Orange Poop: Solving The Mystery Of Orange Oil

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m 1+ points - Newb
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Editor's note: This was originally posted on the author's blog. He has submitted it to PoopReport presumably as a public service. You'll see why in a moment.


I've got one for you, Dr. House. See if you can diagnose this.

Oil came out of my butt. Yellowish-orange oil. Lots of it. It was very disconcerting. My wife looked it up on the Internet and figured I was going to die.

Let me take you back.

It was a Tuesday and I got mostly done with work and I was nodding off so I set the timer on my wristwatch for fifteen minutes and laid down on the floor to take a power nap. The nap went well. Then I gathered up my stuff and went to my desk and noticed an odd smell. Not exactly identifiable, but somewhat excretory.

I figured somebody let one.

That's what doctors call it: somebody let one. The act of actually doing it is called "letting one." As in, "Hey, Jim, why do you have that funny look on your face?" To which Jim would respond, "Oh, it's nothing. I'm just letting one."

Anyway, I figured somebody let one. But then I walked to a different place and I noticed the smell again. Ditto for a third location. At this point, I'm figuring that the likelihood of a mystery person following me around and having gas was not very great. At this point, I'm figuring the only constant is me, and maybe I'm the one who smells like, well, like somebody let one.

So I retired to the bathroom.

Where, to my horror, I discovered that something very bad had happened while I was napping.

Something had come out of my butt.

Immediately, I thought of those potato chips in fake oil that are supposed to give you anal leakage.

"Anal leakage." If there's ever a phrase to strike terror in the human heart, that's it.

But I hadn't had any potato chips. I hadn't eaten anything that could have had that fake fat in it. The day before, I had eaten several pieces of wheat bread and a couple of dinner rolls, some broccoli, and a wonderful big fish steak. That's all I'd eaten in the thirty-six previous hours.

No chips.

Well, after attending to matters the best I could, I went to a nearby store and bought a pair of pants.

Don't ask me why.

And when I came back to the bathroom to change into them, I felt like I needed to actually, well, go to the bathroom.

Which is where the oil comes in.

Or, to be more accurate, comes out.

Because right there, right in the toilet bowl below me, was something that looked like Italian dressing. There was the water, and then there were dozens of little floating oil blobs. Yellow-orange oil blobs. Glistening yellow-orange oil blobs. And that came out of me.

Which, all things considered, is kind of peculiar. Because I've never had oil come out of me before. And because, if I remember tenth-grade science correctly, the average operational liver is supposed to make bile, which is supposed to emulsify fat in the digestive system. That means that before anything gets to the point of leaving the body, the fat -- and oil -- probably ought to be pretty much broken down, digested, and absorbed. The fact that some kind of oil should make it all the way through the digestive system intact is not a good thing.

I told my wife about it.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a camera so she could see it.

But I told her about it. And she spent ten minutes on the Internet before she came to the conclusion that my pancreas was shot and, after suffering a while, I would die a certain death. Either that or I had a malabsorption problem and, after suffering a while, I would die a certain death.

Which is not good news, particularly on a Tuesday.

The next morning I felt a little better. The discomfort was mostly gone and I had some good food in me and I figured it would set things right.

But then I went to the bathroom again.

And I was right back in Italian dressing land.

Which brought us to Thursday: the day my doctor doesn't have office hours.

One of the hardest parts of having oil come out of your butt is that you want to tell people about it but you're not certain who would appreciate having the information. I mean, it's a fascinating thing that I'd never heard of before and I was fairly certain it'd never happened to any of my friends. But when it actually came to hearing about my adventure, people seemed pretty sheepish.

So I had to talk about it on the radio. Certainly, that's an awkward process, especially during the lunch hour, but sometimes what you can't say to another person gets a little easier if you say it to eighty thousand people. So, in delicate terms, I described the oil coming out of my butt. I realize it might be distasteful, but it gets it off my chest and it saves me a twenty dollar co-pay. When you can't get a doctor, the medical opinion of faceless strangers with no medical training whatsoever can be comforting.

Most people thought I would suffer a while and then die a certain death.

But one guy called up and asked if I'd eaten any fish.

