that she entered without knocking, but the more accurate description would have been that she entered as she knocked weakly, either thinking that no one would be in there or not caring if anyone was in there. Or (third possibility) hoping that some guy would be in there and that she could sneak a peek. In that case, she accomplished her purpose, but, of course, my Shamelessness kicked in, and it didn't bother me.

I'm pretty certain that a male janitor could not even begin to get away with this stuff servicing a women's bathroom. Keep us posted on that 'weird one' at your hotel.

Hey Di,
I think you are onto something. Maybe you could get a more brazen male co-worker to accidentally pee on her shoes.

Incredibly well-done story, TBW. It's good to see another post of yours..
As for the bathroom attendants, being shameless I don't suppose it would bother me too much if a female attendant walked in, but I have to say, I imagine I'd be a bit more composed if it were a male..also doublt highly that any of these facilities would have a man strutting into the ladie's room.

Yes, I will keep you guys posted. I've thought about this more and it would be easier for me to tell some friends to come and drink at the lounge and I'd tip them off when I knew she was about to clean the bathroom. I always see her in the "smoke room", so I'll ask her what time she usually goes in there. If I could bribe my friends (with booze) to yell at her or stand there and ask her why she just barged in..... I'm trying to think of things that would get to her.... I was also going to just ask her what her "barge in" policy was. Like, how much time she gives the guys to come out or answer. Or ask her about anything that has happened due to her barging. The questions are endless! I think she thinks I'm weird, too, so she wouldn't think anything of me asking her these questions.
Much to ponder - and observe.

I smell a shitstorm a'brewin'.

Many foreign cleaning people love to walk in on people of the opposite gender & use the "excuseeme--no speaky English" excuse. Its happened to me. Once was in college gym. Had worked out too hard. Felt vomit or die-a-rear coming on. Got it together & took a shower. Was going to get dressed & come out but it started again. Since the open stalls were in a room opposite the locker room with a hall that only the guys should be in I just went in still naked & wet & plopped down. No one else was there. They were still working out. I heard someone enter. I thought oh great. I was just trying to become shameless. There she walked in & I jumped up like an idiot. Then she stepped away & yelled at me & she said "I announced I was entering" By this time I small crowd of guys had formed to see what was happening. She actually waited for me to finish outside the doorway. She demanded to see my student ID. Some buddies tried to block her view from me but i basically had to walk in front of everyone to my locker & get it for her to see. She jottted something down & walked out. The jerk coach guy just laughed. Later on she got fired for something. Very ugly lady. But the guys never let me forget it. Also had a McDonalds manager & a cleaning guy walk in on me twice each in one siting once. They said they both had to go & I was taking too long in the only stall with a non-locking door. Cleaning is a thankless noble job but hotel people are just as bad if not worse. UGH

Hey Barefaced,

I really sympathize with you.

In Germany, when I was into running alot, before I tore a groin muscle, I often hit the tread mill so hard that I would puke in the large garbage can that was in the corner. I think the can was there specifically for puking, sometimes, because no one took exception to it the three times I heaved. The special forces guys often lifted themselves sick, too. It's gross, but it was very, very embarassing.

It's just embarassing not to have a little privacy.

I will scoop poop, dehair rims, swab pissy pools, change puke sacks, load towel dispensers, plunge plugged potties, polish mirrors (or knobs) all promptly and without complaint. So why continue to employ skanky, turd sniffin', ass-kissin' humans?

P.S., I giggle like a freaky fat Fraulein when you piss on me, too.

Your electronic poop pal,

R2Dookie2

Very creative post, R2Dookie2! LOL!

When I was in Spain I really had to go while I was in the major art museum in Madrid. I walked into the bathroom and there was a cleaning lady right there who looked like she lived in that bathroom. It was a shameful experience.

You know this is what I hate about wal marts. If I need to go, there is always one lady that speaks very little English. When I need to use it most, the bathrooms are completely closed off, and the lady can't be convinced that I need to go.

