Umm, And I'll Have The Colonoscopy, Please (Part I)

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If you're anything like me, colonoscopy ranks on the squirm scale well above leeches and root canals, somewhere up near death by evisceration.

A colonoscopy, in case you don't know, is a medical procedure that involves shoving five feet of cable up your ass to check out your colon. On the business end of the cable is an ass-doctor's version of a Swiss Army knife, designed for a search-and-destroy mission. It includes a light and video camera; and through its interior can be fed all sorts of additional things -- blasts of air, a wire snare, a flame thrower (for electrocautery, or so they say). Take note, Mattel: this would make a great kids' toy.

You can find thousands of descriptions of the equipment and procedure on the web, complete with diagrams and videos. My favorite is Dr. Fusco's Colonscopy on GIheatlth.com. Dr. Fusco, an ass doctor himself, has posted the account and homey photos of his own colonoscopy. The photo to the right shows him adhering to the night-before dietary regime: "So, while everyone









These pictures come from Dr. Fusco's site. I'm not Dr. Fusco, but I endured pretty much the same thing.





else was enjoying roast beef and chicken, I had a nice big bowl of lemon Jello."

Like Dr. Fusco's account, nearly all of the descriptions on the web are varnished diddies designed to set the mind at ease: "The flexible colonoscope is a remarkable piece of equipment." "The thin, well-lubricated colonoscope is gently inserted..." "Many people report that they remember very little of the examination." Apparently, for some people a colonoscopy isn't a big deal: "As expected, the test was a breeze." One can also find those lucky few who enjoy the sensation of large objects shoved up their asses, those people who probably request a colonoscopy, sans anesthesia, as soon as they turn fifty -- the age at which doctors want to start aggressively searching for tell-tails of colon cancer.

I'm writing this account for people on the other extreme -- for those so fearful of anal penetration that they avoid walking backwards. I underwent my first colonoscopy a year ago. In recounting my experience, I have no reason to reassure you. Indeed, given that I am an aspiring PoopReporter, you can expect me to play up the unpleasantry.

To understand the decisions I made leading up to the exam, you should know my body's general admission policy. If you're a physician and you need to get into my body, you go right ahead and cut yourself a new hole just as big as you please. But listen up: all existing holes are OFF LIMITS. If you didn't know, these holes have dedicated purposes -- and most were designed exclusively for one-way traffic. This isn't really my rule, per se. It's a policy made and aggressively enforced by guard dogs stationed at each of my holes -- dogs who take no orders from me. If I tell them "Heel," they say, "Fuck off."

Swabbing my throat sends the tonsil dogs into frenzies. Just thinking the word "catheter" will cause the pee-tube dogs to throw themselves violently against the fence. But the nastiest of these are the junkyard dogs chained to my anus.

The first doctor to give me The Finger told me that I'd feel a little "pressure," and perhaps mild "discomfort." I get real nervous whenever a medical professional tells me I may experience discomfort. Discomfort is what I experience flying coast-to-coast on Delta Airlines, shoehorned into seats designed for squirrels. While I don't particularly look forward to boarding the plane, I don't sit sweating bullets in the terminal beforehand. When a doctor jams a finger up my ass, I'm instantly up on my toes, I'm exuding eerie guttural sounds, I'm shouting SHIT and FUCK like I have Tourette's. Does that sound to you like someone experiencing a little pressure or mild discomfort? Those are reliable indicators of penetrating, zig-zaggy, lightning-bolt, tooth-gnashing pain.

My dog-bite response to anal penetration startled the first two doctors who insisted on forcing their way in. So now I warn the doctor, as he moves towards me with the glove, that my body is going to stage a vigorous protest. I'm sorry, I tell him, there is nothing I can do about it. The last doctor thanked me afterwards for alerting him. His wide-open eyes told me that he'd never seen a display quite like it.