I said I had. He asked what kind. I said I didn't remember. It was some kind I'd never seen before, at a fish market, some big chunk of a fish and when I asked what kind it was the name she said made no sense to me but she agreed to cut off a big steak anyway. About a two-and-a-half pound steak.

Big enough to fill my frying pan, and my dinner plate, and my belly.

And it tasted great. It was rich and buttery and just delicious.

And the guy on the phone said it had to be escolar.

Escolar. That's some sort of fish.

A very unique sort of fish, actually. A fish that's against the law in Japan. I mean, the people who came up with sushi say this fish is too much. In 1990, our own Food and Drug Administration came out with an advisory saying that this fish should not be sold. Under pressure, after a few years, it withdrew the advisory because of a lack of evidence that the fish ever actually killed anyone. As it is, the government says about five or six ounces at a time is about all you want.

Here's the problem: the escolar has some sort of digestive problem of its own. It can't break down waxes that naturally occur in its diet, so it stores them as oil in its flesh. It stores a lot of them. Escolar can be almost like eating a stick of butter. Under the right conditions, you can actually set an escolar on fire. It's incredibly rich, and consequently very tasty.

Except for the fact that the human body can't digest the fat and waxes in escolar. Not at all. Our bodies extract the fats, which are liquid at our body temperature, and excrete them through the back end. Sounds simple, really isn't. Sounds disgusting, absolutely is. It's like you've got leaky, stinky vegetable oil coming out of you.

All thanks to escolar.

Turns out most doctors know nothing about this, as it is very rare. Several ask-the-doctor things I found on the Internet seem to have stumped the physicians with the symptoms. No search of symptoms turned up the fish.

But that's what it was. I'm not dying.

I just ate some very odd fish. Which I don't suggest you try.

417 Comments on "Orange Poop: Solving The Mystery Of Orange Oil"

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
l 100+ points

Excellent report, Dave!

I can't wait to hear the follow-ups from the idiots who will certainly try to mix it into their regular diet as a means to lose weight.

"Why have I gained 5 pounds? It's supposed to be going right through me!"

_______
What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

Merc's picture
l 100+ points

I'm not married, but this story is an affront to everything I believe marriage SHOULD be.

Don't you keep an air of respect and privacy in at least a FEW areas of your life when you get married?

I cannot imagine telling my romantic partner about orange shit coming out of my ass. Much less asking her to "look it up" on the net.

Dude, you may not know it, but you are faltering toward the below 50 percent interest level and she has already started looking at other men.

Your Baby Ate My Dingo

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

Sounds fishy to me. This may be an investigation for Motherload.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Yuk. Not the kind of fish to stick on a barbecue.

Escolar must be a Spanish/Mexican term for this fish, no doubt a local translation of "The Orange Butt Grease Fish" - is this why these folk are known as Greasers?

The voice of sanity

Shitake's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Sounds like keriorrhoea you are describing..( the fancy name for oily orange diarrhea)..lucky you. I hear this can happen from other super oily foods too, like a good old cheap can of cashews. And Thunderbox, yes, I am a greaser because I eat lots of escolar...I also save the grease for my man to use in his hair...slick and in a hair net is how I like my vato loco. Viva la greasy-o fishy-o!

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
l 100+ points

Merc...you don't want to tell someone that's infinitly familar with your body that you're having a problem?

The FIRST person I tell about body troubles is my husband. Believe me...if I was leaking orange oil out my butt he'd find out one way or another.

I'd rather it be up-front than us be in the middle of having, um, "another way" and need to explain it to him then.

"What do you mean you have orange oil in your beard? I have no idea what you're talking about!"

_______
What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Merc, if you can't discuss death-from-oily-butt with your spouse, you should not be married to that person.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

MQoS, that's interesting that your husband would SEE the orange oil in his beard before he would SMELL or TASTE it. I would expect the first words from his mouth would be "Damn, woman, you smell like the shithouse door off a shrimp boat." Or something to that effect.

My intellectual side dictates that my wife would hear about it first only if she were somewhere between me and the family/emergency room doctor. My emotional side dictates that anybody within earshot would hear it first from my screams of "Good gawd almighty! What the hell is that?" My inner pre-teen, of course, dictates that poopreport would hear about it first because this is far too cool to keep to one's self.

