Incidentally, poopmagick's comment right there was the 10,000th comment to appear on PoopReport. Woo hoo.

God Bless America! It's funny that you mention saluting your turd. We've got toilets here at work that can only be powered by God himself. No matter how big of a beef log I lay down, these porcelain gods gladly accept them, gobble 'em up and send them down the mighty Ohio River. After a hearty session and a good powerful flush, I salute the toilet to show my respects.

Thank you for fighting for our freedoms, no matter which battlefield they may reside on. I'm heading straight to the military surplus store this weekend for some MRE's just to see if I can have a similar experience. At ease Pittdude, at ease.

Incoming!!! What a shit. I know what you mean about the 'after' feelings- after a big shit my ass trembles and it feels like my small intestine fell out.

"If you've ever tasted an MRE, or meal-ready-to-eat, you'll know they are pretty tasty."

If by tasty you mean tastes like liquid styrofoam , I'll agree with you. But then, I never had them in the field. I imagine they'd be a lot tastier on FTX then in my kitchen.

That's a really impressive poop. I salute you!

Physics is the only thing that can explain that. I had an image of that turd with a helmet on it fighting to the end! Great story!

That defies physics. That shit was a sign from God. Open your eyes, this man has made a miracle.

thats a true American turd for ya! Drop some of those on those Iraqis that are resisting our occupation

I once took a shit on vacation after a 7 day shitting sabbatical. I was at the beach and had eaten about a pound of crab and probably 2 pounds of mackeral. We were driving back to the hotel, and I started feeling like I had glass in my rectum. I really didn't think I could make it, in fact, if it had been a rental and not my dad's jeep, I probably would have given up. I finally got home and gave birth to a cadet of my own. I was so proud. It was big, beautiful, and defied convention, in that it hadn't the shape of any turd I had ever imagined. It looked like a big black softball. The flushing, I knew, would Be impossible, but the thing smeeled terrible, so I couldn't let it fester and soften up for a couple hours like i do sometimes at home.I had to push the little lever and hope for the best. It was as if the commode didn't even attempt. No swirling, no spurtering or gargling, just water, water everywhere, and man did that boy stink. I deftly tossed off the lid and tugged the little styrofoam ball until the torrent ceased, but alas, it was too late. I went ahead and cleaned up the hotel bathroom with bleach, while my dad was having a panic attack about the stench of my beast and my stepmum packed her shit to find another hotel. I named it Davey and somehow, felt like an empty-nester.

*bows* What an honor! I was the ten thousandth person to hit "down the drain"! Lovely!

Thanks for mentioning it, Dave. :)

MREs!

They're 2000 calories worth of ass delight. I remember eating my first MRE at an AFROTC Dining-In, and the thing passed through my like a big ol' hunk of hand scrubbing pommice. Tore up my crack too, as I was shitting blood for the day after.

For your bravery on the toilet I salute you and reward your bravery by presenting you with the purple turd(an award shared with littleloggergirl). Keep up the good work solider.

you know, I never get all misty eyed thinking about the american flag or soldiers in 'nam or whatnot, but this story touched me deep, in an american way.

Maybe your MRE had a wierd reaction to whatever you ate--since the things are designed to constipate us.

I read somewhere that they actually design MRE's (Meals Ready to Eat) so that soldiers will only (on the average) shit every 2 or 3 days. Some bright boys in the Pentagon figured out that its more efficient to reduce the number of times GIs must drop bombs from the back door. If you're in combat, scared to death, you'll not be able to defend yourself if you get stress related diarrhea. And on the march, it would probably mess up a unit's cohesion if too many guys had to drop out of formation to drop some bombs by the back door. Hence the idea to create MREs that reduce the number of shits we take. Scary.

Some time back on the forum, someone told us a friend of his had been a medic. His pal told him that a lot of ROTC and Reservists would go out on their week long field exercises and some of the men would be unable to shit for the entire week--a horrible combo of MREs and 'shy bowel'. His medic pal had to give them enemas.

'A tough way to pay off your college loan' our friend commented.

Sounds like your turd could be classified as a weapon of ass destruction!

Oh wowza...i just plopped out a few logs just hearing that.

-p.s. U.S. out of Iraq. Self-determination for the people of Iraq.

it is true that the MREs are made with ingredients made to constipate soilders, the reason, however is so that soilders can not be tracked in the feild by fresh holes filled with soilder shit.

Think is, don't the desert folk use dung as fuel... and sometimes even as food in desparate situations? Our GI's Lincoln Logs could be aiding the enemy! :-P

That is the best story I have ever heard.

Well done. Sounds rather like my Spanish experience. (Altered Beast). Such a trophy should be left for all to see, I hope future visitors to the stall appresiated your efforts.

I was in the army cadets cadets when I was in school and it seems that the British army use the same mysterious ingredient in their MREs because you'd be away at an army base for a week and never take a dump but about an hour after getting home an ungodly behemoth of a turd would rip its way out of your backside for at least fiftenn minutes. The smell was also indescribable and you could forget about conventional flushing these things took a team of excavtors to remove.

it seems a lot of the great stories come from military related people....remember the airforce copilots turd missle and the squad commander flopping like a fish story? I salute you!

When I was in military school I shit out a turd that was like 2 and a half feet long and it was as thick as a bolonga log!!! I have not done that since, now I can only dream remembering the good old days swo long ago.....

The reason it was a perfect dump is because in the military, TP must be conserved for the khlau-kabash stands in downtown baghdad. MRE's are designed to cause fast but non-timeconsuming dumps. eat some baghdad chili and you will have much to download in a hurry, also available in manhattan

Ah, the MRE. I was introduced to them in the Army just before Gulf War I. My buddy was waxing rhapsodic about the unusual properties of the delicious (but steamrollered-looking) cake we got in our MRE's: "...you got yer maple walnut butt plug, yer German chocolate butt plug, yer lemon vanilla butt plug..." He was right (as was Pittdude). My buddy Roser laid a pile so monolithic in the communal cathole that the platoon sergeant ordered him to go back with his E-tool and "break that Goddamn thing up!" Hey, Dr. M, where in Manhattan can you get Baghdad chili?

Great story, but I don't even want to think of what kind of horrible chemicals are in those things. *shudders* It's amazing what we put in our bodies and survive!

*plays taps for a fallen turd*

_______
I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

I ate an MRE in college just to proove they were edible. I had the same problem.
Nowadays, a picture would wind up on the 'net.

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....