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 My SweetPee: The #2 ReviewPosted 02.10.2004 by Di Uhreea (410)
PoopReport recently received an email from a company called My SweetPee, which makes a reusable shield that allows women to pee without sitting or crouching on some nasty toilet seat. You pee on the taco-shaped shield, and the shield directs the pee into the toilet. If you have the reusable kind, you then wash it, spray it with the citrus cleanser (included), and fold it back into your purse.
The manufacturers of My SweetPee, however, were claiming that it could be used for poo. As a female PoopReporter, it was my duty to test the product.
It took me a long time to attempt the deed. After a stressful and drawn-out move, I took a break from PoopReporting because my Internet provider couldn't set up the connection in the middle of the snowstorm we were having. Then it took me a long time to get to the last of those miscellaneous boxes. And also, I was a little scared to do it. I finally unpacked the box containing My SweetPee the other day. It just happened to be one of the first ones I opened. It was the morning, I hadn't yet crapped, the kids had gone to school, and it would give me a nice break from the strenuous job of unpacking all those other boxes... I took My SweetPee out of its cylindrical package and shuddered. Why was I so scared? This test was in the name of PoopReporting -- I should have been proud to be given this honor! What was it about shitting into a piece of plastic two feet above my toilet that worried me so much? I carefully thought out how I was going to do this. Should I face forward so I'd have a clear view of where the device was pointed? Or should I face backwards for a more direct line to the toilet? I decided I'd do it backwards for fear of contaminating my forward-regions while my crap rolled down the piece of blue foam. I think I had two or three cigarettes beforehand, just to make sure things were going to move smoothly and so I wouldn't suffer leg cramps while in a semi-squat over the toilet seat. I was confident now. I had my citrus cleanser waiting on the counter and I knew about the toilet paper under the arm secret. After I prepared the toilet paper, I slowly backed up to the toilet and began to push.
In my old house, the toilet was adjacent to the sink. In this one, it is directly across from it, so there is big mirror facing me. I looked up for a second, saw myself in this semi-squat, and started laughing because I had the guilty look of a dog shitting in a neighbor's yard. The laughter actually helped things along, and my attention was promptly brought back to the task at hand. I could feel this was going to be a solid log -- not the squishy ones I typically have after consuming beer and hot sauce. It was coming at normal speed, and I had My SweetPee ready to facilitate the transfer from ass to water. The tip touched foam, and then the rest of the log started to lie itself down above it. I realized my grave error: I should have let the tip land at the very base of the device so the rest could fall into the funneled area in an upward fashion. Fear washed over me as I was tried to figure out what I would do once my log came up over the top of the device. I backed up so my butt was directly over the toilet and resigned myself to letting gravity just do its thing. The log decided to finish way over the top of My SweetPee and to tumble down onto the edge of the seat with a thud, but not before brushing my wrist with a small skid mark. I had a few problems now: skid on wrist, shit on seat, and dirty My SweetPee in hand. I carefully reached over and placed My SweetPee on the counter. Still standing, I wiped my butt with my left hand and tried to nudge the crap off the seat with the toilet paper. It rolled in to the water just fine, but not without leaving another skid on the seat. I almost started crying. I looked in the mirror and told myself that I could be brave and finish this like a man. I couldn't stand the fact that there was a skid on my wrist, so I washed that first. Thankfully, there was a facecloth by the sink and some sweet-smelling soap I had received for Christmas. I thought I'd take care of the toilet seat next, because I hate it when skids dry. They're harder to clean once they're baked on. I took the same facecloth, folded it over, and gave the seat a good wipe with it. My next job was My SweetPee. I was so mad at it that I thought I'd just throw it in the garbage and not wash it at all, but I realized I hadn't unpacked the small garbage bin for this bathroom yet. So I took the thing and washed it thoroughly with the sweet-smelling soap. I even sprayed it with the citrus cleanser, for some reason... I guess the smell was getting to me. Once this part of the ordeal was over and I finally got to flush the toilet, I was exhausted and not at all looking forward to bleaching the counter, the sink and the toilet. I was just lucky it didn't land on the floor! My conclusion is that the SweetPee is appropriately named. It's great for peeing. But NOT for pooping! Post new comment
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