The Brown Line Of Silence

// // 536 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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I've heard them all. As of this writing, there are 327 pages that constitute
PoopReport. Give or take 20 or 30 index pages, that leaves about 300 pieces of content
that I've collected over the last year and a half.

Yup, I've heard them all. Twits who crap themselves, poor souls who can't crap,
ne'er-do-wells who play tricks with their crap, and on and on. Yet, among those 300
stories -- as well as among the hundreds of submissions of semi-literate drivel I've
rejected -- there is a subject that, incredibly, has never been broached: girls going to
the bathroom together.

It's standard female behavior: when a girl has to go to the bathroom in a social
setting, she asks the other girl to come along. It's not a stereotype, it's
universally recognized behavior.








Things aren't what they seem... or are they?






Yet, in spite of its pervasiveness, I don't have any stories about this subject.
That's a staggering fact, when you consider the amount of wackiness that occurs during
solitary poops; one can only assume that when multiple people visit the can, the
wackiness potential multiplies accordingly.

So where are the stories?

Girls will tell us there's nothing to tell. I don't believe it. While not every
girl-girl bathroom trip may yield a story, odds are that funny things happen must
happen occasionally -- same as with solitary bathroom trips. And yet, we have loads of
solitary bathroom stories, but none from females' joint john jaunts.

I came up with three hypotheses to explain this astonishing disparity:


  1. NOTHING FUNNY HAS EVER HAPPENED DURING A GIRL-GIRL BATHROOM TRIP. Impossible. The
    odds are completely against it.

  • NONE OF THE GIRLS WHO HAVE HAD FUNNY GIRL-GIRL BATHROOM EXPERIENCES READ POOPREPORT.
    Impossible. Enough people read PoopReport to make that theory statistically
    inconceivable.
  • FUNNY STORIES HAVE HAPPENED, BUT GIRLS WON'T TALK ABOUT THEM. Bingo.
  • Gentleman, I propose the existence of a conspiracy: The Brown Line of Silence.

    I believe it is against The Girl Code to discuss with any male what happens during a
    girl-girl bathroom trip. Girls are sworn to secrecy -- they won't tell their boyfriends,
    their husbands, their fathers, and they certainly won't tell PoopReport. Even if the
    most hilarious thing ever in the whole world happened, we'll never know. Girls have
    sworn to take their stories to the grave.

    Case in point: while researching this article, I asked Sue (a girl) to explain girls
    going to the bathroom together:

    "Well first off, I have to admit that I hardly do this at all anymore. Of course girls
    go to the bathroom together to gossip, but we also do it so we can primp together. What
    good is primping if there's no one else to complement you--or to complain to? The truth
    of the matter is, gossiping aside, most of what women do when they are standing
    together in front of a mirror is put themselves down. 'Ugh, I am exhausted. I hate
    these bags under my eyes.' 'Ugh, my skin's breaking out--it must be this humidity.'
    'Ugh, I really have to start going to the gym.' Then the other women tell you that
    you're crazy, you look great. I guess one reason I stopped going to the bathroom with
    other women is because doing so was bad for the head."

    Yeah right, Sue. You're one of them. Of course you'll say that it's nothing
    interesting. You know that if you say it's about "gossip," men will get bored and stop
    listening and stare at your chest until you're done talking. But not me. I see
    through you, female.

    But what is the purpose of this conspiracy? Why hide what happens in the bathroom?
    After all, every human poops and pees and farts and vomits... why hide a fact a life?

    I propose that girls across the nation and the world have sworn to uphold The Brown
    Line Of Silence as a way to maintain the "Feminine Mystique." The knowledge of what
    happens during these girl-girl bathroom trips would allow men to fully understand -- and
    therefore control -- women. For the sake of the female being as we know it, they must
    keep their tandem tours of doodie secret.

    (Be careful, fellas! Now that they know we know, I predict we'll see lots of girls
    "proving" I'm wrong by submitting stories about their girl-girl bathroom experiences.
    Don't believe them. They're LIES -- trying to throw us off their trail. Remain
    vigilant! Don't be fooled!)

    But what is the truth? What DOES happen during these mysterious excursions? I choose
    to believe those chicks are making out.

    -- Dave

    Like Dave? He's featured in The Journal of Ass Production!

