Umm, And I'll Have The Colonoscopy, Please (Part II)

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Make sure you read Part I.

What does it feel like to wake up the morning of your execution? I think I got a glimpse the day of my colonoscopy. The feeling was... resignation. Things had spun out of my control. All I could do was put one foot in front of the other and venture into that dark room from which I could see no exit. And yet, surprisingly, it wasn't that hard or frightening. Mostly, I felt curiosity. "Hmmm, the waiting room looks just like every other waiting room." "I'll put my glasses in my shoe, and put my shoes right here, and the next time I see them, it will be over. Hmmm." "This is the room they'll do me in. Why's it so big?"

There were two nurses in the room when I entered. One instructed me to lie down on the padded table, gently placed a blanket over me, and then started an IV. IV's don't bother me at all. New hole -- no problem. The other nurse worked quickly, wheeling monitors and equipment into place. A minute later, a cocky doctor strolled in, introduced himself, and asked about my preferences regarding anesthesia.









These are all pictures from Dr. Fusco's colon. I hope mine looks this minty fresh.





I made it clear that I wanted the full dose -- double scotch, neat.

Leaning casually against a counter while the two nurses fussed over me, the doctor observed, "I'll bet it isn't often you have two women working on you." The nurses showed no reaction (I expect because they hear this line several times a day). Nor was this the first male doctor I've encountered who likes to engage in fraternity humor with nurses around. They hope you'll blush or fumble for words, and in this way they demonstrate their status as Alpha Male.

I'm an aging buck fighting to stay in the game, so I dug deep to rise to the challenge. "No," I replied. "But this isn't quite the apparatus I see in my fantasy." At this, the nurses giggled, and the doctor threw me a nod. These were my last words before going under.

The anesthetics typically used -- midazolam and diazepam -- are often described as inducing "conscious sedation." A friend had













described it to me this way: "During the operation, you're fully conscious. It's just that afterwards you can't remember anything about it." She seemed fine with this idea. "What difference does it make," she asked me when I protested, "if it hurts like hell but you have no memory of it afterwards?"

I knew she didn't believe in an afterlife, so I countered, "Would you have any objections to undergoing three months of excruciating torture on the belief that when you finally die, your memory will be erased?"

Trust me. I did a lot of research beforehand to make sure that my friend's what-you-don't-remember-can't-hurt-you theory was pure bunk. I would never have allowed myself to be lain upon the alter had I any lingering doubt. If you think about it, most doctors wouldn't want you thrashing around in pain, if for no other reason than that it would waste time and thus cut into their profits. The idea behind these drugs is that you really are out -- feeling no pain -- but can still respond to questions from the doctor: "Tell me, asswipe. Thinking it might be your last hurrah, did you masturbate last night?"

Most people report waking up (as Dr. Fusco did) surprised to learn that













the procedure is over. I wasn't quite this lucky. Somewhere near the end of the ream job, I became semi-conscious, aware of a pain in my gut, almost like horrible gas. And this turned out to be just what I had. I found out later that I have an unusually twisty colon -- so to negotiate some of the hairpin turns, they had to both knead my stomach and pump air in my colon. It was this air (and the balloon it made of my colon) that was largely responsible for the "discomfort." For the thirty seconds or so I was conscious, I could feel the thing advancing up me, a weird sensation, sort of like having a gerbil loose in my gut.

When I finally awoke for good, I did so to the sound of some rip-snorting farts -- my own, of course. All the air they had blown up my ass was now expressing itself. I was still woozy enough to not give a fig that I was doing my imitation of Don King with one of the nurses right by my side.

And that was it. They walked me to a recovery room, sat me in a recliner, told me they found nothing, fed me













some juice and bagel, and then let me get dressed. I found my glasses in my shoe, right where I had left them. I walked into that waiting room that looked like all other waiting rooms and found my wife, just as I'd left her. She drove me home and by the next day, I'd resumed my life.

A few months later, I felt I'd been had when I heard news of what sounded like the technological break-through I'd been waiting for: virtual colonoscopy. It turns out, however, that this is a virtual sham. To perform it, they still need you to clean yourself out, they still stick a tube up your ass (just not as far), and they still blow air through your rectum 'til you rise up off the table. The supposedly big selling point is they can do this with virtually no anesthesia, so that you can walk right out of there under your own power. Well, they sure figured out why most of us don't want a colonoscopy, didn't they? It's that lost thirty minutes it takes coming to, and the inconvenience of having to bring a friend or spouse to drive us home. But the real kicker is that if they find anything, they schedule you for... a colonoscopy.

