Liquid Ass

m 1+ points - Newb

The options for revenge open to a sane and relatively moral individual (such as myself) are rather limited. I have horrendous managers at work, as I'm sure do many other sane and relatively moral individuals. How to get back at them without inflicting bodily harm or landing myself in the clink was a conundrum. Then Liquid Ass popped into my life.

Liquid Ass can be purchased at It comes in a little bottle that is easily concealed in your

hand. When the lid is unscrewed and a small amount is sprayed, the stench is unbelievable -- and to some, unendurable. This was just what my managers needed. Operation Liquid Ass was now in effect.

I took the bottle into work and showed it to my buddy. We couldn't wait until the right opportunity to unleash our little bottle of olfactory revenge. Our first foray into Operation Liquid Ass was relatively minor when compared to subsequent applications, but since it was the first, it must be elucidated.

I took the little bottle, and, when no one was around, sprayed down what we call manager row -- the row of individual cubicles that house the managers of our department. It didn't take long for comments to start filtering down to our ears. Things like, "What the hell is that smell??" and "Hey, it smells better in the bathroom that it does out here!" and "It smells like something crawled up in somebody's ass and died." It was hard to suppress our laughter, which had to be strictly controlled; so my buddy and I made a couple of trips outside to let our laughter roll. We didn't stay out there long because we didn't want to miss any of the fun. In order to add to the confusion as to the source of the smell in the department, we started going around discussing it with our co-workers.

Everybody had a theory as to the origin of this abominable odor, but the beauty of Liquid Ass is that it is untraceable. It does eventually wear off, usually in a couple of hours, barring another application. It leaves no mark when sprayed. The smell does not match any smell that is known to man. It doesn't smell like the bodily fluids (or solids) that emanate from every person's nether regions. It doesn't smell like the odor produced by unwashed armpits. It doesn't smell like rotting foodstuffs of any kind. It only takes a little bit of the stuff to produce an enormous odor. And its absolute untraceability provided my buddy and me with complete anonymity and a lot of "job satisfaction."

If you have ever had the misfortune to smell toe-jam produced by an old bricklayer with ingrown toenails, or a mountain of roadkill that's been rotting in the sun for several days, then you may have an inkling as to what Liquid Ass smells like. It is sheer genius and is the stuff of dreams -- our dreams of revenge came to fruition right before our noses.

30 Comments on "Liquid Ass"

Guy Incognito's picture

first post!
2nd day in a row
damn im good

Guy Incognito's picture

Oh, my bad... i guess i got a little out of hand over the glamour that is first post...... my apologies... this was a cool article, but if it doesnt smell like bodily functions.. why liquid ass? its like an adult stink bomb... i donno... im not sure many people would use this

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Well played, Al.
I love trickery of that nature.
Thinking of applications for L.A. now...

PatrioticPooper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I once scotch taped an open-ended paper bindle containg a small ball of raw hamburger to the underside of a hated colleague's desk. After about a week it produced a pretty rank smell, but only in the general vicinity of that person's desk. It drove him batshit.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I didn't know that in Ohio they're hiring ten-year-olds.


MegaDump's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Personally, I'd feel cheated and ripped off if I purchased something called "Liquid Ass" and it didn't actually smell like liquid ass. Nu-Lax(TM) on the other hand....

C Everett Poop's picture

and this has what to do with poop reporting..........................?

alex's picture

I hate having the runs! I also hate being plugged
up! I'm so looking forward to having normal huge
satisfactory shit!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Dear Al,

I then suggest, or some other type of way to get to that particular website, like a Google search. These people have things right up your alley.
There is stuff that makes every drop of water or gasoline turn into complete gel (imagine, the toilet or gas tank), my favorite, a powder that bleeds the most purple that you've ever seen forever once it's touched water (someone's doorstep in winter, the local swimming pool). And, there's a couple of stink products.

My hat is off to you for the human reaction to get satisfaction.

Oh, as to what it has to do with poopreport? Maybe this is a safe form of turd terrorism? Don't know, but it's funny.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

the pants pooper's picture

im gonna go buy some my schools gonna get it

Shit Monster's picture

I think I just thought of my Seinior Prank...

poopy scoopy's picture

Good to hear that kids are now resorting to liquid ass instead of guns to get revenge.