Knowing this about me, you can guess what I thought of the idea of a colonoscopy -- having my ass reamed for thirty minutes by a plumber's snake. I'd been putting it off for a few years, hoping for a technological breakthrough. What prompted me to suddenly submit was the diagnosis of colon cancer in the young wife of a colleague. Hearing the details of her surgery and its aftermath convinced me that I never wanted that particular disease. I'd prefer to die of something else. Electrocution, for example.

But before visiting my regular doctor, I did my homework. I learned that there are two procedures for checking the colon. In the colonoscopy, which we've been talking about, the ass doctor examines the full length of your colon. But a more conservative option is the sigmoidoscopy, which involves checking out only the lower third. (Why they don't call it "Colonoscopy Lite," I don't know.) Knowing my dogs as you now do, you might predict that I'd fervently petition for the sigmoidoscopy. You'd be wrong. I was prepared to say or do whatever I needed to get signed up for the Full Monty. Here's why:

  1. With the sigmoidoscopy, the standard routine provides little or no anesthesia. With the colonoscopy, they'll knock you right over the head if you want.

  • With the sigmoidoscopy, if they find a polyp, they then want to examine the whole rest of your colon. Do they do it right then? No. They schedule you to come back for a colonoscopy, which means another preparation ordeal. (Oh, you'll read about that in a second. Oh, my, yes.)
  • If they find nothing with the sigmoidoscopy, they want to see you again in five years. If they find nothing with the colonoscopy, your ass is all yours for the next ten.
  • Why would anyone choose the sigmoidoscopy? First, it's usually not you choosing it, but rather your health insurer, via your doctor. And they take the shorter route because it costs them less. But there is another reason you might opt for the sigmoidocopy: with it, the chances of the doctor accidentally jamming the cable right through the wall of your colon drop to 1 in 10,000, from 1 in 5,000. (If they do perforate your colon, they rush you to the emergency room where they treat you the same as if you'd been shot in the gut.) I think I'd rather die of a gunshot wound than survive colon cancer, so I didn't put much concern on the perforation risk.

    My doctor was pretty quick to recommend the colonoscopy -- perhaps because he was well acquainted with my anus dogs. Had he not been so inclined, I was prepared to lie and complain of an innocent-sounding symptom that I learned would guarantee me the colonoscopy. (The high ethical standards of PoopReport preclude me from revealing that here. Sorry.)

    I scheduled the procedure first thing on a Monday morning. Those who make their living doing this procedure do so by running an ass-embly line. And just as I don't want to buy a car assembled on a Friday, I don't want some bleary-eyed ass doctor operating the corkscrew.

    Plus, I hate sitting on a toilet seat still warm from the guy before. So I wanted the corkscrew itself to have enjoyed some time off before it cuddled up to me.

    You will hear most colonoscopy survivors say that the worst part is the preparation -- removing all shit from your colon, getting it squeaky clean. This process begins two days before the exam, when you have to forgo certain foods (uncooked fruits, beets, and so on). But on colonoscopy eve, in place of solid foods, you take a laxative.

    One has a couple of options in terms of potable poisons to do the job;









    Dr. Fusco and his gallon of laxative. Bottom's up!





    and I have no idea how a particular clinic decides which to prescribe. But based on my informal surveys, I'm pretty sure which one you want: the Fleet phospho-soda (consisting of two six-ounce doses). To avoid is the ONE GALLON of polyethylene glycol, aka GoLYTELY, NuLYTELY, CoLyte -- the people who named these products were obviously pranksters, because everyone I talked to who managed to drink the whole gallon described it as a gag-fest, likening it to snot syrup and warm spit.

    I scored the Fleet phospho-soda. While it made me wince, there wasn't much of it, so I could rush it down before the tonsil dogs were fully awake. After swallowing the dam buster, one then drinks a reservoir of water. I was now a disaster waiting to happen -- a ticking shit bomb.