In retrospect, the colonoscopy was like most things in my life -- not as bad as I feared, nor as good as I hoped. But there is comfort in the knowledge that there's nothing nasty brewing in my colon, and that no one will be poking around in there for another ten years. Err, nine.

155 Comments on "Umm, And I'll Have The Colonoscopy, Please (Part II)"

daphne's picture
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So, your results were good? No abnormal stuff?
This kind of thing always reminds me of a test my dad had at the proctologist. He had to be filled with gas to distend his colon. After the appointment, he went into a convenience store, where the gas began to come out.
Every step he took was accompanied by a fart all the way out to the car. I guess the accoustics were amazing, and the clerk gave him the worst look ever.
At least you didn't have to drive yourself home. I enjoyed your story.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

still_shitting's picture
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thats just gross

best bet is to get some really good drugs

fullofsht's picture
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Yes, after they fill your colon with air for the procedure you'll rip a fart that rattles the windows. In fact, the nurse told me that they won't let you go after the procedure until you rip a good one. All in all, though, my colonoscopy was less unpleasant than a trip to the dentist, due I think to the fact that they give you better drugs.

Tydirium's picture
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Somehow I expected the inside of the colon to look darker... dirtier... slimier. This looks eroti--- no, that's definetly the wrong word. Uhmm, clean. Sparkling clean. Like the good Doctor eats nothing but fiber.

I am glad I have 20 years until my first colonscopy. By then, maybe they'll have figured out a better way. This seems way too barbaric.

Pill Pooper's picture
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What scares me is how the doctor looks.. He looks just like Murray from American History X. Him staring at that bowl of jello is creepy.

-Pill Pooper

Logjam's picture
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I thank all of you for your empathy.
daphne: My results were good; no polyps found. Thanks for asking. By the way, had they found any polyps, they would have removed them right then (another advantage of the colonoscopy). Colon cancer develops from these polyps, and if they keep your colon free of polyps, there is almost zero chance of getting colon cancer. This makes the colonoscopy one of the most sensible, effective screening tests for any type of cancer, and therefore something well worth considering. I would think everyone who loves to poop (i.e., everyone participating on this site), would be among the most active users of this precaution. My colleague's wife so far as survived the cancer, and thankfully without having to have a colostomy (rerouting the rectum right through your side so that you, forevermore, collect your shit in a bag you wear). But what she had to go through to get her bowls functioning again, you don't want to hear.
When my next 9 years are up, I'm going to be right in line for another colonoscopy. I'd rather go blind, deaf, or dumb than lose my bowls. And the drugs they give you do make it bearable, and even pleasant in a way, as fullofsht points out.

Logjam

Poop Is My Friend's picture
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So did you get a steak and egg breakfast afterwards like the good doc?

I was pondering today about handicapped people's crapping habits. I imagine they have a lot of good stories since if they have to rush to take a dump, they're out of luck.

It'd take them a minute or two just to get situated assuming they could find a suitable restroom. Not to mention if they're in the middle of nowhere and have to kind of roll off the wheelchair and crap while lying on their side?

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Fascinating pictures. I agree with Ty that I was shocked to find it so clean. I guess those enemas and junk they give you really do clean out your colon. It's just proof that those health charlatins trying to sell us colon pills that clean out our "stuck shit" are full of it themselves. Where in that colon could stuck shit hide?!?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Amazing Anus's picture
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I will never let ANYONE shove ANYTHING up my ass. Ever.

Poop PhD.'s picture
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*~shiver~* O god, i would NOT like to experience a snake like objcs fellng its way up my ass. YOu are one unlucky dude

anus's picture
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Mmm mmm mmmph mmph mmmrrr mrrr....

Translation: I can't talk now I've got a tube in my fucking mouth!

Logjam's picture
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Yeah, and I hear masterbating can make you go blind.

Logjam

The Shit Volcano's picture
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I read somewhere that having too many colonoscopies can actually CAUSE polyps. Be careful guys.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

freakazoid's picture
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Damn! Someone lost a camera up there, didn't they. God forbid someone disagree with you, logjam! What, are you now going to force colostomys on everyone?

The main thing that causes more cancer other than radiation and too many chemicals is stressing about having cancer. Get a life, butthole!

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Freakazoid, you are such an asshole!

He was kidding!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

freakazoid's picture
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Bite me!

The Shit Volcano's picture
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There is other thing about colonoscopies. My dad had one a few years ago and he said they make you rip off some pretty awesome farts!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Pooperscooper's picture
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Sometime back on Craigslist, a very unlucky man submitted a story. He'd had either a sigmoidoscopy or or colonoscopy (probably the siggy) and afterward, the staff did NOT ensure that he ripped a full, final fart before leaving their premises.

