Alli: The Miracle Diet Pill With Teeny-Tiny Side Effects

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Editor's note: this was originally posted on the author's blog. It's reprinted here with the author's permission and with this editor's chagrin that we didn't break this story first.


I found this news on Salon.com and felt compelled to throw my two cents in. There's a "new" over-the-counter drug available in the US that's apparently flying off the shelves. It's called alli (note the way-trendy lower case!); and I use the term "new" loosely because it's apparently a lower strength version of a prescription-only drug (Xenical) that's been around for a while.

So what does this incredibly popular wonder drug do? Well, not to go all Bill Clinton on you, but it depends on what your definition of "do" is. You see, there's (1) what the drug company markets it as, (2) the medical description of what it does, and (3) the biggest effect you're actually going to notice.

The drug company markets it as a weight loss pill. They say it will give "safe, effective weight loss". And because it's FDA approved it, it must be good. What could possibly go wrong?

A simplified medical description of the drug is that it's a fat blocker. It stops your body from absorbing some of the fat in your diet. It doesn't burn calories. But fat that would have otherwise been absorbed by your body... isn't. Because fat contains calories, less calories will go into your body.

But here's the most important thing the drug does: it makes you shit oil. Worse, it makes you shit your pants. With oil.

This is not the ravings of some fringe conspiracy group -- this is what the company tells you itself on its website. "Buy our drug if you want to lose weight. Oh, by the way, you'll end up shitting your pants."

Neat, huh? No wonder it's selling so well. That large sector of the public that enjoy having their pants filled with liquefied shit has been seriously under-catered to up until now.

The drug company indulges in classic marketing bullshit that really pisses me off, but they still fail to obscure the horror of what's going to happen to you if you take their drug. The first bit of marketing bullshit they spin that makes me want to smack them in the fucking head is the old "eat healthier and exercise more to get the full benefits".

Hello?!?!?! If you eat less fat and exercise, you don't need their fucking pills. I'm sick of these sleazy companies pretending that they're promoting health. They're promoting bad habits and laziness. The subtext to the whole thing is "this drug lets you lose weight with NO exercise and NO change to your eating patterns". People who can eat healthier and exercise more aren't interested in this shit. But the company doesn't think it'll get away with an advertising slogan along the lines of "Fuck diet and exercise! Take these pills and shit your weight away!"

The second thing they do that pisses me off is deliberately using language designed to obscure the full horror of the effects of their drug. They can't even come clean and call them "side-effects" -- instead, they go with "treatment effects". Hell, maybe they're right, these aren't side effects. Side effects are incidental to the main effects. Shitting your pants is the main effect of this drug. It literally *is* the treatment effect.

Try as they might, their weasel words can't hide how horrible their drug actually is. Following are actual quotes from their website, followed by Mr Angry's no bullshit translation.

Website Bullshit (WSBS). You may get:

  • gas with oily spotting,
  • loose stools
  • more frequent stools that may be hard to control
  • No Bullshit Translation. The following things will happen to you:

  • You will spray oil when you fart
  • You will have diarrhoea
  • You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels to the point where you shit your pants
  • WSBS: "The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza."

    No BS: Oh dear god. Pizza is one of my favorite foods and these evil fucks have done their best to turn me off it for life. It will be very hard to look at a pizza again without wondering if someone on this drug has taken a shit on it.

    WSBS: "Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes." (my emphasis)

    No BS: Even if you do cut back on fat, you're still going to shit oil.

    WSBS: "...pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect."

    No BS: Do not go out in public after taking this drug. You are going to shit yourself. Stay close to a toilet.

    WSBS: "If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over."

    No BS: Don't say you weren't warned. You are seriously going to shit yourself.

    WSBS: "You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens."

    No BS: You're old life is over. Forget what you think you know about your body. You are going to fart uncontrollably. And there will be follow-through. This is not going to be something you want to share.

    And my absolute favorite (which is to say, the part of the website that horrifies me most):

    WSBS: "You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work."

    Oh. My. Fucking. God. They are so sure you are going to shit your pants they are saying you should accept the inevitable. There is no way to avoid this. So wear dark pants to hide the liquid shit stains. And bring a change of clothes. Because your first set are going to get impregnated with liquid shit.

    To me, this is the ultimate evidence that western society is utterly fucked. You can tell people that taking a pill will make them shit their pants uncontrollably. And your pill will be an utterly out-of-control success.

    On their site, there is also a link to a video where you could "watch alli in action". I assume this is a video showing people shitting their pants. I couldn't bring myself to look.

    176 Comments on "Alli: The Miracle Diet Pill With Teeny-Tiny Side Effects"

    Hairy Pooter's picture
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    I just perused the site... Incredible! I don't know how I feel about this. I guess because I don't think I'll be needing it in the near term, and because I'm not a janitor, I think it's funny.