    My first few explosions a couple hours later were similar to standard diarrhea. Not a pretty sight. But by the early morning, I was blasting out drinking water. If Disneyland had a theme ride based on shitting -- Diarrhea of the Caribbean, say -- this would be it: all the comic cheek-flapping noises and pit-of-the-stomach thrills of explosive diarrhea -- even to the point of getting just a little wet -- but without the acidic bite and gruesome odors. If an enema didn't require inserting a nozzle up my ass, this experience would have won a steady customer.

    Part II: Touching the void.







    Here we see Dr. Fusco pre-op and post-op. Can you guess which is which?

    107 Comments on "Umm, And I'll Have The Colonoscopy, Please (Part I)"

    Anonymous's picture

    I had an exam at MGH (Mass General Hospital( today with no drugs whatsoever (my choice).

    I called ahead and asked if it was OK. They do a few each week with no drugs. In Europe they generally do them without anesthesia.

    My exam was totally manageable. Be prepared for deep cramping on the turns and be ready to take lots of deep breaths. The pain was over quickly and I'd do it this way again.

    I wrote my preferences ahead of time and handed it to the Docs. They read it and honored it. Don't even offer me meds unless I request them.

    Anonymous's picture

    I had one today with no anesthesia. Any woman who has survived severe menstrual cramps can survive a colonoscopy without anesthesia just fine.

    Funny how some guys can't take anything up their butt but love to put their big thing up any butt they can jam it into. If you can't handle a puny little enema nozzle then get knocked out for your colonoscopy.

    The first part of the exam is easy, the scope is thin and lubricated. Be prepared for pain on the turns (where the colon bends) Lots of deep breathing got me through just fine. Once the scope is in all the way you've made it. The rest of the test is easy.

    The best part is you can walk out afterward without an escort and can go get a cup of coffee.

    ChiefThunderbutt's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

    AC, I agree with you that the procedure can save lives but it is not "flawless." A small percentage of those who receive the procedure end up in the OR with a perforated bowel.

    Perforation occurred in 0.029 percent to 0.72 percent of colonoscopies.
    Heavy bleeding occurred in 0.2 percent to 2.67 percent of colonoscopies.
    Death occurred in about 0.003 percent to 0.03 percent of colonoscopies.

    If you prefer fractions to percentages:

    Perforation occurred in about 1/3,450 to 1/139 colonoscopies.
    Heavy bleeding occurred in about 1/500 to 1/37 colonoscopies.
    Death occurred in about 1/30,000 to 1/3,000 colonoscopies.

    These are very low risk factors and the risk of death by having a condition go undiscovered is much higher.


    _______
    How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

    How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    to be honest most of you are all pussies. I'm due my 5th colonoscopy and I'm 16. on all 4 occasions nothing has went wrong and *fingers crossed* nothing goes wrong this time, the worst bit of it is probably the no food and the laxatives destroying your bowel! other than that it is a flawless procedure that can possibly save your life.

    daphne's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

    I must side with those saying it has been done without sedation. I've personally been in two medical procedures over the course of my life where the doctor proceeded before pain medication had taken effect.

    Anonymous, I sincerely wish that you could be cloned, as you sound like an ethical and decent person. The problem with health care, like any other field, is that there are people out there who just don't give a shit about their job performances.

    P.S. One of my terrible experiences was with with a gynecologist, and the other one was with an oral surgeon. Fuckwads, both of them. My deepest wishes is that each of them ends up in the hospital one day and has to endure what I endured -- tons of pain for no freaking reason other than someone is probably going to miss his fucking tee off time.

    mumblesassifrassnogoodwhyIoughta...

    _______
    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    Personally, I'm glad the surgeon was responsible enough to decline sedation, having to do two procedures in a row. I can see taking a couple of hist of Nitrous or something, with just on operation at hand, but its good to know the medical community has a sense of responsibility, and can use their sedation in moderation.


    _______
    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    RE:NO SEDATION, They absolutely will do a colonoscopy with no sedation...I've seen it done. Usually though the pt chooses sedation if necessary. We had a surgeon who didn't get sedation because he had an appendectomy to perform shortly after his scope. Some people have no problem at all and some do, you'll never know if you don't try it. Personally, I wouldn't but you be the judge.

