Charmin Ultra

m 1+ points - Newb

charmin ultra



# OF SHEETS:   500
# OF PLYS:   2








"Softest Ever!"


A chart comparing Charmin Ultra with regular Charmin.



Like pooping on a pillow. Ultra charmin feels like a smooth warm blanket gliding
over my butt. It feels very soft, almost as if it has lotion on it. Charmin
Ultra's TP tears easily and effectively. This toilet paper is so soft you
could wipe your ass a million times and wouldnt give you any painful rashes.


This brand does live up to its promise. Nice smooth wiping action, no dull
residue =) I would buy this brand anyday.















SCENTED?   yes




71 Comments on "Charmin Ultra"

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

How can you afford this stuff? I would wipe my ass with newspaper before I blew my money on this high priced shit.

Jaybowel's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Well, I'm not a fan of fluffy toilet paper, but Doniker, I must dispute your logic. No price is too high for something that's going to rub my dirtstar.

Trashcanman's picture
l 100+ points

Trust me, if you wiped a million times, it WOULD hurt, trust me, I use it, and I've done it. (don't ask)

turkin hogin's picture

um, i use charmin and its tha bestest...:P. and yes it is fluffy and i play with it...not in the bathrrom though...bye

Dick Cheney's picture

I got this stuff at Price Club-still not cheap. It clogged the bejesus out of my worthless low-flow toilet. Jesus, if ever there was an industry that needed deregulation. Now I'm a single-ply guy.

MC Poop-D's picture

It is worth the money. I tend to believe that consumer products companies are the most evil part of capitalism, however this product will get my premium dollars

Matt's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Charmin Ultra rocks, well used to, they came up with this new stuff that feels like thermal underwear rather than a flannel shirt, I hate it. Lucky I found a whole bunch of the old kind at k-mart and really stocked up. I only need like 4 sheets to wipe

Loaded's picture

Tastes terrible, more filling!

Jimbob's picture

Definitely worth the money. I only use the best for my pookie hole. If I had to, I get a part time job to buy this stuff.

Marie Werner's picture

I saw your commercial on my new favorite TV show Firefly on FOX.

I wanted to thank you for your support for this new scifi show.

Your web page is a hoot!!!!!!!!!!

I love a company with a good sense of humor.

I will remember this when I buy toilet paper. ;)


Marie Werner

big crapper's picture

holy shit!!

on my first wipe my hand went right through the paper. when i brought my hand back up to see what happened it looked like i had on a james brown puppet with a white cape.

A big piece of crap's picture

It's like whiping my ass with a cloud... Absorbant, strong, yet soft and comfortable. I whipe even when I don't need to!!! Shoving toilet paper up my ass made easy!!!

Lew Gilstrap's picture

I recently purchased a 12-roll pack of Charmin Ultra. All 12 rolls are unperforated. Just out of curiosity, why have the perforations been eliminated? Was this because:

1. You are losing money and this was a cost-saving measure

2. It was done to irritate the consumer

3. You have eliminated quality control from your manufacturing

4. The perforation machines have all broken down and replacement parts won't be available for 3 months.


looky loo's picture

no charmin here. it is full of lent no good for my hairy ass.

doodles's picture

There is no rating for lint! The fluffier the lintier. There's nothing worse than going potty only to return later to find rolled up, linty, residue from tp...well, there is worse. Down with Dubya!