In principle, however, you are correct. My wife will be one of the first people to hear about it, in all of its gruesome glory.

Maybe escolar oil is the active ingredient in alli?
_______
Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Poo de Grace's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Doesn't Billy Mays hawk something similar to this one on nightly infomercials? I believe it's called Orange Glo and it's great for your furniture and hardwood floors.

Merc -- If you're that shameful a shitter, then PoopReport may not be the place for you. I would also think that if ones ass is oozing Orange Glo Furniture Polish, your spouse may accidentally be the one who finds out first should you have the misfortune of sneezing. I thought your mate was supposed to be your best friend?

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

Well Bob remind me to stay awayyyy from THAT fish. Cripes. Never had that happen to me before and thanks for the Public Service Announcement. I am sure all of us will appreciate it the next time we shop for fish. Kudos.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

I had escolar on July 4th at an italian restaurant. No problems noted. It wasn't that great. I'll take halibut or salmon any time.

Gaseous Glay's picture
l 100+ points

Thanks for the warning. Fish can be trouble for me in general if it's not super fresh. Red Lobster goes right through me pronto.

MousePoo's picture
l 100+ points

Yech. I lean toward fried fish (cat/perch) meself.
I guess his meal was as impressive leaving as it was arriving.

Colon Powell's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

They often have escolar over at one of the local chinese markets. I tried it once, out of curiosity and thought it tasted awful. Didn't get the salad dressing effect, but probably because I didn't eat enough of it. Lucky I didn't give any to my dog either....


_______
...you know how dumb the average human being is ??? well half of them are even dumber than that !!

...you know how dumb the average human being is ??? well half of them are even dumber than that !!

Merc's picture
l 100+ points

Hi guys,
Yeah, I sounded a tad judgemental there regarding sharing everything with a spouse.
Sorry about that, im not married, and i guess my opinion doesnt matter all that much.

But isnt there two ways to say anything?

If I was having trouble I might say I was having some digestion problems and leave it at that. Some of the behavior described here seems to verge on the precipice of not of non shameful shitting but of spectacle.

Sure its funny but i still say that your spouse is a person that its best to maintain at least some aspect of privacy and respect with.

I just dont think involving your spouse in a bat bout of bowell movements to that level is productive. But then again, I suppose that level of transparency is good if it works in your marriage.

Your Baby Ate My Dingo

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
l 100+ points

I apologize as well, Merc.

My husband is the type of man that will pick his nose and say "Whoa, dude...look at this!!" Or hold his legs up and fart.

So maybe I was incorrectly lumping you into a category that contains a toddler.

_______
What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

The Sweetcorn Itch's picture

Escolar is probably the magic ingredient in Oxypowder.

Fecal Follies's picture
l 100+ points

I;m thinking it's a good thing I really hate fish.

*mental image of my IBS combined with an OD of escolar* <<--- NOT pretty


_______
And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

I've taken "oily" shits before. I made mac and cheese once when I was about 8 (and just learning to cook). I used way too much butter and the resulting poops just made this weird oily layer to the top of the toilet water. Another time I did this was when I drank a cup of olive oil as part of a diet. The diet didn't last very long. Not only did I shit horrible oily shits for days, it also stirred up my grumpy gall bladder and I was in pain in the front and the back!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Orange poop's picture

I'm on here because of the same symptoms. So strange - the first thing you do is Google it. I ate orange roughy. Now I know how it got its name.

same here's picture

Ate (tons of) escolar on a Friday night for the first time, and by Sunday afternoon was leaking orange oil. Totally freaked out, googled, and found your article (much to my relief) Thank you!

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

To help my rather idiosyncratic bowels along, I often drink a fair bit of fresh orange juice. Sometimes, and I think this quite natural, the resultant poop has an orange colour - not oily, but orange. I think it s obvious that what you eat will have a strong bearing on the colour and consistency of your shit!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I've had oily shit myself in various colors. Sometimes I'll shit snot. It seems to be a side effect of my surgery a few months ago. Remind me not to eat oily fish. I can only image the slop that comes out!

