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poop culture

Welcome To My Poop Plant: A Sewage Treatment Photo Tour

Posted 03.28.2006 by SSpiffyPoo (32)
"I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak."

That is my signature on my comments here on the site. When Dave saw it, he emailed me to find out if it was true. Once I replied in the affirmative, he asked if I could write a little about where your gooshy brown babies go after you push the magic chrome lever on your Al Bundy Special Ferguson. So here goes.

I do in fact work at a poop plant: the Everett (Washington) Water Pollution Control Facility (EWPCF). Here's an aerial view from Google Maps.

The big highway to the west is Interstate 5, just north of the Snohomish River Bridge. The plant was first built in 1960 and has been expanded several times since then. Prior to the plant being built, sewage from the city was discharged directly into the Snohomish River and Port Gardner Bay. We are currently under construction for the latest improvement/expansion.

The aeration pond on the south end is 30 acres, the oxidation pond (the big one) is 135 acres, and the polishing pond on the north end is 27 acres. Total volume in all three ponds is about 1325 acre-feet (431,817,500 gallons), and the permitted treatment capacity for the pond system is 15.3 MGD (million gallons per day). My office is in the trailer at the SW corner of the oxidation pond.

If you zoom in to the four round tanks in the lower left corner of the first picture, you can see the other treatment train, the Trickling Filter, Solids Contact (TFSC) system:

The TFSC system is much more economical in land use, but costs more to operate and has fixed flow rates (8 or 16 MGD); so we need the lagoons for surge volume. Sometimes during storms we can peak at over 100 million gallons per day influent flow; without the surge volume we'd have to send untreated wastewater to the river, and no one wants that.

Let's follow your dookie through the system. We'll call him Sam. Sam's first stop is the screw pumps at the headworks, where he's lifted up because almost all the flow from here on is by gravity.

Under those covers are four big (~7 foot diameter) Archimedes screws that lift the raw sewage up to the bar screens.

The four bar screens are designed to take out the big pieces (larger than about 3/4"). This stuff is dropped onto a conveyor that drops it into a bin where dump trucks take it away to a landfill. The stuff can include hunks of wood, balls of grease, more trash and paper than you can imagine...

...and even the occasional critter.

After the bar screens, Sam flows to the grit chambers, where the heavy sand and grit is separated and goes into the hopper with the screenings. You don't want to see the inside of the hopper.

All this equipment used to be open to the sky, but we have covered it all to reduce the odor problems. From here on out, though, there are no covers. The pipes you see above the covers take the stinky air to a compost bed, where it is deodorized. From the grit chambers, the flow goes to the aeration cells, where mixers provide oxygen to the bacteria that do the real work. By providing the bugs with oxygen, they break down the organic material in Sam and his friends into compounds that are much less polluting.

When they have done their job, they die and sink to the bottom, where we dredge them up every couple of years, compost them, and send them off to a tree farm to grow two-by-fours.

While operating a poop plant is dirty and sometimes difficult work, the only reason that human operators are there is to keep the bugs happy, well-fed, and provided with plenty of oxygen. Well, except for the bugs that die with oxygen -- then the humans' job is to keep oxygen away.

By the way -- I am not now, nor have I ever been, a treatment plant operator; I deal with Sam and his friends far upstream in the collection system. But that's another story. Here are a couple of shots of the aeration cells:

As you can see in the first one, the local seagulls treat us like a buffet. After the aeration cells, the partially-treated water (in which Sam has long ago disintegrated into his component parts) flows under the road to the facultative oxidation pond -- the big lagoon. Facultative means that the bacteria living here can metabolize either aerobically or anaerobically. The water isn't mixed, so the top layers stay aerobic because of wind action and the bottom stays anaerobic; so the waste gets further broken down.

In this pond, most of the solids that haven't settled out in the aeration cells drop out; we'll dredge it someday, though it hasn't been dredged since it was built.

Not everything gets caught by the bar screens -- for slender things, it depends on the orientation of the object. For example, this critter managed to make it through:

And, for some reason, Poopettes seem to like to flush these:

We literally have tens of thousands of these beach whistles lying in the rip-rap around the lagoons. And tens of thousands more get screened out of the composted biosolids when we dredge the lagoons. Ladies, these aren't biodegradable and belong in the trashcan, not the toilet. The basics of what should get flushed distills down to this: if you haven't eaten it, or used it to wipe off something you've eaten, it goes in the trash. That also applies to the device that these applicators are designed to insert. Wrap 'em with a wad of Charmin if you are embarrassed by them, but please, please, please don't flush 'em.

After the oxidation pond, the waste flows to the polishing pond, where the smallest solids settle. From there it gets chlorinated to kill pathogens, dechlorinated, and then gets discharged to the Snohomish River, which is about where the wind line is in this picture.

That's the simple side. The TFSC is a more complex system. Currently the TFSC system takes its influent from the first aeration cell through a small bar screen and is pumped to the top of the trickling filters.

Up here, it goes through a set of distributor arms that go around using reaction, just like a garden sprinkler.

From here the wastewater trickles about twenty feet down through corrugated plastic media that has a heavy bacterial mat growing on it. The bacteria colony remains aerobic because air flows up through the media while the wastewater flows down. From the trickling filters, it flows to the aeration basins (the "solids contact" part of TFSC), where it mixes with return activated sludge prior to being aerated. This is where the majority of the bacterial action takes place -- in a conventional activated sludge plant, there are no trickling filters, and all the bugs' work is done here.

