The options for revenge open to a sane and relatively moral individual (such as myself) are rather limited. I have horrendous managers at work, as I'm sure do many other sane and relatively moral individuals. How to get back at them without inflicting bodily harm or landing myself in the clink was a conundrum. Then Liquid Ass popped into my life.
Liquid Ass can be purchased at www.LiquidAss.com. It comes in a little bottle that is easily concealed in your
hand. When the lid is unscrewed and a small amount is sprayed, the stench is unbelievable -- and to some, unendurable. This was just what my managers needed. Operation Liquid Ass was now in effect.
I took the bottle into work and showed it to my buddy. We couldn't wait until the right opportunity to unleash our little bottle of olfactory revenge. Our first foray into Operation Liquid Ass was relatively minor when compared to subsequent applications, but since it was the first, it must be elucidated.
I took the little bottle, and, when no one was around, sprayed down what we call manager row -- the row of individual cubicles that house the managers of our department. It didn't take long for comments to start filtering down to our ears. Things like, "What the hell is that smell??" and "Hey, it smells better in the bathroom that it does out here!" and "It smells like something crawled up in somebody's ass and died." It was hard to suppress our laughter, which had to be strictly controlled; so my buddy and I made a couple of trips outside to let our laughter roll. We didn't stay out there long because we didn't want to miss any of the fun. In order to add to the confusion as to the source of the smell in the department, we started going around discussing it with our co-workers.
Everybody had a theory as to the origin of this abominable odor, but the beauty of Liquid Ass is that it is untraceable. It does eventually wear off, usually in a couple of hours, barring another application. It leaves no mark when sprayed. The smell does not match any smell that is known to man. It doesn't smell like the bodily fluids (or solids) that emanate from every person's nether regions. It doesn't smell like the odor produced by unwashed armpits. It doesn't smell like rotting foodstuffs of any kind. It only takes a little bit of the stuff to produce an enormous odor. And its absolute untraceability provided my buddy and me with complete anonymity and a lot of "job satisfaction."
If you have ever had the misfortune to smell toe-jam produced by an old bricklayer with ingrown toenails, or a mountain of roadkill that's been rotting in the sun for several days, then you may have an inkling as to what Liquid Ass smells like. It is sheer genius and is the stuff of dreams -- our dreams of revenge came to fruition right before our noses.