This is an excellent PoopReport. I was on a cross-country flight a couple years ago, sitting in the back of the plane. I noticed a flight attendant going into the lav with rubber gloves and a spray bottle, about once every hour. Concerned that I was on a leprosy transport, I asked her what was up.

She said they try to clean the lavatories after every-so-many uses. I can't remember how many. 20? 30? She said the flight attendants have to use the shitters AND prepare and handle food so they like the toilets to be clean.

Great report. I hate commercial air travel. Should have had a link to that "Flying with Armadillo Boy" story that posted a while back. Good stuff.

I hate any kind of travel john. They should have the restroom that cleans itself like they do in most major cities. A nice all stainless steel bathroom that completely power washes itself. You pay 50 cents to go in and that should be used for cleaning and upkeep. And for 75 cents maybe that seat could heat up a little so it isnt cold. It should be powerwashed with good disinfectant soap as well.

Another Tip: If you only have to fart, don't waste a trip to the crapper. It's better to share with the rest of the herd, especially if you're setting in cattle class.

SBD is not about noise or stench; it's about sharing!

JUST GET YOUR OWN PLANE OR QUIT BITCHING THIS IS A GOOD STORY BUT THINK ABOUT THE SHITTERS AT THE AIRPORT THEY MUST HANDLE MORE TRAFFIC WITH PEOPLE WAITING FOR FLIGHTS AND OR PEOPLE WAITING FOR PASENGERS EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY GET CLEANED MORE THEY ARE STILL VERY FILTHY COMPARED TO THE ONES ON THE PLANE

Awesome article, Flight Attendant! Thanks for all the tips. Very insightful!

P.S. I can't stand it when people treat F.A.s as their personal slaves.

AC: Perhaps you should fix your capslock button. I flew to Reno not too long ago and got stuck waiting for the beverage cart after using the lav. I didn't mind and even struck up a conversation with the FA. They had a few delays and were so impressed by my curtiousy that they mixed me a few free drinks for the rest of the flight.

Be nice to others, especially in difficult situations, and you'll be rewarded. Thanks for the tips.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

NIL: Perhaps a spell check? Courteousness.

My personal rule is to push out as much as possible before getting onto the flight, and having a minimum of beverages in the time leading up to boarding. I have been in 1 airplane lav my entire life, and that was all it took for me to begin taking steps to avoid it.

If the Air Hosts are not willing to clean the crapper, there should be some one posted on the plane, that is. Airlines are major vecors for all kinds of nasty diseases. Even if it is not an international flight, there may very well be people taking secondary flights from places that have Ebola, Sars, and RBWD.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Let Me Add:

If you happen to be flying Aeroflot between Moscow and Stockholm follow this procedure very carefully .. ,

close the lav door with a tissue, drop your pants, and lean over and kiss your ass goodbye.

I think what is most neccesary, like others said, is in flight cleanings. I don't have a problem crapping inflight esp. in the beginning, but after a few hours, the stench is terrible and it's barely possible to take enough time to piss, let alone shit.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

I'd like to know if airlines pump frozen shit out the back of the plane over the ocean or if it's contained in the plane until landing. If the latter is the case, is that why they stank so bad sometimes?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

The contents of the toilet are drained into a tank that is emptied on the ground. The truck that does lavatory service is known as a "honey wagon."

My tip is to avoid taking a crap on a plane if at all possible. Unlike your normal toilet, there's no water to contain the stench; your crap just sits there until you flush. Unfortunately, this isn't always an option, especially on long flights. The worst is when one befouls the first class lavatory after a particularly odoriforous evacuation -- one must be particularly shameless to walk out of there without a deep sense of embarrassment, for it is immediately apparent to all who did the nasty deed.

I agree with Sam. Why shouldn't a flight have a janitor? There's a whole job-market right there!
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"NEVER. ENOUGH. BACON!"--GoBoy

It's just a matter of time before Hollywood comes up with "Craps On A Plane." Bound to be scarier even than "Snakes On A Plane."
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Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Great idea GGG,but airlines are looking to conserve money now.I'm surprised they don't charge you for taking a dump.You are lucky if you get peanuts and a cup of water now.You sometimes have to rent headphones and pay for food and drinks.What's next? Please insert a quarter for a sheet of TP.

Airplane Lav's are the worst. There is absolutely no room to move, and very smelly. Avoid at all costs!

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Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

I hate commercial air travel.
-CEP

What, as opposed to private air travel? I didn't know you were so financially endowed as to afford other forms of air travel. Me too. I also hate driving a Civic in rush hour when I can be using my hovercraft or paying 6 men in tuxedos and little white gloves to carry me in my chaise chair to the country club.

Turdle Dove, Methinks CEP is a Navy Pilot.

Don't be afraid of germs. Just squat and let your colon contents fly. Stack it up. Squeeze it out. Feel that boiling mess leave your body. Ahhhhh.

My bad. My bad. (about my other post)

Anyone interested in finding an alternative to our current airline situation, watch the South Park Episode entitled "The Entity."

I used to be a flight attendant in the middle east among other places, and those were the worst crappers. The Hadji's a lot of times don't know what a toilet is, so they'll stand on top of it while crapping. And then they get sick while waiting for their flight. They'd get the runs. Imagine then, when they go for a crap what happens, it squirts all over the small cabin.
On flights that were over 10 hr long, the toilets would get jammed/stuffed and they'd start overflowing. The Hadji's would stuff thick napkins into the toilet so that after a while nothing would go down. Where did it all go....flowing down the aisles. Section E and D got it really bad at times.