    536 Comments on "The Brown Line Of Silence"

    Jen's picture
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    Really... the truth is nothing happens. when we do go together, it is just to primp, or pee (mostly uneventful)... usually if we have to take a shit, it just so happens that we are alone, or wait until we are alone...and more than likely don't feel the need to share it with everyone. :shrug: But that doesn't mean I don't find the poop stories hilarious, I just leave it up to the guys most of the time...

    Tyler durden's picture
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    Dave told us you'd say that.

    Latrina's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb
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    Dave, partrnering up to go to the "powder room" is only to pee, never poo. It's an unwritten rule. If you're using the buddy system and you decidedly drop wolf bait in the company of your female friend, you can be automatically disqualified by your friend from buddying anymore. No primping female wants to be witness (visual, aural or olfactory) to the shit you've just taken. The Girl Code simply prohibits such types of action.

    janitor's picture
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    i've had some experience with this. i'm a janitor at a local high school and i have a hidden camera above the stalls (haven't been caught yet hehe) - girls usually check each other out and fix themselves up together - the only time i've ever seen someone take a shit is by themselves (they even stop in mid-shit if someone walks in)

    still makes good material to beat off to though

    Skiddy Poo's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb
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    Ewwwww, Janitor.

    I've reflected upon my postings and realized that they include complaints about some gross phenomenon, dry descriptions about some toilet-related phenomenon, or gneral questions aimed at soothing my bland sense of curiosity. I need to share more fun stories about female-female bathroom events. But then again, I might be predisposed to being dull in the bathroom by virtue of being a woman. Maybe that is why I like to be in and out as fast as I can. Like "Sue", I avoid pairing up so that I don't have to get an earful of insecurity. In my experience, Sue is right. All those head games that are played with men are played out with women, too ... especially in bar bathrooms. I am actually convinced that women sense my inability to expouse insecurities with strangers and pseudo-friends, so they take advantage of it and corner me in the bathroom to vomit their self-ideals onto me. All the while I pretend to listen and think about my beer losing carbonation and my guy friends having a fun light-hearted time on the otherside of the door.

    There have been some fantastic female PR postings. For instance, AB has posted some pretty funny stuff. But I also wonder why PR females rarely post about female-female toilet interactions. Maybe it's too dry and pitiful at times. Maybe because there really isn't much to say.

    Dave's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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    Or, because of the conspiracy. I'm telling you.

    Mya Buttschtinks's picture
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    I confronted my girlfriend on this subject. He answer was simply . . . ."Girls Don't Poop!" . . . . ..good lord . . . . .help us all.

    Mya Buttschtinks's picture
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    Oh By the way . . ..I saw National lampoons Van Wilder Last night . .It was great. The Poop seen was hilarious. . ..simply a must see by all poop report fans.

    PottyMouth's picture
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    If you really want to have an interesting girl-girl bathroom experience that doesn't involve peeing or primping you have to go to a gay bar. It has happened to me three times now that I've been happily making some bladder room only to realize that there are two women in the adjacent stall having a quickie. The part that gets me is knowing thet they are actually having sex doesn't make me any more willing to take a crap next to them. Like they're paying any attention to me!

    AssBlaster2000's picture
    PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points
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    I don't do the girl-girl bathroom thing. Not intentionally anyway. I don't primp and I certainly don't need a buddy to pee, although it is helpful to have someone around in a public bathroom in case there is no TP. In my experiences sharing bathrooms with other girls unintentionally, females don't usually discuss their poop. Some people I've pooped with have done funny things, like rip a huge fart, but they generally keep quiet about it. The general rule among females seems to be: While you poop, keep quiet. I guess that's so nobody can put the face to the smell or something. I've noticed this in relation to cross-stall conversation. At work and at the dorm in college, nobody had a problem talking while pissing, but no one spoke while taking a dump. So the moral of the story is: Girls just don't discuss their poop. There are exceptions of course (me, some of my close friends, the women on PoopReport) but most keep it zipped when it comes to their shit.

    doniker's picture
    j 1000+ points
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    I would rather hear more stories from the janitor with the hidden camera.

    Nobody Special's picture
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    Sometimes I poop when another female is in the bathroom with me, but nothing funny poop-wise ever happened while doing this.