Luther Bolen's picture

I found the Charmin Ultra rolls to be too heavy for the
paper, and if I am in a hurry, I end up with a
quarter sized piece of tissue----back to the
Focus groups, Charmin----

Helmut McGlider's picture

Well, over in the good old U of K, this item must be the best selling anal crust remover on the market. I will admit that on the couple of times i have had the "sloppy shits", my fingers have gone through the tissue and into the warm botty chocolate, but thats the only time the product has failed my arse. Overall, its great shit from ass remover, and, on those long journeys, just roll up 4 or five sheets and wedge it between your shit cheeks, in case of a fart and follow through moment. Tell you what, its also great for removing baby gravy from a loved ones body parts (dependant on position). 10/10

SneakyZapper's picture

yeah i tried that shit its soft but its expensive you fracking wipe your ass with it comon you dont need 100 dollar bills to wipe your ass

bigphatlog's picture

Charmin single ply is my game. I can make two ply if I need it, I can fold!! Do you know the frick'en Canadians have THREE plies??? They must be really slow.... possibly from winter darkness...
Wipe on!

I Like Mac (NOT)'s picture

And it's the number one toilet paper to fill your Mac Mini with:

Ann Monty's picture

Your ultra charmin toilet paper is the absolute best I've tried!! Won't go back to using Purex again or those others! Can your ultra charmin mega rolls be used on the standard toilet paper holders?

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

"My" Ultra Charmin?

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Hehe. Dave, you created Charmin?! You've been holding out some info. :)

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Gee, I didn't know Dave made toilet paper.


He he!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Shit. This explains everything. I've been wondering what keeps Dave going on this whole enterprize, and who he could work for that would let him manage this site on the company clock? Charmin. Note in his profile his favorite tp brand: "Charmin with Aloe & Vitamin E" Dave's a paper pusher.


Anonymous Coward's picture

Charmin ultra really sucks like seriously it doesn't wipe clean and i mean you don't have poop left over but you'll have lil teeny paper fuzzies left over just take a damp wash cloth (colored so you can see) and see how much toilet paper is left over. you'll find little dots of white all over you're washcloth....Not a good thing when you are pregnant and have to worry about infections all day long!!!!!I like Scott tissue better.

An astute user's picture

Holy Crap!!!
I just found out that the makers of Charmin Ultra (probably French) changed the width of the roll from a nice-fitting 4.5 in. to a loose-fitting 4.27 in. The result? The stupid roll won't stay in the TP holder!!! Pull out a sheet and the whole damn roll flies out and rolls around the bathroom floor. They did this to reduce the sq. ft. of paper from 100 sq. ft per roll to 85 sq. ft. per roll. Boy, is this a perfect example of "pooping in your own nest". Idiots!!!

Lots of Crap's picture

Why is Charmin ripping us off? I bought Charmin Extra Strong with FlexWeave (in Canada), and it is the biggest rip off since the invention of toilet paper. The slogan in their TV ad says "Less is more"!!! In other words they are saying you don't need to use as much toilet paper because it is supposed to be stronger. That is such a load of bullshit crap. I tried using half as much paper as usual, and guess what? fingers went straight through the paper to come in contact with my poop! Disgusting. These assholes have only 100 sheets on the roll now (it was 198 sheets per roll before). The sheets are now 2-ply instead of one, but they are far less strong, and they separate and don't come off the roll properly. When Charmin first appeared on the market, I was very impressed with the softness and strength of the product. I just do not understand why these dumbass companies have to change their product on the pretense that it is better than the original, and then turn around and charge us a shitload more cash for the new inferior product. BRING BACK THE ORIGINAL CHARMIN. Also, I do not want double rolls, mega rolls, jumbo rolls, or toilet paper with a larger cardboard centre to make it look like I am getting more. And then charging me more for less.

Mrs. Poopsie McCraps's picture

If you want an "original" type of Charmin, they make "Charmin Basic". Usually, if your local store doesn't carry what you want, you can have them special order it for you. Ask the Customer Service people to see what they can do for you. I use Charmin, and I love it. Sometimes things can get a little messy but for the most part, Charmin out wipes all other toilet tissue that I've used. I'm also writing a report on it for my business class, which is the only reason I know about "Charmin Basic".