Holy Shit's picture

Shit Monster is a senior and can't even spell the word. How very sad.

alex's picture

I love to take normal dumps where the big turds
just slide right out and I feel so much better

El Poopadore's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Boy I bet that stuff would get your meal (and everyone else's too) comp'ed at a fancy-schmancy restaurant. I bet I could get tons of free shit with that...

howdy 'doo'die's picture

If you are in to a little harmless fun, Liquid Ass is the thing for you! This stuff ROCKS!!!I am sooooo going to use this to get back at my brothers for farting in my face!!! Brothers Beware!!!!

Crappen Geocacher's picture

I would be carefull around my workplace, that if I used it out on the grocery floor, the parishible foods would get the stink in them.
One place would be the lunchroom to use this stuff.

The sister to the inventor's picture

OK dear brother has no idea I found this site :-0
And as one who KNOWS the product -
Guys this stuff is the real is well worth the price! Growing up I had to smell this crap all the time. I'm glad he finally decided to bottle it and make use of his strange talent to make things reek! And BTW the smell is well...disgusting, vile, and unbelievable.
use with caution! it's nasty!

dunga din's picture

I make my own likkwid ass, and it is an all natural,organic product. a large tex-mex platter and a couple of cheap six-paks.....makes a pint or more. yum!

Anonymous Coward's picture

i feel for the maintenance worker who has to take the building managers wrath if he cant correct the odor problem in the building and i would hate waste money in a restraunt because smoe asshol thought it would be funny

Powerful Plasma's picture

Everyone has something to say. But all I can say is HA HA HA!!!!! This site is hella funny, and so are most of you poop heads!!!


I just have to add- MAN I LOVE A GOOD SHIT!

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

EWWWwww. Does this fall under the category of "perceived" turd terrorism? I'll bet this stuff smells like the liquiskunk that was feature on one of the Mythbusters episodes. Not that I'm really that curious to purchase some....

keeping the whack in tally-ho...

Anonymous Hero's picture

We found that Liquid Ass is a POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE but harmless revenge/equaliser. We're so impressed we're putting up a page about how we finally were able to control noisy neighbours, etc. - see

nordicfrost14's picture

I sprayed some of this hair raising shit, on my ex-wifes air conditioner, I could just imagine the look she got from the kids when she woke up, I also sprayed some on the underside of her car doors handles so when she got to work, I'm sure everybody was looking at her like GOD DAWM this bitch needs a rag change...HA HA HA

thekiller's picture

How I bought a home using Liquid Ass.
I was the 2nd person at the inspection & I gave the house a good Liquid Ass treatment. The house went to auction two days later, again, there was a 2 hour window to look the house over. I was the first one through the door & gave the house another dose of liquid ass. I heard wives telling their husbands there was no way they would get involved with any house that smelled like that. I know the smell is gone in 18hrs. Everyone else thinks there are major plumbing/sewage issues & the carpets would have to be replaced etc. etc.
No one else had the stomach to bid & I got the house for 200k under value! Works great for auto auctions too! Liquid Ass is a GREAT product!

Forrest Dump's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hey guys, they have a bunch of new stories up from their customers. I nearly peed my pants a few times laughing at them. The ahole with the BMW was a particularly good one.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Luckily I have enough of the real stuff that I will
never need Liquid Ass.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Forrest Dump's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Chief, you'd have to eat a dead skunk that has been lying out in the sun a few days, to produce this kind of smell.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

OOH! I think I need some of that liquid ass. On Christmas Day I will spray it in the bathroom and wait and see if anyone will comment on the odor. Knowing my family, noone will say anything but their faces will tell it all. Or spray it near the baby so they think the baby the baby has bad gas. I dnt know but ill find the right time to use it.
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

diarrhea dump at olive garden's picture

Liquid ass kept my neighbor from messing with my garbage. I heard her yell"DID THEY THROW AWAY A DEAD ANIMAL OR SOMETHING?!?".

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