Everyone owns a holiday CD or ten. Bing Crosby, Willy Nelson, Meadow Soprano, or maybe even Neil Diamond (wait -- isn't he Jewish?). Flatulina's Fabulous Holiday Spectacular sports the same host of standards -- but instead of warm, soothing, familiar voices compelling us to deck the halls, its Flatulina's hyperactive anus.

Flatulina Flatulina's Fabulous Holiday Spectacular Sleigh Ride Jingle Bells Nutcracker Suite Medley Flatulina's Holiday Dance Mix (click for mp3s)

Flatulina's Fabulous Holiday Spectacular is the latest (and possibly only) album from Flatulina, the self-professed "sassy gassy diva" who pioneered the study of Flatomusicology. These are more than just sampled fart noises played over a rock beat on your little brother's Casio -- these are some intricately arranged, destined-to-be-classic songs with legitimate and impressive production values.

While I was first very annoyed (very!) by the kazoos and guttural noises of what Flatulina claims are microphoned fishes (Flatomusicology is the music of ALL bubbles -- not just those from the human pooper), I warmed up to them once I listened to her Danny Elfman-esque adaptation of Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy. I like it much better than the original.

What truly makes this CD great is Flatulina's incredible versatility. It's not like every C-note is always the same fart; there are many different farts of varying duration, depth and moisture-content for each note on the scale. Some are obviously armpit noises or tongued simfarts -- but even these are enjoyable, and become more so with each listen.

BUT WAIT--there's more! Don't feel like you got stuck with the end of the roll when the 16 minute audio portion of the CD is done -- there's a comprehensive interactive portion to the CD that's viewable on your computer! With far more production quality than could ever be expected from such a venture, we get to experience the full Flatulina story. This is the story of the woman behind the behind -- conveying the life of an innocent superstar who rises to take command of the music industry.

Also, she's pretty foxy, so if you are one of those dudes who get off on gassy chicks, this is definitely the CD for you.

Oh, my lovely Flatulina...

The best part of the movies and interviews is that Flatulina, ever the consummate musician, is inadvertently farting the whole time (although don't use that word around her! She'll flip out. It's scary). There are some strange high-concept jokes about her dad being in Spinal Tap, but all is forgiven an instant later when she rips several juicies in the middle of another person's sentence.

I realize this review comes too late for Christmas, but that doesn't matter -- the true gem on this CD is the flatupello solo of Auld Lang Syne. You know your New Year's party is going to end with one version of this song or another -- you might as well make it interesting by playing this one.

I give Flatulina's Fabulous Holiday Spectacular 3 rolls out of 4. I'm still not sure if Flatulina is legitimate art or just a Halloween costume taken too far, but with each listen I get more and more enamored with her.

I think you can her CD at Flatulina.com, but I don't know for sure because I'm at work and they monitor my Internet use. I don't want my boss to think I'm one of those dudes who gets off on gassy chicks.

-- Hairy Pooter