    We'll just say...Carl's picture
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    A few years ago my sister took her 3-year-old to the bathroom with her. It was a bit crowded and when they finally got into a stall together the observant 3-year-old cries, "Mom, how come womensgot fuzzy bottoms?" My sister: Mortified.

    Jen's picture
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    See I am telling ya Dave, we are being honest... nothing interesting happens. I do not think that it is one HUGE conspiracy to keep it a secret from PR... I can pretty much guarantee that it is not.

    Brown Streak's picture
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    Several years ago Saturday Night Live had a skit about the ladies' room which depicted the truth: it is a hedonistic Roman bath type place where they have food, drink, massage and male attendants to service their *every* need. That's why they always spend so much time in there. There may have been a few toilets, also.

    Trashcanman's picture
    l 100+ points
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    yes, there is also a dilbert comic depicting this, in which a says, "Alice, Mary, I rented gone with the wind! Lets go watch it in the ladies room!"

    The reply, "I call the grey sofa!"

    Meanwhile, Wally walks over to dilbert, holds up his find and exclaims, "Look! The mens room has SOAP!"

    Trashcanman's picture
    l 100+ points
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    *in which a lady says*

    Youd think I was reading Hatchet.

    Latrina's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb
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    Okay, guys, I volutneer to be the scientist. The next time I am hanging with my girlie girls and I feel that certain intestinal tug, I'm just going to ask my friend to accompany me to the loo because "I really need to go poopie" (I figure this language will sell it better) and see what reaction I get. Or, if I am feeling mean, I'll tell my friend that I need to go freshen up and then unexpectedly drop massive turds while my unsuspecting friend is in the bathroom. Complete with farts and all. Dave, would that make you happy??? I'll post my results later...

    Kylin Rouge's picture
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    Pfft, they're embarassed. I, for some unfathomable reason, got into a conversation about farts with a girl. I yelled out,"Pussy fart!" and she said,"Exactly. Girls never fart, it's always the dog or the cat."

    They're ashamed. =(

    MyCheeksReek's picture
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    That janitor is one sick fuck!!! Hope they catch him. Nothing much happens when girls go to the loo, like the others have said, when women primp they usually make negative comments about their own appearance like I look really tired, pale, my hair looks gross etc etc and then the others say no you don't you look great bla bla No woman likes to take a crap when there's others in the loo and the only time having a really close bud along is good is when you really gotta take a dump and the friend can do the "enabler" flush i.e. make enough noise with the flushing to make one comfortable about making a splashy sound when dropping a log in the bowl, kind of covers up what happened, though normally she'll flush and beat it the hell out of there before the smell spreads. Also good if there's a TP emergency situation in the stall. I noticed at work that if I go in the loo, there's several stalls, and there's a closed door and a set of legs and like total silence then I know the other person is just waiting for me to get out of there pdq so she can crap, sometimes you can hear the other person power crapping when you flush, like the noise will cover up what happened, as if the smell wouldn't blow it...nothing exciting happens in women's loos and the girls going to the loo together I think happens less as one gets older, it's a thing you do when young and getting pissed at clubs.

    missy's picture
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    geez guys, girls going to the ladies together has been going since way before cleopatra! I'm sure they shared a hole in the ground! generally when I'm out with friends..we tend to go in the ladies to gossip and help zip , button and unzip..simple as that..ohhh and pass toilet tissue under the stalls to the poor ladies that are in throws of dismay at the thought of " UGH" drip dry

    janitor's picture
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    doniker and whoever else wants to hear another funny hidden cam story-

    there was this one girl who seemed to have some urgent business, as she was rushing into the bathroom frantically. anyway, just as she sat down, she started to piss and it went all over her legs and the toilet seat and floor. needless to say, i didn't enjoy cleaning it up very much, but the video of her agonized face as the piss spread across the floor was priceless

