Sphincterine: Ass Altoids

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l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Ever have one of those days where you couldn't shower because you were running late to work, and you were wearing a mesh-lined nylon bathing suit under your jeans because the week before you foolishly dropped off all your dirty clothes and underwear at the Wash'N'Fold that only stays open until six, and you've been unable to pick them up because you don't even get out of work until that hour?

Because let me tell you, bathing suits do not make good underwear.







Sphincterine, in bottle or wipe.





A bathing suit works well because it doesn't absorb water. Water wicks right off it, for the most part. This is great in the pool, where you don't want heavy shorts dragging you under -- but under the blue jeans of a sedentary cubicle slave for twelve hours, a bathing suit lets all the ass- and ball-sweat collecting down there just pool up and fester on the grundle hair.

I grew aware of this olfactory phenomenon during my regular 10 o'clock. By the time I went back for the post-lunch, and then again for the pre-dinner, the odor had transformed from interesting/tangy to downright nasty. I had a hard time believing the dank, mildewy swamp-ass odor was actually coming from spread legs.

After work I showered and washed thoroughly, but I still felt unclean. Physically, I was spotless, but I didn't feel it. I needed a way to be certain that the funk was gone, especially because I was seeing my girlfriend for the first time in two weeks. I needed a confidence booster. I needed Sphinterine.

Sphincterine Personal Refresher is pretty much spearmint mouthwash for your butt. It's an "all-natural" liquid that you wipe around the rings of Uranus with toilet paper (or a wash cloth, according to the directions... eww!), leaving a cool, tingly sensation down there that will instill confidence in even my horrible post-bathing suit underwear swampy ass.

When I first tried Sphincterine, it almost hurt, like my rectum was in the first stages of freezer burn. But the intense minty pain quickly subsided, and I was left with a wonderfully cool cornhole. It was the same feeling I get when I put sliced cucumbers on my eyelids, or aloe on sun-burned shoulders. Sphincterine is truly soothing and delightful. With my Sphincterine'd ass, I felt the confidence to sit on my girlfriend's furniture.

Though I haven't tried them yet, Sphincterine also comes in travel-sized single use packets -- wetnaps, essentially. I am a regular user of wetnaps -- I keep them in my golf bag, just in case I need to I need to freshen up or clean some leakage down there in the middle of a particularly sweaty round. Sphincterine's single-use packets must have wetnaps beat by a long shot, though, simply because minty freshness beats icky mediciney goo any day.

My only complaint about bottle-form Sphincterine is that the liquid is surprisingly liquid. I was expecting a gel with the viscosity of lotion or shampoo, but instead something like baby oil poured out, making it slightly difficult to administer the correct amount. But I'm sure I'll get better at portion control as I use it more.

Which I definitely will.

Because I still haven't picked up my laundry.

125 Comments on "Sphincterine: Ass Altoids"

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I don't know about this. A minty-fresh ass? For how long? Seems like the first fart that comes along would alter the chemical equation, Hairy. But, hey, if it helps you sit on your girlfriend's....ah...furniture with greater confidence, who am I to pooh-pooh it? (Was that a poor choice of words, BTW?) P & P! TBW

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points
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i wonder if it actually does someething about my slimy stinky ass, or just overpowers it with its own stench.

MiNtY @$$ LiCkEr's picture
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WOW! A product that actually will clean an ass....how refreshing. But i do agree with The Big Wiper, wouldn't the first fart just destroy the minty freshness?

adude's picture
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I really need this product not because my butt stinks but for that extra edge. What I mean is you can just brush your teeth before bed but if you use mouthwash you feel extra fresh and clean.

Anyway I had a great poop the other day cause I had stupidly been constipated by not drinking enough water and eating enough fiber for days. We cooked chilli at home but it wasn't too hot so I added 3 heaping spoons of red powdered pepper. About 8 hours later the burn my mouth experinced was experinced by my o ring. I was on the crapper 3 times within 1 hour. All of my insides were cleaned out. About 2 hours later my butt was still on fire despite a cool shower I took.

I feel 20 pounds lighter today. Don't do this though....it is bad for your digestive system to experince the burn. Eat right and drink enough water.

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points
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"Satisfying more assholes than George W. Bush's tax cut"???