Ted's picture

I've used Charmin Ultra since it was "White Cloud" some years ago. This recipie was bought from "White Cloud' and marketed as Charmin Ultra. It was great until about a year or so ago when they obviously changed the recipie. Now it flakes off, and leaves dingleberries. In addition to that, They increased the size of the cardboard tube and decreased the width of the roll. I am not a satisfied customer of Charmin Ultra any longer. I fear that the Charmin Basic will be the same as the original Charmin and not compare to the old White Cloud, or the previous Charmin Ultra.

me's picture

And I'd just like to thank the folks at Charmin for replacing the toilet paper I've used for years with the new small rolls of paper towels that they call "Charmin Ultra Strong."

chapped ass's picture

This new Charmin Ultra Strong is the WORST!

I tried a roll and it felt like wiping with linoleum. 'Charmin Diamond Plate' is more like it.

Now I have to lay out the cash for Charmin Ultra to get that Charmin fluffy goodness? Is there no soft alternative?

Damn you Charmin!!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I actually picked up this ultra strong at wal-mart and really dig it. its the best tissue at getting the job done and since i do the laundry in our house - i truly appreciate the streak free underwear

pennie pinching butt wipe's picture

the new even stronger charmin is the worst...first off you get about 20 squares per roll, but it is like using a viva paper towel-you know the ones, almost like a velour washrag. im changin the roll every day. terrible product...should have known, it only cost 2.50 for 24 rolls. NEVER AGAIN!!I HATE CHARMIN

Anonymous Coward's picture

Nice and soft .. clogged the shit outta my toilet (pardon the pun) .. spent 1 1/2 hours in the company of my plunger .. 15 years in my house and never a toilet clog .. 1 roll of Charmin Ultra and it blocks solid! I think we should start a class action suit against Charmin to recover all of the plumbing cost that they have caused people .. I have 30 rolls of this garbage .. they need to take it off the market!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I think you should call P and G's customer help line and ask them to send you a postage-attached envelope because you want to return it for a full refund.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Mango's picture

I have to give it to you guys. This toilet paper has won my shitting reward. I mean, I come down through my ass take a the paper and wipe that shit up. BAMMM instint action, my shit is gone, ass is clean, lifes good. I have been on this for the last 5 months, NOOOO dingle berries to be seen. My mom checks my ass everyday. She is surprised by the ULTRA wirk of this CHARMEn and that is hasnt shredded. I am pleased with this product and so is my ass.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Mango, if your mom is checking your ass, please tell me you are like, 3 years old, and new to this butt wiping thing, because otherwise, thats just weird.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

I posted back in 2006 about Charmin ripping us off. Now its 2 years later, and those greedy bastards are getting even more greedy. I noticed their ad today in one of our flyers, and it said "Charmin Extra Strong - 24 double rolls = 48 single rolls" of course, there were only 200 sheets per roll - WHICH IS NOT A DOUBLE ROLL AT ALL, BUT AN ORIGINAL SINGLE ROLL. The price on special was $9.97, which is way too high. BUT WHAT REALLY MADE ME FURIOUS, WAS THAT THE REGULAR PRICE WAS LISTED AT $18.99. F-CKING UNBELIEVABLE GREED. You can buy other brands that are just as soft at a fraction of those costs. I bought 24 SINGLE rolls of Majesta (and it is softer and better than Charmin) at a cost of $5.64, and THEY HAVE 176 SHEETS PER ROLL (not 100 like Charmin), and are 2 ply sheets as well. Are we getting even more ripped off by Charmin in Canada?

Tish's picture

Allergic to TP? Stay away from Charmin! It is the worst TP when it comes to having itchy inflammed reactions in your most sensitive areas. Angel Soft is another to avoid. I found that Cottonelle works well for me. (I have heard it's hypoallerginic but I haven't been able to verify that) If your dealling with allergic reactions you should rotate brands till you find one that doesn't cause the problem anymore and stay clear of scented TP. It's a costly but very worth-while venture your nether regions will thank you for.