From the aeration basins, the wastewater flows to the secondary clarifiers, where the sludge settles to the bottom and the clean water flows out through the troughs called launders. The sludge is scraped off the bottom and part of it is pumped back to the head of the aeration basins (that's the return activated sludge -- so called because the bugs in it are hungry and ready to eat) while the rest is sent to the aeration lagoon to join with the other sludge that's already there awaiting dredging and composting before becoming tree food.

Here's another view of the launder that shows how clean the water is:

From here, the water is chlorinated and then pumped across town...

..to the Kimberly-Clark toilet paper plant (full-circle sorta thing), where it is used as non-contact cooling water before joining with their wastewater and being discharged to Port Gardner Bay -- about where the sailboat is in this photo, around three hundred feet deep. The steam rising in the background is the Kimberly-Clark plant.

That's the quick tour of the poop plant where I work. I've been doing my job for about twenty-five years now, fifteen with Everett; and I really do enjoy my work. In all that time my offices have all been at poop plants. And while there are occasional olfactory assaults, as we say in the business, "Smells like money to me."

Lame comment! -1 point
C Everett Poop (560) -- 03.28.2006

Very informative and it reaffirmed my long held belief that women's brains are composed of 100% concrete. Flushing plastic down a toilet???????? Jesus H Christ...........

The Dumpster (2507) -- 03.28.2006

Wow! Most informative thing to appear on PR in a long time! Thanks for all this educational information. I might even let Little Dumpster read this story!

I find it highly appropriate that your facility is located in a place called "Everett." Named, I am sure, for the first poster on this thread.

You even have his picture in here, or was that a rotting pig carcass?

H. R. Poop-n-squirt (not verified) -- 03.28.2006

For some reason, when I take a particularly big dump, I've always envisioned some guy whose job it is to stand by a big sewer pipe down at the treatment plant, and he's got a rake or something that he uses to push the used condoms off the screen or whatever, and when he seems my huge stinky log come by he starts crying.

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 03.28.2006

SSpiffyPoo:

What an interestingly shitty career you have! I've driven past some sewage treatment plants and seen the "ponds", but never anything in depth such as your foray into the poo. Thanks for the informative report. And I wish I could defend poopettes in general over the plastic, but I can't. Unfortunately companies continue to make those lovely plastic beach whistles and stupid females continue to flush them.

CEP: Well--no--it's just too easy......

PooperGal (527) -- 03.28.2006

Fantastic report and excellent writing (easy for the layperson to understand)! Technology has changed considerably in the past 20 years. I once dated a man who worked at a sewage treatment plant, and part of his job was to stir the pot. Really.

As for the plastic thingies, would you believe that the manufacturers print on the box that they are "flushable applicators"? I never flush anything that is non-poop related, but a lot of female types just don't know that the applicators are non-biodegradable.

Now, tell us about the Pampers and Huggies you all haul out of the system? Seems entire cities have had their systems crippled by poopy diapers in the sewer.


_______
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Capt Craptacular (not verified) -- 03.28.2006

AWESOME poop report i must say, very informative.

Thank you.

KeepOnCrappin (544) -- 03.28.2006

Damn, this brings back memories. When I was 6 i think I was really interesting in plumbing. I repaired my kitchen sink once and knew the meaning of PVC, as I stated elsewhere. I remember I requested a tour of a sewage treatment plant, and got it (I also toured a power plant-but that;s another story)

I remember those secondary clarifiers, and I always see them when I pass a PC plant.

Anerobic bateria are what smell bad. They make poop stink and you get cramps after excercise. Thats doo to the waste products they produce when at work. (Lactic acid in your muscles)

Agreed, very informative.

It's nice to know there are others who know what happens at a sewage plant, and now all PR.com knows.

SamDamnit (1191) -- 03.28.2006

I am very impressed by this story. I love the term "beach whistles ". I am also pleased that you used my name in this story. I consider it a great honor.

_______

Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

The Dumpster (2507) -- 03.28.2006

Sam, with your crack PoopReporting skills, would you consider donning a wetsuit, flushing yourself and waterproof camera through the system, and giving us the ultimate "insoder's" tour?

Rat Droppings (175) -- 03.28.2006

TD that wasn't a pig. It was one of my bretheren.

_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

The Dumpster (2507) -- 03.28.2006

Well, some of us wondered if Everett had given himself up for the cause.

BTW, are you related to Everett, by any chance?

Also, don't let Daphne see these pictures. It will upset her way too much.

SamDamnit (1191) -- 03.28.2006

Dumpster, I was not brave enough to poop on the Emo's toilet, like I intended to. I don't think I could even doo SSpiffy's job, much less dive in to the tanks. However, I have read of poople that doo that job. Perhaps I will seek one out for an interview. Although, I ASSume that SSpiffy would have an easier time finding them.
_______

Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Lame comment! -1 point
C Everett Poop (560) -- 03.28.2006

Everett, WA is the home of the mighty USS Abraham Lincoln so this turd factory might have indeed seen a few of my finest. It is only a coincidence that I chose CEP for a screen name.