What the hell is up with that tag line Dave?

Pooperscooper's picture
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Sphincterine--fascinating.

God, I never got to the point of having to wear a bathing suit in lieu of underwear but I can imagine the stink factor--lycra just doesnt breathe.

I like using Purell handwash disinfectant on my ass to prevent butt pimples. But what really works for ass stink is taking a bath. Problem is baths take longer than showers.

tim tuttle's picture
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i love this

Monica Cornholio's picture
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Anything that can relieve that ass-smell is welcomed by me. I have many an ass in my face and I do appreciate the consideration of a shiny bunghole!!

Cheers!

BAILEY's picture
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hey u guys, theres is nothin wrong with smelly ass!! my ass smells i dont wipe!!!!

Farticus Articulus's picture
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Sphincterine? Make your own at home with Dr. Bronner's soap. Apply with a wire brush for an extra treat.

Johnn's picture
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My wife's ass never smells! She could just get done running a 10K then pinch a loaf and it wouldn't smell!! My ass stinks 5 minutes after I get out of the shower! WHY!!? It's very irritating.

dingleberryfree's picture
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I was so glad to hear that other people were aware of the wonderful product Sphincterine. I would like to share my story, it won't be too long but feel free to read this on the pot while using your laptop. I have a terrible problem with dingleberries, or should I say I had a terrible problem with dingleberries. After dropping a few marbles, i would wipe with regular tp, but still felt unclean. Especially when walking, I felt an uncomfortable rubbing against my cheeks. It's hard to put into words, but anyway, I used the Spincterine wipes. It was wonderful! The little dingleberries slid right off the butt hairs and into the wipes where they made a nice little bundle. I'll never be without Sphincterine Wipes again! Clean and fresh. Thank you Sphincterine!!

Alf's picture
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After Max Wright and JM J Bullock got thru working me over I needed these to cleanup. See more on my expose webpage: http://www.geocities.com/alfwasmolested or /alfisabitch

Michael's picture
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love the product..

Bea Yatch's picture
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I enjoy deep cleaning my butt when in the shower, by sticking a finger up there. now, thanks to sphincterine, my farts smell minty. all my friends thank you, sphincterine.

Another satisfied reader!'s picture
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It's Sunday am in CA and

this gave me a great laugh!

Thanks!

Captain Commando's picture
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I don't wear a bathing suit for underwear ever, mostly because I don't wear underwear. Commando has always been the way to go for me, and I suggest you try it. Nothin like the feel of a cold metal zipper against your wang. The only problem I've experienced with this method of clothing is the skid marks on my $100 Kenneth Cole khakis. But with the wonderful product Sphincterine, my ass is minty clean! People often ask what cologne I wear, but I just giggle, and fart again. Thank you Sphincterine!!!!!!!!

bill clinton's picture
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This makes even Hillary's ass tasty if you can believe that!!!Before Sphincterine, I'd have to give Socks a good rimming when I was in the mood for some ass...Hillary was just too nasty...she always smelled like Janet for some reason.

whatthehell's picture
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Is this a real product or just a joke? I can't tell but if someone is that concerned about ass smell I just wonder how much time he spends down there.

BUNGHOLIOQUEENOF THEPUCKER's picture
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I used to use dainty hankies to collect that precious bungholio scent, and drop them on my lovers pillow...for him to whiff as he wakes to greet the day. Ever since I've started using "Sphincterine, my scent is too, well, its too fresh. I limit it to just before my pap smear exam only! (I also use it on my cocker spaniel, whose anus oozes rectum juice). Thank you from the bottom of my bottom!

lil joshy's picture
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thanks to this product my ass too feels clean and refeshed!!

Drew's picture
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Thanks to Spincterine men too can enjoy the joy of wearing pantyhose all day to work! The tangy stale odor that used to embarass me has been replaced by the smell of Tic Tacs down under!

Chuck's picture
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I for one enjoy the Spincterine and use to douse my loins in between my weekly Saturday baths. My coworkers wonder why I am constantly grabbing my loins and adjusting Sir Lancelot. All I can say is that if it looks like a candycane...and now it smells like a candycane.....then someone needs to suck it!