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    OK...EVERYBODY CALM DOWN......I actually work in the field we are discussing and can tell you the only thing you need to find out about, pre colonoscopy, is what your dr. uses to sedate with and if he does it well. Call the endoscopy unit, ask for an RN, and ask her/him. Some drs. are stingy and some won't even start till they know you are sedated. Once you are well sedated the procedure begins and you won't know what happens till it's over.

    The worse part is the prep. I recommend you eat LIGHTLY day 1, only CLEAR liquids day 2 (nothing red or purple) and LOTS OF CLEAR LIQUIDS, then nothing at all after 6 hours before your test is scheduled. There is always "fear of the unknown" so ask your dr or even better a nurse about what to expect.

    Amesiac's picture

    Check out amnesia side effect of versed.
    Don't sign anything the day of your colonoscopy.

    For prep, use ice cold ginger ale to wash your mouth out in between swigs. Ice cold might dull the taste buds. Chase it with black coffee.

    NoSedation's picture

    I'm with you. My doctor and OB/GYN has been after me for several years to have a colonoscopy, but I cannot find a doctor that will do a colonoscopy without the sedation that I cannot have. They say I " don't have a choice" and that most people tolerate it well. I do have a choice and I am not most people. I am an individual. It is so frustrating. How do you get the doctor to listen NO SEDATION. I'm not necessarily nothing for pain, but ONLY IF NEEDED.

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    I'm going in tomorrow for my first colonoscopy and I am only 27. I have had digestive problems for years and am finally tired of ignoring it. I'm in the chained to the toilet phase of the prep. I'm scared about tomorrow, but it must be done.

    Second Time Tommorrow's picture

    Prep is the worse part Found 2 med PRE-cancerous polyps 3 yrs ago. No pain, just woke up, felt great

    ChiefThunderbutt's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

    LA from ATL...You remind me of the folks who say they won't wear a seatbelt because their uncle, or some other relative, was in a wreck that he survived and was told if he had been wearing his belt he would have probably been killed. The odds are 85 to 15 in favor of the belt helping rather than harming you. The hose up the fanny is the same, chances are better of it helping you rather than harming you. I personally like to go with the odds, particularly when my life could be at stake.


    _______
    Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

    How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

    LA from ATL's picture

    I will be 50 and I will NEVER have a colonscopy. My Mother was diagnosed with cancer of the small intestine, but the Dr's coudn't really be sure where it started because even with an endoscopy they couldn't "see anything" after a colonscopy and barium enema last year. After metastizing to her liver the chemo/cancer killed her. She died approx a year later at the age of 76 yr old after having faithfully starting colonscopies at the age of 50.

    Nobody or doctor will ever convince me that the barium enema did not play a role somehow-she began have G.I. symptons for the first time in her life.

    I have no problem in not dying an old woman-at least I know it won't be at the hands of a doctor!

    kayleigh's picture

    hi all of you saying you would rather die than have a colonoscopy is pretty thick I have had five of these and i am 17 it didn't hurt it was uncomfortable when they first inserted the colonoscope and when they where passing the air through it that caused uncomfortable bloating and when they guide it round the bends in the colon this is a little uncomfortable but i would rather put up with been uncomfortable for 30 to 60 mins than die from colon cancer or any other disease of the colon so just do it and just think I didn't have any sedation so if you have sedation your experience will be much better than mine just think about that and I have been through many operations and uncomfortable tests since the age of 7 like urodynamics and sigmoidscopys and a cystoscopy and more so just get over it once you've done it you've done it your life saved

    sittingpretty's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

    Russell the queen, yes, dear one, colonoscopies hurt. I get anesthesia assisted instead of the common demerol and versed. I have had many, too many to count. I got the demerol and versed the first time. I woke up crying in pain several times. After that one, the rest have been the easiest part of the hole nightmare. My doctor never does any procedures on me now without knocking me out for a few minutes. Just tell yor doc, you want anesthesia assist because you want to assure to not feel it or remember it. Gosh, my first one was in 1991. The clean out is the longest part of it all.
    _______
    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    ChiefThunderbutt's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

    AC says he/she will never do anything without a 100% guarantee, I suppose that means he/she never leaves home because there is such a high possibility of a vehicle accident. Much higher than the chance of damage in a colonoscopy.
    Enjoy your colon cancer.