CEP

The Dumpster (2507) -- 03.28.2006

No, Everett. It was Destiny.

SamDamnit (1191) -- 03.28.2006

C. Everett, I am sure the brothels and klaverns of Everett saw many of your poops, but I am certain that there was some poo-etic justice in your choosing the screen name and the poop plant of a town bearing the same name, being featured on TPR.
_______

Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 03.28.2006

Don't get me started about Pampers and Huggies! Honest to Gods, I've seen the strangest things come out of sewers. How about T-shirts, Barbies (R), entire sheets. But my favorite of all time was the stoppage in a fairly large line (48" IIRC) at a previous City. We pulled 3 complete BICYCLES out of the sewer line. Worst was an animal shelter that had a puppy stoppage in their line. :(

I'll also be working on a story about my job, Sewer Cop. But that one will take a while, so don't hold your breath (unless you're getting hot boxed...)

On another note, I'll be racing my car at Portland International this weekend. If there are any PR folks who want to get in free as my crew, let me know.


------------------------------------------------------

I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

Bunga Din (1237) -- 03.28.2006

SSpiffyPoo, this report was top notch. An insiders view of outsiders doo. Just out of curiosity do you drink city or bottled water?

ShitDump (37) -- 03.28.2006

From age 7 to 18 I lived next door to a neighborhood sewage plant.

The plant serviced twenty newer homes in my neighborhood out in the country. The other 10 houses were on septic tanks. The plant had an inlet and an aerator pump that kept the water moving. It would discharge into the creek that us kids used to play in and catch frogs in and swam in downstream.

I never saw anything other than clear water coming out but some days it would churn real hard and the grates covering the wells would be covered in shit soup. We could stand on top of the "wells" and look down into the muck. A couple times each year some guys would come in a big truck and pump out the solid waste. One particular asshole took the time to show my brother and I a whole pile of maxi-pads they fished out and told us to tell our mom not to flush them.

They put up a fence around the whole thing after the neighbor kid got interested and opened one unlocked well. His dog fell in and all hell broke loose (the dog was saved).

It's kind of funny that I can say I lived next door to a shit treatment plant. It wasn't THAT bad but sometimes a real smell would come over. My dad once took a home video of it and complained to the county commissioners. That would be super funny to find and post on here.

Jake Scwarz (not verified) -- 03.28.2006

Question Re: this plant. I've driven past it many times. I've noticed three or four large windmills, one is visible in a photo above, each has five blades. I know that as far as power generating turbines, numbers of blades above three tend to produce less power and (excepting three) odd numbers of blades are difficult to arrange. What are these things? I've seen them turning... and as I've never found a way to get up to the plant - I did try - I have no clue.

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 03.29.2006

City water for sure, I only drink bottled water in places I don't like the taste of the local tap (like Vegas.) We had some very forward-thinking management over the last few decades and own our entire watershed. It's undeveloped forest land; no one is allowed in it without a darned good reason. If you live along a river, think about how many people the water going into your water treatment plant has been through before it gets to your city. :) The water treatment plant is state-of-the-art (even though treatment other than screening and chlorination isn't required because it's so clean to start with) and if we put out the same quality water that Seattle sends to its customers, we'd be violating our water treatment permit.


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

daphne (3202) -- 03.29.2006

Dude, I'm from near Lacy. You're almost a neighbor! What a small world. But I don't like the pictures of the dead rats. Those are so sad.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Gaseous G (not verified) -- 03.29.2006

Sadder still are pictures of live rats!

Great piece of work, Spiffy.

3flusher (45) -- 03.29.2006


_Thanks for the tour! When I walk on the shore of Lake Erie I have seen many "beach whistles" and always wondered why so many are there. I guess from boaters throwing them overboard.______
3flusher

Hole Digger (3) -- 03.29.2006

Mike Rowe on "Dirty Jobs" on the Discovery Channel did an episode entirely on the insides of a sewer treatment plant. The original air time of this episode was August 30, 2005. The show title was Sludge Cleaner. There is also an episode called Sewer Inspecter; this episode aired on August 2, 2005. Mike Rowe is almost as cool as Adam and Jamie from Myth Busters.

PooperGal (527) -- 03.29.2006

Samdamnit, are you saying your father took a video of the plant to complain about the stink? I'd think that he'd want to catch a few whiffs in a bottle for the commission to sample with their noses.

I also liked the "beach whistle" concept. heh heh.

Sspiffy the Poop Patrol Cop has removed some mighty weird things from the system, but at least he hasn't retrieved any bodies...yet. Here in Boston, we've found body parts floating in the filter-trap at the mouth of the Charles River. When I worked at the Science Museum, which is over the water, right over the filter, they once pulled out a human arm.

And does anyone recall the X-Files episode with the sewer "leech man" creature composed of the various sewer contents including human DNA...?


_______
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Poop Shooter (597) -- 03.29.2006

Great informative report SSpiffy!! I live in the country and have a normal septic system, so I don't have to wonder why my poo goes. When in the big city I will not wonder anymore.

I did meet a guy that sold those bugs you were talking about. He wouldn't sell me any for some reason.