    My main concern is what if their DoubleSpeak catches on? Will kids be heard chanting on the schoolyard "When you're sliding in to first, and you feel a little burst, Treatment Effect Cha Cha Cha! Treatment Effect Cha Cha Cha!"

    Craven Morhead's picture
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    Boy does this remind me of Olestra that came out a few years back. They started to use that in the production of potato chips, Lays I think. The concept was to make a long chain fatty acid that couldn't be absorbed by the body. It would just be passed like all the other shit in our diet.

    The side effects, as chips aren't a treatment, were similar in so much that oil would leak and taint clothing. The increased fluid would cause the stool to be soft and all most liquid at times.

    You wouldn't want to go to the pool after eating these, unless the kids were playing Exxon Valdez.

    As Always,
    Craven Morhead

    Fudgepump's picture
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    Unfortunately, the makers of alli are catering to a pervasive societal bias that cannot be denied - "there's a pill for every problem." Is your 8 year old actually behaving like an 8 year old: short attention span, excessive energy, defiant? That whole parental discipline thing is just SO tiresome and who has the time, anyway? Let's just get him diagnosed with ADHD and start feeding him Ritalin. Your wife's a bitch; the boss is a douche? Prozac, my man, Prozac. By mentioning exercise and healthy diet as good adjuncts to using alli, the manufacturer is potentially setting the stage for a positive outcome: by the time consumers of alli get tired of shitting oil 10 times a day, maybe they will have realized that exercise makes you feel good. A healthy diet makes you feel better. Gee, maybe I don't need the pills at all.

    Gasputin's picture
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    From the website: "You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects."
    I can just picture some corpulent housefrau now: "Dear Diarrhea Diary, Today I burned 200 calories (and a few bridges) scouring a tremendous technicolor shart off of Carol's sofa and coffee table. From now on, no more Sour Cream Spritzers after midnight!"

    poo_poo_poodio's picture
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    I don't care how much weight one loses, if this side effect kicks in it will ruin your looks. Picture it, two guys looking at an approaching hottie.(1st guy: Wow, look at her, nice bod) (2nd guy: I'll say, I'd like to do her in the . . . OH MAN, that's the sickest thing I've ever seen, is that what I think it is seeping out of those daisy dukes?)

    "Can you spare a square?"

    "No, I don't have a square to spare."

    Deja Poo's picture
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    Good gawd, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

    The next time the Arabs try to squeeze us with their crude, we can find relief for our oil crisis with alli. I can see it now:

    "Try alli! Free your nation from its dependence on foreign oil while freeing your waistline from your fat."

    or

    "alli -- for your waist and for your nation."

    or

    "The single largest proven crude reserves are not under the deserts of the Middle East. They're right here under America's belts."
    _______
    Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

    Yo quiero Taco Bell.

    GottaGoGirl's picture
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    The comments here prove that Poop Reporters are some of the funniest people on the planet!

    Chuck's picture
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    Prince's hot chicken restaurant in Nashville warns their customers not to travel 24 hours after eating their spicy fowl. This Alli stuff is incredible. This product begs the jokes and comments posted. To Fudgepump, your observation reflects society's motto (with apologies to The Beatles):"Find a good reson for taking the easy way out." Get rich quick, get rich easy, lose weight in your sleep...of course Alli will sell.

    Miss Simone Scat's picture
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    alli new slogan....Pop'em in your mouth, Poop right, never again.
    Producing waste since 1967

    Producing waste since 1967

    Poo de Grace's picture
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    WONDERFULLY HILARIOUS MR. ANGRY!! Deja Poo that was hysterical as well. I haven't laughed this hard since I joined PoopReport.com!

    I love you guys!

    _______
    Poo de Grace aka janilani

    Toots N. McCrack's picture
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    From the euphemism "treatment effects" to "wear dark pants and bring spares" I was laughing so hard at this excellent report, the comments and the actual website! Them saying alli was like a deterrent to eating fatty foods reminded me of that drug they give severe alcohlics that makes them yak if they drink, however little, making them avoid alcohol all together.

    _______
    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    ALLI Girl's picture
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    I have been taking this for a week and a half and have experienced no "treatment effects".. No oily farts, no explosions. nothing. But after a month I will evaluate to see if it is still worth taking.

    Bettie has the runs's picture
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    Good interpreting!!!

    I am definitely crapping (Cracking) up!!!!

    Bravo!!!!

    I'm here to prove that girls poop.

    Motherload's picture
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    At work yesterday I was covering a break for one of my cashiers. A lady came through the checkout with "alli". I looked at her, looked at the box, looked back at her. I suddenly realized that I was torn between my loyalty to the retailer that I work for, and my duties as a poopreporter.