_______
What if everyone farted at once?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

TorpedoButt's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I have no doubt that "escolar" can do this to people, but I'll let all of you in on a dirty, well actually horrible, little piece of info:

Oily, orange shit comes from eating too much fat - ANY KIND of fat. Normal people can digest fat just fine, well actually "ingest" it is more like it. However, people with PANCREAS issues sometimes can not. The pancreas is where most of the digestive enzymes come from. If your pancreas is damaged, due to alcoholism, diabetes, cancer, etc, there are less enzymes produced, therefore, less food is actually "digested" (broken-down)and "ingested", leaving only two possibilities - you barf horrendously, until all that's coming out is bile, -or- you shit orangey-oil. My husband is 6'4", and only weighs 160lbs. He looks like a skeleton. Trust me, you DON'T want to try anything like this as a "diet".

No, I am NOT a doctor, unfortunately my HUSBAND is an alcoholic (idiot, but it's too late), and I SEE THIS 3-4 TIMES A WEEK. Trust me, I clean the toilet.

-Torpy

-Aw Crap.

Anonymous Coward's picture

how long has this pooping of oil gone for you? ive been having the same problem for the last week. ive reduced my farting because it leaks out when i farts. pretty gross right? i also ate a snow bass fish. that might be the problem. i ate some canned bamboo as well. anyone know what the problem is?

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Snow bass? I don't know.

Snow leopard, now, snow leopard makes for some interesting poop, as does snow owl, but those pin feathers are a bitch to wipe.

But snow bass? I can't say.

Anonymous Coward's picture

the internet is a wonderful thing. it's frightening to find orange oil in places you shouldn't. i had escolar two nights ago and am still experiencing the side effect.

Dry-Wipe's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

poop report - entertaining And informative.

thanx 4 the warning, ill try not to end up with said evil fish on my plate. its bad enough the weekend drinking has me shitting foamy bile, the last thing i need is a greasy orange "revenge from the deep" goin on in my joe boxers... shame, i love seafood

now, im not married but best beleive that if i was and i started leaking orange julius my wife would be the first to know. if she was in the house when i shouted 'WUT IN GODS NAME!!' as i looked in the bowl then she would most likely come running as the tone of my voice would cause concern. and if she wasnt home when it happened im sure she would be concerned after i tell her my story, even though at first she might think it was just another regular shit story, like 'baby im not eating from the lunch truck again, my ass is on fire' or 'mcdonalds fucked me up, i been shittin liquid since last night' or 'hunny, dont make those spinich empanadas anymore, it makes my shit green and my farts a level four bio-hazard'.

my point is that any one who is uninterested and/or grossed out by their spouses bodily functions (specially those that may indicate health issues) is not the kind of person u should be with in the first place. just my humble opinion at least


_______
oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

D-W - your point is absolutely bang on!! How does it go? 'For better or worse ...?' It must be a such a pain to have to avoid mention of, or exposure to, each other's bodily functions. Besides which, a rich vien of conversation would be left untapped ....

Di Verticula's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

"What do you mean you have orange oil in your beard? I have no idea what you're talking about!"

ROTFF,LMAO,SMP!!!!!! ... good one! No need to tell them EVERYTHING. Keep 'em guessing.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wow. The same thing happened to me and it just kept on leaking out. Now I know what it is. Is the fish from some kind of Japanese sashimi? I went to a Japanese restaurant the other night, and ate alot of fish. Hmm...

Anonymous Coward's picture

So that's what it is! Last night I had "sea bass" from a takeaway, I thought it was odd while I was eating it.

Passed some surreptitious wind this afternoon and it was only when I went to the bathroom some time later I discovered that I had oiled myself.

Thankfully I had dark pants on, but there was a shadow where there shouldn't be one. I wonder how many people spotted that. So I hightailed it home (not before noticing that I've left my mark on my deskchair).

So five minutes ago I was surveying a toilet bowl of the very same oily droplets mentioned here.

So how long will this last? Should I get nappies? Should I complain to the takeaway? Is wrestling fixed?

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

I'm sure your system will soon clear. But my best advice to you is to eat your sea bass in a decent restaurant in future. A magnificent fish that should not do this to you!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have to say the fish was *nice*! (On reflection, not worth it though.)