Our informant, not realizing that he was still a ticking bomb, left the medical office building, went for a walk---and suddenly realized that he had to rip a major fart--immediately.

But he was ashamed to do this in public, so he ran to the only available public restroom which was in the main library. That particular bathroom is a major hang out for various and sundry street people, dope dealers, etc.

Our friend fled to a stall, locked himself in, then blasted off with a long and ghastly ass wail. Meanwhile, he had to listen to the shocked comments of the loiterers:

'Man! What's thaaaat?'

"Weeee, that sounds like Satan' etc.

Make sure the doctor will let your fart on the premises before you go home after getting this prodcure done.

The Shit Volcano's picture
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If I'm ever crazy enough to get an ass cameraing I'm going to save the fart until I get outside. Preferably in a crowded public place.

He he he!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

shmooky's picture
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Why the hell can't the docs vent the gas they just introduced into the colon? I was in excruciating pain from the colonoscopy gas for ten to 15 minutes afterwards until I was able to expel it. Part of the reason I was getting the procedure was excruciating bowel pain. I'm sure my roomates in the semi-private room were delighted by my loud, long ass trumpets.

Can't they just reverse the air pump and suck out what they've blown in. Are they afraid I might turn inside out if they suck too hard?

I guess then we could say that colonoscopies both blow and suck.

The Turdinator's picture
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i wish freakazoid would grow up

old fart's picture
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I've had two colo's and need surgery to remove a lipoma/polyp the size of a bowling ball. Yesterday I had a siggie

semicolon's picture
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I had one of these procedures done. Nothing was found either. I must be a perfect asshole?

Had It Also's picture
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I actually had one yesterday and while it is unpleasant to think of them, the preperation is worse than the procedure. They stuck a needle in my arm, I talked to the anastheseologist for three minutes and the next thing I knew it was an hour later and they were done! My abdomen hurt badly from the air and a big nurse grabbed me and squeezed me like a squeeze toy and I let out a two minute ripper that rattled the pictures on the wall. The whole procedure was worth it for that...plus they found 2 very small polyps that they got rid of.

mott the poople's picture
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WOW...after some VERY unpleasant lower-back procedures, I'm getting to KNOW the anesthesiologist first. I WOKE UP during one procedure and I now know where they got the "eyes spinning" in the cartoons from. SERIOUS PAIN! Sounds like they used "strong valium" on LJ. I had "verced" (I think that is the spelling) and still remember it all. Reading this makes me nervous. Not many things SCARE me...a doctor with a probe that has a knife on it..*shudderrrr*
The big farts would be cool....too bad we can't save them to use later(!)

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Bass Turd's picture
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I'm now 5 hours into the prep for tomorrow's colonoscopy I guess it's nearly complete since the last trip produced a bright yellow clear liquid nearly indistinguishable from the lemon Jello I ate about 2 hours ago.
I'm hoping to achieve Poland Spring purity before heading off to bed. Hopefully I only have about 2 more hours of squirting. I can't help but wonder what happens to all that artificial color under normal conditions. What has the power to turn yellow dye to brown?
I am hoping this procedure doesn't put much pressure on the prostate. My prostate does much better when allowed to sleep quietly. I've had a few digital prostate exams that were excessive and left me with an unnatural and unneeded urge to piss.
So good to have this forum to vent the night before the big scoping.
I'm not thrilled about going to sleep. I hear it kills brain cells.
Best to all you over 50 who remember the candy jingo - OPEN WIDE FOR CHUNKY.

Logjam's picture
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Best of luck, brother. And do log on tomorrow to let us know how it all came out.

Logjam

Anonymous Coward's picture
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You guys are a riot. I will be having a coloscopy Monday. So tomorrow is clean out day. As a woman I hate to think of actually farting in public. Oh, the embarrassment would be terrible. But you guys take pride in it, how funny. I can just imagine a recovery room full of post op colonoscopy guys. I can picture you all holding it as long as you possibly can, then letting go. Just to try and claim the prize of longest foulest fart imagainable. What I always wondered is why would you want to specialize in this end of the buisness?

first timer's picture
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Next friday is my very first colonoscopy:-) I have never had an iv, so that scares me to death. I have never had any kind of surgery, etc. I have had 3 sigmoids though. Not too bad after the fact actually. Now I am freaking myself out about it all. is the procedure risky?? Can I die?? and are those odds veryl slim or what?!?! Anyone know???

Anon Pooper's picture
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I am reading this as I down a gallon of Colyte (yum!) for my second colonoscopy at the age of 53. The first used the Phopho Soda and it is much better than this god-awful Colyte. I had a barium swallow last week and it was worse. There is a special place in hell for the designers of these preparations.