    I seemed to be in a "frozen in time moment". Visions of this woman blowing ass in her way-too-tight pink sweat-pants and possibly dripping oily liquishit onto her not-so-fuzzy-anymore slippers were interrupted by visions of my Jimmy Neutron-looking store manager's face, red with anger, yelling at me for causing the store to lose money because of my warning the public of the potentially devastating effects they could suffer if they buy this product.

    Apparently though, time was frozen only for me. She became somewhat aggravated at the fact that I was just staring, stone-faced at her instead of ringing up her ticket to shedding that set of tires she was hauling around her waist.

    Finally, I came to my senses and did what I thought was best for all of us. I apologized for "zoning out" on her, sold her the pills and then asked her to please look for me the next time she is in the store and tell me what she thinks of the product.


    _______
    Always looking out for number two!

    Always looking out for number two!

    Mary Queen of Scats's picture
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    "Don't say you weren't warned. You are seriously going to shit yourself."

    I'm dying here. Seriously dying. Laughing so hard I almost passed part of the meat from my Taco Hell burrito out my nose.

    _______
    What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

    Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

    Fudgepump's picture
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    Quite a dilemma, Motherload. I think you made the right decision, and your request for a follow-up report from the customer was an outstanding idea. I just wonder if she'll be back in a month to tell you her o-ring is leaking oil.

    daphne's picture
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    Chitosan might be one of these types of products, seeing as this is a fat-attaching/blocker thingie (note the scientific terminology, man). I used to take that, and it worked well, and without making me shit myself.

    Some fat is very good for you, and very important. I wonder if Alli also attaches to omega threes. That would be bad, seeing as our country's people don't get enough omega three's (thank you stupid food pyramid that doesn't work) and has more citizens suffering from dementia than ever before.

    If we could only make a product that blocked the absorption of corn syrup and processed flour.

    Thank you Mr. Angry for a great poopreport!


    _______
    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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    I have tried chitosan too daphne and it works great! Only thing is some people think that wow this stuff blocks the fat hell BRING" ON THE CHEESECAKE please! That is NOT the purpose of this. Believe me eat enough fatty foods on chitosan and you will have the shits. Although it seems not as bad as alli. I dont know how they expect to sell this stuff if it has nasty side effects like that.
    _______
    The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

    AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

    Motherload's picture
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    Daphne, after my experience of selling alli to a customer yesterday, I went to the giant display of it and grabbed one of the "kits" to investigate a little more than what I had read here before going to work.

    I noticed that one of the first instructions on the label was to make sure to take a vitamin supplement daily because alli prevents absorption of some major nutrients. I am sure that omega-3 fatty acids are probably included.

    The thing that really irks me the most--being medically mined and all-- is that the MAJORITY of the folks that are going to be using this product are not going to be motivated, informed consumers that are trying what may be for them a last-ditch alternative effort to lose weight before having to undergo some sort of surgical intervention to possibly save their life and help them get their eating habits, diet and exercise regimen under control. For the most part, the kind of people that are going to be interested in this stuff will be the lazy, uninformed, selfish couch potatoes that want a way to continue their unhealthy lifestyles and lose weight anyway with no effort.

    The really bad thing about this is that we will soon not only have people in the health-care system with illness related to obesity, diabetes and inactivity in general, but will be seeing more cases of malnutrition, vitamin deficiency and possibly some sort of intestinal side effects from the irritation that all the oily shit is going to cause. I could go on, but I will give it a rest for now.....ARRRRRRRGh!!!!
    _______
    Always looking out for number two!

    Always looking out for number two!

    daphne's picture
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    Wow. I believe you're completely right.

    You know, Motherload, ever since I hit "that age" (pre-menopausal), I've found that when your health starts to go, it can snowball into a whole mess of things. And lo and behold - if I sound like Tom Cruise, it's BY ALL MEANS A COINCIDENCE - your diet can do wonders either way. Little things like getting all your omegas, your water intake, your calcium and vitamins, and most importantly not in chemical form if possible, can make the difference between feeling like crap and feeling truly well.

    When I say chemical, I'm referring to any type of hormone. Give me those plant-based ones any day if possible.

    As it is, I am taking the lowest dosage of high blood pressure medicine available, and I'm still pissed about having to take it. I should just lose some weight, you know? The take-a-pill mentality of this country may very well put us, as a country, into a bad health funk that will be hard to get out of.

    But of all these things, dimensia is the scariest to me. I can be a bit chunky. I can have some high blood pressure. Even though it's stupid and ridiculous that I may be a slight chubbo with high blood pressure, I'd rather weight 300 pounds before chosing Alzheimer's or dimensia later on as an alternative. That scares the hell out of me more than any other health-related affliction. Please, God, don't let my brain go to mush. Anything but that.