And passengers must remember, flight attendants are NOT trained in cleaning toilets, NOR do they have the equipment needed to clean them thoroughly! It's up to the passengers to be clean, and mindful of one another.
Flight Attendants are trained to fight on flight fires, and to respond to emergencies. That is what their training is focused on, and only that! Service is a secondary part of the training compared to the rest.

SBD's belong in the toilet! It's gross because it affects every one around you

I recommend never touching anyting inside the toilets, and also....never drink the coffee/tea on the aircrafts. The water also can be pretty disgusting, depending on when the aircraft got it's last thorough cleaning which probably was only while it was on ground for an annual check up

Aircrafts are filled with bacteria!

OMG. I never thought about the coffee and tea! You know how they say it's the recycled air that makes you sick when you fly? I'm sure there ARE germs in the air (of course), but now that you mention it, I wonder if some of the cruds that people get after flying is from the beverages! It never occurred to me! Wow.

Very, very good point!
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"NEVER. ENOUGH. BACON!"--GoBoy

It's not even the germs that bug me about airplane bathrooms. My problem is that the bathroom is always right behind a seat, so you have someone sitting there only about 5 centimetres away. I am very Shameful, so it really bothers me to have someone that close. Seriously, I'm even Shameful about peeing; I just can't make myself do it in public. Anyone know why this is? I can't be the only person like this...

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...and they all lived crappily ever after!

I flew from San Francisco to MNL RT biz class on Philippine Airlines last Dec. 2006 and a flight attendant was assigned to regularly clean the two lavs in biz class. Greatly appreciated. Don't know if the lavs in coach were similarly cleaned though. As a nurse I have been using tissues to avoid touching anything inside any public toilets, airplane lavs included.

Hey, I have four years of college education and tons of post graduate training and work experience, but I still clean poops! If other airlines (mostly Asian airlines)can assign FAs to clean lavs, I don't see why can't U.S. based FAs do the same. It's for everyone's health benefit.

What an embarrassing situation recently when I had been feeling ill and had the runs and went to go to the aircraft toilet inflight when the seatbelt light suddenly came on. I didn;t make it to the toilet before being marched back to my seat by an old grumpy flight attendant. Despite trying to hold on as much as I could, I had suffered food posioning from the night before and next thing you know I shat my pants. How embarrassing. I could feel the liquified shit had penetrated my underwear and pants and had gone into the seat. I just sat still and tried not to move a bit, hoping the smell would not escape. In the last 10 minutes of the flight before landing the smell started getting worse and worse and I noticed a few people around me twitching their noses. I just played dumb and waited for the aircraft to land and quickly grabbed a coat to tie around my waist and ran off the plane to the toilets. As I got up from my seat I noticed a round damp stinking puddle on my seat, which i covered with the inflight magazine as I left, to cover my trail.

We have an immune system for a reason, to kill germs. Don't let it get lazy. The many layers of self importance, fear, and paranoia embedded within this article are everything that's wrong with America. What a miserable way to live your life, being offended or scared for your health whenever you're in a public place that doesn't so closely resemble your antibacterial porcelain uterus of a home. Are you really going to drastically alter your lifestyle into a protective state of infancy, just so you can avoid the possibility of getting a touch of diarrhea? The chances of anything life threatening happening, or even just getting ill for a couple days, is a drop in the ocean. Why don't you worry about winning the lottery instead?

I am looking for a court case that involved airline poop that was flushed and landed on a farm. Please help.

Thomas

Good report! I remember my (freakish) flight unaccompanied once. I was told about everything but aeroplane toilets. The very first thing I said to the stewardess was, "Where's the toilet?" She then told me. So I went to the toilet (which smelled like somebody forgot to flush), freaked out completely when it flushed, came out breathing heavily and pretty much walked into the stewardess saying, "That was so freaky!" and she said "Well next time you know not to!" (No idea what she meant by that)

I then flopped down in my seat, which of course was directly across from the Evil Aeroplane Toilet of Doom. I kept on thinking it was flushing even when it was vacant. Eventually I got so freaked out I had to step round to the back and admit I was scared and the flight stewardesses (well one of them anyway) offered to flush it for me! I was like, thank goodness for that!

Turd squirter, Duh, They have the passenger manifest so they know who you are. Brillant thinking on your part.
Producing waste since 1967

Nothing to do with poop this, but I commend you to read and digest the comments of Nine Inch Log (12.12.06). The best advice I've seen on this site. ALWAYS be friendly and have a word with those who serve you - stewards, bar staff, waitresses, shop assistants, whatever. They deal with so many arrogant arseholes, they will appreciate it, and you'll get better service.

Being the first one out of the shitter in First Class gives it away all right. Thats why I normally go first. I just love stinking the place up. Damn proud of it too. It's my way of getting back at annoying passengers. And most are. They check their friggin brains in with their luggage...So, no I am not embarrased. The stinkier, the better. HA!

I would like to personally thank you with all my heart for such excellent advice.
I am a frequent traveler, and have used numerous lav systems from different airlines...
but for any more I use from now, I will always keep these advices in mind!

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To clog or not to clog...
too late - already clogged.