The first colonoscopy was sheer torture because no one told me that it was the prep that was the worst. The procedure itself was a breeze, except for the fact that I was hungry, thirsty, exhausted (can't shit and sleep at the same time), my butt hurt and I was generally a cranky old bitch by the time they started. I remember lying on the padded gurney with an IV in my arm, trying to watch the monitor as I intentionally quickened and slowed my pulse. The next thing I remember is coming to. To my great surprise, when I got home, I wanted to sleep more than eat. I slept for eight hours straight.

Thank you for writing this. It is just what I needed on "Colonoscopy Eve!"

The Dumpster's picture
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My colonoscopy was in October 2001, just about six weeks after my wife had left me and our son for another man (the damn thing--the colonoscopy, as well as (evidently) the other man--had actually been scheduled, back when we were together, to accommodate HER schedule!). This was before Hermione (she was still just a good friend then), so my poor Daddy had to take me to the procedure. There is nothing worse than watching a parent deal with something even remotely relating to the issue of the mortality of his or her child, even a grown child. My mother died when I was fairly young, but I remember to this day, all through the funeral, feeling more sorry for my grandmother--HER mother--than I did even for myself.

But I digress. I relate that simply to note that I had the emotional overlay of Daddy's worry to process, as well.

I was already set up in the "procedure room," with the IV going and everything, when the Doc himself comes in and starts taking my history.

Now, I digress again, but those of you who know me from the site are aware that I'm what that generous soul, C. Everett Poop, calls a Monkey Spooge-Gargling Lawyer. Yes, I sue doctors! Yes, my doctor knew that!! And, OH SHIT!!!, they had forgotten to get my updated history before they plugged me up, as is required by The Standard of Medical Care.

No wonder Doc condescended to come in there 60 seconds early and do this menial job himself. Talk about who was the Alpha Male in that situation?

(To be continued--I gotta go cook supper for Little Dumpster.)

The Dumpster's picture
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Sorry for the interruption, but I need to finish this story before I take my leave of absence.

(You know that we Dumpsters have to be steam cleaned at least once a year....)

Anyway, here's Dr. Omega, all concerned because he hadn't dotted every t and crossed every i. Nevertheless, recognizing that my life (or at least some portion of it) was going to be in this man's hands for the next hour or so, I felt like I needed to put him a bit more at ease.

Most of the questions were routine:

"Do you smoke?"

"No." [I lied.]

"Do you drink?"

"No." [I lied.]

"Do you use street drugs?"

"No." [Telling the truth, for once.]

"Are you sexually active?"

"What?"

"I said, are you sexually active?"

"Well, doc, I mostly just lie there...."

"Okay, okay--have you had any significant weight gains or losses recently?"

"Well, yes; as a matter of fact, I have." (I think they had started the Demerol feed by this time.)

"Oh? What would that be?"

"Doc, I've recently lost 120 pounds of unwanted weight," I replied.

***Dead Silence***

"120 Pounds!!" he exclaimed, a bit too anxiously for my taste.

"Ah, yeah--I got divorced last Friday."

***General Laughter***

I remember no more about the rest of the procedure than I remember about my own conception (Dad has offered to share details of that event with me, an offer I've politely declined). Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the Recovery Room, with Doc, Daddy, and Big Nurse all hanging over me.

"Dumpster, I have some good news and some bad news for you," he said, in perfect doctorspeak.

"Whell, whasht de bad noos, dock?" I asked, still somewhat (actually quite) high.

"You have Irritable Bowel Syndrome," he responded, and proceeeded to enumerate the consequences of that, most of which I already knew, and the rest of which I couldn't have grasped in that moment with a gun to my head.

"An de good newsh?" I slurred.

"You are a perfect asshole. Come back in ten years, Mr. Dumpster."

Logjam's picture
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Dumpster, you're back to your old habit of posting comments that are themselves front-page material. This was funny as hell. I have a lawyer brother who tells similar stories of visits to his doctor who seems overjoyed to have him over-the-barrel, so to speak.

Logjam

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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Logjam, why do you inspire me to start typing? Damn! Maybe I could have gotten ten (much-needed) points for those posts! Your stories are so sympatico that they make me forget myself.

Would you please call Miss Hermione Granger at 1-555-xxx-xxxx and whisper a few words in her ear on my behalf? I will gladly pay.

Ledhead71's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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wow that is the weirdest looking picture i have ever seen

Logjam's picture
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Mister Dumpster. A short note to let you know that I did place a call to the number above and advocate on your behalf. But she seemed unimpressed (or perhaps unsurprised) by my opinion, I now learn shared with your doctor, that you are a perfect asshole. What's her problem?