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 03.29.2006

Regarding the fans; those are orchard fans that tree-fruit growers use to keep their crop from freezing. We use them in the winter to stir up the air when inversions set in to keep a large bubble of stinky air from settling over the plant. They have been very successful in reducing odor problems for the neighbors. When the wind is really blowing they freewheel, but it's not economical to try to get energy out of them.

We offer tours regularly. Lots of middle school groups. :) Look up the City on the internet and call to set one up.


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

KeepOnCrappin (544) -- 03.29.2006

Mythbusters and Dirty jobs are the only shows I watch in discovery channel.

Well, at least I'm not the only one to have toured a crap plant.

so you want to talk about shit pulled out of the water? Try the site of a group I volunteer for:
Friends of Little Rocky Run Trash Log

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Lame comment! -1 point
KeepOnCrappin (544) -- 03.29.2006

Dumpster, I was reading the Dumpster Debacle, and you mention "Kyrie" Doo you know how to pronounce that?

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

In The Bushes (111) -- 03.29.2006

Great poopreport. I have never really thought too much about where my poo goes, I'm embarassed to say. Thanks for the info.

daphne (3202) -- 03.29.2006

Poopergal, Leech dude was one of my favorite X-Files ever.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Shit monster (85) -- 03.29.2006

How many feet deep are the ponds or lagoons or whatever you call them?, and how deep is the secondary clarifier?

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 03.30.2006

The ponds are about 7 feet deep and IIRC, the secondaries are about 14 feet. I'll check tomorrow to be sure.


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

PINWORM (138) -- 03.30.2006

I sometimes have to drive by one of these plants in the Phoenix area, and the stink is enough to make you want to throw up when the wind is just right.

Surprisingly, just a mile downwind there are a bunch of office complexes, and I smell the stink as I pass them. I often wonder about the poor saps that have to work in those buildings...I bet they were cheap and their home corporate offices, stink free in another state, decided to save a buck by leasing space in these places. It adds a new dimension of hell for the cubicle monkey.

Jake Scwarz (not verified) -- 03.30.2006

One more question: The plant in Renton, which I pass regularly, has always had one noticeable feature. Behind the plant are two big cylindrical stacks of (now very rusted) metal, perhaps 20 feet tall. These are, I'm told, methane burners, and when there is a lot of it one or the other (or very rarely both) have gigantic flames, perhaps twenty feet high/long, raging out of them. Recently, they rebuilt a lot of the plant and the tanks look a lot more open than they did... There's a road on a hillside behind it, giving a good view... and I haven't seen these in use since. Are they outdated, or do all plants have this?

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 03.30.2006

Pinworm, Is that the 23rd Avenue Plant? That's where I started my shitty career. :-)

Jake, Plants with digesters need some method of getting rid of the methane, most flare it off, some use it for running generators, boilers or blowers. We don't have digesters (yet) so it's not a problem for us.


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 03.30.2006

Wow! Fantastic information; I've known vaguely what happened to poop, but the detail was facinating. Thanks!

P.S. I looked on my box of, uh, CARDBOARD applicator product, and they say "flushable"; they seem to come apart as soon as they get wet (the applicator, I mean).

I looked at a different brand, under the sink at work, with plastic applicators, and they don't mention flushing the plastic, either way. But I've always assumed that they had to go into the trash.

However, neither box makes any mention of whether or not to flush the actual used PRODUCT. Honestly, it has never occurred to me to RETRIEVE the things. And even in light of what you're saying, I'm not sure that I could ..... I JUST don't know about that.

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 03.30.2006

Of course you can't flush tampons . . . they expand! You can't flush things that expand down the pipes!

Printing "You can't flush tampons" on the tampon box, to me, would be as obvious as the bags of frozen broccoli that I buy that say "Ingredients: Broccoli." Of course, some people need to be told.

You also can't flush condoms. That's another thing some people don't know. Geez. Who'da thunk that you can't flush LATEX!? Durrrrrr.

Shit monster (85) -- 03.30.2006


_______
Turd Terrorist

Jake, where the hell is Renton?

ShitDump (37) -- 03.31.2006

Flushing condoms is not cool? WTF, I always flush condoms. Keeps some greedy girl from digging it out of the trash and possibly inseminating herself as I've heard those horror stories. Sorry SSPiffy.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 03.31.2006

Maybe I'll switch over to using baby socks, as suggested at Hillbillyhousewife.com

Poop Shooter (597) -- 03.31.2006

Shitdump, I would hang out with a different variety of chicks if your worried they are going to steal your jizz juice.


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

daphne (3202) -- 03.31.2006

Use your old condoms? You've got to be kidding me. Really? One would think the "freshness date" on the matter would be very, very short. And, I haven't even mentioned the possiblity of an STD.

Ew.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

ganja fairy (not verified) -- 03.31.2006

whats dumber than flushing the plastic tampon applicators down the toilet is that women use those things in the first place. theyre poisonous to women and their environments.

but its not just women's heads that are made of concrete.
why do we shit in the drinking water??

Rat Droppings (175) -- 03.31.2006

AB2K, I guess this means when I visit you I can't flush my frozen brocoli down your toilet???? Only my overnight maxi-pads, tampons, plastic applicators, and used condoms?
Let me sum it up logically; tampon=clogged toilet, clogged toilet=pissed off AB2K, Pissed off AB2K=tampon. Right??

_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Shit monster (85) -- 03.31.2006

Hey SSpiffyPoo, what exactly is a digester?