    _______
    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    Fudgepump's picture
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    Daphne; Alzheimer's/dementia is a horrifying and cruel ailment - it killed my father at 76 on Mar 30,'07. Cause of death was listed as pneumonia and respiratory failure, but my "dad" as a man had been gone for at least 1 or 2 years. The body, meanwhile, more or less merrily chugged along until the last 6 months or so, when motor functions started to become compromised. Mentally, he really started leaving us nearly 4 years ago - CRUEL CRUEL EXISTENCE...MERCIFUL DEATH
    (Sorry, all...way off topic.)

    Fudgepump's picture
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    BTW, Motherload: I hadn't really thought about the morbidly obese for whom their overweight is really a life-and-death proposition. I KNOW, I KNOW, a lot of them got that way thru their own misdeeds, but I guess I can understand someone in that position turning to ANY option for help when surgical intervention is looming as their last hope.

    DungDaddy's picture
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    A. Mr. Angry, calm down. The drug company will never hold a gun to your head and make you take this pill.
    B. Funny, funny shit.
    C. My big fat brother took Xenical for four days. Was golfing a school district golf tournament and wearing shorts on day four. Guess why he quit taking it.

    GottaGoGirl's picture
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    Valid points, all, but I'd like to point out that people who are morbidly obese are in FAR more danger from THAT fat than from several months' worth (or even a year or so) of not absorbing their fatty acids.

    90 days ago, I was told to lose 50 pounds. I've lost 1/3 of it so far, just by getting off my ass several days a week and, as Daphne mentioned, shunning the 3 "hi"s. High fructose, hydrogenated, and high sodium/high fat.

    It's tough enough to do without shitting myself.

    Deja Poo's picture
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    FP, sorry to read about your loss. We're going through this with my mother. It's difficult watching her disappear day-by-day. Quite frankly, for everybody's sake, I hope the end comes quickly.

    I think I'll go give her a call right now.
    _______
    Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

    Yo quiero Taco Bell.

    Poo Pal 23's picture
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    My mom and sister bought some of these poop pills - I grabbed a handful, thinking they might be good for constipation or whatever. My friend and I took some at work today and then proceeded to eat as much fat as we could shovel in - nothing happened. Honestly, we were a bit disappointed. I was hoping at least to fart the place up a bit.

    Turdle Dove's picture
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    Mr. Angry and gasputin made me laugh harder than I have in weeks, and I needed a good laugh.

    I love PoopReport.

    The Shit Volcano's picture
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    Save time and effort and just rot out your gallbladder. It saves you the pants shitting incidents... Well, as long as you only fart over the toilet.

    Funny story, Mr. Angry. I enjoyed it. However, you gave me a whole new reason not to take diet pills. Bleh!!!

    _______
    What if everyone farted at once?

    I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

    werewolf pooping on trees's picture
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    Amusing tale: on the way home from the cinema tonight, my sister and I drove by a pharmacy with a sign prominently announcing "Alli is here!" The big oil stain on the ground a few meters away from it looked very curious...

    _______
    ...and they all lived crappily ever after!

    ...and they all lived crappily ever after!

    PoopySmurf's picture
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    Here's another slogan:

    alli: It'll make you give a shit about losing weight.

    DungDaddy's picture
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    The slippery slope to weight loss.

    One Shitty Texan's picture
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    I watched the video....at the end, they said that the "treatment effect would be an incentive NOT to eat fatty foods"....
    Damn....

    chunky but clean's picture
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    Mr Angry,

    I agree! A few years ago I took a dose or two of Xenical and yep, you guessed it. I was in my livingroom alone at the time and oh my! Well, since then I have not taken any meds I absolutely don't need. I may not be thinner (my own fault) but at least I'm not looking to join a class action suit because my heart valves were damaged or my liver was shot, etc. Let's face it y'all, if we eat less, keep busy and workout, we will lose weight. Gimmicks are dangerous. Also, hot people come in all shapes and we need to be happy with who we are as long as we are reasonaly healthy.

    TB's picture
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    I stumbled on this site while looking up alli side effects. I am stunned! Not sure which is more stunning...the fact that a drug is claiming to make you crap your pants (we can thank the FDA for their honesty), or the fact that there is an entire website devoted to discussing farts, shit, poop, and crap!
    Consider the fact that when a drug gets endorsed by the FDA, it must make all these discaimers (which we should all be grateful for). And consider that serious dieters like myself who follow a rigourous nutrition and exercise plan still love a little extra help. I work with a personal trainer every summer to take off the 10 lbs of fat I gain through the roller coaster of holiday, social, and restaurant eating I do in a year. Each time, I have goals and a timeline to achieve those goals. I can see why this drug would benefit someone looking to speed up their weight loss. There are so many cynical comments on this site...just thought you might want to hear the flip side!

    poo_poo_poodio's picture
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    TB, I think we were already hearing from the flip side -- visa vi the side that faces down normally.