Logjam

The Dumpster's picture
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She has a hard time understanding that, here on PR, "perfect asshole" is a term of endearment. In fact, Dave should consider conferring it as another Order of Nobility, sort of like the uberpoopers on the forums.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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What a bunch of sissies. The worst part of the procedure is the night before with the phospho-
soda concoction. You wake up in post-op and get to fart. No big deal. Or would you rather not know you have colon cancer until it's too late. R.I.P. Frank Zappa.

-Doc

Moveebuff's picture
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I took my first dose of Pico-Salax this morning and I'm just about to take the second dose. It tastes like strong orange Tang. I thought i'd be running to the john more often but i've only gone twice so far. I have my baby wipes and jar of vasoline handy in the bathroom. I had toast and coffee this morning and a big bowl of vegetable soup for lunch. Now it will be liquids and jello until after the procedure. I'll update if anything interesting happens before then.

JD Bauer's picture
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Holy poop this is great stuff. I'm awake at 1:56 in the morning, hungry with a headache and nervously anticipating my 1st colonoscopy in a few hours. This post is actually very helpful. But I wonder if, during the prep the day before, did you experience what feels like...um...peeing out of the anus from that awful phospho-crap drink? And after many hours didn't your anus ..well..burn and get sore from so much liqui-pooping? I'm concerned I might reject the hose. Anyway thanks for the enjoyable account. Here's my transcription of my conversation with a Danish nurse (I'm a New Yorker living in Denmark) I had to try and put me at ease. Well maybe it sort of helped?

http://collective-heartburn.blogspot.com/2007/01/get-me-butter.html

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Love this site. Wish I had a clever quip.

Had my second colonoscopy today. The first was 3 years ago and a couple of polyps were removed. Nothing today... hooray! To all who are talking about the prep being the worst part, I agree. The first time I started the prep after work and was up half the night running to the bathroom. Start early getting ready. The trick is to help out your bum by going light on your food consumption the day before you begin the prep. Eat light, nothing spicy, nothing particularly fat or greasy, a nice bowl of bran or something with lots of fiber. You'll poop easier once the prep begins. Then do your clear liquids and hydrate well before beginning the prep. Take the day off and start the prep no later than noon. You'll be done by bedtime.

My only problem was a headache from not being able to start the day with caffeine. I remember nothing whatsoever about the procedure itself. And... you MUST fart soon and fart often. Get in whatever position helps to get the gas out and you'll feel much better. :-)

Slo-gut's picture
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I love this site. It is doing a very good job of keeping my mind off of prep-hell. My bowels move very slow. It is technically Tuesday morning. I haven't eaten since friday night. I'm on my second prep (first movi-prep now nulytely). I'm hoping this will do the trick. So for now I'm camped out in the bathroom, surfin the net on my TX.
This must be my fourth or fifth scope since being diagnosed w/Crohn's about 15yrs.ago. The last scope was just a year ago. If they ask me to come back in another year, I will run screaming (and farting) out the door.
I do agree that the procedure is not that big of a deal. Just please find a better prep or take my scarred up old guts out.
For you newbies, don't let my belly-achin' (ooh, good un- intended pun) put you off. This is the best preventative procedure ever.

Jim's picture
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Everything you described went the same for me! I was very surprised. I remembered nothing and felt nothing, I woke up knowing it was over because I had a warm blanket over me. Like you say, glad it's over and happy I'm clean of any cancer. I dealt with the gas for three days, but this eventually ended too. Thanks Doc...you learned your lessons well!!!
Jim O (Charleston, WV)

Anonymous Coward's picture
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did the second package of Pico-Salax. Now doing all I can not to upchuck. Butt hurts...and nausous. Anybody else vomit on the pico-salax stuff? High Speed water bombs seem to be subsiding a 'bit'.... tummy is achy... appointment is 8:45. My questions are: anybody else vomit on the stuff and get the chills? Looking for some comfort...