    Monica's picture
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    My God! This girls don't poop crap really gets under my skin! I'm one of those kind with a metabolism that makes me always poop at least four times a day. Recently it has caused concern and sent me for examinations and all that crap, but they say it's normal for me. But growing up it was really a trip. In school and other activities with other children it was always I was considred a spectacle with the other girls (and boys too in kindergarten and early church school) saying "Oh my gosh, Monica isn't poo-pooing/ shitting/doo-doo-ing/ crapping bookying, etc. again is she? As I got older I had to get used to the assumption that everyone going to the bathroom is going to pee, despite the fact that before high school I never went to the bathroom to pee. Really, what happened was all my pee got emptied whenever I went to shit because of how you pee a little with each poop as well, you know. Yeah, I did know the feeling of something dripping a bit from my pussy each time I shat, but thought that was just part of it, and I never knew the sensation of a full bladder. So what that meant was I was never really bladder-trained for a really full bladder. Then one time in high school, for the first time ever I got constipated - a real bum trip for someone with my metabolism. But to make it worse I'd never learned to hold back a really full bladder, so I found myself wetting my pants and having no idea what the piss was. Thought I was going to die. Had to go to the doctor. He seemed to think I was so stupid the way he ended up having to explain to me at my age that I had to do something called urinating, and that it was perfectly normal and that most everybody learns to control it much younger!

    Barry's picture
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    I grew up with that Girls don't poop myth being drummed int me real good by my sister, But then one bizarre occasion I really got over it for good. I was never a popular guy in high school but I tried to become more popular by participating in service projects, with little success, but this one incident changed things in a few peculiar ways. The girl who would the next year become the head cheerleader and homecoming queen always was among tose to kind of laugh ar me until this incident. At one service project on lazy saturday afternoon, she and I were both there. Also there was somebody's big brother or something like that, who was an off-duty policeman. They were making a game of handcuffing people together with his handcuffs, and naturally I would become one of the targets. Someone who wanted to play a really dirty joke on the future head cheerleader had her get handcuffed to me, my left hand to her right. Then someone put in a new and harsher twist no one else was made to endure. One particularly mischievous guy who never liked me kind of "accidently on purpose" dropped the key to the handcuffs down a sewer grate. The police officer would have to go back to the station to get another key. Soon my mutual captive started whispering in my ear in a tone as if I were some long lost friend. She pulled me away from the others and told me it was just one of those things. She had to go to the bathroom real bad and just couldn't wait. I thought she must be joking or at least would manage somehow to wait till he got back with a new key. But before I could think, she was dragging me into the bathroom and pleading for me to look the other way and cover my ears. I found that girl's bathroom stalls had doors (unlike the boys') but she couldn't very well close it over the handcuffs while I waited outside the stall. I tried to comply and look the other way and cover my ears. But she jerked her right hand and pulled my left hand off my ear at just a crucial time for me to hear one incredibly humongous blast, the likes of which I never imagined emanating from "the fairer sex". I could hardly believe it. We got still more entangled as she tried to reach for the toilet paper with her right hand, pulling my left down against it. Finally she decided it best to let me help her tear off the paper which she then awkwardly transferred to her left hand to laboriously carry out what she apparetnly was accustomed to doing with her right. Soon a smell like I never imagined could come from her was getting to me. At one point I started gagging (maybe as much in nervous astonishment as in aversion to the smell). Sensing I might throw up, she said okay nervously and arranged for us to turn around, my back to her, while I faced the potty in case I threw up. By then I was restraining from that possibility despite the incredible sight I saw in the potty. Anyhow, from then on, she, at least treated me with a bit more respect (maybe in a tacit understanding that I not divulge the story). But never did she seem to like me as well as she always had and continued to like the guy who got us into that mess by dropping the key down the grate.

    Krazy Nate's picture
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    Stay up 1 day no sleep then look @ the pic of the two gurlz.........freaky

    zzzzz's picture
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    fagg bitch krazy being on everyones side.............your a cumm guzzler along with poop......and this site fukin sux ass..... i mean poop.

    Krazy Nate's picture
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    stop followin my posts and leave. and take your words with you!

    AssBlaster2000's picture
    PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points
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    I DO have a funny/gross girl-girl poop story. It's the only one of my life. It happened when I was about 12 and at a sleepover party. For some reason my friend wanted me to come into the bathroom with her while she took a dump. I wasn't really thrilled about it but being the kind, poop-tolerant person that I am I came with her. So anyway when she got to wiping, apparently she had runny poo because she got a big smudge of it on her hand. And she had to show me of course. It was pretty nasty, but at age 12 we both found it funny. She wiped it off and washed her hands, and so ended my first and only intentional girl-girl pooping experience.