    "Can you spare a square?"

    "No, I don't have a square to spare."

    Wynn D. Bottom's picture
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    TB, your comment:

    "or the fact that there is an entire website devoted to discussing farts, shit, poop, and crap!"

    had me laughing so hard I almost wet myself! You definitely should consider joining the site so you can earn some comment brownie points!

    _______
    Wynn D. Bottom

    Wynn D. Bottom

    better than you's picture
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    what is wrong with you people? Just eat healthy and it will not create an effect, I know I have been taking alli and no side effects. I do exersize and for the most part eat as the plan designates all ready, but I needed some help. It gives you ways to eat out everywhere you could imagine, you should try things before making judgements.

    Wynn D. Bottom's picture
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    There's another entertaining article about alli here:
    Alli Side Effects In Layman's Terms
    http://thewvsr.com/alli.htm

    _______
    Wynn D. Bottom

    Wynn D. Bottom

    Anonymous Coward's picture
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    OK, I've been taking alli for about a month. Actually never heard of it before when I picked it up at the drug store--never heard the warnings either and I was on vacation at the time so a low-fat diet? What would be the point of staying at an all-inclusive hotel that serves unbelievable gourmet food with "all you can eat" buffets if you're starting a low-fat diet?

    I took my Alli and ate "all I could eat" and was 4 pounds lighter when I got home from my 1 week vacation. Have lost 13 pounds all together this month. Haven't really been dieting, and SORRY, haven't experienced those negative "treatment effects" either. Do I have oily stools? Yes, but no incontenence, uncontrollable discharge, flatulence--nothing at all even remotely like that!

    Everyone's body chemistry is different and possible "side effects" vary from person to person. If you read the warning labels of just about ANY prescription drug, the possible "side effects" are far worse--but the majority of people won't experience most, if any of them.

    you are ignorant's picture
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    as a pharmacist, i can see that you're incredibly misinformed. if you had done an ounce of research alli is being promoted as a weight loss AID. no where does it say that you should not cut calories or exercise and the pounds will magically fall off. in fact they tote the opposite, that in conjunction with reduced cal dieting + working out alli will promote additional weight loss in addition to the weight you're already losing by yourself. the side effects only occur when the patient screws up and decides to indulge in a fatty ass meal. it does not occur if you stick to a low fat healthy diet. if you're shitting oil, it is your own damn fault and it is a sign that your meals are unhealthy. unlike most medications, alli is not absorbed into the blood stream. it only stays in the intestine and does its work in there. there is no reason to believe that alli causes any damage to the body organs because it never reaches them. the only thing that would cause a problem is if it blocks the absorption with your other medications. before you rant about a drug, make sure you know what you're saying first. you seem to have written this entry out of your pure uneducated opinion. although drug companies did make it otc to generate more money, it has also shown to effective for those who are truly committed to losing weight. it's just an extra nudge to make the results even more satisfying.

    GottaGoGirl's picture
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    you are ignorant (not verified) -- 07.26.2007 -- wrote: "as a pharmacist..."

    I am alarmed to learn that these days they don't require pharmacists to show proficiency at the shift key. Damn standardized tests.

    "...it has also shown to effective for those who are truly committed to losing weight. it's just an extra nudge to make the results even more satisfying."

    Yeah, because those who are truly committed to losing weight... would anyway.

    Fudgepump's picture
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    Which brings us full circle back to my post of 6/26, G3: we are a "pharmaceutical nation". We want to have a pill or potion to do for us what common sense (smaller portions, healthy diet, moderate regular exercise), and a touch of WILLPOWER, can also accomplish.

    KellyAnne's picture
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    This is very simple. I picked up alli to lose the ten pounds I packed on when I quit smoking. I have been on the drug for two weeks - maintaining a diet of less than 15 grams of fat within every three hour span. I DO NOT go over 15g ever, if you cannot find out or know the fat content or portion - you simply cannot eat it. The bad press just shows how much ignorance is out there and how people cannot control what they put in their mouth & the obesity epidemic. I have lost 4lb and intend to lose 6lb more at which point I will stop the diet. I have had NO side effects. Besides the lack of 4lb of course...