Joplin's picture
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I had my first colonoscopy yesterday. The day prior I did the clean out with 1 bottle of powdered Miralax mixed with 2 quarts of white grape juice which I drank as one 8 ounce glass every 15 minutes from 9AM to 11AM. I highly recommend the Miralax as it dissolves thoroughly in any liquid and is completely odorless and tasteless so its easy to get down without nausea. I had eaten lightly the day before so the process was much easier than I expected. I was virtually cleaned out by 1PM and was able to do household chores, etc. I was a bit hungry, but kept hydrated with broth, juice, popsicles and water. The worst was opening the frig and seeing my wonderful leftovers from Christmas that I couldn't have, like cherry pie and prime rib. My husband came home for lunch and started to eat in front of me - I made him go to another room! Before bedtime I had 3 gin and tonics (they were clear liquids!) and I slept like a baby. Forgot to mention that at 4PM I took 4 tiny little Ducolax tablets which seemed like overkill to me at that point. My tummy started to gurgle around 4 AM and I had two more trips to the bathroom and couldn't get back to sleep. I was pretty nervous about what was coming. I finally got up, showered and left for the hospital for my 6:30 appt. I sat in a pre-op waiting room for about 10 minutes before I was called in. I chatted with my nurse until I could change into a gown and hospital issued socks. After a very thorough interview/history with her, she started my IV and hooked me up to monitors. She asked me if I had any anxiety and I said, "oh, yeah." I looked at the read- out screen where I could see my heart rate right then was 146 and my blood pressure was way up too. She said she would ask the anesthesiologist if she could administer some Versed if I wanted, just to take the edge off if I agreed. So I had two baby doses of that while I waited for my turn and it did help me relax and get my numbers down but I was still coherent. During this time I was visited by my surgeon, the anesthesiologist and his nurse anesthetist. All were very pleasant and reassuring and answered all my questions patiently - and I had plenty of questions even at this point. I was confident finally that I would be given both a sedative and an analgesic and it would not be a question of just "no memory" of pain. Next thing I know they say its my turn. All I remember is being wheeled into a room, checking it out briefly, getting my gown untwisted, getting a monitor and oxygen hooked up and being asked to turn to my side like I was taking a nap. Boom! I was out like a light. No discomfort, no embarrassment, no memory of anything. I'm in the recovery area being roused to wakefulness by a nurse. As before the procedure, I'm covered with heated blankets so I'm cozy and comfortable. I felt a little tipsy for a bit, not a bad feeling. I asked for a TV so I could spend the day there, I was so comfortable. The nurse offered me a choice of food and beverage, transferred me to a chair and then called my husband in. The doctor had reported to him that I had no polyps - nothing, so I was relieved to hear I was clear for maybe another 10 years. My procedure had started around 8AM and by 8:30 I was awake in recovery. I never once felt that my dignity or privacy was compromised; everyone was very professional. My extreme anxiety was probably misplaced. I wish I had known some of the tips two days ago that I now know, like using wet wipes, because my bum did get a bit sore. So ask for the Miralax protocol and get this important screening done. Get all your questions answered and make sure you are comfortable with your caregivers and the facility you choose.

pgh's picture
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Had one last week. Prep was no big deal. Wasn't hungry since I was drinking so much. I was conscious during the early part and could see the monitor. As that point I started to feel some discomfort, mentioned it to the doctor. The next thing I remember I was awake and redy to go home.

One suggested warning: eating after the colonscopy. I see that some responses mentioned that the doctor's office provided a small amout of food. Not a bad idea! My wife (the designated driver) and I went to breakfast. I had 2 1/2 pancakes and some coffee. Not feeling anything except a few minor cramps and very little farting, we went shopping for about a half hour.

On the way home I was getting very light-headed and just in the driveway I vomited. In seconds I felt fine and the rest of the day was ok.

I inquired of the Dr. office. Today the nurse thought that the symptoms were caused by air rising up through my gut and stomac and expelled the food and that the walking helped that occur.

Since they removed one polyp, I go back in 5 years. Next time Ii'll re-eat more sensibly.
Having this every 5-10 years is no big deal considering it helps monitor risk for 3 major cancers. Also I suggest that the guys out there have their PSA monitored (althought this is somewhat not super reliable) and skin checked regularrly.

arwen's picture
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I'm glad I found this site. Having the procedure done in the morning. I already did the prep and yeah, it was pretty yucky. I only just turned 42, so I'm assuming that since I need one of these, something must be wrong. Not too keen on farting in front of people either.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I was just finishing the awful prep for my colonoscopy tomorrow. On the last glassful of that "stuff", I began to vomit. I probably vomited about 4 cups of the liquid... Now what!??

Logjam's picture
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If it were me, I'd reschedule the appointment and ask for something different for the next appt.

Logjam

kASSuallySpeaking's picture
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My 1st colonscopy is Monday. I'm scared. One they found a large mass so going to find out what it is. I just want to save my dignity in there, do they keep you covered as much as possible, and that farting business do you have to in front of other people? Last question is Lemon jello considered a clear liquid? I know knox gelatin is clear and tasteless too they say but i think it tastes horrid!

Logjam's picture
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kASSually. They do keep you covered up as much as possible. And they'll probably keep you back in the room -- not in front of others -- for the fartfest. However, for the whole routine, if you could relax about maintaining your dignity, it would help. Regarding the Lemon Jello question, look again at part 1 of this story. That's just what the doctor plated for himself. Yum, Yum.