_______
Turd Terrorist

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 03.31.2006

Rat Droppings, next time I get pissed off, remind me to find a vagina to crawl into. Maybe that's what my problem is.

Poop Shooter (597) -- 03.31.2006

daphne wrote: ".....One would think the "freshness date" on the matter would be very, very short."

I once took a box of condoms back to the adult bookstore/ toyshop because they were out of date. I would have thrown them out, but I just bought them, and they were $25.00 for the 12-pack. I made a joke about it and the employees had to get the manager and everyone working in the store in on the deal. They were nice and gave me a box of fresh ones.

Come to think of it... that makes me kinda wierd!


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 03.31.2006

Paying $25 for a 12-pack of condoms . . . that makes you freakin' weird, Poop Shooter.

What was so special about them anyway?

Poop Shooter (597) -- 03.31.2006

They were some special non-latex poly-propolyene super sheer thin erotic climatic make your head spin strawberry flavored bullshit something-or-others.

I do remember I liked them though. nothings better than flesh/flesh, but kids are damn expensive. So $25 for a roughly 2 month supply versus 25 years at bazillions of $$. That's cheap to me!


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Fart Poopie (1256) -- 04.01.2006

CEP, it goes both ways.
Some women aren't very smart and they flush their tampons and applicators, some men are equally stupid and flush their condoms.

You need to hang out some place where you can meet higher class ladies. Strippers generally make poor subjects on which to base your opinion of women.

Poop Shooter (597) -- 04.01.2006

FP, assuming that ALL strippers are dumb enough to flush their byprouduts is absurd. That's like saying all repubilcans are bad people. well... ok, bad analogy, but anyways, you know what I mean.

I had a stripper girlfriend once, and other than being the psychotic Fatal Attraction type was very lady like and took care of herself and treated the toilet with only #1 and #2. I never saw her throw #3 or #4 or #5 into the toilet.


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Fart Poopie (1256) -- 04.01.2006

Poop Shooter: Note I said "Strippers GENERALLY make poor subjects...[etc.]"
I'm sure there are SOME intelligent strippers out there, but I'm willing to bet there are not many. :)

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 04.02.2006

Okay Poop Shooter, just what are #'s 3, 4, and 5?

Poop Shooter (597) -- 04.03.2006

Let's see....

#3's tampons
#4's condoms
#5's barbie dolls or butt plugs, I can't remember which.


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 04.03.2006

Well, Barbie DOLLS, sure. But those teensy little shoes and hairbrushes flush just fine.

The Dumpster (2507) -- 04.03.2006

Did'ya hear the one about the newest Barbie Doll? "Divorce Barbie": She comes with all of Ken's things!

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 04.03.2006

She can't have gotten much, though, as Ken seems to be unemployed. Barbie, on the other hand, has multiple degrees and has enjoyed a plethora of careers. Ken's the one who should be getting palimony.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 04.03.2006

And yes, that's *palimony*, as I don't believe Ken and Barbie were ever actually married.

The Dumpster (2507) -- 04.03.2006

My little sister had a Ken doll, and if you ever saw him naked, you can understand why Barbie chose to remain single.

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 04.03.2006

Barbie had a thing for upper G.I. Joe. After a while, she got tired of the old fart and his kung-fu grips on her ass. So, she traded him in for two half-priced, half-his-age Lords of the O-Rings. And they lived happily ever after in a magical kingdom. The End :-)

The Dumpster (2507) -- 04.03.2006

BWAHAHAHAA, Bungie! Unlike the above, most of your stuff is too subtle to make me spit out what I'm drinking. You post it on Sunday; I laugh on Wednesday.

Maybe you should try more of this slapstick material!

Poop Shooter (597) -- 04.03.2006

I remember as a kid cutting my sisters barbie hair. The clippings along with Elmers glue made the doll a bit more anatomically correct. She threatened to tell mom! I was scared, but got away with it.

Funny shit Bunghole!!!!


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 04.03.2006

PS, I totally cut Barbie's hair too! It just wasn't functional when dealing with the GI Joe kung-fu grips and I wanted her to have a couple of tasteful piercings--ears only--small colored-headed pins. I tried to do the "intimate" tattoo thing on her but it didn't hold, so I'm thinking next time I'll rough her up with '2000- wet'n'dry' grit sandpaper and try the technique.

I hate that stoopidness robo-tic friggin' Barbie repeating, "Math is Hard." Dumb bitch.

Yeah, what about your high school 'boyfriends', honey?? Me? I held out 'til my third year of college. Outfitted with the latest in Bunga Dildos it wasn't that 'hard'...

Shit monster (85) -- 04.04.2006

Hey, SSpiffypoo, why is one side of the aeriation pond darker than the other side?


_______
Turd Terrorist

TurdyTreeAnaTurd (98) -- 04.04.2006

So, AB2K says not to flush condoms and ShitDump says to flush them. Score is 1 to 1. I guess it's time for the rubber match.

Rat Droppings (175) -- 04.04.2006

Bunghole, calm down, you have a little more than what would be acceptable animosity towards Barbie. Please put the doll down. There's no need to get this worked up. I'll send you one of those big lipped ghetto bratz dolls to hate on if you must. But poor Barbie, she's just an innocent victim of societal envy.