    Anonymous Coward's picture
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    Whether it is safe or not...if there is even a remote chance that I am going to need another drugstore product: "Depends" as a result of using the drug why the hell would I want to take it? It's like the pills I got for flu called "tamiflu" now we all know what symptoms flu has...and I had been devoid of only one of those symptoms..luckily...diarrhea...then I went to the hospital and got prescribed Tamiflu...went home took them and was on the toilet the next several days more than I was off of it. My son took them and said "Mom, if this gets any worse I am just going to lay in bed and shit myself I swear!" lol...it was horrible...point being i care not to relive any part of that experience,...pooping is not something I want to do more of.

    Orange panties's picture
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    Ok, I have been taking alli for a about a week and have had MAJOR "treatment effects". I am only looking to drop 10 pounds, so I am not overweight...just want to be a size smaller for a special occasion and thought alli might speed up the process.

    I am going to be blunt. I have had orange oily explosions every day. I don't eat a high fat diet. It happens even when I haven't eaten anything at all, like first thing in the morning. This morning (after not taking any alli pills since yesterday morning), I had an unknown to me orange accident that covered my entire butt and soaked through my sleep shorts onto my sheet!

    I have thrown away multiple pairs of panties and pants. I have a whole washing machine full of panties and pants right now SOAKING, but I know they will not come clean. YOU CAN NOT GET THE PIZZA OIL OUT!

    I have thrown away 2 chair pads due to alli-oops. You really have NO WARNING of pending leakage.

    Have I lost weight? Yes. But I have pooped so much, I figure it's just made me lighter. Oh, I am also so bloated from gas, that I still can't wear my smaller size. Also, my butt hurts from all the dumping.

    When they warn about the flatulence and where you may want to go if you feel the urge...they mean it. I have never farted so long and so loudly in my life...they aren't really farts, they are sharts! You NEVER want to let one slip unless you are on the pot! The orange oil sprays out with the gas. Sooo GROSS!

    Am I getting the bad effects because I am not the "profile" alli candidate? I don't know...probably, maybe.

    Needless to say, I am not going to take another single alli pill. What a waste of cash. I'm also heading out to buy a whole new panty wardrobe. Another waste of cash.

    I just hope I don't have any effects while I am out panty shopping. I guess I will just stop by the drugstore and buy a diaper to wear just in case.

    Tamsen's picture
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    I purchased 'alli' because after my last child I needed help to shed pounds (I'm now 49) and my stomach got sliced and diced pretty good due to a C-Section making it impossible for me to do even the simplest of sit-ups. I have to say the experience was unique at best. I had constipation issues after my sons birth that carried on for the last 3 plus years now and alli-- at least helped me become more regular in the AM. It can be a persons worst nightmare however, and, what I have determined is that if you exceed 15grams of fat daily during your waking period --OR-- if you endulge in a variety of fast foods or ready made processed food you will be in a world of hurt!! (This by the way means violent evacuation of the bowels). Tee-tee! Sorry, it's funny but it's not. Wrenching from the upper to lower intestines. WOW!! Took me only one time with one of those $0.99 cent specials we often see in the freezer section to figure that out. Never again!! I personally didn't have a lot of 'bad' treatment effects though. I did encounter an increase in gas. My rectum also has a slick feel to it around the edges much like Pjur Eros or something. (that's a lube you use for anal sex by the way). Never had soiling of my pants (thank god! 'cause I don't wear underpants so I suppose that would really be a mess huh?). Anyhow, on average, I lost 1/2 pound per day on the stuff and after reading some of the posts -- I guess I was damn lucky!

    I will say that if you have bad eating habits -- alli is not the answer to weight loss. All you'll do is find yourself confined to your home while you simply shit yourself to death!

    FLUFFY's picture
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    oh man this was hilarious.I love it when people can talk about something with such passion and be so funny while doing so! lol.your awesome!

    Bilgepump's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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    For Fluffy of 10/28:

    Yes, I am awesome, passionate and funny. Are you by any chance a cat? I've used the last one and have to go with some urgency....

    "One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

    Anonymous Coward's picture
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    I take alli and can control my bowel movements.... and ive lost 24 pounds in the last thirty days.

    allioops's picture
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    I just found this site through google.. I was trying to get an answer for the tangerine orange color that appeared on my tissue paper. The poop itself, unfortunatly, was a sinker and disappeared into the bowel before I could get a good look.
    Well, I started Alli this week. I am really lazy. lol. But so far so good.. this is the only 'treatment effect' I've had yet. I had just eaten a grilled chicken mango salad from a fast food joint. The poop wasn't an oily explosion by any means, a smooth slider actually.. just tangerine!! After realizing that it was oil, I took comfort in knowing that I pooped it out, rather than digesting it. Alli is going to work for me because it makes me afraid to eat bad things.. I really have no will power, like I said I'm lazy. lol. I'm not too overweight, I'd like to lose 10-20 lbs. I'll keep you updated on my progress :)

    shitwit's picture
    k 500+ points
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    I wonder how I missed this thread before??? This is some funny shit! I'll be sure to avoid this product! I'll just stick to my current weight loss regime: stressed out, no time to eat, no sleep, runny shits from any dairy products, etc. Shitwit now weighs about what she did when she said "I doo" - 7 years and 2 kids later!