Best of luck, and please come back next Tuesday with a report.

Logjam

kASSuallySpeaking's picture
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My 1st colonscopy is Monday. I'm scared. One they found a large mass so going to find out what it is. I just want to save my dignity in there, do they keep you covered as much as possible, and that farting business do you have to in front of other people? Last question is Lemon jello considered a clear liquid? I know knox gelatin is clear and tasteless too they say but i think it tastes horrid!

Also Scared Shitless's picture
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My doctor just told me it's about time for my first colonoscopy. I found this site, and it made me really laugh.
I think I'll go for the smaller drink option. I've already done the sigmoidoscopy bit. Try giving yourself Fleet enemas out of those little bottles they sell. Everything got wet. They told me I had done a good job getting myself cleaned out, but now I think I could qulaify for a job with the Cirque du Soleil. I'm quite the contortionist.

AnxietyFest's picture
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I need to get a colonoscopy and an endoscopy - a 2 for 1 apparently! I'm super anxious about the whole thing, mostly the IV even though I know that sounds stupid. But I wasn't that nervous until I finally made it to my long-awaited gastro ent appt. I waited for well over an hour, and when I finally got into the exam room she bombarded me with questions that I didn't have a chance to thoroughly answer and every worst case scenario on the planet. She even fed me the gem about how she lost a 24-yr-old to colon cancer, although to be fair, she mentioned in passing that it was rare for someone that young. (Did I mention I'm only 26?) Anyway, the point is that I've had a slew of terrible digestive problems for years along with heartburn, my Dad has Chrohn's, I'm afraid of what they'll find, scared that they won't give me anything for my anxiety over the IV (since she told me she wouldn't and that I could take a sudafed before I came in), and now I have to try to find another doctor and wait for that appt to finally come around. Plus I'm totally against farting. This blows.

I do want to say however that so far all the comments and suggestions about the prep have been very helpful in starting to alleviate a small amount of my anxiety about the whole thing, and for me that's a big deal. Thanks and any other helpful and encouraging comments will be MUCH appreciated!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I took MoviPrep at 4 PM today and 4 hours later, nothing is MOVING! What the hell am I supposed to do now? I have my colonscopy tomorrow morning. I guess I really am full of shit. Seriously tho, I have no idea how to get the poopy train moving.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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have to say - love this site! having the c-word tomorrow and am 3 hrs into nulytely and nothing but a belly full and feeling like I'm going to float away.
UGH

Logjam's picture
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Good luck tomorrow. And I stress again, if you have any choice in the matter, do not nulytely into that dark night.

Logjam

rippinonedayatatime's picture
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I am being sent for one in Febuary. 39 yr old male. My hemoglobin for blood test last spring was 13.2 Normal (13.5 - 17.9). dad got colon cancer last year at 73 but they caught it early and just had surgery to take out nothing else. Those two things some how set me up for the scope up the $#$. Did another blood test and everything is normal again but I guess I am still scheduled. Not looking forward to this

A'sMom's picture
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This is a very helpful discussion, and the light tone is reassuring. (hehe, reASSuring!) My partner had his first colonoscopy last year, and he agrees the prep is the worst part. My BFF is putting hers off -- her mom died from colon cancer, but she is afraid of total anesthesia. I tried to reassure her that she doesn't have to be completely knocked out; I hope she listens.

I'm supposed to have my first one this year, but I'm worried about the prep., as I am allergic to any and all artificial sweeteners. They literally make me puke. My partner did the phospho stuff, and that had saccharine in it and would never have stayed down for me. I hope the docs can come up with an alternate prep for me, and that it isn't too awful. My imagination plays dreadful tricks....

punky poopster's picture
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My second colonoscopy is in the morning. Even though it's not my first, still pretty freaked out. My sister has Chron's and I have to say it concerns me. I am into my second liter of Moviprep. This stuff is foul. hopefully I will eventually quit peeing out of my ass. I'll just be glad when it's over.

Logjam's picture
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Best of luck, punky. And please log back on tomorrow and give us a report of how it went. We can use all the evidence we can get that people return from these alive and able to communicate.

