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Hello there,
My friend Crapstina Aguilera and I (Shitney Spears) recently were emailed a link to this fabulous poo
palace on the web, and we adore the fecal philosophies of your site. We have crafted our own
Dumptionary, in our own spare time, and think your site could benefit from our vast knowledge. And
we're not just talking shit here - we've given this some thought.
Yours in the loo and in poo poo,
Shitney Spears and Crapstina Aguilera
THE DUMPTIONARY
BACKSPLASH: Usually occurs in a public bathroom when HOVERAGE is necessary. When you take a dump
from a higher altitude, the shit bellyflops into the bowl, causing the water to spash on your cheeks
and causing you to feel quite skeeved, now having to rinse off your bum.
BREAKAGE: When the poo breaks off in mid-shit, leaving you with a little piece of poo hanging out of
your ass like a tail.
CHRONIC POO: This poo can come in any consistency, but is categorized as such due to the excess of
its occurrence in one day. This is the day that it's not quite diarrhea, but you spend more time on
the bowl than anywhere else. These shits often cause SHIT RIM. The recurrence of this movement,
coupled
with the SHIT RIM can often cause injury -- which is sometimes referred to as NEOASS, since it hurts
so much, you'd love to put Neosporin on your anus anus anus!!!!
CLAY POO: these are dark and smell, and land like a blob in the bowl. No amount of flushing can
remove this poo from the bowl (scarring the bowl), and you take off your anus trying to wipe it clean
from the SHIT RIM.
CLEAN SHIT: the most satisfying shit, when you expel a large solid log from your butt, and there
is no SHIT RIM or BACKSPLASH. A few wipes are all you need for cleanliness. And best of all, your
stomach is now flat. A truly gratifying shit.
HANGOVER SHIT: We're all too familiar with this movement. It can be identified by the following
symptoms:
1. It follows a night of heavy drinking
2. It comes out when IT's ready, with no concern for you.
3. Its smell is quite pungent, almost intoxicating if you will, due to the
alcohol that is released from your anus along with the poo.
HIROSHIIMA SHITS: A particularly large shit that occurs during HOVERAGE. The damage from the
BACKSPLASH is horrific -- shit water on you, your clothing, and the walls of the bathroom. It's a
disaster of epic proportions.
HOVERAGE: The act of hovering above the bowl in a particularly nasty bathroom, when no amount of
paper or seat protectors could entice you to sit. You hover above and drop the shit like a
pilot drops bombs on HIROSHIMA.
OBLONGATA GARGANTUAN DUMP: This is the poo that you can feel percolating in your stomach, and when
you release it, you can feel as it moves through your body. You really feel like you have shit out
your brains, or at least a small part of your brain, like the medulla oblongata.
ON DECK: A poo that is just waiting to for its moment to arrive.
PANTENE SHITS: flaky, with solo strands of poo emanating from the main torso of the log,
resembling a strand of unhealthy hair, a la the Pantene commercials.
PERCOLATING: When you can feel the poo churning in your belly, just waiting for the right moment to
make its break.
POODLE SHITS: These are the little squirty shits that leave a little pile in the bottom of the
bowl, and look more like a little dog's shit on the sidewalk.
POOPITOS / SHITTYCHANGAS / QUESSADOODOOS: Post Mexican food bowel movements.
SHIT RIM: the tenacious crumbs of crap that cling to your bunghole and force you to use up a whole
roll of paper trying to dislodge it.
STARRY SHIT: The shit that has been building for so long and you must release, BUT you are in quite
a rush and have no choice but to force this guy out with all your might in an effort to expedite the
procedure. This extreme effort results in seeing stars from the energy you've exerted.
TWIN TURD TOWERS: This freak of nature usually happens during your period, when not one, but two
OGBs leave your body. The ends poke out of the bowl like a little turtle trying to bite your ass.
-- Crapstina Aguilera and Shitney Spears