    _______
    Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

    Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

    silveira03's picture
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    Honestly, this entire post is taken completely out of context. Alli is not at all advertised as a "magic pill". The advertisements state that Alli will help you lose up to 50% more weight then with regular diet and exercise alone. When taken, Alli can help block 25 to 30% of the fat you consume. As long as you do not eat more than 15 grams of fat in one sitting, you should be free of any "treatment effects". I have been taking Alli since August, and I believe it has helped me lose more weight than with my regular reduced calorie/fat diet. Sure, I cannot prove that I would not have lost said weight without Alli, but I am happy with my investment. And it has also helped with my chronic constipation. The only times I have had oily stool is the night I decided to eat a few slices of cheesecake, and no, I did not shit myself. Just oil in the toilet.

    Di Verticula's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb
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    Being obese for over 20 years has taught me one thing: Dieting doesn't work, and, if a miracle cure came in a pill, no one would be overweight! If Alli works for you, great. Stick with the program and make it work for you. You like shitting grease? Fine. Try not eating the kind of fat that makes you fat and you would not need Alli to flush it away. Kind of defeats the purpose of lifestyle change, doesn't it? You cannot eat animal fat and processed fats and be healthy, whether you take Alli or not! I've been up and down the scale so much these past 20 years I could write the book. Okay so this time, I'm trying something new........ EATING. High fiber, low fat and yes ... CARBS, but only in the form of high fiber whole grains, fruits, veggies & legumes. Three square meals, no junk. Trying to lay off white flour & sugar and trying not to eat after dinner. That's it. Oh and I walk about for 30 minutes 5x/week. I've slowly dropped about 45 pounds since Easter.

    Meat Medallion's picture
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    Well, I've been taking Alli for just over a week now and I'm upset to say that, whilst I may have lost 20 pounds, I haven't yet experienced one spontaneous orange pizza pants explosion. I don't care about losing weight - all I wanted was to shit my ring off continuously over a week-long period.

    Personally, I am on the verge of taking a lawsuit out against them for false advertising - why would a company want to get all of your hopes up and then send them crashing down again with nothing firm, solid, boring brown turds? I can get those from Bran-Flakes, thank you very much.

    Oh, how I long for an uncontrollable mid-supermarket technicolour liquid fudge-crash in my breaches. It would really put the 'treat' into 'treatment'

    To all those Alli-takers out there who have experienced this soggy-gusseted delight - You lucky bastards!

    Anonymous Coward's picture
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    My sister's doctor recommended this product to her as an option for weight loss. When telling her upfront about the side effect, he started giggling... enough warning for her to decide AGAINST it.

    Anonymous Coward-yup lol's picture
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    well in my opinion it works....just stop being a fat ass and cut back the calories work out and there will be minimal issues. I've always been a bit gassy in general soo fuck it lol...you wont experience side affects as long as you dont eat fried foods.....it helps me mainly because I know I will go in my pants.....its really like a friendly reminder lol....take it as you want to...its gross but if you do it right ---aka cut out almost all a fatty's favorite foods it works......simple as that

    Anonymous Coward's picture
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    I started taking alli a few weeks ago. I have a healthy diet and I exercise frequently, but like most women, I just can't lose weight very easily. Alli has been working for me so far, but last night I decided to have a treat and ordered 8 delicious hot wings.
    OH MAN!
    I'm not leaking or anything, but my poo this morning was AWESOME!!!!!!!
    I want to eat tons of hot wings now so I can see this amazing poo again. It was like an enormous soft turd, and then floating on top was a big pool of orange oil.
    I wish I had taken pictures!
    I will for sure use alli the next time I eat something fatty. I'm not having diarrhea or leakage or anything like that, but I have to say, the toilet this morning was absolutely glorious.

    Spastic :'s picture
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    I took Xenical for a while and did indeed experience unfortunate "treatment effects." I am already a gassy person due to the unfortunate effect of lactose intolerance and thought it was an innocent little fart. Then - surprise! You actually feel that oil squirt out and hit your drawers - oh the horror! I had to wrap my sweater around my waist and make a mad dash for the nearest wal-mart because I hadn't been warned to bring a spare!