For other readers, I found a forum where they recommend panty liners, for men too, and they say that the orangey-oil stains you're leaving behind you are, I'm sad to say, indelible.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Oh my gosh! I am so relieved to read this article. I am having this same issue! I've been trying to figure it out all day. I called my doctor, but of course she has not called me back. I must admit I've been feeling a bit panicked. I ate this same fish Monday night for dinner - I ate a lot of it and was totally full from it! In fact, I didn't feel like eating yesterday at all because I over did it! The fish was so good - they nicknamed it "butter fish" on the menu. This was a very pricey restaurant that has an excellent reputation.

All I can say is a great big "thank you" for posting this. Now I can sleep tonight knowing I'm not going to die right away from it!

Anonymous Coward's picture

omg i had that fish last night!!!!!
i was totally freaking out today cuz of this orange yellow oil.
thankyou sososo much!

4me2poopon's picture

I ate Chilean Sea Bass 2 nights ago and started having the greasy orange glo oily ass effect yesterday evening. The fish was from this great sushi restaurant I regularly order from but it was the first time I've ordered the fish there. This had happened to me once before and I never understood why. I'm glad to find that other people have this so-called keriorrhoea condition and that at least it will go away. As it strikes without warning and oozes out of your anus, its a good idea to use some rolled up toilet paper, a maxi pad, or panty liner to absorb it. Change it regularly to avoid stank-ass. Dish washing soap can help break down the grease on fabric but I've yet to find out if the orange color comes out. It's one of the grossest things to ever come out of me, who would have thought such a delicious fish could produce such an abhorrent butt discharge.

lovelace's picture

i had this weird orange oil, swimming in the toilet this morning!and i also saw it on my underwear after i farted! What the hell is going on with me? I'm a vegetarian!so no fish for me!help anyone??

Scaredy Scat's picture

Thanks for the poop on the orange oil mystery. I found your extremely helpful article on a Google search because I was worried. My husband had a case of this after eating what a Japanese restaurant called "shiro maguro". He leaked the exact same orange oil onto his underwear after a fart and he's not known for leaking poop. After every BM there were greasy oil droplets floating above it. It looked exactly like Chinese La Yu (hot chili) oil. It smelled of rancid cooking oil with a touch of burning tires. It was really gross.

sushi chef oily ass's picture

check this... im a sushi chef. escolar is white tuna. some sushi bars call it super white. we call it hawiian white tuna. i ate a grilled chunk of it yesterday and last night i had the orange oily shit, and a gain this morning. i have also been drinking way too much this past week which probably didnt help. the fish is the most oily fish ive ever seen. after reading this, my oily shit is hilarious to me! i believe that escolar is definately the cause of my problem. now i cant wait till the next time that one girl orders 15 peices of white tuna sashimi!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Oh my word...At a family lunch we all had this fish and you can imagine! Two of us had ACCIDENTS at work. I still can't get the smell off my pants. We thought we were dying. I am so grateful to be healthy a few days later and I will never touch that fish EVER!! The toilet at work is still stained! HAHA

Anonymous Coward's picture

Oh my gosh! I'm cracking up reading this story because I just had the EXACT same experience! No potato chips, although that was the first thing I thought of as well. Just fish. Only the fish I ate last night was supposedly Sea Bass. I'm no expert though, only that it was an amazingly yummy piece of fish. It was from a fairly cheap, semi-shady fish market, so maybe it was actually this evil escolar fish! Thank god for the internet, though. Now I know I'm not alone and won't suffer a while and then die a certain death.

Fishypoo's picture

I ate a huge chunk of Escolar last night...raw sashimi style. Mmmmm goood. Purchased at the local Asian grocer, labeled as "white tuna." Complete with one packet of soy sauce and wasabi. NO warning of the disturbing anal leakage that would soon occur. This morning, the now infamous pungent orange oil came out of my buttocks and into my life as I passed gas....er...oil. I rushed to the lavatory to finish what I had started...and I stared at my oily bowels, trying not to cry at work. Thank God for your forum...I will never eat that savage demon seafood again.