    _______
    Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

    How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

    sittingpretty's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

    AC, I'm sorry to say, but you are annoying me. I wasn't going to say anything because Bilgey was doing just fine. You just don't make sense and it makes me weary trying to understand.
    _______
    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    ..which I'm not going to get either.

    daphne's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

    Perforations are also possible when someone gets liposuction.

    _______
    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    Oh, I get, a Scientologist...ok...hope that works for ya.


    _______

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    If it is silly to want to express my concerns and have them heard, I guess I'm silly. If I am on the outside of the medical profession and looking in and seeing the problems with THEIR logic and know it all attitude, I suppose that could be seen as futile by the power trippers within the medical establishment and all the sheep that buy into it.

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    Then I'm guessing you don't see ANY doctors, as they are human, and make mistakes. A mechanic can make mistake that causes your death, and most mechanics I know screw up about 25% of the time, but that's ok? Police officers screw up, threatening your personal safety daily, but that's ok? Or somehow different? You are a silly person, but please feel free to engage in defending your futile position.

    _______

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    A less than .2% mistake rate means something different when the risk of serious physical harm is involved.

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    I would guess, Anonymous above, that you do NOT perform your job with a less than .2% mistake rate.

    _______

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    Two perforations out of 1000 is still two perforations too many. No.

    ChiefThunderbutt's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

    I would rather be safe than sorry, I had the procedure last year and the doctor who performed it said the clinic where I had my procedure had discovered 40 cases of cancer out of the 1000 procedures they performed last year. That is only a feeble statistic if you are in the majority group....oh yes...they only had 2 intestinal perforations out of that number. I also allow my urologist to stick a scope up my weenie every year and look around. I don't smoke now but years ago I smoked heavily which still leaves me at a high risk for bladder cancer.


    _______
    Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

    How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    Yes, I'm working on switching doctors. However, I'm still working off the mindset that doctors who are into this stuff are brainwashed into it and then try to bully, brainwash, wheedle or terrorize people into doing what they say. Like George Bush did when taking away a host of civil rights in the name of the "war on terror." There was a recent Reader's Digest article which brought out the fact that statistically the odds of getting colon cancer are way lower than what doctors try to make it sound like; I also saw one of those ass-inine warm and fuzzy Do It videos in which THEY said: 80 percent of colonoscopies find nothing. And 95 percent of the remaining ones turn out to be noncancerous. So that tells me the odds of colon perforation or bleeding are ACTUALLY GREATER THAN THE ODDS OF FINDING CANCER.
    So WHY should you or I or anyone else buy into this ? "Bottom line" for me: HELL, no.!

    ChiliKahKah's picture
    j 1000+ points

    Thanks for the lessons. I will get this arranged soon.

    ChiefThunderbutt's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

    It is unpleasant and invasive but not terribly painful. The knowledge gained by the procedure can save your life which makes it worth a few minutes of discomfort.


    _______
    Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

    How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

    Russell's picture
    l 100+ points

    My question is, for some people, does it hurt?
    _______
    Russell the shitting queen

    Russell the shitting queen

    sittingpretty's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

    Just dont give up AC. I know it can be depressing when dealing with incompetant doctors. Find another one. Lose that one. You deserve better.
    _______
    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    I love this site.
    My guard dogs have been alive and well since I was born. Nothing goes anywhere!!! (I'm female. I mean ANYwhere.) I'm just past fifty and the doc that took over my old doc's practice is acting like I'm literally an old piece of crap that will fall apart or explode like a ticking time bomb unless I do anything he says and don't ask questions. I think I'd rather let nature take me out than have doctors do it. At this point I'm not sure whether I'm in depression over not knowing how to find a doc without that crappy attitude (yes, I did say that on purpose), or rage, in which case it would not be safe to get into yet another fruitless discussion about why I don't want this stuff.