    Wishful Pooper's picture
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    OMFG! I have not laughed this hard in a long freaking time!! My husband just came downstairs asking WTF, and I said "it's all about poo, my friend." I was online searching for some relief from my decade long battle with chronic constipation, which I like to call being "shit challenged". Ran across some reports that alli makes you poo so I searched it and found this site. This is the best friggin site I've ever been on! Seriously, my whole life revolves around shit, when I can do it, when I can't (which is usually), and making my 2-minute poo window, which if I miss leads to another two days of stomach agony and a shit-free existence. So this site is going to become my new homepage. I may just pick up a bottle of this crap to see if it can help me crap. Anything beats my current dependency on correctal, which basically takes a day out of my life that I will never get back every time I use it. Well, I'm off to pack a bag of extra pants and get some plastic to line my desk chair with... Thanks Poopers!

    daphne's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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    Wishful, you need to stick around. I bet you have stories to share!


    _______
    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    .....hugging bunnies since 1969
    www.daphneszoo.com

    Tamara's picture
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    well I start tomorrow! wish me luck! ill keep ya'll updated

    MSG's picture
    Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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    I happened to go to the drugstore a couple of days ago to pick up a prescription. There on the prescription counter was a nice display of alli, comprised of a large plastic box enclosing a hefty bottle of the stuff. I picked up the box and read the cautions on the back--all just as quoted above. I had neither the time nor the nerve to speak to the pharmacist about the "treatment effects," but I thought of PR and all of you who have experienced them. My own recent illness had nothing to do with alli, but as the illness was taking hold I was seated on the couch, felt what I thought was gas, and passed a little bit of liquid that let me know of the explosion to come. It made it as far as my pants (two tiny oily-looking spots), which made me think of this topic. I'd like to know what the company's correspondence file for this drug looks like.

    Anonymous Coward's picture
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    Um. Something about positive and negative reinforcements. Unknowingly vacating your bowels after eating more than 15g of fat in a meal is a positive punishment. You get something bad because you were bad. It's not the best way to learn. Nor is it the best way to learn to eat healthfully.

    concerned's picture
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    This is not really funny. Wait until your annus won't stop itching even after you haven't taken the alli pill for over a month. I'm actually worried and think a lawsuit is in order.

    amused's picture
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    wow. just... wow.

    i'm a fan of modern medicine when it comes to helping your body with things out of your control (asthma), but alli is just irresponsible. as a person that could stand to lose 20-30 pounds, i understand the immediate appeal of such a drug. However, it seems this pill basically acts as a laxative for many people. taking laxatives is no better than barfing after a meal. How about we just show some restraint and not treat out bodies like... well, like shit.

    Kerri's picture
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    I have been taking alli for 3 weeks now and have NOT shit my pants. I actually am taking 2 pills (the prescription dose) at night with my dinner. I have had oil in my shit but at least it isn't staying in my body. I have had a few "wet farts" but I just used a panty liner just in case. I do eat a reduced calorie diet but with alli it is even lower. I have lost about 8 pounds since I have been on it. I do have some cramping when it is time to poop but I have had no problem making it to the bathroom. The only time I have had any "treatment affects" was when I ate too much fat the day before. I really enjoyed your article it had me in tears with laughter but have you tried alli? If not, how can you write such a negative article about something that you haven't experienced personally.

    lockamy's picture
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    Ha, haha! Omg- I was looking for alli side effects and what a page I stumbled upon- I absoltely love it! I have never laughed so hard in my life.

    Anon Pooper's picture
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    Hello everyone,

    I've been taking the alli pills for about a month now, and although I have been losing weight, the whole oil-out-of-the-ass comment on the bottle is scaring the shit out of me (literally). Don't take it...I'm eating waaaay below the fat intake it suggests (only 18 grams of fat per day) and I am getting the side effects. I think there is something wrong with this pill...

    Anonymous Coward's picture
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    I laughed so hard I shit my pants

    alli lover's picture
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    okay i'm a little late to this conversation and yes i'm an anonymous coward (i gotta maintain my street cred) but i've been taking alli for a couple months now so i feel the need to share my side.

    first off yes, the "treatment effects" are a little annoying but your body gets used to it after a couple weeks and you learn to keep it under control.

    second, i've completely changed my eating habits to cater to the shitting situation so the product has actually made me eat healthy. because frankly, it's not worth having to run from my cubicle to the bathroom 10 times a day.

    lastly, losing that first couple pounds gave me an insane amount of motivation to actually hit the gym and get my body toned.

    i have lost about 20 pounds since January (i have not been using the product the entire time) and i feel great. not to say i feel great from the product but i obviously feel great because my diet and exercise routine are in check now. anybody who's tried dieting before knows how hard it is to get in a good routine going so if nothing else, give this product a try for a boost of motivation.

    but yes, all the stories you've heard about the shitting are absolutely true. the first week is BRUTAL.