Hoe's picture
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well, id like to be serious. my ass stinks. it smells so bad that when i fart small children and animals run for cover. i hate stinky asses. and i know when id do 69, the guy would be able to smell my ass- its soo close to their face. but thanks to you Spincterine ill never stink in a guys face again

me's picture
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IS THIS A REAL PRODUCT? im so freaking confused... i mean in a way it sounds real but i cant tell

Love2Poopie's picture
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On a daily basis I love to tell my friends about my poops. How they turn out: size, length, splash, no splash. I usually try to carve out someone's face as I poop, like an artist. This product is great for me and my artistic talent.

Juan Valdez's picture
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Next to frappe slurps, there's nothing like the tingly afterglow of this stuff. Don't underestimate its importance in 21st century Columbian outhouses.

phecis's picture
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we all know that asses stink; 'there're two things you can count on in life,' as the old saying goes, 'that everybody you meet will have an asshole, and that it will stink.' if you're attempting to draw attention away from the fact that your ass stinks naturally, that maybe there's something wrong with you physically, then a minty odor is not the way to go. what says 'i'm trying to cover a foul odor' more than the smell of mint? even if what you want to do is just mask that odor, the power of the mint smell (coupled with the look of having just eaten a whole lemon because of the intense discomfort associated with having a frozen asshole) will lead others to wonder just why the hell you'd opt to even have a smell emenate down there (assuming they don't realize that you have a foul one anyway).

as for the effectiveness of the minty masque, i'm not convinced. the nose loves the sweet smell, but spends most of its time emersed in putridity anyway. most people smell like shit (trust me (and no, it's not me)); we just tune most of the putrid smells (sights, sounds, etc) out of our minds, only really noticing the worst. what could happen in using this mint stuff is that the mind will notice the smell of the really bad poo because it is noticing the smell of the mint at the same time, basically creating a new smell. this has the potential to drastically sicken the person doing the smelling and ruin any future for the smell-hiding market.

Bowelasaurus's picture
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Just what we needed: Liquid Certs for the ass! I bet Sphincterine users can smell each other from afar. Perhaps as this product becomes used widely, Sphincertine clubs will be formed. They could even have secret handshakes ala freemasons.

Mr. Shit's picture
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I used to sit on my dogs face and let him lick the shit off my ass.He didnt like it , but if he didnt i wouldnt feed him.Now that I use your product my dog cant get enough of my ass!!!!My Dog thanksyou!!

The Mighty Flatulator's picture
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My ass smelled like rotten eggs until I tried your product, now it just smells like a normal out house thanks

jayce's picture
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My ass smelled like rotten eggs until I tried your product, now it just smells like a normal out house thanks

Ass Master's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Hey, heres an idea! Make time for a shower. You have to make time to take a crap, so hurry it up and shower too you num-skulls.

fresh hole's picture
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if you people really have asses that stink this much you really need to sit back and re-evaluate your life. Have you ever heard of toilet paper? Next time try to wipe rather than leaving the dingleberries for others to smell

Sir Pinchaloaf's picture
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My girlfriend used some of this stuff on me last night. God! the PAIN! She said she was tired of smelling my ass and she was taking matters into her own hands. OW! PAIN AGAIN! Thanks a lot, Sphincterine. Pain never smelled so good.

Mary Hinge's picture
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I love my new found anal freshness :-)
Thank you Stinkyass!

Stanker Pooser/Stanky Ass's picture
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Are you people for real? my sister came across this and was hysterical laughing for hours, and emailed this to everyone she knows, but I am wondering is this a joke? or is this for real? This is truly too funny LOL!!! Everyone has a stanky ass & pussy or wang, that would be great if this product is for real..PS I love the Sphincterine song..LOL the name is great too!

the dao of poo's picture
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Was this product invented by Insphincter Gadget? And...shouldn't you, Dave, have a section for this and other products? You could call it "Butt Plugs"...ass that I am, I crack myself up...

poopmaster's picture
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i like to shit all the time and its great to have a good smellin ass!

stinky's picture
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I always wondered what it would feel like to smoke a cigarette through my ass. Now I know.

DryAnalRapist's picture
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Sometimes your ass just stinks. You suck it up and get over it. That's part of being a man. When you can force feed your rotten ass to a pretty girl, it makes sex all the more pleasurable.