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    AC, above, you should spend some time talking to our Australian friend, Blind Mullet, he has an ostomy, and his life, by his standards, is wonderful, and he gets a kick out making jokes about his bag. Its a matter of perception, and frankly, yours is pretty messed up.


    _______

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    I just had the sigmoidoscopy a week ago. The last thing I though I would be doing at the age of 21 and finishing a degree in engineering. The enema before wasn't that bad, considering after the fact that I was on a medication that was administered rectally a couple times a day. Not a fun part of my life.

    If you're wondering what it was, I have some form of inflammatory bowel disease. It's chronic, no cure. I take lots of medication now, fortunately its orally and not rectally. I have to say it is not something anyone looks forward to doing, unless you're gay I guess.

    It's not that bad though and at least you'll now get the jokes that comedians talk about. I also have my own joke that I told my Dad who is very uncomfortable about gays. "The only difference between and me and a gay man, is the object used." However, I do draw a line like everyone else above. I will NOT have my colon removed and shit into a bag on my stomach. I seriously will die of whatever disease before that, PERIOD. Good luck to everyone and your assets.

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    My dad died of bowel cancer. I was checked 6 months ago, at the age of 47yo and they found a polyp with contained cancer. It was removed and I am considered "cured".

    Anonymous Confused's picture

    Well, for all that can't stop reading about butts, here is an update. It is now 2/27 and I am starting to get some of my voice back. It was where I could not talk above a quiet talk, but now I can speak a bit louder. Also with the upper octaves of my singing voice, I have been little by little singing with the radio, and just a smidge of the edge of the upper octaves are coming back, though raspy and crackly. I have had laryngitis before and this is not it. I talked to someone who's friend is a doctor, and they said everyone reacts to anesthesia different. This could be what happened to me. Or maybe I was a screamer. Could not get the info out of the doc, so I will go on with life and never get one of those darn things again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    Confused (perfect moniker for this situation) I didn't say they stuck anything down your throat...I implied they shoved something up your ass, and kept going to its ultimate end. Now you can sign in as "Anonymous straightened out by the wise and ubiquitous Bilgepump"
    _______

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Confused's picture

    Bilgepump, The doc's office said they did not put any tube down my throat either for testing or air, etc. Don't know if they are lying or truthing, will have to dig further.

    Sittingpretty, Laryngitis is not something you pick up, but develope, like a side effect of a cold or flu and the like. I sure hope this wears off

    sittingpretty's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

    it could just be a coincidence that you picked up laryngitis in the hospidal.
    _______
    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    ...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    Its obvious that during your colonoscopy, the went for the upper G.I. as well, and even as far as a tonsiloscopy. Just have to push the thing a little harder and farther, is all. Did they remove your adenoids?
    _______

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Confused's picture

    I had my colonoscopy on 1/27/09. Was totally out. Last thing I remembered, they put a mask over my nose and mouth and told me to breath deeply, then injected the anesthesia in my vein and I was out. Next thing I remember is waking in the recovery area. Before the proceedure, the nurse said this was the only place you would hear someone encourage you to "let er rip!" and you do! They only found one polyp and took care of that. I figured if that is all that developed in 56 years, I will make my next appointment in the next 56 years! Here is the problem: I was fine until a few days later I started having a hard time talking and could not sing worth a plug nickle. Of course my friends say I could not sing anyway! But seriously, it is like my vocal chords are damaged. In googling I found this usually happens when a tube is put down your throat. I did not think this happened, but called the butt doctor's office to verify. They said no, they had not put any tube down my throat, either for air or testing. Has anyone else experienced this? It is hanging on kinda long and has me worried. Could this be a reaction to the general anesthesia? BTW, I laughed until I cried at some of these comments on this site. I think this is good medicine!!!