Fishypoo's picture

UPDATE: So marks the end of my dreaded post-escolar work day. I have logged over half a dozen oily farts and three bowel movements that looked like the aftermath of an offshore oil spill. Lucky, thanks to this beloved forum, I was able to save an otherwise doomed pair or Levis Action Slacks with some handy makeshift toilet paper pantyliners. The human body never ceases to amaze me with its amazing ability to tolerate the evils that we put it through, but alas, even God's greatest creation has its digestive limitations. Thank you poopreport.com...you have saved my sanity and given me the strength to carry on.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I also ate the awful fish Escolar and muc to my dimay I too am experiencing the orange oil. The owner of the resaurant I ate at is a friend and suggested the fish to me.I am beginning to question the friendship. How long does this last I really need to go to work but am having 2nd thoughts

A Great Person's picture

omg, thanks sooo much.
I had escolar...the fishy stuff and had the same symptoms. i had the escolar at Makino the new restaurant and experienced aufull side-affects. Thank you. And yes it was quite tasty by that.

Anonymous Oil-butt's picture

Dear Bob,
Your post exemplifies the wonder of the Internet. Oil came out of my butt this morning and again in the afternoon. I am at work (in a corporate office)and have been disturbed ALL day by this condition. "What the @#@$ is it?" I'm franctically asking myself. Mine happens to be yellow-ish green oil droplets in the toilet. Who can I talk to? I'm not talking to my husband about it, for fear he'll be so grossed out that he'll never be able to have sex with me again. So, I turned to the Internet and Googled all kinds of disgusting phrases, terrified someone might look over my shoulder and read my search terms (oily anal droplets?) but hoping to find something to explain the OIL. Miraculously your post turned up and sure enough, we ate Hawaiin Butterfish steaks last night!!! I can't believe I found my answer and it's not a shriveled liver or pancreas! Thank you for bravely sharing. It is truly a public service.

Cashews No More's picture

Shitake is RIGHT about the cashews. I just finished a bout of orange oily specks in the toilet after a bowel movement. Guess what I ate yesterday????? A cheap can of cashews!!!! Whew am I relieved!!! Thanks Shitake!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

For a second, it sounded like you blew an oilseal.

I've never heard of escolar, but thanks for the warning, I'll keep away from it.

Fisypoo, I hope you are just telling a fish tail (joke) abouit eating raw escolar. Just the though of it makes me shudder & wrech.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

I stained my comforter cover last night's picture

So, I've had this farting/pooping oil problem a few times over the past 7 or eight years now. Its been a rare phantom ghost in my life, popping (er, shall I say "pooping") up every now and again just to make my friend laugh at my utter foulness. One of the first times it happened, I was on the computer. i farted. I was on a wooden chair so I really pushed, you know, just to make it louder. I don't know what inspired me to roll up onto one side and feel the chair under me, but you can imagine how I felt when I came back with two fingers glistening with orange burnt-ass smelling grease. There was a stain on my pajamas the size as if someone had shot me with a day glow paintball gun right on my cornhole. it lasted for a couple of days - probably the same time it takes to digest or let anything pass through your system. What freaked my friend out was that I sat there like that for 10 more minutes without changing my pants just to show it to her. What she didn't realize is that if you've ever had this happen to you, you know that if you got up and washed your pants everytime you farted another spray onto yourself, you'd have to pitch a tent at the laundrymat. Anyway, I've had this a couple of times. Once I was eating pretty much vegetarian- to answer the question of the vegetarian on here. I think it was the veggie cesar dressing that time (I thought maybe the soy oils, some ways of processing soy are not that easy to digest). And then yesterday - yup, it was ESCOLAR. Man, I work at a restaurant where we serve it and it is AMAZING. The best fish EVER. But, shit, literally, I have now found one of the culprits. Mind you, i ate 3 small steaks for lunch, but that's alot of fish. And now I've sprayed my jeans, 3 pairs of undies yesterday, and, I was dismayed to find out - my white comforter cover that I sat on while watching tv absentmindedly farting away. Think orange polkadots. That smell like hot ass. Scratch and sniff bed clothing. How NOT to get laid. Bahh. Oh well, I stuck a maxi pad in there and went on with my day. What are you gonna do?

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