Sum Gi's picture
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Yeee-HAAA, I agree with the dryanalrapist. The fumes off my ass are an aphrodisiac that makes women pass out. And then they're mine. All mine...

Dr Ben DeHovher's picture
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Hello I am Dr Ben DeHovher from Austrea.It is a shame You people dont take Rectal Hygene sereouse,I run a Rectal Clenick for truck drivers.Proctology On Wheels!A new service for the Professional Driver and his Unique rectal health care.Be aware of paper by products commonly called tolet paper,they containe harsh chemical byproducts that can sereously injure th e sinsitive rectal tissue.The Americian Anal safety society,commonaly called A.S.S suggest the use of a warm washcloth in small circular motions.For more in formation regarding you Rectal Health Care please stop by Dr Ben DeHovers Proctology On Wheels,comming to a TruckStop near you.

fresher than pspringtime!'s picture
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True story: My wife bought be a bottle of Sphincterine as a novelty present, but yeah, we've actually used it. Nice feeling, and you do feel fresh. However, constipation happens from time to time, and once in a while it gives you a hemorrhoid. I just got one yesterday and it kinda burns, kinda aches, kinda itches, is swollen and is an overall unpleasant experience. (I've named it George Bush).

Well, What do you know, there's the sphincterine and I say, what the hell. Applied it liberally to my aching anus grape, and MAGICALLY, in moments, it stopped itching, it stopped hurting so badly, the ache subsided until it was almost unnoticable, and the burn vanished completely! Like magic, I swear to god!

My only wish - that Sphincterine offered a soothing butt-balm with a firmer viscosity, thick like vaseline for just such an occasion. I'd buy 'em both!

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points
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People, get real. Whenever you take a dump, simply wipe your ass with TP, then wash it with a wash cloth, soap and water. And please, shower daily. Let's go back to the old school way in keeping our asses clean!

Chuck's picture
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Why do your ass have to smell minty? Just as long as it cleaned, and doesn't emit an odor, who in the hell is going to know or care that your ass has a minty scent or flavor. This world must be coming to an end!

FireRabbit's picture
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You have got to be kidding me..

was2was's picture
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i know some people that realy need.. i'll recommend it to them !!!why minty?

crazy butt sniffer's picture
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asses, as far as asses go, genereally stink, but now with your product, i can sniff the stinkyest of butts with no problemoo, thanks butts are cool. peace out west side yo!

JoyofLife's picture
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Now that I have found this product, I enjoy having my head up my ass more often. Ah-the JoyofLife!!!:)

Sally's picture
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Why don't you sell a roll on version?

Mr Twisty Dick's picture
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JizzJazz, I wring it out like a wet washcloth.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Maybe this is what I should use! My ass gets really stinky on my long road trips and when I take my pants off even my dog runs for cover. Of course I can also shower, but what do I do in between?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I've worn the same underwear for a month.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

lefty no balls's picture
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what about something for our long winded occupent at 1600 pennslyvania ave?

moon ray's picture
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while teenagers, me and a friend used to throw farts in each others' face to see who would succumb first. approaching 35, i don't find this funny anymore, but my friend keeps on going though i told him a thousand times to stop. he still thinks it's hysterical and does not respect my personal limits.

after i reverse fed him with sphincterine, i really don't mind him shoving his deadly crap clouds in my kisser. the mint sensation is so effective i even stopped brushing my teeth, though you may argue that the effect is "second hand" (the ANALogy knocks me out like a deadly fart...)

JizzJazz's picture
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damn f***y cool people in here, this is the shrine of the baddest most hairyest bitchasses ever, this site rocks ASS! good work hehehe. Will post a link here pretty soon with our new site,may be not as cool as this, but with lots of cock-n ball humour+some own made films. It rocks ass too:)

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Go lefty no balls! But I don't think it would work. Some asses are too far gone to save.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Shawn St James's picture
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All kidding aside, i actually found this article helpful. Lately, probably because of poop report, ive become aware of my OWN problems.

Just like you, i take 1-2 showers a day. Im also an athlete.

But the grunge budd is a problem after only a few hours!