    Hue Jass's picture
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    My girlfriend was happy to explain to me exactly why they "go" in pairs. woman have made fun of men for our skidmarks for many years, and is one of the few things they consistently do better than us men, so they take a partner with them to "inspect" the rectum and make sure they wont leave a "skidmary".

    jersey's picture
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    As a female I can tell you several explanations for this.One,we have low self esteem and we ask our ugly girlfriend to go with us so we can complain how ugly we think we look and we can hear them say,'God,I would give anything to look like you'!Two,we may need a kotex or pad.Three,we feel uncomfortable pooping in a public restroom and want to giggle about the strange sounds we make,lol.

    Canadian Feces's picture
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    I will female feces.

    Canadian Feces's picture
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    Opps, I mean I like female feces.

    Angelica Mead's picture
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    In high school there was one snotty girl, Millie, who acquired a reputation (rightly or wrongly) of being a frequent noisy pooper. I got the advantage on several occasions of managing to get a stall beside her and pass off some of my own rank raucous and reeking dumps as hers. A girl-girl poop experience that at least one of us got a mischievous delight from!

    Brian's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb
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    Mya Buttschtinks's girlfriend may be right about "girls don't poop". My girlfriend, Valerie, doesn't poop. I've known her to go to the bathroom thousands of times, and she always just says she has to pee. In a minority of cases she takes inordinately long to pee and then her pee smells like you wouldn't believe, but take it from her -- it's always pee she has to do!

    LiRon's picture
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    It's really very straightforward. Women are too ashamed of their bodies to shit in front of other people. It is a time honored, international truth. In some office buildings in Japan, the sound of constantly flushing toilets is played over a speaker to help make the whole crapping scenario less embarassing. So there is no girl-girl poop conspiracy.

    Now, there ARE girl-girl poop conversations. We talk about monster dumps we've taken and foul stenches we were shocked to emit...we even talk about how long we've had to wait for people to leave the loo so we could shit and ways we have avoided being identified as a shitter to people you work with (go to another floor in your office building to dump, put on the extra pair of shoes in your drawer before you take the bathroom trip so people won't know it was you if they catch you shitting).

    The only other girl-girl shitting action that goes on is the warning conversation. Women will point out to each other which co-workers don't wash their hands (so you don't mistakenly shake their hand or borrow a pen or eat candy off their desk) or who makes really rank, loud shits so you can avoid going into the bathroom if you see the offenders going in too.

    Lara's picture
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    When girls go poop in a public restroom (well atleast my friends and i) I hate to say it but we are ashamed of our pooping, and for our 'girlfirends' not to hear the relaxing plop of the poop, we usually flush the toilet before we start the revolution and have a relay race to see who can poop the fastest and who cant, and when you have a slow-pooping friend its really funny to hear the other persons plop

    Plopper's picture
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    My ex-girlfriend and her best friend went to the bathroom all the time together, either pooping or peeing. They were like guys because they loved to talk about their dumps. My ex always pooped with the door open as well and would always call me in to see the exceptionally big logs. I could never believe the size of the turds she could pass. They were huge.

    Rhonda Blankenship's picture
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    Several years ago after a Christmas Eve service, I went in the church bathroom. Two adolescent girls in nearby stalls were giggling and repeating over and over the words "fart" and "gas". That might have meant that farting was as close as they could come to having a girl-girl poop experience. But at least maybe it wasn't for not trying. Then I let out a fart and a turd. The former was surely audible; the plop of the latter perhaps not. From then on there was silence except for more giggling. When I finished and left, I soon saw the two girls emerge from the bathroom, still giggling, never having heard any more potties flush besides the one I pooped in. Did I keep them from getting out anything more than farts? Or was that all they had to contribute anyway? Or did they go there planning nothing more from the beginning? Or were they only talking about farts with no intention of emitting even poop's etherial ghost?

    Abigail's picture
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    You know, Rhonda, those two girls just don't know a good shameless pooping mentor when they hear one. If I'd been one of them, I'd have been singing:

    Help me, Rhonda, help, help me, Rhonda

    Help me, Rhonda, help, help me, Rhonda

    Help me, Rhonda, help, help me, Rhonda

    Help me, Rhonda, help, help me, Rhonda

    Help me, Rhonda, yeah, get out more than a fart!