_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 04.04.2006

I was not besmirching the Barbie. As a matter of fact, I love her! Anatomically incorrect notwithstanding she and I are tight like that since she's moved on to Lords of the O-Rings.

Just a little fun commentary on how things have evolved in our society. Love the B-Doll.

Next up, let's do the upper and lower G.I. Joe... Fodder for the masses. C. Everett will cringe.

TurdyTreeAnaTurd (98) -- 04.04.2006

Great report SSpiffy...
I am going to try to grow a poop plant in the garden this year. Does anyone know anything about this? Do I plant just 1 turd? Does poop need fertilizer? How much space should I allow it? Is there a particular food I should eat to create the "seed"? Thanks in advance for everyone's help!

Poop Shooter (597) -- 04.04.2006

TTT, plant one medium sized poop nugget into a hole about 6-8" deep. If planting more than one plant, space them about 10-12" apart. Full sun is prefered.

Make sure you keep it watered daily and don't let it dry out too much or it will grow a skelepoo plant. In no time at all your poo plant will grow and flourish into a beautiful Turdy Tree.


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

TurdyTreeAnaTurd (98) -- 04.04.2006

Thanks Poop Shooter! Should the poop nugget be breaded?

Poop Shooter (597) -- 04.04.2006

No breading, but a corn or peanut lodged into the side for good measure does not hurt.


_______
See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Rat Droppings (175) -- 04.05.2006

TTT & PS, I remember int he 70's Peter Paul & Mary had a hit that went a little something like this:
Turdy Tree very shitty and the brownie flower is sweet, but the anal apple of the poor turdy is impossible to eat.


_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 04.07.2006

Shit Monster asked:

> Hey SSpiffyPoo, what exactly is a digester?

Digesters are tanks where the sludges are sent to be further broken down by (usually) anaerobic bacteria. To meet federal biosolids disposal regulations, the organics in the sludges need to be broken down to a certain degree.

And:

> Hey, SSpiffypoo, why is one side of the aeriation pond darker than the other side?

The west side is where the influent comes in. It's kept more mixed to speed breakdown of the organics, so it is darker. While the east side is aerated, the mixing action is less to allow most of the solids to settle.

And poop plants don't need fertilizer, they ARE fertilizer. :-)


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 04.07.2006

SSpiffyPoo, what kind of racecar do you have?

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 04.08.2006

Anonymous Coward asked:

> SpiffyPoo, what kind of racecar do you have?

A Formula 500, the most affordable way to go single-seat racing. Find out more at http://www.f500.org .


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

Poop Shooter (597) -- 04.08.2006

Those are cool cars SSpiffyPoo. Are you any good? or fast or , do you win??? Or is it just a hobby and hopefully you finish the races?


_______
Poop Shooter!

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 04.08.2006

Well, I've only had the car for a year. Last season I ran it in autocross events and won the class championship for the local club. This year I'm a beginning road racer, so far I did a race driving class with Proformance at Pacific Raceways (near Seattle) and last week I did an SCCA class at Portland International. I would have run the Regional the next day, but it was raining and the rain tires that came with the car are so old that they have cracked sidewalls, so I didn't race. My goal this year is to just get some miles under my butt, right now it just scares the poop out of me. :-) But the comfort level will come and then I'll start racing to win.


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

TurdyTreeAnaTurd (98) -- 04.09.2006

SS, a new sponsor? Or just showing off your other hobby? :)

http://www.my3cents.com/userBlog.cgi?id=24404

Poop Shooter (597) -- 04.10.2006

SspiffyPoo, I bet you would get great attention if you put the POOP REPORT logo on the side of your car. I bet Dave would kick in a free yearly membership to poop report for doing this too! Won't ya Dave???


_______
Poop Shooter!

Shit monster (85) -- 04.12.2006

SspiffyPoo, I am gonna drag race either a nitro coupe, or a street machine, probably starting out with a street machine. It is probably going to be a Nova with either a 400 or a 454 engine w/ a high lift cam and it will run on alcohol, and I am going to try to run either 10's or 9's

_______
Turd Terrorist

The Shit Volcano (3537) -- 04.12.2006

Nice report, SP! You answered the question I asked several weeks ago. So poo-throwers are actually called "aerators". I've always wondered what those things were used for!

Oh, and CEP, if girls brains are made of cement, guys brains must be made of... Oh, wait. Guys don't have brains! Sorry, but it had to be said.

_______
Broccoli!

SSpiffyPoo (32) -- 04.22.2006

Well, I don't have the big billboards on the sides, but I do have these:

http://www.impala-ss.com/racecar/shameless2.jpg
http://www.impala-ss.com/racecar/report.jpg

I'll post some action shots when they photog gets them to me.


_______
I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

Lame comment! -1 point
KeepOnCrappin (544) -- 04.23.2006

All you need now is the main website logo, right in front.

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

PooperGal (527) -- 05.02.2006

Sspiffypoo,
Besides sea gulls, do any other kinds of wildlife make a home out of the retention/processing ponds? I wonder whether the pools of cleaner water would have frogs and other aquatic critters?


_______
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 06.09.2006

"FP, assuming that ALL strippers are dumb enough to flush their byprouduts is absurd. That's like saying all repubilcans are bad people. well... ok, bad analogy, but anyways, you know what I mean."