I need this stuff

moon ray's picture
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i just want to correct my previous posting to saying "fatal fart" rather than "deadly fart", as i think this sounds much better.

people may say i'm a moron to actually spend valuable lifetime with mindless details that do not exactly contribute to world peace, but as the anal retentive perfectionist i am, i just HAVE TO DO THIS, OK?? it's in my nature, and when nature calls, i go!

Justone Pieceo's picture
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i used to own 52 pair of shorts, each of which i wore for a week. this way i only had to run the washing machine once a year (on good years i could even fit in my handkerchiefs too, using just a reasonable amount of force). but for how long was adam in paradise?

though proud of my clever scheme, my friends and family ridiculed me. that did not stop them from steadily coming over to my house at the sole purpose of beholding the spectacle with awe. they even sold tickets to bypassers. however one day as they opened the closet, the shorts came crashing down and buried them like an avalanche. curiosity killed the cat, but who needs such friends anyway?

another problem was the bacteria development in the laundry box grew so intense that the stench coming to greet me every time i opened the lid was mistaken as biological warware by the feds, nevertheless officially considered a threat to national security.

now a sphincterine devotee, i am going strong on the third year with the same pair of shorts; they are as fresh as ever. and though it's against their policy, the second hand store on the corner were happy to resell the remaining 51 shorts after i treated them as(s)well.

Mr Poo's picture
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I used to be happy poo in my hostes ass. Why, oh why,did you do this to me spingshit? You took away my sweet crappy smell and replaced it with ment!! My poofriends don't regognize me anymore. Some, are laughing behind my back.. I, who was a master in "Very Crappy Fart" now I poof like a candy! I'm afraid that I am forced to take the matter up to the "Crappy Counsil for justice among Shits". I hate you!

frodge's picture
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i luv the little puker

there is nothing wrong with wanting to be anonymous's picture
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i am born very loose joints, which allows me to bend my elbows and twist my feet much farther than a normal person. this also enables me to suck my own dick. which has its advantages - apart from the fact you have to spend a lot of time turning down tremendous offers from travelling circuses worldwide.

though it's every man's (and woman's) dream to be able to give your filthy crown jewels a good old cat wash whenever you feel like it, for me this is like a walk in the park. when this is the way god created you, you grow accustomed to it and eventually take it for granted. where does a man go from perfection?

a friend suggested to see if i could make it to the ass but where is the motivation in that? my shithole is not particularily receptive to oral stimulation nor has it received any noticable attention in the michelin restaurant guide to put it that way.

with sphincterine suddenly there was a reason. i generously applied the delicate fluid around my stinker and started on the long journey of bending down, going past my v.i.p. member, my balls of destruction, and crossing the long area not listed in webster's dictionary, before reaching the final destination of my trusty old cable factory, the reward being none other then a tasty meal of sphincterine with a touch of bbq sauce. i am no longer surprised by the heroic accomplishments attainable by the human spirit.

Dirty Sanchez's picture
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Until this here product is FDA approved and let loose on the market, try some baby butt wipes. I keep a little box on the back of all my terlets. Wipe the chute with the Charmin, follow up with the baby wipes. Repeat as necessary.

cowpie's picture
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Please tell me how I can contribute shit stories

Thanks

Cowpie

Anthony's picture
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The Final Wipe vs. Sphincterine
The Final Wipe

BettyBidet's picture
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I love Sphincterine, especially the travel towelettes, but hated having to order it over the internet....then it hit me.....the company claims their product is as safe as mouthwash! So off I went to the health food store and for a mere 5.00 bucks bought a 16 oz. Bottle of Tom's Of Maine mouthwash....spearmint flavor. The ingredients are almost exactly the same as Sphincterine: water, glycerin, witch hazel, aloe vera, and mint. (Sphincterine does have more stuff in it but the effect on me was the same) there's no alcohol to burn you or dry you out either, just like Sphincterine. I will still buy the travel towelettes but the mouthwash is great! Try it!

Melanie Honeybuns's picture
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I don't need sphincterine to feel clean, fresh, and confident. My ass ALWAYS smells wonderful...

R@TTOE's picture
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This product heals my lesions of doom that invade my butt and add to the fumes. I am a certified owner of herpefieditis, and now, I don't need to worry about the lesion juices smelling bad when I sit on them wrong. Please inform your friends and family about Sphincterine as a must have for anyone with blistering lesions.