    Dawn's picture
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    I'd love to have good girl/girl poop experiences, but I guess I'm one of those some of you have talked about who drive other girls away because they think my shit is really putrid. I make the best of it. When I take a huge dump, I never flush twice, hoping I'll leave some mega-shit streaks in the bowl (and often do), just hoping one of those dainty damsels who think their shit doesn't stink will soon come in and think "Ooh, gross, Dawn's mega-shit streaks! And she did another huge stinker!" I get off just thinking of deflowering those prisses' virgin brains that way. Thank God, I have an understanding boyfriend. He'll hold my hand while I take a dump, no matter how reeking. He tells me it's healthy to get that much stink out. He tells me its the girls who can't find much stink to their shits that have something to worry afout, because they're retaining too much stink, and that's what's unhealthy!

    Rita's picture
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    Thank God in Heaven for shameless shitters like Dawn, Abigail, Rhonda, Plopper's ex-girlfriend, AssBlaster, and Latrina. I'm a librarian. The little library where I used to work had had small one-seater mens' and ladies' rooms side by side, with loose loovers in the doors. Couldn't hide any sound from anyone by the nearby desk, any guy in the guys' room, or most anyone in the library, for that matter. So I learned to just cherish the inevitable. I'd boldly park my shitter down on that potty and let go to my fart's content. I even got to where I hoped some patrons and guys next door were hearing it! I positively got off on it! It was so cool also contemplating that my hearty poop-aroma was wafting through those loovers and clearing the sinuses of patrons and next-door guys even before I finished. Then when leaving I'd leave the door wide open, unlike bashful users who would close it. I'd indeed find my hearty shit-stench a healthful sign and hoped others would too. Then they replaced my cozy little library with a new mega-branch, with bathrooms big and with solid doors. It's such a sanitized environment, and I miss my old intimate little corner of the world so much!

    Latrina's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb
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    Okay I tried it- I pooped audibly in the presence of one of my close, but not best, girlfriends. We were at a Mexican food bar and after a couple of good margaritas, it always turns my bowels inside out, so I told her I had to go potty and she came with. Little did she know she fell right into my trap. Well, the bathroom was perfect- only had two stalls, and tiled floors, which made for some good echoey feedback. I was too drunk to be shameful, so I plopped my ass on that seat, and just let whatever I could come out as loudly as I could. I even stood up a little off the seat so that the numerous plops would splash even more. About 3/4 of the way through, my friend, who had finished doing her makeup said loudly, "I gotta make a phone call, I'll be outside the door waiting for you. I bet I made her makeup melt off with the smell I had emitted. I washed my hands and fixed my hair a little, then opened the door to walk out. A woman entering the restroom at that moment caught a whiff of my gift and wrinkled her nose. I smiled at her. My friend didn't say two words about it to me or anyone. For all the work I put in, for almost falling over onto the toilet since I was drunk while I was pooping, she didn't say a word. I wonder if she's ever accompany me to the restroom again.

    crazy ed's picture
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    you guys are fucked up

    pooplopper's picture
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    I work in poop every day, which explains the name, and with all the shit I see, as well as tampons and pads, I know all that shit can't be coming from just us guy's. Obviously women are just as full of shit as guy's are.

    poo

    Kakaroach's picture
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    There is probably a good reason for girls to go to the bathroom together, and there is an even better reason why guys can't.

    Beef's picture
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    Plopper, you ex GF r00lez! I often show my wife my gargantuan logs, but she's really not interested. However, I grew up with 3 sisters. And we would all compare logs. I specifically remeber classifying my youngest sisters' logs as "furry". They really were!

    You all rock! Love the p00perz!

    _____

    {___._}

    Beef's picture
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    Lemme try this again....

    This is my log with a c0rn k3rn3l in it....

    _____

    {___._}

    poopdaloop's picture
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    Today I let the worst smelling shit I'd ever let!! I woke up with a belly ache and literally ran to the toilet. I ripped off my shorts and emitted a VERY long and stinky rip!! My ass sprayed some of the most foulest shit that was green and slightly red. It took approximately 10 seconds for it to finish. I thought that would be all but suddenly another blast trumpeted from my ass. I heard the fountain start again and I realized that my asshole was extremely raw!! It took about 7 wipes to completely dry myself!! I checked out the toilet paper each time and it was a vivid rainbow of colors!! Hope you enjoy!!!

    Emily's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb
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    Actually, My friends and I go to the bathroom together so that one of us can keep a lookout and keep on pumping the hand dryer to keep the sounds of "splashing" and poop farts from reaching our ears..