I bet you could convince her! Hehehe.

Here's a disturbing hiring trend I've seen in some venues...using the severely handicapped. I went into one large club to do make a deposit and practically tripped over some semi-conscious wheelchair-bound dude's breathing apparatus. It was a little off-putting. Handicapped AND obliged to breath in the noxious fumes of the hoi-polloi.
But then, maybe the exposure to the aforementioned methane fumes is what got him to that state. Who knows, I wasn't sticking around for the opportunity to purchase the crude, self-published inspirational bio that he had for sale next to his rather shabby display of toiletries.

My deposit on this gender topic is divided into two parts - it won’t be separated by a courtesy flush. Something contemporary, and something from my pre-school years 30 years ago.

First, the contemporary.

Sometimes I have to leave home at crack of dawn for long journeys in connection with my work. This means I stop for a cooked breakfast in transport cafes. Afterwards, it‘s time to adjourn to the men‘s room, so that the locks on my alimentary canal can open for the boats to pass through. In these places, though, often, there are no locks on the toilet doors. One morning after my bare posterior had begun its work , the cleaning woman came in with a mop and pushed open the door. I had seen her in the corridor, and in retrospect I think she had chosen her moment. It SHOULD be men who clean men’s toilets. Did she look forward every morning to ‘happen innocently to be there’ when guys’ trousers were round their ankles? I do have a fixation about this. I regard women’s and men’s toilet activities as totally separate. I don’t like to ask a woman in a cafe for a toilet roll if there isn’t any, and go and get some tissues from my car.

Because of something which was really a form of abuse when I was a small boy, for me toileting is something which is gender-specific. I think I suffered psychological damage.

Women in our family LOVED taking me to the toilet, and taking me in with them when they went. They liked to hold my penis when I had a ‘wee-wee’, and they liked to wipe my bottom. I developed a reaction to this - and STILL look upon urination and defecation as a gender-specific activity. I HATED going to the toilet, and looked upon it as something I was made to do.

And now for the 30-year old deposit. When I was 4 I started to go to play school, and other boys sometimes sat on the toilet there and wiped their own bottoms - why couldn’t I? One morning I went on strike, and said I couldn’t do it. As soon as I got to school and my mother had gone, I went to the toilet, and told the teacher I could go on my own. And I enjoyed it. When I got home I was asked if I wanted to go to the toilet, and said I had been at school. ‘Did the teacher wipe your bottom?‘ ‘No, I wiped it myself.‘ My trousers were pulled down and some paper inserted into my bum, to see if it was clean. I passed the test, and I asked if I could go on my own in future. It was agreed, but I was told that if my underpants were dirty, the old procedure would return.

A few months later, my baby brother was born, and I was left to my own devices while they enjoyed their new novelty. I began to take over his toileting, and he could wipe himself clean at the age of 3. Every morning we saw each other sitting with our trousers round our ankles before going to school, right up to the time when I went to university. It became an activity which we associated with being boys. If I stayed overnight at friends' houses, and they at ours, in the morning after breakfast we would do the same.

On the website ‘Clothes Encounters of the Turd Kind’ I described how as young boys, my best friend and I sat next to each other on a two-seater toilet - an experience of life we wouldn’t have missed for all the world.

My wife and I agreed that whenever possible, I would do our two boys’ toileting, and she would for our girl. Naturally I took my own little girl to the toilet, and let her see me standing and sitting as part of her education, but by and large, I don't want to know about female toilet habits, and I don't want them to know about mine.

If I hadn’t been saved from that female bullying, who knows how I would have turned out. Going to the toilet became for me something to look forward to, not something to dread.

The Big Wiper: Thanks for your reply.

I think if I hadn't protested as a small child, my brother (now 30) and I (now 35) would still be having our posteriors wiped by women until NOW! My little brother had less of the indignity from women than I did, and I'm the only person he can remember who wiped his bottom, and taught him to wipe his own at a much earlier age than women would have done.