    Big Bob's picture

    My wife is "sleeping it off" right now from her second colonoscpy. Did her prep with all pills this time, apparently something new.

    She had it done at a large local hospital. Had to be there at 6 AM for 7:30 procedure. At 8:15 she was dressed and on the way out the door. Nurse said they did 50 a day. It was an assembly line. Tyson processes chickens slower than that place worked. Docs allow 15 minutes for each one. Is that a cash register I hear?

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    three-reiver endoscopy for colonoscopy is a joke..they like of overdose patients withj versed so that they won't remember anything.then they then hry try to tll you "how painless" it was BS.........go ot a university hospitaal with real doctors.......what a dangerous waste of time and their "nurse" almost killed me with the harmless "conscious sedation"

    Spark's picture

    I had a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy on June 25th. The Versed they gave me had very little effect as I have a high tolerance to Valium. They took me into the procedure room and hooked up my IV. The doctor decided to use MAC monitored anesthetic care where they knock you out completely using Propofol. Thinking back on it, he probably did it to make the procedure easier for himself rather than me. No having to listen to moans and groans or dealing with the patient squirming around. I hear these procedures under conscious sedation can be very painful. But they want more people to go for the test so no matter were you read about it they always say that it’s “somewhat uncomfortable”. That’s why they use Versed. To wipe your memory of the procedure and the pain. It helps protect the doctor from being sued. They didn’t even warn me that they were about to knock me out. I was awake one second and then I was awakened by motion of the gurney. The nurse saw me open my eyes and said “the procedure is over and you’re in recovery.” Then she walked away. I felt like nothing had been done. No throat pain from the upper endoscopy in which they took one biopsy from my stomach and one in my duodenum. No pain in my butt area. No gas. No burping or bloating. No nothing. The only evidence that something had been gong on around my butt area was when I reached back there and felt some lube around my anus. The only thing I regret is not being conscious to witness the procedure on the monitor. I think I am going to ask for conscious sedation next time Without the Versed (they use it to wipe your memory). I don’t like the idea that I was completely gone for 45 minutes and feel as though I have been intimately violated.

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

    Yes, but I attribute this to the fact that I had developed separation anxiety with my proctologist.
    _______

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    Has anyone had weekness and generally felt tired for several days after their colonoscopy?

    Anonymous Coward's picture

    They tell me I was a screamer during my first last week. Thank god the amnesia part is slowly working. During the procedure I dreamed I was being gutted or something like that. I was asleep/awake and dreaming I was screaming and yelling stop or kill me now.

    They had to terminate the procedure before it was complete because one patient in the next room stopped his procedure before they started after hearing me apparently.

    The nurse afterward was upset and told me I was unhurt but the Intern doing the procedure had only done 5 and was not very good. I DID NOT approve any trainees working on me. She was the one who demanded they stop or get an attending to finish up. - none available so now I get to repeat the prep and have a virtual. Thank God the memories are fading. She said only about 1 in 75 awaken during the procedure and have any pain - lucky me.

    IBS Girl's picture

    I had a "Siggy" because of Irritable Bowel. Putting MORE air into an already SENSITIVE and IRRITABLE COLON SUCKS BIG TIME. The Dr. and Nurse thought I was crazy. Next time it will be the Colonoscopy and I will be KNOCKED OUT!

    anenoma history guy's picture

    GI Docs-why do you have such a hissy-fit when someone wants a colonoscopy without the dangerous and often unecessary "conscious sedation drugs"? Many sudies and been done on patients who had unsedated colonoscopy and reported the pain as only mildly uncomfortable and almost all would have the unsedated test again. The office nurses tell me it's for cost; you can do more tests (more quickly) with an imobile and amnesic patient that one who is awake. I am at very high risk and can't get the test done because everyone "insists" on sedation-which I can't amd won't do. So I guess I have to skip it.

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