    I don't see why a lot of guys are so obsessed with the whole "girls don't poop" thing. Girls do poop. We also fart, we also laugh about our poop/farts and what silly noises they make. If you want to add some extra "talent" I light my farts on fire. I also make the extra attempt to show my girlfriends my poop, if its over 10 inches long. But usually I am drunk when doing this. I don't see what the "unwritten law" is. Its all nature's doing in my view, if you have to poop you have to poop. I don't see what the big deal is.

    But I do have a bit of advice. I was in Florida a few weeks ago and these guys kept on calling my hotel room. I guess they wanted a "bootie call" from me and my friends. But it was really annoying when they started calling at 2 0'clock in the morning. Well they were talking to my friend who was really annoyed because they woke her up, so I decided to listen on the other line. I heard the guy telling her that we should all come down to his hotel room because they were lonely. I said to my friend, "You want me to get rid of them?" she said yes, and I blasted a huge spicy chicken sandwich fart into the phone. The poor guy was so suprised he didn't even talk for a second, and then he started yelling, "she farted! She farted!"..We then hung up the phones. My one friend was laughing so hard she had to hold herself to keep from pissing her pants. I guess that was my most memorable moment from that trip. But then the next morning, (we had to get up really early because we had to go to blizzard beach) we would call their room and fart into the phone. But I am just saying, if a guy is annoying you, just fart! Screw pepper spray, just blast your ass. It really does work, I have have used it a couple of times. They are so shocked they just sit there and stare openmouthed, and walk away mumbling to themselves. But that is the one only positive side to "girls don't poop or fart" They don't expect it..

    ;-)

    zeek's picture
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    My wife isn't afraid to talk about her shits, although she doesn't like to shit in public restrooms.

    She's also jealous of how guys are able to make more sound when we fart. She's always trying to fart loudly but it's just a whisper compared to the wall-shakers I make.

    Sir Shit A Lot's picture
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    I'm a girl and i dont do anything crazy when I go to the bathroom with another girl...accept for this one time. me and one of my best girlfriends an i went together and ended up having some pretty freaky sex~ but otherwise-its all normal

    The Truth....always gets flushed's picture
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    Girls poop. We have splattery ones, big long ones, small short ones.... - you name it, it comes out of our asses. We just don't like to do it together.

    We are willing to talk about it, though! I tease my grandma and ask if she's had good bowel movements! She laughs and says 'yeah - it was great!'

    In our office I will spray air freshener BEFORE I poop just in case someone walks in. See - I KNOW my shit stinks! I don't want to smell anyone else's and I figure they don't want to smell mine.

    It's fun to talk about, but I just don't need the reality of someone else's stench.

    beef's picture
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    zeek:

    you have a very cool wife. mine is not into poop like I, but she loves to flatulate. wow, she can rip ones pretty close to mine, and mine are roars. it's funny, the smaller the woman, the bigger the rip!

    poopchick's picture
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    Janitor is a total creep. you need to be committed you sick freak

    julie's picture
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    For some strange reason, when I go shopping, I always get the urge to shit. Often times, I get a bout of the

    durch-fallen, due to my monthly constitution. I think that there must be something symbolic about wasting my money and taking a shit. One time I went to some discount shopping center, when I was attacked by an abdominal cramp. I needed to find the potty fast! There is always a long line...Girl's why does it take so long to take a piss? Women's restrooms are also filled with little children, and the awful stench of baby diapers, as was this particular rest room. Any how, I finally made it to the bathroom, where a hot steamy, nasty stream of durch-fallen hit the water with such force that some of the toilet water splashed on my back side. I needed a half role to clean up the mess. Most of the time, we are immune the the stench of the smells emmitted from our bodies, but this one smelled like a sewer on a hot day. I heard one of the horrified women exclaim..."Jesus Christ! If you're that sick, stay at home!"

    Dr. De-fi-Kation's picture
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    While at work in the hospital, i had the urge to crap. Usually it is a no brainer and will take nothing but a minute or two to "expel" but this one time I took over 30 minutes to complete the deed. Needless to say the patient in ER was wondering where his Dr. had gone.