This obsession of some women with the toileting of boys may be to do with the sociology of power, in two ways:

(a) In masculine dominated societies, it was one area where women could assert dominance over males.

(b) Masculine dominance also meant that men refused to do things like nappy-changing, toileting and pushing prams. Some men are still lazy in this respect.

Sitting Wiper, I recall your excellent material posted under my story, "Clothes Encounters..." This post of yours is equally fascinating and informative, but I keep wishing you would submit your input to Dave in the form of a separate article or story, since I believe it deserves Front Page attention on its own.

Nonetheless, I hope you will continue to frequent PR and tell us about your experiences, and I am happy for you that your toileting situation was resolved in a non-abusive manner. One thing I've observed in general and from comments about this current article of mine is that males are expected to tolerate females in their public facilities to a far greater degree than women are expected to tolerate men in theirs--for whatever reasons and situations, including the gender of the attendant.

I agree with your view in general and would add that gender-specific, multiple-user bathroom facilities are less problematic and afford greater privacy and comfort for the Shameful and Shameless alike.

We've had 'Turd Terrorism'. Now perhaps we need a new topic of 'Toilet Tyrrany'. That's precisely what I experienced!

Sorry - letters typed the wrong way round - it's TYRANNY - 1 R and 2 Ns.

it is nice to have privacy when there is thunder down under. I look at it as a game. If your going to get in the way, I will log out in a way that entertains myself and makes you wish you only had 11 cranial nerves. Bring a newspaper when in the stall if the attendent is in the room for reverse maw.

This would all be solved with unisex bathrooms. People read way too much into shitting and pissing. And way too much into sex.

I was Kmart A Store went in the rest room sat down not thinking of it at all the Toilet set sank and mmade anoise like never beofre wheni sat down. In Plublic palces thaer are white hard seats. I am sapnihs i can get a king of food no problme at all. I am Puerto Rican and 100% Proud of it. I never ban to Mexico I don't paln to go.

I make my own food and cook ti well. I don't get the runs or Diarrhea Much....

Question... On Seinfeld, Kramers mom is a bathroom attendant but he used a fancy word for it... does anyone happen to remember what that word may be. My housemate has been asking everyone she knows and now it's a big ol office search, hoping to be the first to find!

In answer to Traci K's question about Kramer's Mom, Babs, she was a matron.

In the dorm I used to live in (and really hope I can go back to!) We had four room suites that each had a common bathroom with two stalls, a shower, and two sinks. Every weekday a lady from the housekeeping staff came. She opened the suite door, announced "Housekeeping" and swept the suite hallway, allowing any crappers to finish up. She caught me off guard once but we were both cool about it, so no worries. Most people the university hires are just good like that.

Now that I live in a hall-style dorm, it's a different story. I usually come back from class to a "WET FLOOR" sign and a large cart outside while the housekeeping lady here is just finishing up, so it doesn't affect me. I'm thankful they are there, and I'm paying for them (In two places on my bill--"Fees" and my lease for the dorm) so more power to 'em!

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

I can perfectly understand the pretentious use of a bathroom attendant where the multiple starred establishments are predicting a particular breed of customer to enter and I would be more than happy to tip on a visit to the bathroom during an expensive lunch or night out, but if I'm going out on a Friday to some dingy low life establishment I don’t see the point of these beggars in disguise force handing me a towel and then aggressively reminding me for a £2 tip every time I want to wash my hands. I were a complete asshole I might make a noise about it at the bar but I don’t really want to be responsible for the poor fellow being forced to move on. I mean for God’s sake ‘bathroom attendants’ in budget chain bars on a Friday night?! Sorry, but I don’t really want to go anywhere where the cost of taking a piss or a crap is going to cost me the same as the beer that’s passing through my system at the same rapid rate.

This goes out to any bathroom attendant working in The Moon Underwater or the Quadrant in Wolverhampton. Leave us the fuck alone!

Bathroom attendants just creep me out.

Never underestimate the power of the Upper-Deck!