Logjam

sphinctor royal's picture
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Comrads beware. After the fart fest has settled. Use caution when eating and drinking for the first few hours. I had to stop and get some snotty egs and bacon. Real bad move on my part. The shit storm reared its ugly head again.Nothing more rude then shitting your pants in line at the 7-11....and someone asked if they were cooking bacon in the back room.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just want to thank you for your story and the comments. I am 18 years old and I've been told I'll need a Colonoscopy since I've been having chronic stomach problems yet every test that I take comes back negative. I have extreme anxiety problems so of course I'm thinking to myself " Oh dear God, I am going to get too much drugs and then die or I'll wake up during it and be in so much pain I'll never be able to forget it!" I have had two enemas done and taken way to much Milk of Magnesia and miralax so I don't think the Prep for it will be anything new to me. Your story and the comments on it have given me hope that it wont be so bad.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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This is good. If we can help anyone your age feel better, it's all worth it. Now make sure that you come back later and tell us how it went!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

lilalionhearted's picture
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Have had two C's done and one sig. first prep was with the phospho stuff which was not a big deal (will never drink ginger ale again, tho) but the second time did movi prep. Actually although it tastes like a mix of lemon lime and bile (I love the product descriptions that say the taste is "palatable"..ha!) it was not bad, and the colonoscopy went fine, really a non event for me. And did fart plenty and vomited once (pretty routine if they use fentanyl) but mostly it was no big deal. Thankfully. MUCH easier than the sig which I thought was awful. Have to do a cat scan with contrast dye next...oh goody. and this is a FABULOUS FABULOUS site...

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Want to thank everyone for their posts. They were informative & encouraging - even funny, which helped me get thru the MoviPrep & the starvation! Now I want to encourage all of you who may be looking here for that. The only way I could drink the MoviPrep was to put ice cubes in the cup & hold another cup of Crystal Lite yellow lemonade in my other hand. With each gulp of MoviPrep, I quickly took a swig of the lemonade. I began to get strong results in 1 hour. The liquid I was putting out became yellowish clear by the time I had drunk 1 & a half lires - thank God - so I stopped. The MD said my bowel prep was fine! I then enjoyed a gin & tonic and went to sleep! The procedure was a BREEZE, honestly! I began passing ALOT of gas before I left the office & it continued for awhile. I strongly recommend wearing a women's sanitary pad (long one) "cause there is some leakage! Best of luck to all!

Bee's picture
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Going for my first colonoscopy. I am totally scared. And I may call to cancel. I am a little mad because I don't think I really need one. My gp refered me because I have lost 20lbs in a year(stress,I'm sure)have loose BM after I drink tea.sometimes. Have had white with a BM and have had rectal pain when I ate meat. I don't know, I am scared. I am 34, don't get stomach pains and I am fine. What would you do?

Thank you for your help, Bee

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Bee........Get the colonoscopy!! If you read the posts on this site you will see that many of us have had the procedure and there is nothing to fear. Your GP has recommended the procedure for good reasons. There is much more to fear in what may go undiscovered if you cancel the procedure.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Just had mine today. I really enjoyed and chuckled at some of the comments here. Normally I would move on.. but felt that I needed to share in case anyone was having anxiety over doing this procedure.

Yep, the prep is the worst part.. in case you are wondering, Moviprep tastes like salty lemonade to me. I chilled it, and chased it down with Dr. Pepper. (I've never been a great "rule-follower." I got thru that just fine. It took 3 hours before I had to "go." Then "went" a few more times.. done. My son drove me (husband too busy) and away we went. No pain, no worries. I do have to have surgery for a GIANT hemi I have been battling with for over 3 years that just won't simmer down anymore. So that's that. No gas pains.. nothing. It is 5 o'clock and I'm having my first cup of coffee for the day.

Enjoyed this site - wish I'd found it last night!

Scaredycat's picture
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I was looking for some info. on Movi Prep and found this site, it's all that I had hoped for. Very amusing. I have my first colonoscopy tomorrow morning. I had three friends tell me just put the movi prep on ice in a cooler in the bathroom and plan on spending the afternoon on the toilet. So I set up my portable DVD player on a t.v. tray in there and watched Grand Torino with Clint Eastwood. During the course of the movie I drank a liter of the Movi and nothing happened but my butt became sore from sitting on the toilet for two hours. So I left the bathroom, played with the dog in the backyard..and here I am trying to figure out when..you know..I'm gonna see some action??? I have my 2nd liter chilling..and maybe that will do it. Anyway it was tasting just fine at first (kind of lemony), and now I feel like those people in the hot dog eating contests...like I've had enough of it, but I know I've got to eat more for a good cause. I just hope I can start pooping before I start barfing. Thanks for all the posts on the actual procedure...I worked myself up earlier this week worrying about it. Your posts put me at ease. I saw the 2006 post from the malpractice attorney, and I can relate as I'm in a similar profession and when the gastro finds out tomorrow, I pray he doesn't get nervous or jittery (yikes). I'd probably fib about what I do but I think it's in my chart. Well it's time for Movi Prep the sequel. I wish you all the best and may you hear..."your colon walls passed the white glove test, and we'll see you in about ten years".