    Rob Death's picture
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    janitor is my fucking hero

    skid mark's picture
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    i have to say that when something out of the ordinary happens on girl-girl bathroom trips its not funny enough to tell poopreport.nothing funny has EVER happened to me on a bathroom trip.what could be funny you go in pee, wash hands, look in mirror and go.what could happen between all that, thats funny.nothing.sorry guys

    Yo's picture
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    POOP?!?!?!

    Da Shit Master's picture
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    my wife frequently fills the bowl and then it is mushy and she asks me to come and look at it. I also fart in her face.

    anonymous guy's picture
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    janitor is a smart man. I have had a female shit and piss fetish ever since i hit puberty. if i could afford a camcorder and have the balls to hide it at work, i would love to! Everybody picking on janitor: leave the poor guy alone. all he wants is some free voyeuristic action that i would kill for. He for that is also my hero! :)

    P.S. Tell some more stories about the girls you have on video. E-mail me! :)

    demonic spider's picture
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    Leave the janitor alone. if i had the same job, opportunity, and certainly balls/motivation; I would do the exact same thing. voyeuristic footage rules. please e-mail me janitor you are the man

    Goldie's picture
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    I think the janitor is crossing the line. It's fair game to Peek on someone with your own eyes - but not with a camera or a camcorder. That is crossing the line. I hope they catch him and he goes to jail (video voyeurism is a Felony in most or all states)

    anonymous guy's picture
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    I think any thing is free game if you have the nuts to do it. Nothing in this world is fair. Im sure he nows the risks but if he doesn't get caught, then he should continue. ive smoked weed all my life and its what i enjoy and if the fuckin cops wanna ride me i'll stop. but i enjoy it and i have never been caught and i encourage people to pursue what they enjoy. there is no reason to live in unhappiness and life is meaningless without risks. Have a nice day! :)

    toronado's picture
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    Y'know, buddah, you're right - I'm going to follow your advice. If I ever find out where you live I'm going to come over and spend several hours beating you to within an inch of your life with a tire iron while maybe use a staple gun on you or something and leave you bloody and crying like a baby. After all, "anything is free game if you have the nuts to do it", right? Then while you're lying there on the floor I'll take your wallet and drain your bank account, steal your identity, frame you for murder, destroy your reputation, and then finally videotape myself raping you and sell copies. Hey, it's all "free game"... Jesus, I don't think I've ever read a more pathetic, braindead post in my entire life than yours. I dearly hope that someone catches you on tape doing something that you're incredibly embarrassed about and posts it on the net - I'd be willing to bet that your little "theory" would go right down the drain.

    Great site, by the way...

    Intrigued's picture
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    Why not talk about girl-GUY pooping? THAT'S the shit (pardon the pun!)!

    anonymous guy's picture
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    i take back my post about what's "fair game" but the whole point im trying to make is the janitor did something cool and im defending him.

    Sergio's picture
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    The first sexual awarenes is the anus - not the genitals. I remember straining to look under and see exactly what was going on under there as I emptied my self! Anybody else?

    Why is there no pornography associated with pooping? (I asked on line once and got a reply - "... are you into shitting!!???" Gee, I don't know actually.

    Last story: My son complained, when he was 6, that he "couldn't get my poops out." I told him to wait until next time, have a banana, go ride your bike for half an hour - they'll all come out.

    For those of you who enjoy anal stimulation during sex, how do you know your colon is empty before inviting a partner to explore your anus?

    Oh one other thing. Why do some men whistle when they pee?

    Mandi's picture
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    one time I had to shit so bad that it was making my asshole stretch, so me and a friend went to a restaurant when I realized had to shit bad. so I went into the ladies room and started to shit when I heard my friend in the room with me! I didn't pay any attention, so I started to shit . It hurt so bad that I started groaning then I heard laughter. My friend heard my shit failing and making a sound-(ker plunk), and every time it fell into the toilet, I said"ah", and my friend was laughing so hard that she had to go shit herself because if she didn't, she may have shit on herself! Both she and I stunk up the bathroom and when the next person used it , we heard "god dam"! So we left that person to die with no fresh air!

    IF YOU WANNA READ SOME DEADLY SHIT STORIES GO TO:

    WWW.SHITCLUB.NET

    Sergio's picture
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    Mandi - and here i thought girls didn't shit! 9Until I was 9 years old I didn't think they did!) Then my cousin left a floating brownie in the toilet for me to see one day after I told her that girls were lucky they didn't have to do number two!