Better analogy: all Democrats are idiots. Oh wait...that's true.

Lame comment! -2 points
Double Flush (588) -- 06.09.2006

Watch out, Anonymous. Some people will jump on you for talking politics like that. Everyone likes or dislikes my view, because I think ALL politicians are full of shit.

So anyways... I think a really awesome urbex (urban exploration) journey would be to follow the sewer tunnels from a neighborhood down to the poop plant.

_______
Have you checked out Sloan's Uppercut yet?

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 06.29.2006

ROFL your story is funny because I'm actually 14 years old and I drive past your poop plant to get to Marysville for baseball games about 3 times a month. I always ask my parents if i can see my shit floating around in that big lake thing. And yea i take I-5 that same road i see in the picture! Thats pretty weird! I live in Mukilteo, Washington so not that far from where you work!

Lame comment! -1 point
KeepOnCrappin (544) -- 07.06.2006

Uh-oh, we've been infiltrated by 14yo's!

DF, ill see if I can get a pic or three, but the sewer tunnels in my neighborhood are covered by bolted-down plates which I have tried to remove and found impossible. Now there is one I can open with a crowbar, but I'm not a person who enjoys standing where all can see me tampering with a manhole.

Now, I have done plenty of urbex of the storm drains. Those aren't connected to the sanitary sewer sytem (in my area anyway, some other places combine the storm drain and sainitary sewer---never thow anything down the storm drain if you're not sure) and some of the pipes are big enough to go inside. Now, I have removed enough manholes from stormdrains, and one cannot fit though the sive of the pipes. They are about 18"in diameter (from one side to another-is that right) and impossible to get thorugh. However, the one I mentioned previously are about 48" and are the outlet pipes, or are on drainage ponds.

I know this is confusing and probably boring, my apologies.

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Lame comment! -2 points
Double Flush (588) -- 07.06.2006

I've tried to find where the storm drains around here go to (though they are makred for some lake or river), but have never made it to the outlets. It would be lots of fun to crawl inside a storm drain outlet, granted it isn't raining, and have a look. Just remember the one urbex rule--leave nothing but your footprints.

Also, I'm not mad or anything, but I'd like to note that I'm 19. Not young enough to be a kid, not experienced enough to have any sense in my head.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

KeepOnCrappin (544) -- 07.07.2006

In my area, storm drains let off into wet ponds and dry ponds, so they're easy to get into.

Storm drains in my county

Dry ponds and wet ponds


_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Crappen Geocacher (15) -- 07.09.2006

I have a friend I have known since 1999, and he works at the Detroit Water and sewerage plant, downriver from Detroit, but this article does explain this process much more than my friend has even talked about. He works in the drafting department, working on drawings in CAD on the computer for changes needed anywhere on the plant grounds.

turd banned it (52) -- 07.20.2006


_Beach whistles and fudge whistles, what will you corny critters think of next? A toilet paper roll kazoo?______
"show that turd who's boss"

Doo doo haid MJ (not verified) -- 08.03.2006

I couldn't help but notice how this site's colors are....
Brown and Yellow.

Turd Wrangler (not verified) -- 08.03.2006

haha,,I found this after googleing "tampon applicators in the lagoon", beach whistles, that cracks me up. The banks of my lagoons are covered with these damn things too, I'm constantly amazed by the things people will flush!

I work at a poop plant too.

Anomalous Coward (684) -- 08.16.2006

Spiffy, I salute you. You REALLY know your shit. Its most enlightening to read a post like yours. And useful. Next time my asshole in-laws invite themselves to dinner, I have just the topic for indepth discussion. And I can speak authoritatively, thanks to your post. Poopreport - dispelling the ignorance!

Sherry (not verified) -- 09.19.2006

I would like for my Webelos Scouts (4th graders) to take a tour. Is this something that can be arranged?

teddy j (not verified) -- 10.02.2006

I never thought much about where my used rubbers go when I flush them, but now I know and I still intend flush them. Seems the best way to go.

Jim the Engineer (no shit!) (not verified) -- 11.20.2006

Thank you for a really entertaining and educational web site.

Our local sewage treatment plant (Blue Lake Interceptor Plant on the Minnesota River near Minneapolis) had an open house several years ago that featured a tour of the plant. It also included refreshments - lemonade and bratwursts. They were quite good, but I still wonder if they knew...

healthy 1 (1422) -- 11.20.2006

Very well written story.

This must be a fairly new plant. Our sewage treatment plant doesnot de-chlorinate the water, and incinerates the solids.

I think the method that your plant uses for waste water treatment is one of the best, if not, than the best method.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

Lame comment! -1 point
Double Flush (588) -- 11.22.2006

I have brought this up before, but why not use the solids to run a small power plant? When they are incinerated, they are releasing energy that can be used to generate electricity.