Mo's picture

Charmin with the aloe lotion stuff is awful!!!! I had the worst allergic reaction; very, very, very itchy!!!! I could not figure out what was causing the itch until I switched TP.

ringworm's picture

charmin ultra: far too soft for the aggressive wiper. in fact, terrible.

for everyone bitching about charmin ultra-strong w/ diamond plate texture, i had similar complaints. i bought the 24-pack at wal-mart (because they didn't sell charmin plus, as is the the fashion w/ damned near every other store around here), and it wiped me bloody every time. i e-mailed their customer service department about it, and they sent me 2 coupons for free 12-packs, any variety.

your discerning asses deserve the best, and charmin should be held accountable for unleashing that nightmare.

karalee's picture

yoour old commercial was brillant

:less is more less is more less is more

something something than the other brand

before what yoou used to love now your gonna

adore charmin ultra less is more cha cha cha

charmin ! da na

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have used the Charmin Exta Strong for one day and now have a horrible bladder infection!

John G's picture

Charmin ultra + freshmates = poop heaven

Charmin Ultra Strong Lover's picture

The New Charmin Ultra Strong is a Godsend. It's toilet paper perfected. I dare you to compare it to any brand out there. Wipe your hands and see which feel dusty. I guarantee it won't be Charmin Ultra Strong! It's a space age innovation the toilet paper I've waited all my life for. It is as strong and absorbent as paper towels but much much softer it feels wonderful on my face so these fools who are saying its rough are either overly whiney, have super sensitive whimpy asses, or are just crazy liars. Since I mostly use it for blowing my nose and wiping my hands I have been looking for a soft, strong toliet paper that would hold together and leave no dusty residue. I have tried every brand MD, Angel Soft, other Charmins etc they all were weak & left residue. Charmin Ultra Strong is the best by far period. It is soft, durable, leaves no dust in my nostrils so it doesn't cause me to sneeze even more, like MD did, and I can wipe my sweaty fingers on it over and over and it never tears and my hands are completely clean & dust and lint free. It would be perfect for all those women who grab the tp to take off their makeup. It's truly wonderful, I will happily pay the $10.00 for 6 mega rolls = 24 regular rolls or 284.6 sq ft. All toilet paper should be Charmin Ultra Strong! I strongly urge you to Buy a roll today, see for yourself, get rid of all those other torn, linty, dusty toilet papers and say goodbye to dingleberries forever with Charmin Ultra Strong! I give Charmin Ultra Strong 5 out of 5 stars! I hope everyone buys it so they will lower the price a little but it's worth every penny.

Anonymous Pooper Coward's picture

This is the funniest shit I've seen in a long time.
I was looking for a coupon to get extra savings on my purchase of Charmin Ultra. The Drug Mart has the 12 pack on sale this week for 5.99. What a savings!!!
Nothing for the best for my ass!

booger butt's picture

this is some nasty crap i have ever seen omg you talking about POOP!!!!!And TPu guys are NASTY:P

Smart Ass's picture

So we were running low on toilet tissue and so while I was at the store, I thought I'd pick some up. We usually buy Majesta....I grabbed a pack of Majesta only to realize that they have decreased the size of the roll! Instead of 352 sheets per double roll, they are only putting 280 sheets per double roll and charging the same! WTF? So I decided to call Majesta! They are claiming to be using a better quality paper and so they think we should be using less! Seriously? I bought Cashmere instead of my usual Majesta. I wasn't about to pay $8 for 16 double rolls when I was able to buy the competitor at $5 for the exact same amount (280 sheets and the sheets were the same size)! Come on, better quality paper my ass Majesta!

slowpooer's picture

I prefer Charmin Ultra strong, it is amazing and if i use anything less i feel like its just too cheap. im the pickiest toilet paper user around. i even carry a plastic bag of it in my purse, i have major pooper issues though, i love to poop. i feel so much better afterwards. plus i get work done in there

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