_______
[Insert witty banter here]

The Poo Boy (not verified) -- 01.19.2007

I don't understand two things:

First, the whole piece is on what happens to poop when it gets to a sewage plant, but what happens after? Some of the solids are shipped to farms for (?) natural fertilizer. Who knows. Maybe they feed it to the pigs. And does that include the plastics and latex? I can live with that, but what the hell happens to the "treated" water? It's sketchy. Sure, gravity or centrifugal motion extracts the solids, then it's what? -- chlorinated? Sent to a manufacturing plant to be used as coolant? How do you get all the chemicals out of the water, the hormones and pheromones and cheap thrown-up alcohol and bad thoughts and whatever else goes into a toilet bowl? I saw how 'clean" the "laundered" water looked. Go ahead, buddy, have a drink, right? No, we send it to be used in a factory, then dumped out into a bay or river or ocean. Then we drink it. . .

It's one thing to have a plant utilize bodily wastes to grow food, but eating animals that cycle those wastes? Like lobsters that live near sewage outputs? That chemical stuff's not getting broken down at all, even if the animal digests it and he, himself, poos.

Secondly: Just what, exactly, are you supposed to do with a used condom? Don't say throw it out, unless you enjoy the aroma of stale spunk permeating your trashcan, your bathroom, and eventually, your entire living space. Maybe rap it in Saran Wrap and then throw it out? I don't know. That doesn't seem very romantic, to me.

The Thunderous ... (624) -- 01.19.2007

Wow great story with visuals there spiffy. AH just wonderin here has the occasional dead body ever come thru? It is because of people like you that as a society we can Keep On Flushin. I am taking my hat off to you now!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Layperson (not verified) -- 02.02.2007

Accidently found this site while searching for a plant. Read the whole thing. Very informative. I was putoff by the first response, stating that women had concrete for brains. What about all the condomns that get flushed. I had to replace a septic tank due to this a few years ago. Thanks for putting int the time to create this. I will have my son read it when he gets home from school.

ally smells (not verified) -- 03.06.2007

I agree that girls should be made more aware about flushing tampons and their related packaging down the toilet, as this is one of the biggest problems facing treatment plants; but I would like to point out that if boys used condoms as much as girls use tampons it would probably be a bigger problem, so females shouldn't be labbeled stupid or lazy, as some male commentators on this site have been doing!

fartqueen (54) -- 05.06.2007

WOW,that was cool!I wish you could take me on a real tour of this poopy plant!Or maybe a virtual tour of some kind?This was very educational!

Aroma (not verified) -- 05.22.2007

Brilliant. Thanks for the info.
As for the beach whistle bitches, their ignorance and stupidity frightens me. Can they learn anything beyond fashion and food? Unbelievable.

Uk Turd Warrior (not verified) -- 05.26.2007

How the hell does everything look so clean? No weeds on the filters? liked the beach whistle phrase lol. here in the UK we still use shovels mate! ya carnt beat getting called out at 2.00am to macerators failed, then jumping in and "getting stuck in" No digesters? no combined heat and power generators?

TIP: applicators (beach whistles) can be washed, painted or varnished then decorated and sold as finger puppets at craft fairs (somewhere that nobody knows you)

poopin 24/7 (not verified) -- 05.30.2007

I found thisw very informative. I found this site after googling "poop plant"- I needed to know the workings of a poop plant for a class and i missed the tour of the local system and the powerpoint they gave me wasn't even worthy of being called shitty. Now I know how a poop plant works (honestly the teacher has it written in the grade book as "poop plant quiz" and this is a 10th-12th grade class. Something to do with having to take his kid along on the trip when he was little and had to explain it to him. His "kid" graduated from school this year.) My grade thanks you for coming up with this ingeneous tour!

SSpiffy (5) -- 07.03.2007

Well, the SSpiffyPoo login isn't working.

I need to update the tour, we just finished a $40M upgrade to the plant with the Official Open House next week. I need to take photos and write a new narrative, many things have been changed.

More to come.

old sea dog (not verified) -- 07.20.2007

For years the accepted disposal of used condoms has been flushing down toilet. Most people know this works perfectly well and toilets don't explode or plug up from flushed condoms. How do you propose reeducating all the millions of condom users?

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 07.20.2007

That was a great report. I am always learning something on PR.
Producing waste since 1967

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 07.20.2007

Old Sea Dog, that's a good question. Until an individual's own toilet backs up with a mountain of latex, they may not believe the problem exists.

I can't get GottaMan to stop flushing Q-tips and dental floss...

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 10.10.2007

I was wondering about cardboard applicator (beach whistles) what happens to them? Are they biodegradable? You shouldn't flush a used tampon? Do you know what effect this has on our water?
Please get back to me if you know, I'm writing a paper on ecofeminism and I am interested in ecological ways of dealing with these nasty sponges. THANKS GREAT SITE TOO

BigSteamer (1) -- 10.16.2007

wow, i am really impressed that you were able to make a turd's final moments seem so interesting. i felt like i was reading the transcript of a pbs documentary. i guess nothing is really simple, not even taking a dump.

baron von crapalot (341) -- 03.28.2008


Great report, very interesting and informative. You should consider making a short film. I have heard that there are a great number of tomato plants to be found in and around these shit farms, aparently we dont digest the seeds, so thats where they end up. I digress, Anyhoo, a great read, thanks a lot.

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Teapotwitch (not verified) -- 04.11.2008

I checked this page to see the truth of the tampon problem, I always thought it was a scam by the water board to save having to buy better machinery, I will break this habit, i need a habit to break, and get rid of some of the concrete in my head, wait til i meet the next man i find out is flushing his problem down the loo. thank you for a very informative site.

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